Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, its characters or storyline. This collection is mine, as are McCallister and Jake Alms. Enjoy!

..:-X-:..

185 – Eavesdropping Part 1

For justagirl8225

This was the third time this month that the intern in Leon's office sent the wrong documents to Tifa's office. Having her own recruits go to get it straightened out would only result in more martial art trainees against weapons specialist trainees—and the Alliance didn't need that mess. So she went herself…plus putting the Fear into Leon's interns was always fun…but the consistency of errors was troubling.

Recent renovations had put Cid's aero and tech department between Tifa's combat department and Leon's weapons specialist department. It was inconvenient considering how much paperwork went between them, but it was nothing compared to how much went between Leon and Cid, so…whatever.

She was maneuvering through Cid's bustling but chaotic department when she overheard a phone all in one of the cubicles.

"Dinner by candle light?...uh huh, I see right through that…I'm not saying no, I'm saying work is ruling my nights this week."

Okay, she had heard that Cid's department was a little lax, but it made up for it with productivity levels off the charts. With the cluttered cubicles and unorganized filing systems, Tifa figured it was a miracle…but setting up dates on the Alliance's phone? Seriously?

"Let's see…One week from Friday…you want me to skip—Have you MET me?"

Tifa followed the voice to the cubicle near the door. The stark, clean, almost alien organization of the soldier's space stood in huge contrast to the rest of the department. Peering over the short wall, Tifa momentarily balked…Tabaeus McCallister?

Nestor had actually found the balls to transfer her out of Leon's department to Cid's? Leon had mentioned Nestor's attempt a while back, but this looked like a successful attempt. Well, this explained why documents were off. Whoever Leon had replaced McCallister with needed to take typing lessons.

"Okay…all right you convinced me…but next Friday." McCallister was saying into the phone. "The Italian restaurant downtown…See you then at 8…bye." She hung up.

"So that's how it's done now?" Tifa made her presence known.

McCallister spun around and shot to her feet so fast one would think her chair was wired. "Ma'am."

"Did you just make a date?" Tifa asked, amused.

"I—"

"Don't you have work to do?"

"No." McCallister deflated, sinking into her chair. "I've topped my quota for the week already…All the missions are on pilot or computer assistance…I'm a lackluster pilot and terrible with computers. I haven't been to the shooting range in a week and I'm about to go insane."

Tifa snorted. "You're not the only one about to go insane."

"What do you need?" Typical workaholic.

Tifa shook her head, "Just returning this report to Leon. Whoever filled this out didn't—"

McCallister took the report and flipped through it. "Dear God…"

"Yeah." Tifa folded her arms, watching the overactive private almost desperately looking at the report.

"I could refile this." McCallister looked up. "It wouldn't take long. Just give me fifteen minutes and I'll—" She seemed to catch herself and abruptly handed the report back. "It's Cooper's handwriting." She sounded indignant about her replacement.

"Not enjoying your transfer?" Tifa prompted.

"Oh…it's not—" The soldier squirmed. "Commander Highwind is an excellent pilot and his interns are very—" A paper plane landed on her desk, "—enthusiastic." She swept the thing into the trash.

"You're miserable."

McCallister's silence was answer enough.

"Hang in there." Tifa knocked her shoulder. "I need to get this filed properly."

McCallister looked tempted to flee the pilots around her, but she restrained herself and just nodded as Tifa left. The transition from Cid's busy department to Leon's dead quiet, sterile-enough-to-be-a-hospital department was nearly dizzying.

"Cooper." Tifa snapped at the cubicles.

The dark haired soldier shot to his feet. "Ma'am?"

"I need the report on Olympus, not statistical files on Wonderland."

"Sorry, ma'am."

"Get it to me before tomorrow morning."

"Yes, ma'am."

Tifa dismissed him and walked into Leon's open office door, knocking on the frame. When he looked up from his desk, she gestured to McCallister's empty cubicle. "We need to get her OUT of there."

..:-X-:..

186 – Dress Up

For raiko. EXE

Having no power over one's own arms officially sucked.

"This—hold still." Tifa was grumbling.

"I can't. That's the point." Leon muttered, feeling ridiculous as Tifa tried to work his useless arms through the shirt sleeves.

"Doc says you're lucky the paralytic venom hit your arms and not your legs…or your lungs or something." She tutted.

He sighed and tried to move his arms again. Just like the past hour, all feeling and sensation ended just below the shoulders, rendering him numb to the fingertips. He'd seen Heartless poison do a lot of things, but this was new.

"It'll wear off." He grunted as she helped him into the shirt.

Dr. Leng had taken her time poking and prodding at the muscles and skin of his arms trying to tweak a nerve or find a loophole to speed up getting sensation back. Waiting for it to wear off was the only option right now…though how long it would last was debatable and infuriatingly vague.

"What is this?" He looked down at the button up shirt she was helping him into.

"I wasn't going to try to get a t-shirt, too awkward." Tifa smirked, moving in front of him to start buttoning him up.

Leon groaned inwardly at needing help to put a simple shirt on. Not in a cast, no injuries, not even in pain…He just couldn't move. It was humiliating. Then he looked down and saw glitter.

"What the—"

"So you really can't feel this?" Tifa took one of his wrists.

"No…What is this?" He frowned at what appeared to be sequins lining the shirt.

Now she was just deliberately ignoring him. "Does it just feel like you don't have arms." She held his lame hand up.

"Tifa, this—" He caught his reflection in the glass of the exam room. "Oh Hell no…"

The shirt was a deep red color, bright glittery sequins making a gaudy pattern across it and—long tassles hanging across the back shoulders.

"Good God—"

"It's funny because you're such a hardass." She snickered.

"I look like I escaped from a carnival side show." He stared at his reflection in horror.

"Wait, wait—" Tifa reached into the bag she'd brought with her. She pulled out the biggest, most neon-colored sunglasses that he'd ever seen.

"No—" He stepped away from her.

She stepped closer, unfolding the glasses. "But they match."

"Stay away from me." He wriggled away from her, his arms useless at his sides.

She cornered him and slid the glasses onto his face. "There."

"Do you hate me or something? What did I do to deserve this?"

"You can't move or feel your arms. How can I not take advantage?" She chuckled, digging into the bag again.

"I just needed help with a shirt. I don't need help embarrassing myself." He said, trying to dislodge the glasses by shaking his head.

Tifa pulled out a sombrero. "Maybe no one will recognize you." She said, plopping the hat onto his head and settling it there.

He regarded her flatly. "If I could use my arms—" He started to threaten.

Tifa went deadpan, took one of his hands, and set his palm against one of her breasts. Leon, of course, felt nothing, and swallowed a curse. His expression must have looked pathetic, because she dropped his hand and kissed him briefly.

"Just wanted to make sure you weren't faking."

"You're a cruel woman."

She snorted and picked up her bag. "You're lucky I picked those glasses instead of the fake nose and mustache one I was looking at."

"Where did you even find this stuff?" He leaned over enough to make the sombrero fall off, and one of the legs of the glasses slipped off his ear—skewing over his face.

Tifa easily slid the glasses back into place, picking up the fallen hat. "The costume shop around the block. Ready to go?"

He looked at his reflection again, "Seriously, Tifa—"

She put the sombrero on her own head with a flourish.

"Vamanos, senor." She hooked her elbow through his.

"You're enjoying this too much." He grumbled as she steered them toward the door.

Dr. Leng met them as they stepped out. If she was surprised by how Tifa had dressed him up, she hid it well. "Glad I caught you. Tests came back…Looks like the dose you got will wear off in 24 hours."

"Which leaves 23 more hours of mischief."

"Torture master."

"Sour puss."

"Jerk."

"Amigo."

"Shut up."

..:-X-:..

187 – Trick or Treat

For Eva Von Dee

The haunted house had been a massive success. Between Yuffie's enthusiasm as a gargoyle and Cid's very convincing Frankenstein, the big eyed little kids had nearly rendered Tifa deaf as they screamed and ran to find solace in Aerith, who was the most un-scary witch in the history of Halloween.

Leon had gotten out of participating in the show by handling all the robotic scares, springy traps, and other stunts: all behind the scenes. Tifa was regretting her decision to be a hanging corpse, as the angle had given her a monster neckache. As the last of the kids was herded home by their parents, she removed the noose and hopped off the box, rubbing her neck.

Aerith tutted, picking up some of the candy the kids had dropped. "You didn't have to make that little boy cry, Cid."

Cid, bolts still in his neck, lit a cigarette. "Little punk was being annoying. He asked for it. 'Sides, a good scare is what kids need. Why do you think Leon turned out so good?"

Leon, for his part, just turned on the overhead lights and stepped around the fog machine. "I was five, Cid, and it STILL isn't funny."

"What?" Yuffie looked mischievous.

Tifa spotted McCallister and a few of Cid's soldiers taking down the wind machines. Cid's recruits were all gruesome, bloody, pale, and downright shocking in their costume choices. McCallister, however, was simply in uniform…like always.

"What is this?" Jake Alms declared, sidling over, velvet hat, gold chains, and all. A pimp, of course.

"You just missed it." One of Cid's interns remarked.

"Apparently." Jake looked disappointed, but not because of what the others were thinking. "Where are the sexy costumes?"

"What?" Aerith blinked.

Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Just because it's Halloween doesn't mean it's International Dress Like a Whore Day."

"Seriously?" Jake deflated. "A gargoyle? A witch…a—" He looked to Tifa. "Hanged person…" He looked to McCallister. "What're you supposed to be?"

The soldier deadpanned, "A soldier."

"You get a lame sticker." Jake lamented.

"Go home, Alms." Leon said.

"Ah, forget you guys." Alms waved them off, leaving.

Yuffie snickered. "Biggs and Wedge are having a real Halloween party later tonight." She looked down at her gargoyle costume. "I think undead vampire queen would be a little better."

"Hypocrite." Aerith laughed.

"Contributor to Dress Like a Whore Day!" Tifa added.

"Lame sticker." Cid mimicked Alms.

"Hey, hey, don't get all judgy." Yuffie lifted her hands.

"We judge." Leon commented, looking to Aerith, "Speaking of judging, wasn't Strife supposed to help with this?"

"Ha, what good would he be at a haunted house?" Cid snorted. "What would he do: brood at the kids?"

"Oh, back off." Aerith quipped, "Something came up."

"Did it have long silver hair?" Cid snorted again.

"Wait a second!" Yuffie exclaimed, as though having an epiphany, and pointed at Tifa. "You get a lame sticker too!"

Tifa looked down at herself. Her 'corpse' costume was basically a burlap cloak. "I'm not exactly scantily clad here…"

"Then what was that red, lacy, corset thing I saw you putting away in your apartment yesterday?"

One of the light bulbs in the mechanism Leon was closing up suddenly blew out and diffused Yuffie's comment.

"I didn't—I'd never buy a—" Tifa stammered. "I don't own any…You must have been imagining things."

Yuffie looked on the verge of another comment, but was distracted as a group of people, all in customary zombie, vampire, and dirty maid costumes, sauntered by, chattering and heading in the direction of Biggs and Wedges' place.

"Gotta go…real party time!" She scampered off.

Cid pulled the bolts from his neck. "Don't do anything stupid!"

"So…what did Cid do when you were five?" Aerith pressed Leon.

Leon busied himself cleaning up the set up. "Nothing."

"Lame sticker!" Tifa jeered.

..:-X-:..

A/N 185: Contrary to belief, McCallister does have a social life…if barely one, haha.

A/N 186 and 187: The imagery on both of these in my head just cracked me up. I wanted to try and dress Leon up like Sir Elton John, but a sombrero and sequin shirt works well enough.