I was going to write about Lucas/Ros and then I realised I'd left out poor old Tariq. If anyone deserves a missing conversation it's him. I always got the impression that Tariq kind of idolised Ruth, especially in series nine. This is digging down a bit into the why of that. Next conversation is Ros/Lucas and the secrets they keep from each other as well as their special trust in each other. I think I might leave it there after that unless anyone has suggestions for me. After all, for one review this fic was saved. Thanks to Philippa for reviewing the last chapter.
Tariq to Jo: Come on. I want to walk in with someone on my first day.
Spooks 8.2
She was surprised that the light touch on her shoulder wasn't Harry's. She put down her folders to stare at Tariq. He opened his mouth as if to say something, his mouth twisted painfully, but then he balked at her enquiring glance, shrugged his shoulders, let out a subdued, "It's nothing."
Later on she caught him staring into space instead of tracking terrorists on his computer. She saw the edge of a crumpled handkerchief peeping out of the corner of his clenched fist. She felt anger well up. Where was Harry anyway? She didn't even know Tariq for Christ's sake. That didn't matter. She was the one who would be working with him. She was the one who hated to see other people upset, who could never just let something go. With a repressed sigh she went over to Tariq and sat awkwardly on the edge of his desk.
"Tariq. Do you want to talk about it to someone?" She could feel tears prickling. "I knew her for a long time."
"Jo was the one who brought you back. You mean a lot to people around here Ruth." There was something in his expression that she couldn't quite place.
"I'm not going to lie to you Tariq. This job is difficult, sometimes it's unfair and sometimes terrible things happen and people we know die. If we believe in this job we have to keep going, try not to think about it too much. It's the only way."
Tariq was looking at her sceptically. "She recruited me. I'd only just started. She was my mentor and she lasted weeks into my new job before she was gone. Are things always so impermanent here?" Are people always so cold? Was his unspoken, adolescent tinged assumption.
He was so young. That was all it was. He was young and cocky and he had thought that he and the rest of the young and the beautiful were invincible. The dream was over. Death had visited and taught him he was wrong. She would never mock someone for that kind of naivety. She had been there once, far past the date she should have been. It wasn't Tariq's fault he had believed in the new heaven and the new earth.
He smiled. "It's strange. I mean, I don't really know you at all. I sit here and speak the technicalities the rest of you can't even pretend to understand but I don't really know any of you, I was never close to any of you. There was just Jo."
"And yet?"
"You have past, you have history. I can't hope to understand all of that. But someone told me that you also were the source of this section's humanity; you were always around for people, always kind and always careful of other people's bruised feelings. They were right. Don't ever give up on being that person Ruth."
"Malcolm?" She asked with a catch in her throat.
Tariq smiled. "The very same. Who else?" He used his elbows to push a plain book further under loose sheets of paper, trying to look causal. The name on the inside was Tom Quinn. Tariq thought it was a diary or something. There was an analysis of something called an EERIE exercise towards the back. Ruth had gotten a good write up.
But Ruth didn't notice. "That was kind of him. I'll miss him."
"I'm still around," he said hopefully. "Chained to this desk and with Ros on the case I'm going nowhere."
She laughed. "I'll remember that the next time I need to chat."
His eyes were sincere. "Do. It'll keep me sane."
Perhaps me too, Ruth thought. Instead she smiled and nodded, turned to go but then thought of something. "I find it hard to talk about emotions, about how I feel, about grief. But that doesn't mean I don't care."
Tariq was surprised. "I know." He said it matter of factly, like anyone could have seen it. Was she really that transparent? "I wish..." he tried to say but then he shook his head again.
"What?"
"Nothing important."
Since Jo's been gone it seems you're the only one that does care, Ruth. Malcolm and Jo were both right. The soul of compassion. I'll stay while you stay ok?