From the Author's Mind (Updated June 2011):
So this is actually Chapter Three even though it's been mislabeled as Chapter Four for over two years. I also blamed any spelling mistakes in here on being sick, but those mistakes SHOULD be corrected by now. Please continue to enjoy!
Chapter THREE
"What class do we have now?" asked Harry as the fires were put out from the building they had just been in.
"Well, it would have normally been Traditional Magic," said Hermione, "You know, the good magic…"
"You mean the useless, powerless magic," said Genis derisively.
"But why don't we have it?" asked Colette.
"We have to take Intro to Magic first, DUH!" Gaz pointed out unkindly.
"Just as well," said Ginny, "Snape teaches it."
"Snape?" Harry and Ron gasped, "He's a Professor?"
"Yes," said Hermione, looking faintly annoyed, "I told you both last night."
"Well, you were going on so much about it that I tuned out after you told us about Weapon Appreciation," said Ron.
"What's that?" asked Dib.
"We get to use weapons to hurt each other. DUH!" Gaz said.
"Oooh… guns, bombs, and lasers?" Zim, who had rejoined the group, asked enthusiastically.
"No, swords, maces, scythes, all sorts of older weapons and stuff," said Zelos.
"I wanna use a kukiri!" Girtrude exclaimed jumping around happily.
"Do we have to take Intro to Magic?" Neville asked, looking crestfallen.
"Yes… why?" asked Ron.
"I… I don't know, just curious," said Neville evasively.
"Well, what's after that?" pestered Sheena.
"English with Mr. Aurion. DUH!" Gaz replied.
"Gaz, you're so angry today," said Colette, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. I do want you to get out of my light so I don't have to bring the pain upon you, though."
"Er… okay!" Colette said, moving away from her.
"I have an idea! Let's go do our homework for Math!" said Genis happily.
Everyone glared at him. Well, everyone except Hermione, who agreed. However, their animosity from their ties to their respective magic did not allow them to do such a thing peacefully, and they returned to the group five minutes later, each red in the face and shaking with rage.
When everyone did finally get to English, they found Kratos waiting for them. He stood at the front of the room, surveying the class as they entered. He had the normal emotionless look on his face as he waited for everyone to settle down. He allowed them to choose their own seats, and then began class.
"I assume you can all speak fluent English," said Kratos, "So I won't even go into the obvious about this course. What you do need to know is our other agendas: literature, public speaking, and better writing habits. I hope you're prepared to work, because your first six homework assignments will be due by Friday."
Hermione and Genis looked thrilled. Most of the class, however, groaned and slammed different body parts on their desks. Kratos seemed to gain a sick sense of enjoyment at watching his class suffer at his hands. He walked over to the side of the desk, picked up four textpackets (one on writing, one on vocabulary, one filled with different literature selections, and one with only grammar), and passed them out. When this was accomplished, he leapt to the front of the room (skipping three rows of people) and began a lecture on nouns.
When class was over, he told them they had their first vocabulary exercises due Friday, along with two essays, an out-of-class novel selection to read for the month, a three-to-five minute self-introduction speech, and a reading assignment from their literature book. Heads spinning, the class proceeded straight to a small, dark, dungeon-like room with only six candelabras to light it.
"Welcome to Weapon Appreciation," said Kratos, emerging from the shadows and causing almost everyone to jump, "You are here to learn the art of fighting with various weapons, and appreciate the pain they can inflict. My assistant will be Ms. Bitters."
Ms. Bitters appeared from the shadows as well. She was holding a scythe and wore a hooded cloak. She looked like the Grim Reaper, and Neville looked like he was going to pass out.
"These weapons are completely real, and the damage they can inflict is very high as well. So if you get hurt, you will be doomed. To your advantage, Professor Raine will be ready to Heal at any moment, and Professor Kratos also knows a few Healing spells…" she said, "And if you can beat either him or me in a duel, you get a prize. CHOOSE YOUR WEAPONS!"
The class moved to the different racks. They had everything: swords of all sizes, maces and flails, cross bows, regular bows, scythes, sickles, axes of every shape, size, and color, clubs, staves, even some boomerangs! It was a difficult decision, but many people took weapons that would match their personalities.
Lloyd, predictably, had two medium-sized swords, which he immediately put into his belt. Colette had finally ditched her chalk rams and picked up a crossbow, while Genis had merely substituted a small flail for his kendama. Sheena, instead of cards, was going to use a sickle and a sling for longer-range battles. Zelos had taken a rapier and dagger, while holding a small shield in his off hand. Presea, true to her style, had her beloved ax by her side, a tiny dagger in her pocket.
Far from being original, Harry and Ron had taken identical swords. Hermione settled with a quarterstaff. Neville timidly took a regular-sized bow. Ginny had outfitted herself, surprisingly, with a hand axe and two throwing-axes. Luna, on the other hand, started snatching up weapons like crazy. She had three sizes of swords, a crossbow strapped to her back, a staff that was shorter than Hermione's, two axes, a flail hanging from either hip, and a scythe to finish off the appearance. She looked capable of murdering everyone else in the classroom from this array of weaponry, and a few people edged away from her.
Zim took a sword that was far too big for him, but wouldn't take Kratos' warnings of using a lighter sword and just drug it around with him. Dib had picked out a sword as well, although his was much broader than the other ones. Girtrude took the boomerang, and danced happily around with it, hugging it and beating people over the head with it. Gaz had taken a scythe identical to Ms. Bitters. It was twice her size, but she wielded it as though she'd been born to it.
"Now that you've got your weapons, I want you to study your weapon, learn its strengths, weaknesses, and how to battle with it. Tomorrow we shall work on basic combat with it," said Kratos.
"Wait, why can't we just do that today?" Dib asked.
Because I, the author, am extremely lazy and I don't feel like writing out ten individual battle scenes yet. DUH!
Everyone wondered where that voice had come from. At first they looked at Gaz, but she looked as confused as everyone else. So, they shrugged, put their weapons back on the racks, and left for Science class with Raine. Since the classes were divided up into three groups of four forty-five minute classes (the first group lasting from 8:00 to 11:45, second from 1:00 to 4:45, and the final group from 7:00 to 10:45), they were already pretty tired, but many still had five classes to go.
"As you can see," said Raine, while she stood in the middle of her classroom with the students gathered up front, "The classroom is divided into two-person tables. You can each choose a lab partner, and then I will assign seats for you. Remember, your lab partner is final, and any projects and labs will be done with them. Choose."
Everyone partnered up with their friends. Lloyd and Genis immediately joined up, as did Ron and Hermione, Luna and Neville, and Harry and Ginny. Gaz and Presea also joined together, while Girtrude and Colette gleefully became partners. Sheena, to her horror, became Zelos' partner when Zelos convinced Raine they were getting along better, and Dib and Zim flat-out refused to work together, and each took their own lab stations in the back.
"I have not received your textpackets for this course yet, so, until we get them, we'll just do a few simple experiments. But before we do that, we have two more students joining us today. The first hails from… oh, shoot, they smudged the name of the city again. Anyway, his name is… um… Iggins?"
Gaz dropped the large, glass test tube she was holding. The liquid inside ate away at the floor, but she didn't care. All she could hear was the words Iggins being repeated over and over in her head. He eyes bugged as the door slammed open and, sure enough, her archenemy scampered in, eyes bulging horribly from his face. He smiled in a confused manner at the class, before deciding he'd be Dib's lab partner.
"WHY?" roared Gaz to the ceiling. Everyone stared at her for a moment, before focusing their attention back on Raine.
"Our second new student hails from Hogwarts, so our British friends might know her," said Raine.
"I hope it's not Cho Chang," said Ron.
"Her name is… well, her last name is not on the records, but her name is… Tak," said Raine.
This time, both Zim and Dib dropped their test tubes of chemicals, which ate away at their stools. They didn't notice this, however, and merely stared as the door opened and Tak entered, in her human form. She looked a little taller, but her accent was still the same.
"Hey guys," she said, "I'm Tak."
"You went to Hogwarts?" Hermione said, frowning, "Why don't I remember you?"
"Oh, that's because I was in… uh… Hufflepuff," said Tak, thinking quickly, "Yeah, but I saw you all. Especially you…" she finished, pointing to Harry.
"LIAR!" roared Zim, "You never went to Hogwarts!"
"Where's Mimi?" Girtrude asked, "She was such a good friend."
"I'm afraid Mimi has passed on," said Tak, looking sadly at Gir.
"But… but… I can't go on without Mimi!" she burst into tears and started beating her fists on the table. Colette tried to comfort her, but to no success. Girtrude continued to wail until something inside her broke and she shut down. Many people thought she'd fallen asleep, however, and let her be.
"Well, Tak," said Raine, wondering why some of her students were acting strange, "Zim is the only person without a partner, so…"
"What are you talking about? Of course I have a partner!" Zim said, glancing around. He found a volleyball sitting on the back table, quickly drew a face on it, set it on a beaker of boiling water with the face towards Raine, "His name is Pedro."
Tak walked to the back of the room, took one look at "Pedro," and slammed her fist into it. The volleyball hit Zim in the face, and the boiling water scalded him, causing him to fall out of his chair and roll around in pain. Raine sighed, before telling the class they'd better leave before they all blew up another building.
"You," hissed Gaz at Iggins, who was also playing a Game Slave 4, "Why are you here?"
"Because I got an invitation," said Iggins haughtily, "I was at this one gaming competition, you know, and then when I easily completed their challenge, they gave me a scholarship for this school! It's great!"
"I don't know why you are here," Gaz said, ignoring him completely. "But if you start to get on my nerves even a little bit, I will turn your life into the most hideous thing on earth, do we have an understanding?" Gaz said quickly.
"I don't think you will," said Iggins, "For I have mastered a special fighting art known only to gamers who get picked on because of their lack of physical strength. It is called Thumb-Qwan-Doe! Hiiiiiya!"
He flung himself at Gaz, who was not prepared to strike back. She didn't have to, though, because Presea had stepped between them and held up her ax. Iggins bounced off it, his head cracking on the sidewalk.
"You will not give Gaz trouble," said Presea coldly, "Unless you want trouble from me."
"What can you do?" asked Iggins, ignoring the pain.
"ENDLESS INFLICTION!" Presea screamed, smashing him repeatedly with her ax. Iggins flew twenty feet away, cut, bruised, and bleeding. He twitched there, giggling like a maniac. His Game Slave 4 flew over next, cut clean in two by Presea's ax.
"THE INHUMANITY!" he screeched, sobbing over his broken game.
"You know, Presea," said Gaz, "I think we're going to get along just fine…"
"Tak! Why have you arrived at this place?" Zim screamed at Tak.
Tak, who had just been talking about Hogwarts with Ginny and Hermione, glanced backwards. Her eyes twitched slightly when she saw Zim, but she didn't let the other girls know about that.
"Just a second, guys, I'll see you at dinner. I have to go talk to Zim," said Tak.
"Just don't let him weird you out," whispered Hermione.
Tak gave them a cheery smile, laughed, and walked over to Zim. The other two British girls walked away, and Tak leered at Zim.
"Tak! What is your reason for following me to this school?" Zim asked.
"Why, I thought that would be obvious," said Tak, "You can't have forgotten our last meeting?"
"No, no I haven't…" said Zim, flatly.
"Well, I'm not as stupid as I was last time," said Tak with a smirk, "I'm going to take my time with my plans. And there is nothing you or your Earth Friends can do about it."
"Oh, we'll see, Tak. WE'LL SEE!" Zim roared.
"Right. Well, I have a lot of homework to do, I'll be seeing you later, I'm sure," said Tak, walking away.
"You shall not defeat me, Tak! I'm on to you!" Zim cried after his enemy.
"What could Tak be doing here?" Dib asked himself while he, Gaz, and Presea sat in Gaz's dormitory room, which was shared by her, Presea, and Luna. Luna was out working with the C.I.A. again, and Presea was working on her first English paper, blaring her chainsaw music from the speakers. Gaz was listening to it, bobbing her head to the beat while playing the game.
"Gaz? Are you listening to me?" Dib asked.
"Turn it up, Presea," said Gaz.
Presea obliged, and people walking on the grounds looked up at the building, wondering if the Texas Chainsaw Massacre was occurring again in the dorms.
"Gaz! You don't remember her dasterdly plot from last time?" Dib cried, "Something is up, and I'm going to find out what."
"Dib, your sister doesn't care in the slightest," said Presea, "And you're ruining my concentration for this paper. I will not get a failing grade."
"How can you concentrate with that horrible racket?" asked Dib, his ears hurting form the chainsaws.
"Hey! This is an awesome song," said Gaz.
"I think you should leave now," said Presea, standing up.
"But… you two are the only ones who believe me…" said Dib.
"We also really don't care that much," said Gaz.
"This is your final warning, Dib," said Presea, "Please leave."
"Fine! Don't help me! But when Tak takes over the world, you'll be sorry. Oh, you'll be—"
"BEAST!" Presea roared, swinging her ax around.
With a cry of pain and surprise, Dib was thrown through the dormitory door, across the hallway, through the dorm across the hall, and right out the window. He fell two stories, landing on his back in one of the green areas around the school. A dead tree sat above him, and in it was Girtrude, who was chatting animatedly with a squirrel. Colette walked over to him and smiled.
"Are you okay?" she asked, ignoring the fact he'd been just ejected out the second story of a dormitory.
"Y-Yes," said Dib, head spinning.
"Here, let me help you," said Colette, but, as usual, all she managed to do was land on top of Dib's bruised and mangled arm as he tried to get up, "Oh! I'm so sorry!"
"No, no, it's alright," said Dib, helping them both up.
"So… what's up?" Colette asked.
Dib explained everything, from Zim, to Tak, to Gaz and Presea, and, finally, his unexpected trip. She listened, though it was hard to tell if she believed him or not.
"I talked to Genis about Zim. He said that he'd checked every medical textbook in the Library and could not find any sort of disease for Zim," said Colette, "But I'm still not sure about that. And Tak, she obviously came from Hogwarts, she was going on for a long time with Hermione and Ginny…"
"I wonder how she knows so much…" said Dib, thoughtfully.
"But Presea knocking you out of a building is quite believable, and, in fact, I expected it to happen at some point," she said.
"Really?"
"Well, actually, I was rather thinking it would be Zelos… but it looks like you got the honor!" Colette replied, as though it was one of the best things on earth to win.
"Gee… thanks… I think," Dib said unsurely.
"No problem. But it's almost time for me to go to Basic Cooking. Do you have that class?" asked Colette curiously.
"No, I don't," said Dib, "Cooking's never been my thing."
"Oh, I'm sorry," said Colette.
"You don't have to be," Dib said, smiling, "I guess I'll see you in Intro to Magic, then."
"Yep, see you then," said Dib.
As she walked away, Dib smiled happily. He couldn't get the image of her out of his head… nor the pain in his lungs when she had fallen on them. He decided that he would cherish that bruised rib forever, and walked back to his dorm. In the tree, Girtrude was crying, and the squirrel handed him a tissue.
"That's so sweet!" Girtrude said, sniffling, "I'm gonna go make tacos!"
Only nine people reported to the Home Ec. Room that evening. Regal showed them in, and had them sit in the nine desks he had spread out. Genis, Colette, and Girtrude sat in the front row, Lloyd, Neville, and Luna in the second, and Zelos, Sheena, and Presea in the final one.
"Welcome to Basic Cooking," said Regal, "Or, more specifically, Freestyle Cooking. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be Foreign Cooking, and Wednesdays will be Gourmet Cooking."
"Can I make tacos?" Girtrude interrupted loudly.
"Yes, it's our practice day. Make whatever you want, though take no more than half an hour," Regal instructed.
The students moved to their respective kitchen spaces. Using their best knowledge of cooking, combined with the short amount of time, the group set to work, making everything from tacos to cookies to a steak. At the end of the allotted time, Regal called them forward with their foods.
Girtrude, of course, had made tacos. However, they were not like any tacos they'd ever eaten before. They tasted very strange, though not bad. Regal complimented Girtrude on her special use of ingredients, and Girtrude burst into loud, happy tears, hugging Regal's leg for the last bit of class.
Colette had made cookies, though she had slightly overcooked them. They were a little black around the edges, but they tasted alright. Zelos had made the steak, though he had not used any seasonings. Regal told him to at least try and challenge himself next time. Sheena had used various ingredients to cook a Mizuho dish that resembled sushi sis kabob, and it tasted pretty good.
Lloyd tried to bake a cake, but had succeeded only in setting the oven on fire. He tried to hide it, and begged Genis to use Aqua Laser on the stove before Regal noticed. However, it ruined the cake, which was now a sloppy, yet crispy, mess. Regal sighed and told Lloyd he'd have to improve his safety standards if he wanted to continue cooking in the class.
Presea had fixed a hearty stew with plenty of meat and vegetables. The only flaw was that she hadn't cut the meat up small enough, so some of it was a little raw. Luna had attempted to make shake-n-bake chicken strips, but she messed up and put far too much breading on them, cooked them for too long, and then dropped them in alcohol. Still, she convinced Lloyd to taste one, which caused him to have to leave the room very quickly. Neville, despite his Potions performances, actually made a very nice loaf of bread from scratch. It wasn't anything too terribly difficult, but it was also very nicely done.
Genis, of course, had not only done perfect on his dish, but had made something difficult. His soufflé was perfect, and he even had time to help Lloyd with the small fire emergency that had erupted in his own oven.
They almost made it through class without any incident (other than the fire, that is), but while she and Colette were cleaning their dishes, Girtrude accidentally broke the pipes in the sink and sent forth a gush of water that started to fill up the room at an alarming rate. Regal shouted orders at them: shut off the appliances, lights, and stoves. He tried to open a window to let the water flow out, but to no avail.
Lloyd returned, opening the door when the water was about five feet deep. Immediately, the water began to flow out at a rapid rate. Gir rode by on a chair, screaming some random Hawaiian words, and shot around the corner and out of sight. The rest of the crass, half-drowned by now, slowly got up and went to get a change of clothes before the next lesson.
The next lesson was Introduction to Magic. Many students had been looking forward to this class, since he would be able to learn magic (well, maybe). Ms. Bitters taught it, so that was going to put many students in the strain. The fact that it was late at night didn't help, either. At eight, everyone reported to her class, though sitting in different seats than normal… with the exception of Hermione, who sat up front.
Zelos somehow managed to position himself so he was surrounded by females. Dib sat next to Colette, and they both talked happily while the rest of the class assembled. Luna took the front right corner, next to Hermione, who was next to Girtrude, who was next to Genis. In the second row, Tak had sat next to Zelos, and she spent a majority of the period whispering suggestively to him and winking.
Presea was on the far right in the third row, with Gaz behind her, and, to Gaz' fury, Iggins in the row behind Gaz. She could hear his breathing and his twittering and his muttering and his sobs over his Game Slave 4. It was enough to make the veins in her forehead twitch. Next to Presea was Ginny, then Sheena, and Lloyd. And behind them, respectively, were Harry, Ron, and Neville. Behind Neville, fuming and glaring over to Tak, was Zim.
"Welcome to Introduction to Magic," said Ms. Bitters when class began, "This course is designed to serve three purposes. First, it will tell the school whether or not you are capable of taking any of the magic courses, or whether you are just a miserable failure at life and will never amount to anything worth remembering."
"She says it so bluntly," said Colette.
"So, we start off with a test. We have taken everything we know about magic and placed it on this exam. Then, in the appropriate boxes, you will put your DNA once more, and then our very own Computer will let us know your fates," the teacher replied.
"Why don't they just use the DNA taken from us earlier?" Dib asked.
"Dib, if you ask questions about everything that comes your way, you will suffer a very early, grisly death!" Ms. Bitters snarled.
"Yes, ma'am," said Dib, sighing.
"Answer the questions to the best of your ability. You have most of the period. Start!" Ms. Bitters said, after she'd passed the papers out.
The test was pretty easy in some sections, and difficult in others. Some parts were dedicated to Healing Magic, some to Symphonian Magic, some to Traditional Magic, and various other things of each section. Nobody, even Hermione and Genis, could turn in a perfect paper, but some did better than others (Lloyd, for example, could answer only about ten of the total questions, and that was because he was cheating off Sheena). Finally, Ms. Bitters collected the papers, and the computer made its appearance again.
"I will now use your DNA to find out your magical prowess!" the computer announced before Ms. Bitters handed him the papers.
"Doesn't it have to do with our answers, too?" asked Genis.
"No," the computer said, "Of course not! You're magical prowess is born into you."
"Ms. Bitters! I thought you said we needed those answers!" Lloyd cried.
"I lied," said Ms. Bitters, stuffing the papers into the computer.
The computer seemed a little depressed that there was no blood among the DNA samples, but he still gave out the results to Ms. Bitters, who placed them face-down on the desks. When she resumed the front of the room, she allowed them to turn them over.
"Gifted in Traditional Magic," said Hermione, "Well, as if there was ever any doubt."
"Gifted in Symphonian Magic," said Genis at the same time, "No surprises there."
"Seer Material," Presea read.
"Average," said Harry and Ron at the same time.
"Awesome Dueler. People flee before your wrath," Ginny said.
"Basic," Neville read, tossing his paper away, "Oh well!"
"Dangerous," said Luna, "That makes me feel special."
"Dangerous," said Girtrude, "I wanna blow stuffs up!"
"Talented, be wary of the Dark Side," Gaz said, ripping her paper up as well, "Psh. Dark Side…"
"There is no hope for you. Give it up," said Lloyd, "Dang."
"Stop being an arrogant asshole and you'd be much more powerful," said Zelos, "Well, that was oddly specific."
"Good with Healing and Summoning," said Sheena, "Hm… I never thought of Healing…"
"Potions, maybe," Colette said, "That should be fun! I'll make a Potion to cure coughing!"
"Talented, keep at it," Tak read, lazily, "Well, we all saw that coming, right?"
"You might make it," Iggins read, and then had a semi-seizure, "Wow! Cool! This is great!"
"Not compatible?" roared Zim, "What is wrong with you, computer?"
"You suck. Go home," Dib read, "Hey! That's not fair!"
"The computer has made its judgement," Ms. Bitters said, "Those of you who get to learn magic may go out now and meet with your instructors. The rest of you get to sit here while we go over the basics of being a wizard, which you will not get to know. Ever."
The room cleared, and only Zim, Dib, and Lloyd remained. Ms. Bitters waited for the last student to leave before sure turned to the rest of the class. She told them for over an hour about how, since they were born without magic, they were going to be forgotten by history and nothing they did would be worthwhile.
"But I saved the world!" whined Lloyd.
"Irrelevant," said Ms. Bitters.
"But I'm going to save the world!" Dib cried.
"Irrelevant," said Ms. Bitters.
"But I'm going to destroy the world!" roared Zim.
"Relevant, but you'll ultimately fail and die, miserable and alone. Just like your fathers!" Ms. Bitters replied.
The bell rang at this point and their teacher disappeared into the shadows. Slightly freaked out, the three boys returned to their friends' sides as the groups made their way to the dorms. The other classes for the night had been cancelled due to the fire earlier that day.
"And I was just like, HEALING MAGIC LOOKS SO COOL! And then they showed us Symphonian Magic and it's like WOW! THAT'LL BE FUN! And those POTIONS look so great! I can't wait, can you?" Iggins was screaming into Gaz's ears. The girl was doing her best not to commit a homicide on her first day of school, but her patience was wearing. Very quickly.
"How was the rest of Introduction to Magic?" snickered Genis as Lloyd joined the Iselia group.
"Oh… you know…" said Lloyd, "Our lives are meaningless and we'll all die and be forgotten the next day."
"But we saved the world!" Colette exclaimed.
"IRRELEVANT!" Ms. Bitters' voice echoed across the grounds, like the howl of the wolf.
Everyone froze, stared at the tallest building on the campus, where their teacher was outlined against the full moon. Everyone stood there for a few minutes before panicking and running to their dorms, locking the doors, and hiding under the covers for the rest of the night.
From the Author's Mind: (June 2011)
Snow Day + Sore Throat + Fever + Ear Ache = Chapter 3. I don't know if you will consider this better or worse, since I was under the influence of MEDICATION when I wrote this. Gives a whole new meaning to the term Crack Fic I suppose.