HELLO ONCE MORE! Yes I greet you my loyal and far to patient fans. I know this chapter has been a LONG time coming and for that I am so, so sorry. With how busy everything's been and the writer's block as well it has taken me a month longer than I promised to update. That's bad...
And with this long awaited chapter I bring bad news...This...is not the final chapter anymore. I know, I know! But if I had waited and published the whole last part it would have likely been at least 11-12 thousand words! I finally had reached a good place to split it into two. So you have this and the next chapter shall DEFINITELY, 100%, be the LAST ONE! I swear my life upon it!
I'd like to send my deepest gratitude to; Good Omens, Natsume-chan, ILoveKuramaTooMuch and Ichi-can1 for reviewing the last chapter or messaging me. Especially Natsume-chan and ILoveKuramaTooMuch for their much needed support.
Finally I can present to you the eighth installment of A Reason To Live!
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Disclaimer: Jiiiin! Hiiieiiii! Have I miraculously gained ownership of you or anything to do with Yu Yu Hakusho over the past month?
Both: In your dreams maybe!
...Well DANG...
Warnings: This chapter contains some coarse language, minute sexual references, small amounts of gore, a tiny pinch of OOCness (on Hiei's part I'm afraid) and A WHOLE TRUCKLOAD of BOY LOVE and ANGST! But tell me one story I've posted on here that doesn't feature palpable amounts of that good stuff.
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Chapter 8: What it is to Love You
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A light breeze swept through the beautiful glade, playing with the thick carpet of grass and flowers and rustling the trees that surrounded the clearing. The gentle wind pulled its invisible fingers through the un-gelled raven locks of the young man that stood transfixed underneath the single dead tree occupying the otherwise empty field. The man's impossibly wide chocolate eyes stared up in horror at the lifeless body that lay, too still, among the trees barren branches. The haunting scene was only made worse by the silvery trunk that gleamed dark, wet crimson as the shorter male's blood trickled down in a thick red stream.
"Hiei…" The name slipped through Yusuke's dry lips like a desperate, despairing prayer. Terror engulfed the dark haired youth, turning the blood in his veins to ice and numbing his body. Sadly it did nothing to lessen the dread that pumped through him.
For it couldn't be true…This couldn't be happening. It wasn't possible that his friend, the man he loved, was…dead… The word ripped through Yusuke's heart, the large tear it left bleeding profusely. No! Hiei couldn't be dead, not after he had finally realised his feelings for the other man! Surely the Gods were not that cruel…Yet the scene that held his attention seemed to claim otherwise… After all, the fire demon in the tree had lost a lot of blood and he wasn't moving…
Fueled by the fear he felt for the small demon Yusuke jumped up into the tree, coming to rest upon the same branch Hiei was situated on.
Despite the severity of the situation, the hanyou couldn't help but take a moment to observe the hiyoukai in the new light of his feelings. The shorter male's face was even paler than normal; once the flawless skin seemed to glow with an inner flame, now it was a sickly white and his gravity defying raven hair was filled with leaves. With a trembling hand Yusuke reached forward to remove one of the larger leaves and found his palm filled with thick yet soft locks. He pulled his hand back and stared at it in wonder. He never would have guessed that Hiei had such silky hair… Yusuke's chocolate eyes turned back to his friend, carefully examining the demon's face as though it was his last chance to do so.
This is my last chance…Yusuke thought. Hiei's dead… Tears gathered in his eyes as he ran his gaze over Hiei's still features. His small, cute nose. His full lips, usually reminiscent of soft pink blossoms, were now almost as colourless as his face. Thick dark lashes stubbornly hid piercing ruby eyes. Bile rose in the hanyou's throat as he thought about how those beautiful eyes would now be dull, empty of the fire that had always burned within them.
The tears that had blurred his vision fell, burning a blazing trail down Yusuke's tan cheeks. How is this fair? He wondered. How could Spirit World justify taking away the fire demon's life? Taking away Yusuke's heart?
A slight movement caught the dark haired man's attention, banishing all thoughts from his mind. Yusuke stared in amazement, his metaphorical heart slowly mending as Hiei's black tank rose gently, lifted by the small yet muscular chest hidden beneath it.
"Ha!" A short happy yell burst from the detective's throat and a large smile spread across his face, threatening to split it in half. Hiei was alive! He was breathing, he wasn't dead! Yusuke was so happy he almost felt like bursting into dance…almost. He ignored the urge, instead stretching out his arm he fondly brushed the shorter man's bangs away from the ward that hid his Jagan eye.
"How many times are you gonna scare the life outta me?" Yusuke whispered, his smile softening.
He reluctantly dragged his hand back but froze when he felt the appendage brush against something warm…and wet. He glanced down. His bare arm was pressed lightly against Hiei's abdomen and the other man's black tank was soaked causing it to cling to the washboard abs underneath. A frown marred the hanyou's face as he gripped the hem of the sodden piece of clothing and lifted it up over Hiei's chest. Yusuke grimaced. The ivory skin he loved so much was barely visible under a layer of crimson that continued to well up from the large hole in the demon's stomach where he had obviously torn his stitches. Worry rose in the conscious man, blending with his previous joy.
Yes, Hiei was alive…but for how long? He had no idea how much blood the male demon had lost; though judging by the red liquid burning a thick trail down the tree trunk, it was no small amount. All he did know was that his friend was in desperate need of medical attention and he had to get him back to the hospital as soon as possible. He also knew that Hiei wouldn't like it in the least.
Well too bad, thought Yusuke. He didn't care if he suffered the short-tempered demon's wrath as long as Hiei was alive to exact the punishment. Yusuke took a second to stop the dirty thoughts that invaded his mind at that. After a minute he leant forward, wary of the none-too-thick branch they were on, and slowly pulled the man he loved into his arms. It was an awkward process and he almost lost his balance several times but after a few moments of struggling he finally held the small body securely in his grip; one hand under his knees and the other pressing possessively on his back, the spikey haired man's head resting comfortably on Yusuke's white clad chest. Yusuke peered down at the ground several meters below and worried his lip between his teeth. It was quite far down and if he jumped he risked hurting the man in his arms, especially if he stumbled when he landed. But…
There's no other way down, Yusuke thought, eyeing the tree itself with narrow brown eyes. If he wanted to climb he'd need his hands, both of which were full, and there was no way he'd be able to leap down branch by branch. Nothing else for it then. With one last worried glance at Hiei the raven haired detective jumped from the tree, landing heavily on his feet a few seconds later and doing his best not to jostle the unconscious male in his arms any more than necessary. The pressure pushed Yusuke down on one knee and he swallowed a cry of pain ("You're supposed to roll when you hit the ground, dumb ass!" His old gym teacher used to yell at him when he did that in class). He waited a minute for the jarring pain to ebb away before rising with a relieved sigh. The hanyou glanced around and spotted the tops of the skyscrapers over some of the trees.
"Right." Yusuke whispered to himself. "If I go that way, once I get out of here I'll be able to find my way to the hospital." He turned towards the city and started to walk but barely got more than a few steps before the youkai he held in his arms stirred. He halted immediately and turned his full attention to the wounded fire demon. A slight groan escaped Hiei's lips and his eyes fluttered open, slowly revealing tired ruby eyes.
"Ngh…Yu…Yusuke…?"
Wakefulness gradually graced Hiei with its presence, even though he shied away from it. He tried to ignore consciousness and return to the blissful darkness but it eluded him. The dark haired demon resisted the urge to sigh in disappointment. He was so weary despite the fact that he had been sleeping for…The tiniest of frowns puckered at his brow.
How long have I been asleep? And why am I so warm? Hiei wondered. He couldn't feel the rough texture of bark against his back as he normally did when he awoke, instead his head was resting on something warm and hard and he was incredibly comfortable. It was…unusual. Not that he didn't like it; it was a far better way to be greeted than a cold, damp treetop, but… A quiet yet unmistakably familiar voice reached his ears and rumbled through the chest his head was pressed against.
Chest…? Still half asleep, Hiei slowly became aware of the fact that the pillow he was using was actually a muscular torso and he was being cradled by a pair of very strong arms. His frown deepened and he shifted in that grip, blinking blearily. Bright crimson opened to meet with warm chocolate.
"Ngh…Yu…Yusuke…?" He muttered, his deep voice quiet and hoarse. Despite the blurriness of his vision he could easily tell it was the detective. He'd know his love anywhere. The man in question gave him a small, almost nervous smile.
"Hey Hiei. How are you feeling?" He asked concern obvious in his voice and his eyes.
How was he feeling? Well if the fire demon was honest he felt abnormally heavy, almost leaden, and his abdomen burned like the fires of hell had come to live in his stomach. Of course he didn't tell Yusuke that.
"I'm…fine." He replied. Hiei twisted in his friend's grip, taking in his surroundings before returning his questioning ruby gaze to the other man.
"What are you doing?" He asked, his expression one of confusion. Yusuke avoided the demon's eyes and tightened his hold on him.
"I'm taking you back to the hospital." He said finally, starting to walk towards the city once more. Hiei's blood red eyes widened before narrowing dangerously.
"Put. Me. Down. Now." He demanded, his voice low.
Yusuke knew that being stubborn in a situation like this could get him seriously injured. Hiei wasn't known as one of the most dangerous demons in the Makai for nothing. Yet despite this he insisted on playing with fire. He felt the small body tense in his arms, heard his final heartbeats in the words that whispered like poisoned chocolate. Still he refused to back down.
"No." He replied. The second those two letters escaped his lips all previous tranquility went to hell.
Hiei fought desperately to escape Yusuke's grasp. The feisty youkai kicked, punched and clawed at the raven haired detective, shouting while he attempted to wriggle free.
"LET ME GO!" He yelled, pushing and scratching at his friend's chest. Yusuke winced as the sharp nails drew welts into his skin underneath his shirt.
"Hey! Ow! Hiei, stop it!" He tried in vain to halt the fire demon's struggles. Said demon glared up at him fiercely.
"You stop!" Hiei shouted, fighting harder in the spirit detective's clutches; arms, legs and fists flailing.
"Hiei…Stop…struggling! We have to –oof! …get you back to the hospit –AH, FUCK!"
Yusuke did his best in spite of the thrashings of the shorter man to keep his hold, to keep him from falling, but when a tightly clenched fist met forcefully with his jaw he fumbled, dazed, his grip on his wounded friend loosening. The spikey haired male fell with a startled yelp that mutated into an agonized hiss when his back connected heavily with the ground. Yusuke's mouth hung open and he stared unmoving for a moment before immediately shoving aside the pain in his jaw and kneeling, fussing over the small demon.
"Ah man, I-I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to…A-Are you okay? You hurt-not hurt more?" His fearful words tumbled out, too fast for his tongue to keep up. Earth brown eyes and clumsy hands traveled over pale skin, trying to discern if the other was injured, trying to help. Open, calloused palms and a bestial snarl shoved Yusuke away.
"Leave me alone!" The hiyoukai glared at him furiously, though Yusuke caught glimpses of hurt and fear in those beautiful red orbs as well. The detective pushed himself up from his place on the ground and returned to Hiei's side, gently wrapping an arm around the fire demon's middle.
"No." He said softly helping lift the youkai to his feet, mindful of the hole in his abdomen. "I'm not going anywhere." Ever again, he promised mentally.
The fire demon snorted derisively as he extracted himself from Yusuke's grasp and limped back a few steps, putting some distance between them.
"Forgive me if I don't believe that." He muttered, bitterness lacing his tone. Yusuke's brow furrowed in pain and confusion.
"What do you mean?" He asked, hurt by his unspoken love's angry and distrustful words. Blood coloured slits pierced him with an accusing glare that the hanyou swore he felt stab straight through his heart.
"I wasn't the one who ran away from the scene you caused earlier in that ningen infested medical center, you were! So forgive me if I find it hard to believe you." The fire demon spat sullenly. A familiar sickness rose in the dark haired hanyou, leaving a bitter taste in the back of his throat. He felt horrible about his actions earlier that day, but he'd pushed aside the guilt before to focus solely on finding his missing group member. Now it returned with a vengeance, its searing black flames licking his insides and tormenting him. Seeing the affect his words had…seeing them drive Hiei further from him…it just made it even worse, even more unbearable.
"I…I'm sorry about earlier. Really I am. I didn't mean what I said…Any of it." Yusuke admitted with a heavy sigh, his voice shaky. "I was just so…angry…And I couldn't handle it, couldn't stop it, so I ran off…Not that that's any excuse. I was…" He sighed again and looked into the beautiful red eyes that captured him, heart and soul every time, and gave a small guilty smile. "I was an idiot."
The crimson orbs wrinkled around the edges and Hiei snorted in hesitant amusement.
"It's certainly not the first time I'd accuse you of being such." He teased, his voice both angry and playful, referring to the taller man's confession of idiocy. Yusuke chuckled weakly in agreement but as the sound slowly disappeared an awkward silence rose up in its place, both men trying and failing to find the right words. They would turn to the other, mouth open but no sound would escape.
Finally Hiei exhaled loudly and turned, glancing unsurely at the hanyou from the corner of his almond eyes.
"So…Why did you run away?" He asked eventually. His deep voice sounded nonchalant but underneath he was scared…scared of the answer he may receive. Yusuke sighed once more and ran a calloused hand over his face, trying to think how he could possibly explain the true reason he had desperately sprinted away from the hospital like the hounds of hell were snapping at his heels.
"I had to take some time out…to think, to sort through some stuff." He said vaguely, trying to hide the pale blush that spread across his tan cheeks as his mind returned to his earlier epiphany. The fire demon, to Yusuke's eternal gratitude, remained oblivious to the taller man's discomfort.
"Well that'd be a first." The youkai commented with a sexy-as-hell smirk that made the hanyou's heart flip. The raven haired man, still reeling, glowered halfheartedly at the small demon.
"Ha-ha, very funny." He grumbled. "Contrary to popular belief; I do have a brain and I do use it…Sometimes." Hiei couldn't hold in a chuckle at his self-depreciating statement and Yusuke relished in the low, warm sound that briefly washed over him.
"What is it you were thinking about?" Hiei asked, gently cocking his head to the side and looking up at him with his large almond shaped eyes filled with curiosity. The orbs caught Yusuke's own and ensnared him and he knew, no matter how much he resisted he would never be able to deny the owner of those sparkling rubies anything. Which was bad because at that moment right then he really, really wanted to tell him it was private and end the conversation at that. A deep, heavy sigh escaped his lips and he stared off into a scene only he could see.
"I was…confused. I was so stressed out I couldn't make heads nor tails of my emotions. I had already started taking my frustrations out on you and so I left before I could say or do something even more stupid. I walked and walked and ended up…well I ended up here actually. I relaxed on the grass and just took a little time to get back under control and sort myself out. That's how I found you." He confessed, coming out of his reverie to shoot the other male a small grin.
"What do you mean?" Hiei asked, frowning.
"After I had cooled down and 'figured myself out', as it was, I started back towards the hospital. But before I left…I caught a familiar scent…" Yusuke's face hardened as the soft breeze wafted the same coppery smell into his nose once more.
"The blood…" The demon mumbled lowly, realisation quickly dawning on him. Yusuke nodded, confirming the shorter man's suspicions.
"Bingo." He said, borrowing one of Botan's favourites but with significantly less enthusiasm. "I ignored it at first and just went on my way but it came back to me while…while I was looking for you." His chocolate eyes glowed with unnamable emotions as he locked them with Hiei's wide rubies. "I'd already searched everywhere; I didn't have anything to lose so I came back and…and there you were." The raven haired hanyou pushed away the image that seemed to have tattooed itself on the insides of his eyelids, of Hiei limp and bloody in the tree's embrace. He's not dead! He reminded himself fiercely. And he never was so just stop!
"Why?" Once again the youkai's voice penetrated his mind, chasing all other thoughts back into the recesses of his mind. Yusuke glanced up, meeting the other male's narrowed crimson gaze. The hanyou felt his own brow furrow in response.
"Why what?" He asked, unsure of what was being asked of him. The spikey haired demon shook his head in frustration.
"Why were you looking for me?" He reiterated, obviously confused by the other's actions.
Yusuke hated the look of disbelief on Hiei's delicately featured face. Hated that the fire demon honestly couldn't comprehend the fact that people worried about him, cared about him! It was about time that battle-sharpened mind of his realised that he wasn't alone…not anymore.
"Because I-we care about you. And no matter where you go or why…I will always come and find you." He promised, trying to convey through his words and his serious brown eyes just how much he meant to him. "Even when you don't want me to." He added with a soft smile.
Right away he knew that he'd said the right thing. A rosy blush rose in the hiyoukai's pale cheeks and his eyes widened comically. He quickly turned his face away from his companion in a vain attempt to hide how flustered he was.
"H-Hn. F-figures as much." He stammered. Yusuke bit back his laughter as he watched the normally stoic demon squirm in embarrassment. How did I ever manage ignore my feelings for such a cutie? He wondered with a silly smile on his face as he drunk in the rare sight.
The wind picked up again, blowing through the glade, chilling the boys through they're shirts and lifting the scent of blood up to the spirit detective's nose once more. Its effect was immediate, the dark haired man sobering swiftly.
"So how did you…" He asked nervously, gesturing vaguely towards Hiei's still bleeding abdomen.
"I didn't do it on purpose if that's what you mean." Hiei snapped indignantly. Yusuke closed his eyes and exhaled heavily, unable hold back the sigh of relief that escaped him. He didn't realise just how scared he'd been about that before then. He opened his eyes and locked them onto the other male, confusion swirling in their depths.
"Then how?" The fire youkai's blush returned and he shifted uncomfortable under Yusuke's questioning gaze. The silence slowly stretched out from seconds into minutes.
"Well?" The hanyou prodded after a while.
"Fine! I reopened the wound while I was running away from the Kami-forsaken place you call a hospital, okay?" Hiei spat, glowering. "I was passing through here when it happened so I jumped up into the tree to wait."
"So why won't you come back to the hospital? They can fix it back up again in no time." Yusuke asked hopefully, pointing his thumb back towards the just visible city that glowed in the warm orange light of the slowly setting sun. The demon's blood red eyes narrowed further still.
"Would you want to be there?" His deep voice was scathing. Yusuke faltered; he hadn't thought of it that way. It was true, if he could get out of it, he too would avoid the overpopulated medical facilities like the plague. He had foolishly assumed that Hiei's only reason for leaving was his desire for death. He never would have guessed that the other man, like himself, simply hated hospitals and doctors as well.
"Well…no." He agreed sheepishly. "But you should still go back. I mean you've lost a lot of blood and you need proper medical attention."
"Hn. What should I care?" Hiei sneered. As is well recorded, love isn't all fluff and roses and Hiei's thorny words pricked Yusuke's soul. The hanyou glanced away and bit his lip, trying to hide the soul deep hurt and the fear in his eyes. He wanted so much just to grab the other man and shake some sense into him! Make him see that even if he didn't care, Yusuke and the rest of their friends did! And after that he wanted to take the small demon into his arms and never let him go, never let him even think such horrible, heart breaking thoughts ever again. But sadly he did neither. Instead he turned his morose chocolate eyes to the demon and asked the question that had been buzzing around his head since the traumatizing events of the night before.
"Why?" He asked, imploring the other man with his eyes to just answer him, just put him out of his misery. Hiei looked at him as if he was acting like an annoying fool, which while definitely not unheard of was certainly not the case now.
"I thought we'd already covered that not one minute ago." He said with a raised brow.
"No, I meant why? Why did you try to commit suicide? Really." This time Yusuke didn't follow the question with anger and accusations. This time he stood there patiently, staring imploringly into the shorter male's blood red eyes. And he waited.
Hiei fell silent, shock written across his delicate features. Should I tell him? He wondered mentally. Should I tell him…that I love him? No, definitely not. But…Maybe…maybe I could tell him the rest. Maybe he'll understand…
"…I…I realised the truth." He said finally, his voice low and soft. The detective frowned in bewilderment at the response he received. His brown eyes searched the demon's expression for any clues, but all he found was sadness and defeat there on the face he had grown to adore.
"What do you mean? What truth?" He asked, still confused. Hiei's full lips pulled down at the corners and his fangs gently worried the muscle between their sharp points. His eyes rose and ensnared Yusuke with their large liquid depths filled with pain.
"I realised…how horrible a person I am…" The fire youkai frowned for a moment. "No, that's not right… I always knew…I just never realised how much…how much I actually cared." Yusuke's heart screamed in frustration, yearning to both comfort and beat up Hiei at the same time. How could he think like that about himself? He had never thought of the demon like that; as someone evil or unpleasant, even when the demon had kidnapped Keiko. And he never would have imagined that Hiei thought that way about himself.
"What are you talking about? You're a demon. You're different, Hiei, but you're not a bad person." The dark haired man said quietly. Hiei chuckled weakly.
"No Yusuke. I'm…unwholesome even by demon standards." Yusuke, ignoring the tingles he felt just hearing Hiei say his name, shook his head, not able to believe the words escaping his friend and love's mouth.
"No…You're not." He whispered his voice comforting and firm, wanting to prove to the other male just how wrong he was.
"Yes, I am!" The hiyoukai shouted, his crimson eyes narrowing and his face screwing up in anger and agony as his defenses crumbled. Yusuke knew then and there he would never be able to wash that image from his memory. "I've done terrible things, things that would make even the great Yusuke Urameshi's blood run cold. I've murdered people; slit their throats without mercy, guilt or hesitation! My hands are forever stained by blood and that is something I can never change!"
"You're wrong." Those two words, spoken with quiet passion, shocked Hiei to his core.
"I think you do regret what you've done. If you didn't feel guilty about killing some of those people then you wouldn't feel so bad about yourself now." The spirit detective continued, stepping in closer. "You're not a bad person Hiei. You've just made some rather bad mistakes…We all have."
"…It's different." The spikey haired demon said after a long moment of silence.
"How?" Yusuke demanded. He could feel his patience starting to slip through his fingers like grains of sand down at the beach, slowly falling out of his reach.
"It just is!" Hiei snapped in response, pulling away both physically and emotionally from the one person he wanted to reach out to more than anything.
"Argh!" The taller of the two growled in frustration. "Why do you always do this?" He yelled, flinging his arm out to point vaguely at the other man. "Why is it as soon as we get close to you, you jerk away? I try to understand and you shut me out!"
Inwardly Hiei cringed. Yusuke was right. But he couldn't help it. In his mind they were both standing on the edge of a gaping chasm, he on one side and Yusuke on the other. They could see each other, hear the words the other had to say, but they could never cross it…He could never cross the gap that separated them…It was his torturous fate to be with the man he loved but never actually be with him, with any of those that he dared to call friend.
"Let it go, detective." He said with a shaky sigh. He cast his ruby eyes down, avoiding the heated chocolate gaze that glared at him with anger and disbelief.
"No, I'm not backing off on this! You can't keep pushing away the people who care about you!" Yusuke growled stubbornly.
"It doesn't matter because you can't care for me! No one can!" Hiei's eyes slammed shut as he shouted out that which had been taught to him repeatedly since his birth.
"Why?" Yusuke had never been so confused in all his life and his mind whirred, trying and failing to make sense of everything.
"Because I'm a Forbidden Child!" The distraught hiyoukai continued. He didn't want to feel the invisible chains the title had cuffed to his wrists but their weight pulled his soul down, down, down into the darkness where there was no light save for a small dying candle. Underneath his tough-as-nails exterior this small flame of hope had always flickered, desperately wishing that the curse of his existence was wrong. But…
"I'm a Forbidden child." He choked. "The result of the sinful joining of fire and ice…Cursed! My heart is as frozen as the lands in which I was born and cast from. Forever cursed to walk the three worlds in blood…Alone. No one to love, no one to love me…Worthless…I…I was never meant to exist…" Hiei tried so hard to stop the tears that welled up hotly in his eyes. Figures, he thought. He shut his eyes tightly against the liquid invaders. Tears would do him no good. He was so focused on fighting back the salty drops he was startled when the other man finally spoke.
"Well no matter what you think…I'm glad you exist…" Yusuke's simple words said so matter-of-factly stunned Hiei. His eyes opened and he turned them onto the taller male, confused. For why would anyone be happy about his existence? Why would Yusuke, why would anyone, want him around?
"Why?"
Yusuke felt his heart swell painfully in his chest as he stared into those wide almond eyes, their ruby depths glistening with unshed tears. And those three letters… a single word whispered so brokenly, so full of disbelief, as if it were inconceivable that he should mean anything to someone. He could have replied with a million different reasons; his beautiful crimson eyes, his full pink lips, the way amusement would dance almost teasingly in his eyes when he was happy, how his laughter warmed Yusuke more than the most searing flames of hell ever could, that just being in the same room as him made him feel so content as if just in that moment everything was perfect, because he loved him…But when he opened his mouth to speak none of those things came out.
"Because you're you, Hiei. I don't give a shit about some 'Forbidden Child'…I care about you."
Hiei blushed. The tone in the hanyou's voice, so warm and honest, left him little room to doubt that Yusuke meant it. He turned his face from the other man as his cheeks slowly burnt into a deeper shade of pink. He cared for him…but as a friend. His heart, already littered with scars, bled once more. He'd already known that Yusuke did not, could not love him. But like always it still hurt.
"But not the way I wish you would…" Hiei whispered under his breath so Yusuke wouldn't hear.
"…What do you mean by that?" Yusuke's voice cut into his thoughts, low and incredulous. Hiei froze. Surely he hadn't actually heard. Maybe if he just ignored him…
"Hiei…What did you mean by that just now?" The other man asked. Fuck! The demon swore silently. So much for that…
"Hiei..." Yusuke prodded once more. Hiei growled. He knew he couldn't avoid it any longer.
"I'm in love with you!" He yelled, the confession bursting free from his lips and out into the open. Silence fell and the spikey haired man peered across the see the spirit detective standing there, his mouth agape and his eyes wide. Hiei's heart fell into his stomach. How could I have been so stupid?
"Damn it…" The youkai snarled, angry at himself for condemning any chance he had to be close in any way to the man he loved. "I'm in love with you but I knew you could never love me back so I kept it to myself…I shouldn't have opened my mouth." Ruby met wide chocolate eyes and Hiei sighed. "I'm sorry…" The fire demon slowly turned to walk away. Rejected…humiliated…
"I'm not." Yusuke's voice rang out through glade from behind him. Hiei stopped mid-step and twisted around with confusion written across his too pale face. The dark haired young man hadn't moved an inch, but his expression had changed from one of absolute shock to one that could almost be described as…loving?
"What?" Hiei wondered aloud. Yusuke's previously small, fond smile widened.
"I'm not sorry." The hanyou said cheerfully. His grin fell for a moment. "Well actually I am…" His chocolate gaze travelled back to stare meaningfully into the demon's crimson eyes. "Earlier, when you asked me why I ran out on you at the hospital, I didn't tell you the whole truth." Hiei frowned, thinking back.
"So…you weren't thinking?" He asked, confused as to why the spirit detective would lie about something as inconsequential as that. The detective in question shook his head.
"No, I was." Hiei's brow furrowed further and Yusuke sighed heavily, the smile slipping from his face completely. "I was so fucking scared when you pulled that stunt last night…You have no idea how bad…When I saw the sword…I…I swore I could feel it piercing my heart instead. I'd never felt so terrified…so lost…And I didn't even know why! I was so confused and I guess I just lost it. So I ran away." The young man looked about the glade with glazed eyes. "When I came here to think it was to sort out my feelings…And I came to realise something."
"What?" Hiei whispered. His heart was beating its way frantically up and into his throat at the same time that it was free falling into his stomach. Dare I even hope…?
Yusuke turned his warm amber orbs onto the anxious fire youkai. He allowed himself a minute to take in the small yet muscular demon from his powerful legs to his unnaturally spikey hair. He stared straight into the sparkling ruby eyes that had haunted his every waking moment for the past 24 hours and smiled mischievously.
"You really want to know?" He asked lowly, unable to keep the smirk off his face. The shorter man nodded hesitantly. He motioned the demon forward.
"Come closer…A little more…Good." He said, satisfied once there was but a ruler's length between them.
"Now…Close your eyes." Hiei's brow puckered lightly as he eyed the hanyou suspiciously but allowed his eyelids to fall, brushing thick dark lashes against ivory cheeks. Yusuke's heart beat ferociously fast in his chest as his gaze travelled the face of the beautiful creature before him, trusting him as he had never trusted anyone before. He knew he held the fire demon's heart in his hands and now that he had it he didn't plan on ever letting it go. He stared at the full pink lips that called to his own like a siren's cry. Responding to the call he slowly leant forward and pressed his dry lip's against Hiei's. He felt the bow shaped muscles part in a silent surprised gasp and used the chance to slip his tongue past the other man's defenses and into the welcoming cavern.
Hiei's heart exploded in his chest the second he felt Yusuke's lightly chapped lips capture his own in a passionate kiss. Eagerly he leant into the kiss, even going so far as to wrap his arms around the raven haired youth's neck. It was heaven. I can't believe this is happening, he thought as their lips moved together in a fierce dance. Of course, all good things must come to an end and to the hiyoukai's great disappointment they eventually had to part to allow air back into their oxygen-starved lungs.
"I love you too, Hiei." Yusuke confessed breathlessly, tightening his grip on the amazed demon.
Hiei could scarcely believe it. After all this time, so sure that no one could ever love him, let alone Yusuke…And yet here he stood, held tight in the dark haired man's strong arms as they both confessed their mutual feelings for each other. Happiness bubbled up inside him, slowly stretching his lips into a large smile.
Yusuke felt what little breath was left in his body escape when he saw Hiei's face break into a wide smile. In all the years he had known the man he had never seen him smile like that; so honest and true. It was the most beautiful sight he'd ever laid eyes on. But as quickly as it appeared it faded, replaced by grimace.
"What about that girl?" The demon queried, suddenly tense in Yusuke's embrace. The detective frowned, unsure of whom the other was talking about.
"What girl?" He asked, confused.
"That human female…I believe you call her Keiko?" Hiei reiterated with a pointed look.
Of course, Yusuke thought. He didn't need to ask what the spikey haired youkai meant by that, after all, he and Keiko had been considered 'a couple' by the group for many a year now. Since Hiei didn't know the true nature of Yusuke's relationship with Keiko he could understand the sudden concern. He leant down and laid a chaste kiss on Hiei's pursed lips.
"You don't need to worry. Keiko and I…I admit I thought I had feelings for her once but I realised a long time ago that I could only ever like her as a friend. I don't love her…not the way I love you." The dark haired youth explained. Hiei relaxed in his grip once more, as did the fire demon's face.
"Hn, good." He said with a curt nod. Before silence could settle upon the darkening glade once more Hiei's deep voice sounded again. "So…what does this make us now?" The shorter male asked, biting his lip subtly. He held little experience in matters of the heart, intimate relationships the least of all. Hiei didn't want to admit it but he was running blind, looking to Yusuke to lead him through the darkness, trusting him not to let him fall.
The unexpected question threw the hanyou for a loop. In all the drama he hadn't actually given any thought as to what would happen after he confessed his feelings for Hiei…Though in his defense, he didn't think there would be an after. He never believed in a million years that the small, stoic demon would return his feelings, let alone let him go unscathed! He carefully turned the query over in his mind.
"Hmm…Well I guess this would make us b-boyfriends." He said finally, blushing lightly at the title. Hiei gently cocked his head.
"Boyfriends?" He asked, ruby eyes shining with curiosity. Yusuke had to refrain from palming his face.
I should have realised this…He thought. After all it was not a secret that Hiei wasn't exactly fond of the Human World and was often oblivious to their terms and slang. He racked his brain for a way to explain it to the youkai.
"A boyfriend is what you call someone you're…courting. Like before you become mates in Demon World. So you'd be free to move in…with me…and we'd express out love emotionally, verbally…physically…" Don't go there…Do NOT go there! The young man chanted in his mind, trying to distract himself from his more impure thoughts.
Hiei's cheeks reddened dramatically and he halfheartedly punched Yusuke's abdomen, still causing the wind to be knocked from the halfling.
"P-pervert!" He growled, pulling out of the other man's hold completely as Yusuke choked, trying to regain his unanticipated missing breath. Hiei's blush deepened further and he shifted awkwardly a few feet away, keeping his gaze firmly on the vanilla flowers that dusted the ground throughout the park.
"…I'd like that." He whispered, words barely audible. Yusuke looked up as the almost silent declaration breezed pass his ear. He smiled as he caught sight of the demon's shy expression.
"I'd like that too." He agreed, straightening out to his full height. "But before we get to any of that, you have to return to the hospital. We can't do anything if you die of blood loss." He said jokingly. His brown eyes watched, amusement dancing in their honey depths, as Hiei's eye twitched. Yusuke's chuckles echoed around the clearing, making Hiei's heart dance. He blushed at his own reaction and crossed his bare arms across his still damn chest with a huff.
"Fine, I'll go back with you. Happy now?" The normally composed demon let out a shocked yelp as he was abruptly swept off his feet and up into Yusuke's arms bridal style.
"Yep, very!" The spirit detective beamed cockily. Hiei's cheeks turned an even darker shade of red if that was possible as the taller man cuddled him.
"W-what on earth are you doing?" He shouted angrily as Yusuke started to walk out of the peaceful glade with him still held tight in those strong arms. The hanyou smiled widely, enjoying himself far too much.
"You're injured." He stated simply. "Now what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you walk all that way in your condition?" Hiei could hear the sarcasm practically dripping from the other male's voice but was thrown off by how casually he called him his boyfriend; as though they'd been doing this for years rather than minutes. And jokes aside, he couldn't help but think of Yusuke's protectiveness as…ugh, I'll have to purify my brain for this…sweet.
"Hn. Fine." He grumbled, face still stained a soft pink. A large yawn worked its way passed his lips and he allowed his head to rest upon his new boyfriend's muscular chest. Already he felt sleep starting to creep up on him. "Just don't…get used…to…this…" He mumbled, each word slurring more than the last as he drifted off, safe in Yusuke's embrace.
Yusuke heard Hiei's breathing even out and looked down, his shit-eating grin softening into a fond smile as he watched the hiyoukai, painfully innocent in sleep. He lifted the demon up and gently pressed his lips to Hiei's ivory forehead.
"Sleep well…Love…"
...
...
'When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one…
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
It's okay… It's okay... It's okay…
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one…
I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
Cuz you're my… you're my… my… my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay… .Stay!
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning grey (grey)!
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!'
Your Guardian Angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
...
And there it is! Took me forever and I'm still not 100% happy with it. It seems almost a little fast and maybe one day I'll rewrite this chapter (and it'll double in length lol), but for now this is the very best I could come up with. I hope it's enough.
And yes I'm sorry about Hiei's OOCness. I tried to keep him in character as much as possible but I don't believe I succeeded.
Anyway please tell me what you think, what could use improving, anything like that! And do continue to read and review for the next chapter WILL be the last. XD