Ok, here we go- actually writing on holiday, so woo! Much rather be home though…

Chapter 36

Bella POV

Of course I was embarrassed about last night, I am always in constant fear that people will get sick of me- even I get sick of myself. I know that I have always loved the people around me more then they loved me. I can't help it, I care for them so much, and I would do everything and anything for them no matter how much it cost me. Admittedly, with the Cullens, there is not much I can do. Not much I can offer. Charlie might have been cruel to no end, but I guess I still cared for him to an extent, he was my father and I never left. I say I was scared, which is true, but I guess I still had a small inkling of hope that he would become the father I had once known. Either way, I know that everybody will leave me in the end- its inevitable, they may not want it or help it, but they will leave me. The Cullens will leave me, Edward will leave me. My acceptance of this doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, because it does more than anybody may comprehend, but I have learned to live in the moment. I know that my feelings for Edward will never fade and I have just decided to enjoy the moments I do have with him. I feel perfect, no care in the world when I'm with him.
So that is why me constantly getting panic attacks, or just breakdowns, that is why I am embarrassed, and more so- terrified. Once the Cullens understand that I am beyond help, they will leave me.

I sighed in resignation as I got out of bed. Maybe it hadn't been the best idea to go into Charlie's room yesterday. I'm not even sure what I was looking for, but I was so upset when I didn't find anything. Nothing to show Charlie's personality, if he still held some kind of love or joy in his life. I can't help but pity him, he might have made my life miserable, but he was alone and he was sick. He also needed help which he couldn't get.

I walked slowly to the bathroom, still immersed in my thoughts. I really had to put yesterday's experience out of my mind. I did it, its over. Besides, today will be another challenge for me. School. To say I was nervous would be an understatement, however I was not backing out. It struck me that this was why everybody was giving me space, usually Alice would have woken me up and be choosing my outfit while Edward tried to restrain her. I smiled slightly at the thought of our usual routine. I must have really scared them last night, I made a note to apologize once I got downstairs.

I washed my face and stared at my reflection. Out of all the people in the world, I was the one chosen to have a traumatic childhood. But it was me- ordinary old Bella- who had been chosen to be blessed with the Cullens, and yes, vampires are a blessing. I grabbed an outfit without giving it much thought and checked the clock- I was okay, I still had time. I found my bag with my belongings from yesterday and pulled out my locket. It was beautiful and even if it was only an object, it had been through a lot. I would wear it with pride.

Emmett, Edward, Jasper, Alice and Rosalie were all in the kitchen as I came downstairs. Alice and Rose were watching their husbands get covered with batter while Edward seemed to be the target of most of that batter.

"Can't you guys ever cook something without making a mess?" I asked amused. Edward focused his attention on me which earned him batter in the face. He scowled at Jasper but then turned towards me.
"Oh no, you go clean up." I laughed and he smiled wickedly before taking a step forward.
"Why? Don't you want to give me my good morning hug?" He took a few more steps and I backed away.
"No, no, no. As appetizing as that looks, I don't have time to go change."
"Might as well get her dirty Edward, her outfit is not what I laid out." Alice pouted but I ignored her. Edward just smiled before coming to my side and kissing me on the forehead.
"I'll be right back."

I turned back to the others.
"So why the mess?"
"Well, I blame Emmett. He wanted to make you pancakes, but he got a bit sidetracked when he noticed the batter was 'gooey'." Rose rolled her eyes.
"Idiot." Alice muttered.
"Hey! Aren't wives supposed to support and defend their husbands?"
"I'm sorry, hubby." Rose started to walk towards Emmett while swinging her hips slightly. Emmett's eyes didn't leave her.
"Why don't I make it up to you?" She was right in front of him now and leaned in.
"Now go clean this up." She snapped before turning away abruptly leaving Emmett leaning into thin air. Emmett looked heartbroken and I giggled at his expression while jasper was full out laughing.
"Jasper, shut up and help him." Well that silenced him.
"What?" Alice rested her hands on her hips.
"You encouraged him- now go." Wow, well this is what you called girl power. Jasper over emphasized a long loud sigh as he hung his head and dragged his feet.
"Fine, I can see when I'm not wanted." I laughed at his acting, but soon the kitchen was back into pristine condition- god I wish I were a vampire sometimes.

I felt Edward's arms wrap around me from behind and I leaned back into the embrace.
"Have you had breakfast yet?"
"Nope, I'll just have some cereal." I pulled out his arms to get my food. I smiled once I had realized how easily the morning was going- they were incredibly talented at distracting me.
"Where's Esme?" I knew Carlisle was at work, but Esme was usually home.
"She went grocery shopping, she'll probably be back right after we leave. I nodded before putting my bowl in the sink.
"Ready."
"Let's go."

"Ok Bella, we managed to change your timetable so that you have more lessons with us. You're excused from gym for the rest of the year, but you will have to go back eventually, its also your only class alone." Sometimes, it was ridiculous how organized Alice could be. The nerves were coming back as we approached the school. Edward held my hand and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb. Once we arrived in the parking lot, I turned to Edward.
"What are they thinking?"
"They are surprised to see out car, apparently there have been rumors that we left the country."
"Ok. I can do this." I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car boldly- there was no going back now. Edward was instantly at my side holding my hand. It was obvious by his protective and slightly possessive stance that we were together. I heard several small gasps and internally groaned; just to make things worse… My first class was with Jasper and to my relief, I didn't encounter Jessica or Lauren. Edward kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye and headed in a different direction with Alice.

Everybody was whispering as Jasper and I walked up to the classroom. Jasper, feeling my discomfort, swung his arm casually around my shoulders.
"Relax, everything will be fine. They will either shut up or have a heart attack and die." He smiled and I chuckled. He was right, who cares if they talk? I knew they would. After all, the school freak's father committed suicide and beat her up making her miss several months of work and she was now living with the town's most beautiful and popular people. The lesson went without incident and Jasper helped me where I was stuck or behind. I was never alone, the Cullens always made sure I was walking with one of them between classes and sitting with them during. I still had biology with Edward which was soothing. All the teachers looked at me with pity a long with some of the students who would mumble apologies as they past me. I had seen Jessica and Lauren, but they wouldn't even look my way which I was grateful for.

Lunch was also uneventful, I was getting used to the whispering and staring and I didn't hesitate once when I strode to go get my food and then sat at the Cullens table. We chatted and I felt completely at ease with my family. I had gym after lunch even though I was going to sit out and I was feeling confident enough to kiss Edward on the lips. It wasn't a make-out session, but it was enough to trigger a few more gasps and for me to receive many glares of jealousy. I shrugged it off- Edward was mine, for now.

The coach let me sit on the benches as I watched everybody play basketball. Lauren and Jessica were in this class and wouldn't miss an opportunity to glare at me. I couldn't help but cringe back into the seat when this happened- there was still something menacing about them. When the bell rang, I hurriedly made my way to the dressing room as it was the quickest way out of the gym. To my absolute horror, Lauren and Jessica followed me. No, no, no. This could not be happening again. I was leaving all this behind me- I wasn't accepting it anymore. There was no way I could make it to the door in time and there was nowhere to hide. I spun around only to be face to face with the two girls who made sure I never had an escape from life.
"What do you want?" I tried to sound strong but my voice wavered.
"Poor little Bella, beaten by her father. Home violence we were told." Jessica sneered at me and I flinched.
"Who knew we were on the same wavelength as your father?" Lauren laughed.
"And you drove him to suicide. A pity really, we could have used the ally." I watched as they came closer to me and suddenly it was my breaking point. My breathing had been accelerating and suddenly it all hit me with the force of a tidal wave. I was not accepting this.
"I'm not sure he would have wanted you as an ally." I snapped. Other girls were walking into the changing rooms now and observing what was happening without daring interfering. "You never quite finished the job. Oh maybe a few kicks and punches, but I was always able to go to the school in the end. When my father beat me up, oh I was out for hours." My voice dripped with sarcasm and was getting louder. "I don't think he would have considered you skilled enough to help him ruin my life, because after all, you are pathetic. I mean, go ahead, try and taunt me- say whatever you want, because I have had enough. You can't hurt me anymore. You think you are so important but why did you ever start hurting me? You saw I was upset? Oh fantastic! Here's an idea, that girl over there looks upset, lets kick her while she's down- quite literally. Well congratulations, you did, you did kick me and look where that's got you." I was practically hysterical and seeing a few girls timidly pull their phones out to film this had me change my focus and attack them.

"What about you guys. All of you! What is your problem? You watched, you watched them hurt me day after day and you didn't do anything either because you were scared or you didn't give a shit. Don't even try to say you didn't notice- who doesn't notice a girl limping around with bruises and wincing at every movement. And now here you are filming the event- you're sick." I was seriously loosing it and couldn't seem to be able to filter my speech anymore as the girls started to back away from me. "How about I give you your fill of horror, because that's what you live off of isn't it? Well you won't be disappointed. Every night, I would dread going to my house because I knew that the slightest mistake could cost me my life and would most definitely cost me a lot of pain. So I got home, and I cooked dinner and guess what?! It wasn't good enough- it was never good enough" Tears started to roll down my cheeks but I kept going. "If you find it so entertaining, why don't you go and get kicked in the stomach or slapped with a metal pan. I'm sure that will be a blast."

I left the changing rooms crying leaving behind a dozen shocked ignorant teenage girls. I didn't look where I was going when I ran out and I slammed directly into something cold and I knew it was Edward. I took his hand and started marching towards the parking lot where everybody was waiting. I'm guessing they would have heard my rant first hand since I didn't exactly try to keep the volume down. Edward kept up with me silently while glancing at me wearily. I wiped my cheeks clear of any moisture and got into the car. Nobody said a word as they climbed in and I crossed my arms and looked out the window like a grumpy child. I was annoyed at myself- so much for not freaking out. But in a way, I was proud- I needed that, sure tomorrow the whole school will be informed of my outburst, I wouldn't be surprised if the video was on the internet; The changing room's very own Godzilla, well that would be nice. I chuckled out loud at the thought and everybody looked at me. I smiled back, finally calming down.
"I'm fine." Edward rolled his eyes but grinned at me as we arrived at the house and he opened the door for me.
"You know, I've come to hate that word. You're always fine which means you are anything but that."
"True, usually, but I am fine. Fine as in, yes I just yelled at most of the girls but also, it doesn't bother me."

"Well that's a relief to hear, because damn Bella- that was intense." Emmett smiled. "I mean, who knew you could be so… woah"
"So 'woah'? Why thanks."
"No seriously, I wish I could have been there to film it- you amaze me." He honestly seemed dumbstruck.
"Well you're in luck, some girls actually took their phones out."
"Oh my god, really? I need to go check the internet." Emmett looked way too excited and Rose sighed before slapping him at the back of the head.
"You insensitive moron." She hissed.
"Sorry Bella." He mumbled but I just shook my head and patted his shoulder.
"It's okay, I don't really think we can do anything about you anymore."
"That's not fair Bella, I mean, he may be an 'insensitive moron'" Alice quoted Rose, "but he does have his uses. I mean, he's really good at… ok, well he can help with… well maybe… fine, I give up." Emmett opened his mouth to retaliate but just closed it once again at a loss of what to say.
"Just let it go bro, let it go." Jasper chuckled while going to hug a very smug Alice.
"You guys are just cruel."
"Aw, its okay baby," Rose tried to hug him but he pushed her back.
"No, nope, I don't love you anymore." He sighed and I rolled my eyes. "I'm just going to go to my room and wallow in self pity. Yes, because that it all that is left with my life." There was no denying it, our family is quite strange.
"Ok, well you go enjoy that- see you later." We all chuckled as we passed him to go into the living room and it didn't take him long to come running after us.
"You guys suck- I hope you know that."
"Yup." I smiled as I hugged Edward.

"What do you want to do?" He asked gently.
"The meadow?" I didn't need an answer as he grinned and lifted me onto his back.
"See you later guys." I called happily. We lay side by side in the beautiful meadow enjoying each other's company. I turned to stare without shame at my sparkling boyfriend- true beauty. I was surprised to find him doing the same and I smiled.
"I love you." I whispered while scooting closer to him and giving him a gently kiss on his lips. He hesitated to respond but obviously saw I was fine so he slowly started moving his lips against mine. I could definitely spend more time doing this. I lifted my arms as my hands tangled in his hair and he has his palm resting on the flat of my back. Once we broke away breathless his topaz eyes met my brown ones.
"I love you more."
"Lies." I giggled.
"Never." He smiled into my neck as he placed one more gentle kiss at the base of my throat.
"I'm so proud of you, you know." He said after a while. "You're much stronger than you give yourself credit for."
"I'm not, but I am happy too. I feel like I am slowly breaking down the barriers before I can be completely happy again."
"I wouldn't say slowly."
"Yes, you're right, I've gotten over the main things. I am not scared of them anymore. They can't hurt me. In fact, I want to go to school."
"I would never let anybody hurt you."
"I know. But sometimes its nice to feel… to know what its like to not live in fear any longer." To this Edward just pulled e close and hugged me.
"Bella Marie Swan, I love you, you have no idea how much." And just like that, I felt like things could change.

Things are finally changing for me.

There we go, a slightly happier note =) I personally enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Although, I'm afraid to say that I think that next chapter will be the last. I am thinking of writing a sequel if people do want one. I mean, when I first started writing this story, my summary is different to how things turned out, so yes, I think there is still room for a sequel, well I hope.

Thank you for reading!