Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton, or "Sway" by The Perishers.

CHAPTER TWENTY
Sunday, February 19th, 1967

I look at you and see a friend,
I hope that's what you wanna be.
Are we back now where it all began?
Have you finally forgiven me?

Unlike some people she knew, Anna knew how to apologise. She didn't feel good about having to do so, but she'd do it anyway. Partly because it was deserved, partly because the guilt was eating her alive, and partly because she felt stuck. Stuck in that place where she'd hurt Henry and was a horrible person who didn't deserve to be happy.

Raising a hand, she knocked on his door. Glory she hoped his mother wasn't home. Mrs. Phillips sure was nice, and she'd been so good at the hospital, but things had changed since then. Anna would hate to have the woman know how badly she'd treated her son.

The front door opened, and Henry was there, and she almost wished it was his mom.

"Whaddya doin' here?" Henry asked.

Swallowing through the dryness in her mouth, Anna shrugged. "I was hoping we could talk."

"About?"

"Well, I s'pose I wanted to apologise."

"Couple of weeks late, don't ya think?"

"Yeah."

They were silent for a moment, and she found it hard to look at him. He was still gorgeous, but he was still looking at her that same way he had for months. Only this time with a little bitterness.

"Come on in." He opened the door for her, and she stepped inside.

Henry had been a good boyfriend. He had treated her so damn well, and never once hurt her. But he wasn't Steve. That had always been the problem, but until the night Danny got shot, it had been a problem she thought she could work through. One that, if it didn't go away, she thought she could at least ignore.

She stood in his living room and looked at him, half-wishing she had been able to work through it. She still liked him, still cared about him, and a part of her even missed him. But she didn't like him, care about him, or miss him as much as she did Steve. That was all it came down to.

"I'm awful sorry," she said. "I'm sure it means nothin' to you now, but I am sorry. I never meant to use you like I did."

"You sure about that?" he asked. "We both know you started dating me to get over him. And I think we both know it was never workin'."

"It wasn't like that. I mean, it was, but … as much as I wasn't getting over Steve, I was fallin' for you." After the way she had treated him, he only deserved complete honesty from her. No matter how hard it was to say.

"Until Randle decided he wanted you back."

"No. He decided that a long time ago, but going back to him was never an option then." She fidgeted where she stood. "But then - then Danny got hurt, and the only person I wanted was Steve."

"So that's when it happened?" he asked, sounding doubtful.

"I don't know. I knew I wasn't over him before then, and maybe a part of me wanted him, but I wanted you."

"And him."

She couldn't even deny it. She had wanted Steve the night Rex Hamilton had hassled her and Anita.

"But I wasn't planning on going back to him; I was planning on being with you," she said, unsure if she was trying to make herself sound like less of a bitch, or trying and make Henry realise their entire relationship hadn't been a lie. "Remember the day of the rumble? We spent the afternoon making out in your car. I wanted you."

"You dumped me that night."

Henry had always been open about his feelings for her. Not in a sappy way, but in a way that made sure she knew how much he liked her. Right then, all she knew was how badly she'd messed up. He was tough - had to be to be in Tim's gang - but she knew she'd hurt him.

"You let him kiss you at Buck's."

Her heart clenched; he wouldn't bring that up if it didn't still bother him. "I'm sorry."

"You went to him the night we broke up."

It wasn't a question, but Anna knew that Henry didn't know for sure. She wasn't going to answer, either. She supposed it was a politer way of asking about her sex life than Steve ever had, but it still wasn't any of his business.

Sighing, Henry sat on the couch and gestured for her to sit with him.

"I guess you're back with him?"

"No."

"Why not? Ain't that why you're here? To clear your conscience before movin' on?"

It hurt that he thought so little of her, but she could hardly blame him … the guilt had been killing her. She let it go.

"I'm here because you've been avoiding me and I've been letting you. I've wanted to apologise for a while now."

"Why ain't you with him?"

She shrugged. "It's complicated."

"You must know it's a bad idea."

"What is?"

Henry looked at her like she was an idiot. "Being with him. After the way he treated you last time, you've gotta be stupid to get back together with him."

She wasn't the smartest girl around, but she didn't appreciate the insult. "You don't know anything."

"I know he'll just fuck up again."

Steve had already sworn he'd never make that particular mistake again, and, God help her, she believed him. He'd learned from his mistakes.

"I came here to apologise," she said, standing. "I don't wanna argue with you, Henry."

Henry wouldn't look at her as he spoke. "And I don't wanna hear about it when he breaks your heart again."

XXXXX

Ignoring the look Kathy was giving her, Anna iced the cupcake in her hand. "Can you believe my dad is dating Anita's aunt? I mean, it's kinda cute, I guess. But it's weird, you know?"

"Anna -"

"I think they really like each other. Did I tell you he didn't come home the other night? And I know for fact it wasn't a night he had work. He must have stayed at her house."

"Anna -"

She moved on to the next cupcake. "At least I don't have to see it. It's not like Danny and Mary-Louise. God, those two can't keep their hands off each other, even when I'm right in front of them. Sure, Mary-Louise is pretty, but c'mon, it's Danny. My brother. I don't wanna see that."

Kathy stood. "If you don't shut up about everything else, and start talking about Steve right now, then I'm gonna leave."

Placing the cupcake and spatula on the plate in front of her, Anna looked at Kathy. "What do you want me to say?"

"I wanna know what you're gonna do."

Shrugging, she went straight back to icing the cupcake. "Ain't nothin' I can do."

Kathy was silent. After a moment, she moved and sat at the counter. "Actually, you have two options."

"Oh really?"

She almost wished she continued ignoring Kathy, and that her best friend had left. This wasn't a discussion she wanted to have. She'd avoided the topic, the subject of the topic, and any decision making thoughts on the matter for days. She wasn't sure she could put any of it off any longer.

Especially the decision making part. Steve was always on her mind, but it was nothing knew. It was still Steve - who'd slept with Evie, dated Evie, betrayed Anna far too much. But then it was Steve - who'd gone to Grandpa Joe's funeral, who'd stayed with her at the hospital, and who really had done everything he could to get her back. To make up for what he'd done.

The good and the bad mixed into a jumbled mess, and she couldn't fight her way through it. Coming up with a conclusion was hard. She knew what she wanted - and couldn't even deny it anymore - but she wasn't sure she could do it.

The cupcake and spatula were taken out of her hands, and Kathy placed them on the plate. Looking at her, Anna knew she wasn't going to get out of this conversation.

"Two options," Kathy said. "Wanna hear them?"

She figured it couldn't hurt. "Sure."

"Option number one: forgive Steve. Take him back and just be with him."

Feeling sick at the thought, Anna asked, "Option two?"

"Get him out of your life."

"What?"

Kathy shrugged. "If you can't forgive him then why should he still be in your life? He cheated on you, and if you can't move on from that then you need to move on from him."

Anna said nothing. Option one made her feel ill with anxiety and fear, but option two made it hard to breathe. Option two gave her a crushing feeling in her chest that she desperately wanted to go away.

"I … that's it? Those are my options?"

"Can you think of any others?"

"You never know; I might get over him."

Kathy smirked. "If six months and a new boyfriend ain't gonna do it, then I don't know what will."

Anna frowned; Kathy had a point.

"I suppose you could go on the way you have been," Kathy continued. "But who does that please?"

She sighed. "No one."

"Exactly. Forgive Steve or get him out of your life, Anna. It's taken me this long to realise I needed to do one or the other with Two-Bit; I don't wanna see you go through this for as long as I did."

"But you and Two-Bit broke up for good." Suddenly she was feeling sick, the crushing feeling in her chest, and having trouble breathing all at once. "Is that what you think I should do with Steve?"

"No." Kathy picked up the spatula and an un-iced cupcake. "I just think you need to decide which option would make you happier."

Despite her reluctance to even have this conversation, Anna couldn't help but contribute. "And how do I do that?" It was a stupid question. One she was sure she already knew the answer to.

"Which one hurts less?"

Well, that was obvious. The look on Kathy's face made her sad, though. She knew how much Kathy was hurting from her break-up with Two-Bit, and realised how hurt Kathy must have been for her to choose option two.

She pushed those worries away for the time being. Kathy didn't want to talk about that any more than Anna wanted to talk about what had happened with Henry that morning. Picking up a spoon, she dug at the hardening icing in the bowl, not looking at Kathy.

"He slept with Evie."

Kathy paused. "I know."

"And then - then he got back together with her."

"Yeah."

She looked up. "How am I supposed to forgive that?"

"If you love him and want to be with him, then you need stop using that as a reason not to be with him, and forgive him." She paused. "If you haven't already."

"You think I have?"

"Don't you?"

XXXXX

Completely unsure about what he was doing, Steve stood on the front porch, frowning. One hand was still on the closed door handle of the house, the other was fingering the keys he was holding. He stared at his car, telling himself to walk toward it and get in, but his feet wouldn't move.

The hospital had called; Millie was having her baby.

That was a big fucking deal. He'd made peace with the fact that he was going to be a brother, but now that it was actually happening … He felt a little sick at what it all meant. He was going to be a brother. A fucking brother.

He would go to the hospital. Once he let it sink in, he would go. Partly because Millie had had a nurse call and ask him to, partly because Anna and Soda's words might have sunk in and made him want to go, and partly - and selfishly - because he knew going would impress Anna.

Not that he should care. She'd been avoiding him all week. Apparently don't give up actually meant she didn't care what he did so long as she could avoid him every possible chance. Not that he'd made it hard. She said she wanted a few days; he was willing to give her a few days.

It was nearly a week, and he was sick of waiting. It had been a shitty week what with his dad being an asshole, going to visit his mom's grave, and not knowing where he stood with Anna. He just wanted her. And there she was …

She looked nervous as she crossed the front lawn, and he watched her silently. He was pretty sure nervous was a good thing for him, but with Millie at the hospital having her baby, he didn't know if he had time for it.

"You goin' out?" she asked.

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Uh, the hospital called; Millie's havin' the kid."

Anna beamed. "Really? That's amazing."

"Yeah. She wanted me to go up. Wants me to be around when it happens or somethin'."

"What about your dad?"

"I dunno. He's been real quiet about it all, but I don't care what he thinks."

She stared at him for a few moments and, for the first time he could remember, he couldn't hold her gaze. Finally, she walked up the porch steps and stood in front of him.

"You want me to come with you?"

He glared at her. "I don't need you to hold my hand, Anna."

"I know that, but do you want me to come with you?"

So fucking much.

"Yeah."

"Okay." She nodded, taking a deep breath. Tentatively, she reached out her hand and tugged his off the door handle he was still holding. Despite his words, he held tight to her soft hand. "Let's go."

The warmth eased his tension, the feel of her skin had his heart thudding, and the gesture itself had his hopes flying.

The drive to the hospital was silent, but comfortable enough. Anna had let go of his hand, but she was sitting much closer than she had the last few times she'd been in his car. He couldn't complain at that. He found he couldn't complain at much. She'd come to him, just like she'd promised.

Pulling into the hospital parking lot, he climbed out and waited for Anna to do the same. She lagged a few feet behind as they made their way to the entrance, and he stopped next to the doors. She was pale and looked more terrified at what might happen inside than he felt.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

He took what he thought was a pretty good stab in the dark. "Danny ain't here."

She looked at him in surprise. "I know, but …"

"It ain't like last time. This time we know nothing bad is gonna happen."

Stepping closer to him, she let out a soft breath. "Yeah, you're right."

She was right in front of him, and he took all the liberties he was willing to take with Millie somewhere in the hospital having a baby. Placing his hand on her lower back, he led them inside.

XXXXX

This waiting room was much more cheerful than the last. Steve didn't know if it was the painted rainbows on the walls or if it was because Anna was fidgeting in excitement rather than pacing with defeat. He watched her cross her legs again, his eyes seeking out and missing a glimpse of the lace at the top of her thigh-highs.

"Boy or girl?"

He tore his gaze from the hem of her skirt. "Huh?"

A hint of pink spread across her cheeks and she grinned at him. "Do you think it's a boy or a girl?"

"Oh. I dunno."

"I think it's a boy."

"Really?"

She crossed her legs again. "Yeah. I dunno why."

"Huh."

They were silent, and with every shift in position Anna made, her skirt crept that little bit further up her thigh. Steve was sick of it. If he knew what was going to happen then maybe he could touch …

"What are we doin', Anna?"

She smirked. "Right now? Waitin' for a baby to be born."

Glory she could be frustrating. He liked that that hadn't changed, but shit. He just wanted some damn answers. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah." She fidgeted again, and this time a hint of black lace became visible. Steve swallowed hard. "I hated seeing you so hurt the other day. And I just … I hated your dad, Steve. I really hated him."

That wasn't what he'd expected her to say, but he knew Anna; she wouldn't talk about something like that unless it was important. And shit, he could hear the loathing in her voice.

"I had to watch him hurt you like that and there wasn't anything I could do," she said. "And all I wanted to do after that was spend the rest of the night with you. Just … be with you."

"Then why have you avoided me all week?"

"Well, because of the things we said to each other before your dad got there. I needed to work through some of them."

"We said a lot of things to each other, Anna," he said, hoping she'd clarify.

She was silent for a moment, before answering quietly. "Evie."

He winced at the name. Of course that was the problem. All the good he'd done the last two months didn't make up for what he'd done with Evie.

"I'm sorry," he said, and the words slipped out easier than ever before.

"Yeah, I know. And it's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but … you know."

"You mean … you forgive me?"

"I think I forgave you a long time ago. It still hurts, and I might still be a little bitter about it, but … I've been thinkin' about it all day, and I wonder if I've been using it as an excuse to say no to you." She tucked her hands between her legs and the seat as she said it, and wouldn't look at him. He stared at her, hard. "It ain't fair, but when I realised my feelings for you weren't gonna leave, I think I started holdin' it against you whenever you got too close, because taking you back scared the crap out of me."

It did sound as though she'd given it a lot of thought, but her words didn't come as a total shock. It sucked, but he understood. Plus, when it came to anything he'd done with Evie, he could understand Anna holding it against him for the rest of his life.

She finally turned to look at him. "I never would've slept with you the night Danny was shot if I hadn't forgiven you."

With that much lace showing and a nice view down her blouse, Steve almost wished she hadn't brought up the idea of sleeping together during such a serious conversation. Almost.

He stood. Sitting that close to her while so desperate to touch her wasn't a good idea. Not only that, but he was pretty sure her forgiving him didn't mean as much as he hoped. She was still hurt, a little pissed off, and she hadn't said a damn thing about still wanting to be with him after working through their conversation at his house.

"I meant what I said," he told her, rubbing his knuckles against his jeans. "I ain't ever gonna screw up like that again."

She nodded, and he knew she believed him. "Did you also mean it when you said you'd do anything to get me back?"

"Yes."

"Because it's gonna take more than tricking me into kissing you, staying at the hospital with me, and bugging me for months to get me back, Steve."

"I'll do anything."

Sliding her hands over her skirt, she looked up at him. "You have to tell me how you feel."

"How I feel?"

"Yeah. About me."

Oh. Oh. His eyes narrowed and he scowled at her, but she didn't back down. He supposed he could hardly blame her - for both not backing down or for wanting to know. Admittedly he'd been hoping his actions over the last few months would be enough, but if she needed more …

He sighed, sitting down next to her. "C'mon, Anna, you know …" He paused, elbows resting on his knees, and heart pounding so fucking loudly. He turned his head to look into her eyes, and spoke quietly. "You know I love you."

Anna's eyes widened and maybe she hadn't known that at all. She opened her mouth to reply, but a far too happy nurse came up to them before she could get a word out.

"Steve?"

Dragging his gaze away form Anna, he glared at the nurse. "What?"

"The baby's here."

"Oh my God." Anna jumped to her feet, grabbing his hand to yank him up with her. "Can we see them?"

Still smiling, the nurse led them out of the waiting room. With Anna still tightly gripping his hand, Steve felt both excited and pissed off. The baby's here were not the three words he'd been hoping to hear after telling Anna how he felt.

But then they were shoved into bright room, and he saw Millie holding a bundle of … baby. He and Anna both stopped in their tracks. They stared at Millie for a moment before she seemed to realise they were there.

"Come look," she said, staring right at him.

He didn't move until Anna shoved him. Throwing her a scowl over his shoulder, he walked up to the bed. Millie looked exhausted, but happier than he'd ever seen her. The baby in her arms looked really pink … and soft.

"So cute," Anna breathed from next to him.

He supposed it was kind of cute. The fingers were definitely cute, and the nose.

"Wanna hold him?" Millie asked.

Anna practically bounced out of her skin. "Him? I knew it would be a boy."

"His name is Bradley."

Steve felt strangely disappointed that it was a boy, but didn't let it show. Instead, he stared at the kid, wondering if he looked anything like that as a baby. Millie didn't seem to realise he hadn't answered her; she was too busy staring down at the baby in wonder, and when he glanced back at Anna, he found her doing the same. He couldn't really blame them; even he had to admit the kid was kind of cute.

"Maybe we should go," Anna said after a few minutes. "You look awful tired."

Millie smiled. "I am, but I'm sure I ain't gonna be able to sleep." She stared at Steve for a moment. "Thanks for coming, kiddo."

"Sure."

"You act like you don't know a thing if your dad says somethin', you hear? I don't want him on your case again." She paused, smiling down at the baby. "I'll call you when we get home and you can come visit, okay? Both of you."

"Okay," he said, Anna nodding eagerly beside him.

They left, heading toward the elevators, but this time Anna didn't hold his hand. Refusing to look at her, Steve thought about everything that had happened; Anna mentioning Evie, Anna forgiving him, Anna making him tell her how he felt. And then the kid. His brother. Bradley. It was a cool enough name, and those fingers had been so damn small.

Leaving through the front doors, Steve grabbed his keys out of his pocket and opened the car door for Anna. She started in on him as soon as he was in his seat.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

"You don't seem very happy about your new brother." Was she a mind reader now?

"Well, I guess I was hoping it'd be a girl." Something he hadn't truly realised until finding out it was a boy.

Anna gave him one of those grins where it was like she knew something he didn't. "How come?"

He'd already told her he loved her; there wasn't anything else he could say to make him sound like much more of a pussy.

"I saw how much you care about Danny that night at the hospital. Having that, no matter what … it seemed okay."

She was quiet for a moment, thinking. "I think you'll have that anyway," she finally said. "The reason Ponyboy tries to tag along with you and Soda isn't to piss you off, you know?"

She was right, and he didn't know how he'd missed that.

"For the record," she continued, staring out the passenger window, "I never slept with Henry."

Steve smirked, but relief was flowing through him. "That right?"

"Don't go getting all cocky," she said, turning to look at him.

"Why not? I'm sure I had somethin' to do with it."

She climbed to her knees on the bench seat. "You know what you said before? In the waiting room?"

His heart thudded but he said nothing, just stared into her green eyes.

"Say it again."

"Anna -"

"Please?"

He looked down, and his gaze immediately landed on that lace. Thigh-highs would kill him, he was sure of it. And the idea of touching Anna's was so fucking appealing. Appealing enough to once again put himself out there. He smirked, lifting one hand to run his finger over the hem where lace met nylon. He met her gaze.

"Stop that," she whispered.

"I love you," he said. "Never stopped."

She smiled. "I love you, too."

His heart thudded and kissing her seemed like the best idea. Her lips were soft and pliant against his own, and Christ she tasted so damn good. She pulled away far too soon.

"It's gonna take a long while for things to get back to how they used to be," she said. "I want to be with you, but I don't want to just jump back into anything."

"We'll do whatever you want. So long as you're mine again."

"I think we should just hang out, you know? Date and spend time together and take things … slow."

"Does that mean starting back at first base?"

She smirked. "Yes."

"Spend time together, huh?" He tried the words out, not hating how they sounded. It wasn't what he wanted, but it was damn close. And he knew it would only get better from there. He could do that, even if it meant starting at first base.

He leaned into kiss her again, but she pulled back.

"Hey, this isn't where we kiss. This is where you beg me to go out with you tonight."

"Tell me you're mine," he pleaded, voice soft.

She sighed, pressing her forehead against his. "I'm yours."

I don't wanna hurt you,
I don't wanna make you sway.
Like I know I've done before,
I will not do it anymore.

A/N: Beta'd by RileysMomma. Thoughts on Steve and Anna's little reunion would make my day. Deds to anyone who picks up on the Born to Run - fic, not song - reference ;)