Hey guys! I'm here today with the fourth chapter of A Reason To Live! Not much to say today so lets move on to the gratifications!
I would like to thank Natsume-chan and Sinistera of the Akatsuki for reviewing chapter 3. I'd also like to thank Forbiddensoul562 even though they reviewed chapter 1 simply because I liked their review. ^^
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Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing presented here in this story but the plot.
Warnings: Small amounts of coarse language.
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Chapter 4: To See You So
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Dawn broke late the next morning, delayed by the shroud of grey that covered the sky. Rain fell mistily over the city and its surrounding suburbs. Yusuke awoke to the sound of the door creaking open. The hanyou was immediately alert, his body tensed and ready for anything. Of course it was only the kind faced Doctor Lee who entered the small white room, just another reminder to the raven haired man that last night was not a dream as he had hoped. Though it was hard to hope it was simply his imagination when his friend's body lay unmoving on the bed in front of him. Yusuke stretched and yawned loudly, attempting to shake off all traces of tiredness from himself.
"Oh! Good morning Yusuke. Sorry if I woke you. I'm just here to check on Hiei's progress." Doctor Lee said walking over to the bed with his clipboard once again held fast in his right hand.
"Nah, I'm a light sleeper…Sometimes." Yusuke's chocolate eyes watched as the doctor finished checking everything and scribbled something on his clipboard. "How is he?" He asked all traces of fun or light heartedness gone from his voice. Doctor Lee turned to face him with a grin spread widely across his lips.
I swear to God this guy has somehow glued that smile to his face, the hanyou couldn't help but think.
"The wounds haven't opened, the bleeding has definitely stopped and overall he's looking a lot less pale than when he arrived last night. He even appears to have a little colour in his cheeks. This is all very good news and even though he hasn't yet regained consciousness I remain positive that Hiei will make a full recovery." The brunette explained happily. Yusuke wanted to hold onto the hope that the other man was offering. He wanted to latch onto it with both hands and make it come true so badly. But doubt as always lingered on the edge of his awareness, watching, waiting, and spreading fear into the raven haired youth's already overstressed mind. The younger man bit his lip.
"But…He hasn't woken up. Hell he hasn't moved as much as a toe all night. Is that…normal?" Yusuke asked, unable to hide the worry in his voice. Doctor Lee chuckled.
"Oh Yusuke. It's only been 5 hours at most since Hiei came out of surgery. These things take time." The doctor said. Yusuke frowned at the man before glancing over at the clock on the far wall.
Eight am, it read. Seriously?
"It's hard to believe that it's only been several hours since it all happened. It feels like an eternity ago." Yusuke sighed and rubbed his suddenly tired eyes. The doctor looked at the boy with understanding blue eyes and laid a comforting hand on the hanyou's muscular shoulder.
"Traumatic experiences are often like that. A minute can seem like an hour, an hour like a day, a day like a lifetime. It's perfectly normal to feel that way." The brunette said softly. "And as for Hiei, of course his still being unconscious is normal. If he woke up today I'd be quite surprised. Your friend, he almost died last night. Him being here today, alive…Well that's quite a feat. Give it time… He'll come back to you."
Yusuke looked up at the doctor with a small exhausted smile.
"Thanks…Again." The dark haired man chuckled weakly. Doctor Lee smiled and stepped away with one last pat on the other man's back.
"Anytime. You look really worn out. I think it would be best if you were to go home for a couple hours. Clean yourself up, get some food and a nap under your belt and come back later." Yusuke looked positively appalled at the suggestion. Just as he opened his mouth to object Doctor Lee cut in.
"You can leave under your own influence or I can have you removed from the premises; your choice." The medical specialist growled with a cheeky glare. Yusuke wisely decided to follow the other man's advice, jumping up and rushing from the room with one last worried glance at Hiei.
Doctor Lee laughed as he watched the youth scramble from the room and walked back down towards the staff room with a large grin on his face.
Kurama rapped his knuckles smartly against the red wood door in front of him as behind him hundreds of ogres ran around, shouting about this, that and the other.
"Come in." A muffled voice called from the other side of the wood. The red haired youkai straightened his tan jacket and entered the room. The room was small, brightly lit and very bare, the only furniture in the room being a large dark mahogany desk that was littered with towering stacks of paper. Barely visible behind the masses of white was a tall brunette with the letters JR printed across his forehead and a blue binky held tightly between his teeth. The brunette looked up when he heard the door click shut behind the demon. Flashing gold eyes stared into emerald green.
"Yo." The young man behind the desk greeted around the blue obstacle in his mouth.
"Koenma. You're looking busy as usual." Kurama replied politely, nodding at the papers on the desk. Koenma sighed.
"You know as well as I that these are very busy times." The demi god said with a knowing look in his honey eyes. Kurama nodded sagely as he gently shifted a stack of papers half a meter tall and perched himself on the edge of the desk in its place.
"Indeed they are…"
"So Kurama, what brings you here?"
"I originally planned this meeting to talk to you about Hiei's…unusual behavior recently. However I now believe there is more than just a little uncharacteristic behavior to discuss." The red head explained, his emerald eyes serious. Koenma regarded his companion for a moment before turning away with another heavy sigh on his lips.
"Yes. I heard about the events that took place last night…How is he?" The brunette asked, his gaze still fixated elsewhere.
"The doctors believe he'll make a full recovery despite his very near brush with death. They never even suspected that their patient may have been…not exactly human. Though there was a close call towards the end there." Kurama grimaced at the memory, an expression that Koenma caught as his eyes whipped back to his friend's face at the comment.
"What do you mean?" He asked. The red head's frown deepened.
"One of the doctors felt that Hiei would be more comfortable if he removed his headband and stored it with the rest of his clothes." Koenma's golden eyes widened dramatically and Kurama, despite the severity of the situation and what could have too easily become, chuckled at the look on the six hundred and something year old's face. "Thankfully Yusuke reacted swiftly and when the doctor went to grab the jagan's covering he grabbed the doctor's wrist. After that I was able to come up with a lie that would satisfy the man and allow Hiei's headband to remain untouched for the rest of his stay."
Koenma leant back in his chair with a relieved huff.
"I've never been as thankful for Yusuke as I am right now. The amount of paperwork that I would have had to do if Hiei had been discovered…" The older man shuddered at the thought. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes, both trapped within their own thoughts. When the silence was finally broken it was Kurama's silky voice that filled the void.
"…Did you know?" He asked quietly, refusing to look his friend and employer in the eyes.
"Know what?"
"Did you know…That Hiei was even thinking of committing suicide? Did your files so much as hint at this?" The youko's voice was low and laced with accusation. Koenma shook his head but quickly realizing that the other man couldn't see his non-verbal answer he replied aloud.
"No. I wish they had. I wish there was any indication of the thoughts running through his head. Maybe then we would have been able to stop this." The demi god said miserably.
"But there was plenty of warning. Hiei's off behavior should have instantly sent alarm bells off in my head."
"Kurama you can't blame yourself. At least you noticed that something was wrong." The red haired demon finally turned to face the brunette, his emerald eyes filled with shame.
"No. I noticed Hiei was less aggressive than he used to be but I chalked it up to nothing more than him being, I don't know, more at peace with himself. A stupid assumption. Yusuke was actually the one who pointed it out to me." Kurama said, his admission leaving Koenma flabbergasted. "Yusuke came to me a week after Hiei's return to express his growing concern. He told me that he had noticed Hiei looking at the rest of us during our time together with what could only be described as a sad smile. Yusuke even told me that the other day when I had been late to his apartment that Kuwabara had insulted Hiei and Hiei didn't even glare at him!" Koenma appeared equally as floored by the information as Kurama himself was when it had first been relayed to him. The brunette demi god heaved a shaky breath.
"Then it seems that we simply failed to piece together the clues in time." He concluded pitifully.
"Yes, the fault is ours. We call ourselves his friends but when he needed us most we weren't there." The youkai agreed, guilt heavy in his every word.
Kurama quickly shoved his feelings to the back of his mind and continued.
"Yusuke has taken recent events particularly hard." He commented offhandedly. Koenma gave an undignified snort causing the top most paper on one of the shorter stacks to flutter.
"Yusuke's very emotional and he takes things too personally. He personally holds himself responsible for everyone and everything that happens." The demi god said, shaking his head at the memories.
"While that is true, it's different this time." Kurama said lowly, his forest green eyes sharp.
"How so?" The demon sighed and ran a hand through his scarlet locks, gathering his thoughts. A hint of a frown lightly creased his brow.
"I don't know if anyone else has noticed but Yusuke was incredibly happy when Hiei returned. Whenever Hiei's around Yusuke seems…cheerier, more enthusiastic. He never fails to try to include Hiei in anything we're doing and even when his invitations are rejected he never gives up." Kurama sighed helplessly. He knew that what he was going to say would sound ludicrous. "Since Hiei's attempted suicide it's almost as if the fire has gone out in his soul. I've never seen Yusuke so broken as he was last night. Never."
"Really?" Koenma stared at the other man in the room with studious eyes like molten gold, trying to read the youkai. The red head's frown deepened, obviously deep in thought.
"Yes. It's almost like…" Koenma couldn't help but lean forward in his chair, watching Kurama intently.
"Almost like what?" The demi god asked, curiosity burning within him.
"Well it's almost like Yusuke is in love with Hiei…" Kurama said, flooring the brunette once more. After a moment Koenma burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter, banging his fists on the desk in front of him and knocking over the nearest paper towers in his mirth. It took the man several minutes to regain control.
"However it seems I'm sure that's not the case." He said, wiping a tear from his eye. "Could you imagine? Ridiculous." Kurama turned away from Koenma as his friend went about restoring the wayward reports to their appropriate positions.
"Of course…Must be the stress of recent events…" The red haired demon said dismissively. However in the back of his mind he doubted that was the case…
"BUY! BUY! BUY! Our one day only sale is on tomorrow at your nearest…"
Yusuke woke with a start, shooting up from his place on the couch as the startling loud ad burst through the television's speakers. The empty bowl which had contained his breakfast clattered angrily to the floor having been thrown from its original perch on Yusuke's chest. The dark haired man shot a glare at the noisy black box before grabbing the remote from the floor beside the sofa and turning it off. Yusuke rubbed his eyes tiredly and yawned. Groggily the hanyou rose to his feet, picking up the abandoned bowl he moved over and dumped it in the sink. Glancing over at the microwave the green numbers informed him it was now 12.30 in the afternoon.
"Shit!" The youth cursed as he ran around his apartment, grabbing seemingly random things and stuffing them in his duffle bag. I can't believe it's so late! Yusuke thought as he grabbed his keys and his phone (which he had forgotten the night before). I only meant to sleep for an hour at most!
Yusuke had returned home not long after leaving the hospital and taken the good doctor's advice; having a shower and shoveling some cereal down his throat before laying down for what was supposed to be a short, revitalizing nap. A short three hour nap as it turned out.
Well at least I'm not tired anymore…
The raven haired hanyou ran out the door and didn't slow down until he was two blocks away. Of course that was also when he realized that in his rush to get to the hospital he'd accidentally left his apartment unlocked.
"Fuck!" Yusuke shouted angrily. He was almost tempted to turn around and go back but quickly dismissed it. I just want to get to the hospital and see Hiei as soon as possible, he thought, completely oblivious to the implications of these thoughts. I want to be there just in case he wakes up.
As he walked towards the medical center his mind remained fixated on the small fire demon. He just couldn't get the night before out of his head. It scared him but if he closed his eyes he could almost see Hiei kneeling there among the field of flowers, staring with such wide, curious ruby eyes at his swords silver blade flashing in the light of the full moon. Completely unguarded. But he had seen more and more of this Hiei since the fiery eyed demon's return to the Ningenkai…
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Yusuke, Kuwabara and Kurama reached the top of the temple stairs, laughing at stories of times now gone. Suddenly a strong deep voice interrupted their amusement.
"Hn. Nothing changes around here does it?"
Yusuke's head had turned in the direction of the voice, his heart suddenly racing. Chocolate eyes met crimson and the hanyou felt a smile split his face.
"Hiei!" He yelled joyfully, running over to the fire demon that stood in the shade of one of the trees, dressed in his black pants and black tank top. The detective resisted the urge to hug the fire demon, instead settling for ruffling the shorter man's gravity defying raven hair. To Yusuke's great shock he wasn't impaled upon Hiei's katana for his 'disrespectful' actions, instead the other man pushed his hand away and smirked at him in a way that could almost be considered playful were it anyone else…
A few days later Yusuke invited everyone over to his apartment to play video games. Hiei, despite some rather scathing comments on the hobby, actually showed up. Admittedly the small demon didn't play with them, choosing instead to sit on the open windowsill, but just his presence being there cheered the hanyou up immensely. A while into the event the dark haired youth had slipped into the kitchen to grab some refreshments. When he came back out carrying a bag of chips and a couple bottles of cola he noticed the strangest thing. Kuwabara and Kurama were debating something (Kuwabara obviously on the losing side of the argument) and there Hiei sat on his windowsill watching the encounter with a sad peaceful smile. Yusuke stood there staring for several moments before the taller of the red heads noticed him and called out. Immediately Hiei's pale face was wiped of all emotion, almost as if the smile hadn't been there at all…
Yusuke grimaced as he broke out of his reverie. The signs were all there of something being up with the crimson eyed fire demon. Clues that he failed to piece together. He had foolishly hoped that Hiei was simply opening up more, maybe even growing to do more than simply tolerate their continual presence. The raven haired youth sighed. What on earth could make Hiei of all people depressed enough to want to kill himself?
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To Yusuke's great annoyance he was no closer to the answer of the question by the time he had reached Hiei's hospital room five minutes later.
The dejected hanyou stepped into the stark white room to find Kuwabara already sitting next to the bed, a miserable yet thoughtful look on his face. The red haired man looked up when he heard his best friend's footsteps on the grey linoleum floor.
"Hey." He said in his rough voice, waving lightly.
"Hey." Yusuke replied, equally unenthusiastic. "Anything?" He asked vaguely with a nod in the limp demon's direction. Kuwabara simply shook his head causing Yusuke to sigh. The detective dumped his duffle bag unceremoniously on the floor and took the second chair waiting by the bedside. The second the raven haired man's rear hit the hard cushioning the door once more flung open revealing an exhausted Kurama. The scarlet haired youkai walked in and gently closed the door behind him with a sigh.
"Afternoon Yusuke, Kuwabara." He greeted with a tired smile. The two returned the gesture with halfhearted waves and the fox demon came to stand at the foot of the bed, leaning against the metal railings there. The three tried to distract themselves with idle chatter but after a while the conversation inevitably turned to the fourth member of the team.
"We should've seen this coming." The dark haired man said, guilt rolling off him in waves.
"But how were we to know that the shrimp's weird behavior was him getting ready to off himself?" The tallest youth cut in uncouthly. Yusuke glared at his friend, disgusted at his sudden rudeness towards the obviously fragile fire demon.
"While that may be true, we as his friends could have asked him about it. After all Hiei never acts without reason." Kurama replied calmly, his forest green eyes flashing as he defended his friend. The admonished spiritually aware human had the decency to look remorseful for his words.
"Well yeah but…Like what excuse could there really be for trying to kill yourself?"
"Whether anyone else finds his reason acceptable or not doesn't matter, in Hiei's mind it makes sense." Kurama explained. Kuwabara sighed and laid his head in his hands.
"This is stupid. Let's talk about something else." He croaked. The shorter red head sighed.
"Like what?" He asked, exasperation lacing his silken voice.
"I don't know! What do you want to talk about Urameshi?" Kuwabara asked turning his head to look at his silent friend. The raven haired hanyou didn't show any sign of having heard him. Kuwabara frowned.
"Hey, Urameshi!" He said a little louder, even reaching out a hand to poke the hanyou's arm. When Kuwabara's continued efforts failed to receive a response Kurama looked closer, his emerald eyes sharp. His friend was sitting shock still, his chocolate eyes staring intently refusing to acknowledge anything. Kurama carefully followed Yusuke's line of sight finally coming to meet tired crimson eyes. The long, red haired man gasped in shock, managing to put an exhausted smirk on the now conscious fire demon's haggard face.
"Don't stop now…it was just getting interesting."
'I'll be there close your eyes and you'll see me
Just call my name…
So many nights I sat here waiting
There were times I couldn't go on
Still my heart was anticipating
It made me be strong
Made me hold on...
There were some calling me crazy
I've been accused of being naive
But I don't need no one to save me
Cause I got you, you make me believe…
I'll be there in the night when you need me
Just call my name
I'll be there close your eyes and you'll see me
Just call my name.
I don't need to know the answers
I don't want to understand
We were born to take the chances
I know the truth when you hold my hand...
I'll be there in the night when you need me
Just call my name
I'll be there close your eyes and you'll see me
Just call my name.
I had waited a lifetime lost on the open sea
Praying for an angel to be sent to me
So come to me!
Now the night don't last forever
Every moment is a song
Cause we face the night together
Something so right could never be wrong…
I'll be there in the night when you need me
Just call my name
I'll be there close your eyes and you'll see me
Just call my name.
I'll be there in the night when you need me
Just call my name
I'll be there close your eyes and you'll see me
Just call my name.
I'll be there!
Just call my name.'
Just Call My Name (I'll Be There) by Blackmore's Night.
There we have it. I hope you guys enjoyed it and don't forget to tell me what you thought.
Thanks again and please continue to read and review!