Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, or "I Will Possess Your Heart" by Death Cab for Cutie.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Wednesday, February 2nd, 1967

How I wish you could see the potential,
The potential of you and me.

After everything that had happened, all Steve could be glad about was that Anna wasn't back with Phillips. He could handle sleeping with her and having her gone in the morning, and he could even handle her ignoring him since, but he wouldn't be able to handle her being back with Phillips.

I need you, Steve. Those were her words, and they had to mean something. Shit, they meant everything to him, surely they meant something to her, too.

He might understand why she'd left on Sunday morning, and he could understand why she was avoiding him, but he didn't like it. And he was fucking sick of it. Things hadn't been this bad in a while, and he hated that all the progress he'd made had disappeared. All because he'd been there for her, and done exactly what she wanted him to. He'd done what she wanted - what they'd both wanted - and now she wouldn't even look at him.

So he was doing what any guy as desperate as he was would do; standing outside her math classroom, waiting for her. Even if she gave him no indication that things had changed, he just had to see her - talk to her.

The end of class bell rang, and Steve waited as students poured into the halls. Anna saw him as soon as she was out of the classroom, but quickly looked away and started down the hall. He followed, frustrated that she was heading the wrong way to her next class just to avoid him.

"Hey," he said, catching up to her.

She glanced at him. "Hey."

"How's Danny doin'?"

She stopped then, looking at him in surprise. He frowned, resisting the urge to tell her he wasn't so heartless that he didn't care how her brother was doing. Though, he couldn't really blame her for expecting something other than concern for her brother to be the first words from his mouth. He just hated that she wouldn't hold his gaze for more than a second.

"He's doing okay. Still in the hospital, and on some pretty strong medication, but he's okay."

Steve nodded. "Good."

"Yeah, it is." She looked down the hallway, and Steve followed her gaze, annoyed when it landed on Kathy. "I gotta get goin'," she said.

"Don't go yet. I wanna talk to you."

She grinned, walking backwards and away from him. "I have to. We'll talk later, okay?"

The word liar was on the tip of his tongue, but he just nodded and watched her walk away. There wasn't exactly anything else he could do.

"Hey, man," Two-Bit said, appearing beside him.

"Hey."

"Anna ignorin' you?"

Steve nodded. "I think so."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure Kathy's pissed at me, too."

"What for this time?"

Two-Bit chuckled. "Who the hell knows, man? You feeling like skippin' next period?"

He sure as hell did, but not with Two-Bit. There was something he had to do, and since Anna didn't want to be near him, he had to do it alone. He glanced at Two-Bit.

"Yeah, but I got some stuff to do."

"What kinda stuff?"

He shrugged. "You know, just stuff."

"Secret stuff, huh?"

"Somethin' like that. Come around after school, and I'll tell ya."

Leaving Two-Bit in the hall, Steve made his way out of the school. In his car and pulling out of the school parking lot, his mind was still on Anna. He knew her pretty well, and it wasn't just the fact that she had slept with him that had her avoiding him. She had done more than sleep with him - she had opened up in a way she never had before.

"I really thought he was going to die." In the cacoon of the blankets around them, in their post-sex haze, her voice had been so quiet in his dark bedroom, and he had been so sure she was telling him was the biggest secret he would ever hold.

And because of that, he decided to be honest.

"So did I."

She lifted her head a little, so her face was closer to his. "You didn't show it," she said. "You were so calm."

He gave her a small smirk, even though she couldn't see it. "Someone had to be."

"I don't know how you did it. You were covered in blood. His blood. I felt a little crazy just seeing it."

He shrugged, not sure was to say. The fact was that he had been calm for her, but it wasn't the time for that conversation. They were both silent a few moments, Anna's warm breath sending shivers over his skin, while his hand spread between her shoulder blades.

"I've never been so scared in my life," she admitted, voice shaky. "When I realised the blood all over you was his and you said he'd been shot - I nearly lost it. I mean, my mom took off when I was twelve, my dad hit me last year, and my grandpa died not even a year ago, but tonight …"

"You thought Danny was gonna die."

"He's all I've got." Her fingers spread over Steve's heart as she spoke, still whispering. He wanted to tell her that wasn't true; she had Kathy, her dad, Tim, Two-Bit, him. But he stayed quiet. "He's the only one who's never let me down."

"Anna …" he trailed off, not sure how to reply. He couldn't see her eyes, but he knew she was looking up at him. "You're just as important to him. You know that, right?"

"Sometimes."

"Only sometimes?"

She sniffed softly. "Most of the time, I guess. It's just lately he's been actin' different, and I know it's because we were in a fight, but that just made the whole night worse. If he had died, thinking I was angry at him … I never would've forgiven myself."

"What were you fighting about?"

For a long moment, she didn't say anything. He wondered if she didn't want to talk about it, or if she didn't want to talk to him about it. Finally, she sighed.

"Grandpa Joe," she said quietly. "It was that day you and Two-Bit picked me up at the DX, and I was just - I was so awful to him. I couldn't even stand to be near him."

He stayed silent - partly because he didn't know what to say, and partly because it seemed like one of those times he had to just let her think things through and not push it. So he said nothing, but continued tracing patterns over her back. It was a while before she spoke again.

"All he wanted was to sort out Grandpa Joe's things and not have to do it alone, and you know, he shouldn't have to do it alone. I should have stayed there with him." She sniffed again, voice breaking with her next words. "He must hate me."

"He doesn't hate you."

"How do you know that?"

Steve curled her hair around his fingers. "Because I saw him get scared before he got angry when I told him Hamilton came to your work. Because I can remember how worried about you he was the night your grandpa died. And because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of his punches after hurting the person he cares about most."

She sighed again. "I don't know what I would've done if he'd died. He … he's the most important person to me. I don't think I would've coped without him."

"Yes you would have," Steve whispered.

She shook her head against his arm and he felt her tears drip onto his skin, but he stopped her because he was right and he couldn't let himself believe otherwise. Grasping her cheek in his hand, knowing he should let her keep talking, he kissed her. He kissed her and hoped like hell it was enough to make her realise everything he couldn't say because it wasn't the right time, because he didn't want to scare her off, because lying with her after what had just happened, he wouldn't be able to handle the rejection.

She would have been okay. He would have made sure of it.

She had fallen asleep in his arms a few minutes later and been sneaking around his room when he had woken in the morning. Now, fifteen minutes after ditching school, he was parked back outside Millie's, pushing Anna out of his mind for now.

As he looked up at Millie's apartment, he still wasn't sure what to do. He'd go in, he had to go in, but he didn't know what to say to her. After last time, he was barely sure he could face her.

Deciding to grow some damn balls, he got out and headed up the stairs. He felt calmer than last time, and he wasn't sure if it was because of Soda's words, or Anna's words, or a little of both. Reminding himself of what he'd realised the night Danny had been shot, he stopped outside Millie's door.

Putting off the inevitable, he grabbed his comb from his pocket and ran it through his hair a few times, before finally knocking.

It took a minute for anyone to answer, but when Millie opened the door, she smiled widely.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Hey."

"You by yourself today?"

He nodded. "Anna's at school."

Millie grinned, opening the door wider. "That's probably a good thing. I can't have two kids skippin' class to come see me. You wanna come in?"

Hands shoved in his pockets, he walked inside. It was still weird, but it didn't feel as bad.

"Want anything to drink?"

"Uh, no thanks."

"You wanna sit down?"

He shook his head. "Not really."

Millie raised an eyebrow. "Is there anythin' you would like?"

"I dunno. I mean …" He looked at her, staring at her huge bump. "How pregnant are you?"

"Almost eight months."

He said nothing, not sure what else to say. There was a lot he wanted to know, but none of it he felt comfortable asking. He wasn't about to ask Millie if it was okay for him to keep visiting. Luckily, he didn't have to.

"You gonna run out on me again?" Even as she said it, Millie was smiling.

"Nah, not this time."

She nodded. "Good. You know, you can come visit anytime you want."

"Yeah?"

"I know you're a good kid, and I don't want this kid not knowin' you."

Staring at her bump again, he said nothing. Anna thought the baby would need someone like him in its life, Soda thought he'd be a good brother, and even Millie wanted the kid to know him. Just like sleeping with Anna, this had to mean something. All he had to do was get used to the idea.

He looked at her. "I think I might come visit some more."

Millie gave him a watery smile, and he sure hoped she didn't cry. "You wanna see the nursery?"

Taken aback, all Steve could do was nod.

XXXXX

Tossing her books onto one chair, Anna threw herself into the one next to Tim. Huffing, she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Bad day?" Tim asked, smirking at her.

Anna looked at him. "You're a gang leader."

"Yes, I am."

"You must be great at avoiding people you don't wanna see," she said, sitting up in her chair. "Teach me your ways."

"That's dramatic. Even for you, kid."

She rolled her eyes. "Boys are frustrating."

Frustrating was an understatement. While Steve obviously wanted to sit down and have some kind of deep and meaningful conversation - she smirked at that idea - Henry wouldn't even look at her. She wanted to apologise, but wasn't sure how. Or even how well it would go down.

"You ain't gonna get all slap-happy on me again, are ya?"

"No," she said, grinning.

"Good. And just so ya know, chicks ain't much better."

She ignored the dig, but was curious about what kind of girl problems Tim was having. She grinned, finding it highly unlikely he'd tell her about them, and changed the conversation. "How is he? Why're you out here?"

"He's fine. The nurse is checking his blood pressure and all that other stuff. I don't think she cared that I was there, but Danny chucked me out." He smirked. "The nurse is a cute blonde thing, by the way. You know how he is with blondes."

Anna made a face. "Not something I need to know."

The cute blonde nurse chose that moment to come out of Danny's room, and Anna made a face at the blush on her cheeks.

"Can we go in?" Tim asked.

She nodded. "But he's tired, so don't stay long."

Anna glared at that. She'd only just arrived; she was going to stay as long as she damn well pleased … or until Danny chucked her out, whichever came first. Picking up her books, she followed Tim inside.

"Hey, kid," Danny said, when she walked inside.

She smiled, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "How you feelin'?"

"Fine."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. How was school?"

Making another face, she dropped her books to the floor, and sat on the edge of his bed. "School was school."

"Anna had a bad day," Tim mocked.

"Aw. Is someone pickin' on you, Miss B?"

She glared at both of them. "You two are the only ones pickin' on me. What gives?"

Tim smirked. "You're an easy target."

"Am not."

"I gotta agree with Tim on this one. Doesn't take much to get you goin'."

She huffed. "Whatever."

In all honesty, she was too happy Danny was teasing her to get annoyed about it. He'd been quiet and pale and sleeping an awful lot the last few days. Seeing him with a bit more colour and energy, and having him pick on her was a good thing. She couldn't be angry about that. Not even when he and Tim started talking about that damn nurse.

She let her mind drift. She sure felt bad about Henry. If there was a way to make things right with him without turning back the clock, then she would. She still cared about him, and she'd do just about anything. Too bad there was nothing. She would apologise. Eventually. He deserved an apology. She had slept with Steve, after all, even if Henry didn't know that for certain.

Steve. That one night with him had changed everything. She hadn't let herself really think about it until she had been sure Danny was on the road to recovery, but once she started, it was near impossible to stop. Steve hadn't made a wrong move that whole night, and that scared the crap out of her.

For weeks now, she hadn't been able to move on with Henry, she hadn't been able to deny her feelings for Steve, and she hadn't been able to pretend Steve didn't exist. But, until that night - and not counting the kiss at Buck's, because she had been drunk - she had been able to resist him.

Resisting him was what had been keeping her sane. She was still hurt and sometimes angry, but she was no longer disgusted by his touch and that was dangerous. If she was honest, she hadn't been disgusted by his touch for a long while - the kiss at Buck's came to mind once again - but she'd still been able to keep from throwing herself at him.

Steve had always been able to talk her into all kinds of things with a simple stroke of her skin, a kiss on some sensitive part of her neck, a particularly heated look. If she didn't have her resistance to that anymore, then she didn't have anything.

Except the hurt and anger. And her pride. But even the hurt and anger had faded a hell of a lot, and she wasn't sure she really had any pride left after the way she'd acted Saturday night, all the things she had said to him.

Sunday morning she had snuck out of his room, embarrassed at the way she had kissed him, touched him, slept with him. After careful consideration over the last few days, she knew it wasn't just that. She had snuck out because she was humiliated at the things she had admitted to, the way she had opened up to him. She didn't like talking about her feelings, and couldn't believe she had been so open that night.

She had no pride left. Other than the lingering humiliation, she had nothing.

XXXXX

Anita looked near tears as she sat in a booth at the Dingo, and Anna immediately regretted asking her how things were going with Soda. Glancing at Kathy, who was sitting next to her and not paying any attention to the conversation, she really hoped Anita didn't cry.

"He kissed me!"

"He kissed you?" Anna couldn't help but grin. "Wow."

"Sure, wow. If he hadn't freaked out and left almost right away."

"He left?"

Anita nodded. "He left his own house to get away from me. I was just left there. Alone."

"That's a little weird."

"He's such a jerk, and I hate him. I hate Soda Curtis."

"I'm not sure I've ever heard those words before," Anna said, grinning.

"Yeah? Well I mean it. I hate him, I really do."

"Of course you do."

"I can tell you don't believe me," Anita said. "But it's true. I don't want anythin' to do with him."

"You're a really bad liar."

Drooping in her seat, Anita sighed. "I know."

"Does Soda know that you reckon you hate him?"

"He ought to. I never said those exact words, because unlike him, I'm a nice person, but I think he got the general idea of what I was saying."

Still grinning, Anna played with her straw in her Coke. What amazed her was that, despite being completely smitten with Sodapop, Anita truly believed everything she said about him. Well, except the part about hating him - that was a terrible lie. But Anna could tell she really did think Soda was a jerk.

"What happened this time?" she asked.

Anita rubbed her hands over her face. "I don't wanna talk about it. We just argued, and … he kissed me, then he left. And I don't know what he said to Ponyboy, but he won't even speak to me now."

Anna sure was curious about what Soda had done. She wasn't Soda's biggest fan, but she still had a hard time believing he'd do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. Especially Anita.

"I'm sure things with Pony'll come right," she said.

Anita nodded, but said nothing.

Looking back at Kathy, Anna wondered if she was okay. She had barely said a word since arriving, and hadn't touched a single fry on her plate.

"Kathy? You okay?"

She looked up. "Yeah, I'm fine. Actually, I'm kinda tired, I think I'm gonna go. You guys need a ride?"

Anna and Anita both shook their heads, and Kathy got up and left without another word. Anna watched her go, worried about her best friend, but distracted when Henry walked past Kathy and into the Dingo. He met her gaze briefly, but immediately looked away.

"Is she okay?" Anita asked.

Anna shrugged. Trying to forget about the mess she had made with Henry, she watched Kathy's taillights as she drove out of the parking lot. She had been acting a little strange all day, and that wasn't the first time Anna had asked if she was okay. Despite the obvious truth, Kathy kept saying she was fine.

"I dunno."

Anita leaned forward. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well … I mean, you and Henry …"

Henry. Guilt flooded her and she glanced across the Dingo to where he was sitting with George Silvers. She pushed the guilt away; she'd deal with it when Henry stopped avoiding her the way she was avoiding Steve. Leaning back in the booth, she glanced out the window and sighed. Speaking of Steve …

"You wanna get outta here?" she asked Anita.

XXXXX

"You know, I reckon that girl has a sixth sense about me," Two-Bit said. He pulled into the Dingo parking lot as Kathy sped down the street.

Steve smirked. "Good for her."

Two-Bit let out a sarcastic laugh. "Funny, Stevie. Especially coming from the guy who can't even get his girl to stay in the same room as him."

Climbing out of the car, Steve scoffed. "That's bull. Me and Anna share study hall everyday. In the same room."

"Right." Two-Bit grinned. "So she has to be forced to be in the same room as you?"

If it wasn't for Steve's good mood, he would've whacked Two-Bit upside the head for that one. Instead, he smirked and told him to shut it.

Two-Bit laughed. "Let's eat, man. All this news about you bein' a brother made me hungry.

Steve smirked, still pleased with how well things had gone at Millie's. He followed Two-Bit toward the Dingo, deciding it was just good timing when Anna and Anita came out into the dark parking lot. He stared at her and she scowled, obviously not happy to have run into him.

She reluctantly stopped in front of him, and he smirked. So she didn't want to talk to him; he could deal with that. He didn't want to, but he could. However, he wouldn't. As soon as the chance came - which he thought might be pretty soon - he'd be on her case, trying to get her to say more than five words to him.

As she rolled her eyes and looked away, he couldn't help but notice the barely visible pink tinge to her skin under the Dingo lights.

"Anita," Two-Bit said. "Dear, sweet Anita."

Anita sighed. "Yes, Two-Bit?"

"I was wondering if I could have a private word?" Two-Bit said, grin forming. "About some troubles I'm having in … math." He threw his grin at Anna. "See, you and Pony are so darn smart, but he's not around and you are and I could really use some help."

"You're lyin'."

Two-Bit nodded. "I sure am, darlin', but how about doin' a buddy a favour? C'mon, I'll buy ya a Coke."

Anita said nothing, but Steve didn't miss Anna's slight nod of agreement. A thrill went through him, and he stepped closer to her. Waiting for Anita and Two-Bit to head inside, he grabbed Anna's wrist and tugged.

"Finally given up on avoiding me, huh?" He pulled her towards the privacy of Two-Bit's car, surprised at how little fight she put up.

She shrugged. "Figured I oughtta at least see what you want."

"You know what I want," he said. And he knew she did. He'd told her enough times.

"I don't," she insisted, pulling out of his grasp. "I ain't no mind reader."

Steve leaned close, causing her to lean back against the side of the car. "Are you being purposely frustrating?"

"Isn't that one of the things you love about me?" She raised her eyebrows, all innocence.

He just smirked. He wasn't about to answer that in any way. She blushed again, looking away.

"I'm glad you came to me," he said.

She fidgeted, not meeting his gaze. "Look, the only reason I told Anita to go was so I could tell you to leave it alone, okay? I don't wanna have this talk with you."

And there went his good mood.

"Why the fuck not? You came to me, remember?"

"Of course I do, but do you really think that's the most important thing to me right now? Danny's still in the hospital; I need to be concentrating on helping him recover - not what happened with you."

"This isn't just about what happened. It's about what's gonna happen."

She sighed, breath visible in the cold night air. "Nothing's gonna happen, Steve."

He ignored the sinking feeling in his chest. "Something has to happen. I know you, Anna, and I know this meant something. You came to me because you needed me; not anyone else." He paused a moment. "Do you wish you hadn't?"

"Hadn't what?"

"Do you wish you hadn't come to me?"

She was silent for a long moment, seemingly thinking it through, and his heart hurt the entire time. Finally, she sighed. "I did regret it," she admitted. "I don't anymore."

He almost sighed with the relief running through him. "Well then?"

"Well what? What do you even want from me?"

"I just want you." He slipped his fingers around her wrists and stepped closer. Leaning down, his heart pounded at how close she was, and he spoke quietly into her ear. "These last six months have been hell without you. Stop pushing me away and take me back." He knew this pleading was as close to begging as he would get.

She didn't say anything for a long time then, and he just hoped she was remembering the good, not the bad. Because he hated to admit it, but there was a lot of bad. The good two months they'd had together didn't make up for all the bad shit he had said and done to her.

Stroking her pulse points with his thumbs, he waited. She didn't pull away from him, but she didn't move closer. And all he wanted was for her to give in, wrap her arms around his neck, kiss him …

Finally, she sighed, disentangling herself from him. "I can't."

"Why not?"

She pushed him back, glowering at him. With a glance toward the Dingo, she snapped. "You seem to forget I only just ended things with Henry. I know ending a relationship and moving on right away is second nature to you, but not me."

And then she was gone.

You reject my advances and desperate pleas,
I won't let you let me down so easily.

A/N: Beta'd by RileysMomma. This chapter went through a huge edit before posting, so feel free to point out anything that looks off. There's bound to be something I missed.