And it's angst central here today. Sorry for the delay in updating. I wrote this on the train home from university. Next chapter is Lucas/Ros in an attempt to dig further into their friendship and lay down some actual underpinning for series nine Lucas. If you have any suggestions for missing conversations tell me in the reviews and I will do my best!

Ruth: We couldn't be more together than we are right now.

Spooks 9.1

She knew before he even put the phone down; it was in the resigned slump of the shoulders, in the way the phone cord hung limp in his hand, in the way he furtively glanced towards her, hoping a look would be enough and he wouldn't have to face the weight of her grief as he told her the three simple words, "Jo is dead."

She felt like a thief, a sneak, and just as foolish as her first day on the grid, with her ear pressed against the wall of Harry's office but she had to know the truth and a part of her was too proud to ever just ask.

She remembered Danny dying, remembered being left all alone in the church, limp and still. Harry had come back for her then but he hadn't now. I said I'd be brave like you Jo, but what was the point of being strong for you, if you left me like Tom did, like Zoe left Danny, like he left me in turn. What was the point of it all if being brave means you die too young, if it means you never get to experience a real life? What's the point of allowing yourself to love and to feel if it hurts like this? Oh Jo- why don't you answer me?

A lump rose in her throat and she slammed her fists into the wall. The pain ringing through her knuckles didn't help matters at all. She still cried, her face pressed hard into a hard, unforgiving surface. Come out Harry. Please. Please God come out.

His hand was heavy on her shoulder. "I..." his vice caught. "I...I'll miss her greatly."

"She persuaded me to come back," Ruth said, her voice was flat and broken. She wouldn't turn her face away from the wall to look at him. He leaned next to her instead.

"I know. She was a beautiful, kind, caring friend. All of us will miss her now that she is gone."

"How did she die?"

"Look at me Ruth." His tone was soft and low.

She shook her head. "I can't. Please. Just tell me."

He sighed heavily. "Jo had the detonator in her hand. It was about to be pressed by the man she was trying to restrain. It was Ros that fired the bullet that killed Jo. She said that it was necessary, that those big, blue eyes of hers were begging Ros to do it. She had no choice."

"I don't blame poor Ros."

"No. But you blame me."

"You let her in there."

"I had to Ruth. It's my job. These decisions I make are hard Ruth. No one ever said that they weren't. These choices are part of who I am."

"I know that."

"Then why are you still angry?" His voice rose.

Finally Ruth looked at him. Her eyes were red and swollen. "Please don't let's talk about this now. Not after Jo... out of respect to her memory. A friend just died. We both deserve the chance to grieve." She began to cry again, choking sobs.

Harry found himself holding her in his arms, stroking her hair, his mouth pressed to her head and the truth of the matter was he wanted to cry himself, but he couldn't. He had to be strong for her. He just had to be there.

The phone was ringing, insistent. They ignored it. It kept ringing.

Ruth looked up. "Don;t you dare pick that up Harry. Not now."

He looked back at her helplessly. "I have to."

Her expression was one of infinite sadness. "I suppose that you do." She pulled away from him, wiped the tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry for making a scene," she said, cold and brittle.

Harry stared. The phone was still ringing.

Ruth smiled but the smile never reached her eyes. "You'd better pick up that phone. I'll catch the last bus."