From Gaz's Mind: (June 2011)
Okay, the stupid Author decided he was going to start letting us characters do the beginning and ending messages to you all. I get to go first because no one dared oppose me because those that oppose me find themselves in very painful situations. So… I have come to introduce you to Chapter 10: Hi-Ougis. In it, we learn fun fighting moves, there's some friendships and more lessons… and Raine won't stop talking… ARGH! And this also begins the second half of the year of Whitestone. Alright, I'm sick of speaking, so sit down, shut up, and play attention as Chapter 10 unfolds. Oh, and we have a new substitute for Math and Chem and Healing Magic and… stuff. It's stupid.
From the Author's Mind:
So… yeah from here on out the characters are going to do the Intros and Exits. As such, most will remain unedited. We'll see. Enjoy the updated version!
Chapter 10: Hi-Ougis
When everyone returned from their holiday vacations of joy and merriment, they found Building D had been struck by a meteor at some point. Although none of the space rock was saved, Luna assured them that the CIA found no reason to be alarmed, and that things would continue as normally. It continued to snow heavily, triggering sixteen more avalanches in the area, including one that buried half of the new gymnasium. Regardless, the instructors of Whitestone would not be stopped by a mere eight feet of snow, and classes continued the second week of January.
HOUSE POINT TOTALS: Fence – 558 / Typhoid – 899 / Iko Iko – 801 / Potato – 900
Monday, January 2nd. 8:03 A. M. Social Study Classroom.
"Well, I'm thrilled to see you have all returned safely from Christmas vacation," said Countess von Verminstrasser with a large helping of sarcasm. "It just makes me feel all bubbly and happy inside now that I see you're all safe and sound with no dismemberments."
"Me, too," said Peaches joyfully as she floated above Harry.
"You. Your perkiness disgusts me. Stop saying words," said Countess von Verminstrasser to the floating suit.
"Of course, ma'am," said Peaches brightly.
"Today, we're going to play a game. This game is called Life. We will give examples as to how you will react to events in your life," said the Countess, withdrawing a large card deck from her clothing.
"Please, ma'am, how do we play?" asked Hermione.
"You take a card and it has a point value. Whoever gets the most wins. And you have to tell us how you react and such for full credit," replied the teacher flatly.
"I wanna go first!" wailed Girtrude, running up front to draw a card. "Please?"
"You have manners. This disgusts me. But I'll let you draw so you can hurry up and sit down," said the Countess.
"Okay," said Girtrude, happily drawing a card, "OMGBOUNCYBALL! I won a scratch-off ticket! +500 points!"
"I'll go next," said Peaches, floating down on top of Harry. "Hmm… you crash your grandmother's car. -50 points. Oh no, that's incredibly unfortunate…"
"You, boy, pick!" Verminstrausser said, thrusting the deck at Harry, whose spine was slowly snapping under the weight of Peaches.
"Your wife cheats on you and you go on Maury. +1300 points," read Harry, glancing to Ginny.
"I shall draw… NOW!" Zim shouted, picking a card. "You break a piano at the Grand Ole' Opera. You've done the world a favor. +789 points. What is this… Opery?"
"You commit genocide," read Presea. "Negative 5000 points and shame on you. I… find myself… not caring."
"Your head catches fire and you go bald. You marry a supermodel because of it. Plus 188 points," said Ron. "Sweet!"
"While shaving a man's head, you cut off his ear. -3900 points," read Lloyd. "I'M NOT GOING TO BE A BARBER, GOSH DARNIT!"
"Your GameSlave is about to fire a missile," read Gaz. "Plus 1500 points. That's impossible, I have this thing on Sleep Mode and—"
A missile shot out of the pod on the front of it, picking up Girtrude and Sanchez as it went. They crashed through the wall and blew it up, causing a lot of pipes to fall down and crush the stuff in the front of the room.
"You will get married. Negative 10 points," read Ginny. "Well that blows."
"You shall be run over by a rainbow. This rainbow will give you a chocolate bunny rabbit. For life. Plus 423 points," said Tak, eyebrow raised.
"You will have twenty-five bad children. -25 points," read Colette. "Oh, dear, that's going to be a lot of work!"
"When the world ends, you're the first go to," muttered Zelos. "-1 point. Aw man."
"Your momma. +679 points," said Genis. "What does this mean?"
"There can be only one, - 22 points," said Sheena, reading her card. "Only one what?"
"You end the life of M. S. +10,000 points," said Neville. "And the world will forever be restored. Who is M. S.?"
"You dye your hair blonde. -495 points," said Hermione, flatly. "Give me a break!"
"Your crush will fall in love with you and you will have two beautiful children. +280 points," read Dib, stealing a glance to Colette.
"You have no future," Iggins said, reading off his paper. "I'm so sorry. -1,000,000,000 points. NOOOOO!"
"You've got mail. +30 points," said Luna. "Hm. I guess I haven't checked in fifteen minutes; the CIA probably sent me something…"
"GAME OVER!" shouted the Countess. "LONGBOTTOM WINS! +100 POINTS TO FENCE! Now leave!"
"What? I won?" said Neville, a grin spreading to his face. "This is the best moment of my life!"
"Think of it next time you attempt a Patronus," Ginny suggested to him as the class departed.
"I remember the last time I did that," said Harry, fondly. "It was during the O.W.L. And I imagined Umbridge being sacked. How I hated her."
"At least we'll never have to deal with her again," said Hermione, as they walked into the Math classroom.
Hem hem.
Monday, January 2nd. 9:08 A. M. Math Classroom.
"Good morning students!" she said in her high-pitched voice. "My name is Dolores Umbridge, and I will be replacing Professor Sage for a few weeks."
"Weeks?" wailed Ron. "You've gotta be kidding!"
"Five points from Gryffindor, Mr. Weasley, for your outburst," said Umbridge, grinning evilly.
"It's Fence, actually," said Presea, standing up, her eyes filled with instant hate. "And if you had a shred of knowledge inside that wretched body of yours, you would have taken the time to actually understand exactly what you were supposed to be doing. But instead, you're here to interfere, just like at Hogwarts. Am I correct?"
"You couldn't be less," hissed Umbridge, her face flushed. "Fifty points from whatever miserable house you are in, and detention! What is your name?"
"Presea Combatir," said Presea in a cold voice. "You would do well to remember that name."
"Well, Presea, I—" Umbridge began, but was then hit in the face by a dart with a sticky cup on the end. Gaz giggled from her seat, holding her GameSlave Advance.
"WHO DID THIS?" roared Umbridge. "WHO DARES DEFACE THE GREAT AND MIGHTY HIGH INQUISITOR OF WHITESTONE?"
"You're not High Inquisitor," Dib said, skeptically. "No such job exists."
"On the contrary, Mr… Dib," said Umbridge. "The position is in the process of being created, and, therefore, you are wrong. But you shall join Presea in detention, and you also lose fifty points. Now. On to your lesson."
"What lesson?" asked Hermione, angrily. "This is a joke, Professor! I can't believe they let you teach again, especially after what happened last time!"
"Silence, Miss Questions-Up-The-Wazoo!" snarled Umbridge, then, back in her sweet voice. "The Ministry of Whitestone Education had decreed that changes are needed in the realms of this fine Academy of learning. Because of my previous experience of bringing change to schools, they have hired me to prepare your delicate minds for the correct education that you so rightly deserve.
"It has always been the greatest joy of those at the Ministry of Education to ensure the proper teaching of students at all their educational institutions. In their eyes, Education comes before all. Education is what we thrive upon. Education is more important than anything you can ever hope to understand. Education is life. Education should be your religion, and you will practice it daily by meditating and repeating the phrase, 'education is—'"
"Nice try, Professor Umbridge," said Ginny. "But we're not falling for one of your long, boring speeches that are supposed to lure us into a false sense of security and/or unconsciousness. It didn't work for us in Hogwarts, and it won't work for you here. Now can we please learn some Math?"
"As you can see," said Umbridge, after a slight pause. "We have decided to take a new approach in Math. Because it is dangerous for your young minds, we will merely learn the formulas. Once you grasp the theory of these equations, you should be able to deal with them with no further—"
"Wait! We're not doing Math problems?" cried Genis.
"Why would we require such a thing?" asked the horrible Professor, her wide, slack mouth grinning once more.
"Gee, I don't know, so we can accurately utilize them?" suggested Genis in an obnoxious voice.
"As long as you grasp the concept…" began Umbridge.
"That won't do us any good!" Genis cried. "How will we be able to use them?"
"And where in this room do you feel you will need to use Math?" asked Umbridge.
"Well, if we get involved with the Matrices or Pythagorean Triangles…" Genis began, but was cut off.
"LIES!" Umbridge shouted, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING! Children, I am here to be your friend. If anyone spreads lies about this "Pythagorean" or these "Matrices" you speak of, come talk to me. I'm here to help. Now, open your new textpackets, Math in Theory and Nothing More Because It's Dangerous to Young Minds Otherwise and read Chapter 1: Why Addition Signs are Fatal. There will be no need to talk."
"This is so stupid," Genis muttered, opening his packet.
"Fifty points from your house! And detention! All week! All month! And no more leaving the campus or extra-curricular activities for you, Mr. Sage!" Umbridge roared.
"You know what?" Genis said, his anger rising. "Where is Raine? She didn't say anything about leaving me!"
"Your sister is away on her own business. You would do well to keep out of it," Umbridge said coldly.
"I'm out of here," said Genis.
He slammed the textpacket onto his desk, picked up his bag, and walked out. Everyone stared after him for a few minutes, and Umbridge looked as though she wanted to kill someone. So, everyone read the first of the dull, boring chapter, waiting for the class to end.
Monday, January 2nd. 2:48 P. M. Campus.
"I can't believe her! I can't believe she's back!" Harry shouted, throwing snow into the air with all his might (he knocked down six pigeons and made them land on top of various other students as they ran by).
"Well, yes, I'm rather surprised myself," said Hermione, as they waded through the deep snow. "But we have more important things to worry about right now."
"What could be more important than the tubby tyrant being back?" Ginny asked sullenly.
"We have to choose our Hi-Ougis in Weapon Appreciation!" Hermione exclaimed. "And if we're late, Professor Aurion is sure to cleave us in two!"
"How does he expect us to get there with all this snow, though?" asked Neville angrily as he got stuck in a particularly deep spot.
"Fly!" said Colette, who was soaring above with her horrible angel wings of seizure-inducingness.
"Yes, flying is so much fun!" Peaches squealed joyfully as she soared ahead, rockets sticking out of her feet.
Zim flew by on a carpet, which also carried Dib, Gaz, and Presea. Luna shot by a second later on her jetpack. Zelos and Tak were transported by Zelos' much cooler wings. Finally, soaring along in a hot air balloon was Girtrude, Gorfy, Sanchez, Ahkmed, and Sharifa-Latifah. Girtrude continued to sing "Come Josephine in My Flying Machine," until she was caught by a large gust of wind and thrown into a tree, which promptly blew up.
"I have never seen you all looking so miserable and pathetic," Kratos said. "You all disgust me some days. What's wrong now?"
"Professor Umbridge," replied Genis furiously. "She won't let us do Math, and I heard that in one of the Chem classes today she took away everything we could make things with and gave us another stupid textpacket."
"She says as long as we 'grasp the theory' of the equations and what they're supposed to do, we don't actually need to see the chemicals in action. Load of bull," said Zelos.
"I lost a hundred points," whined Lloyd.
Kratos slapped him across the face, knocking him to the floor. "I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT!"
"No you didn't," Lloyd cried, broken and ashamed on the floor. "You abandoned me for like fifteen years!"
"… Oh yeah," said Kratos. "Well, anyway, while I don't approve of Dolores myself, I assume we'll just have to deal with her until Raine gets back. There is… nothing… we can do."
"Where did she go?" demanded Genis. "She never said anything to me about it!"
"This is true," said Kratos. "Nor I. We just received reports that she was going to be absent for an extended period of time and that she had hoped Professor Umbridge would takeover for her."
"I can't imagine Professor Sage wanting that horrible woman to take over!" Hermione cried. "There's something crooked going on here!"
"The only time this year I've agreed with you," Genis replied. "We need to find a way to figure this out."
"Not right now you don't," said Kratos. "You need to do your Hi-Ougis today."
"I already have mine," said Genis, "Remember?"
"I do. But it's not registered with Master Computer. Now… I do assume that all of you have made your decisions as to these Hi-Ougis, correct?"
"Yes, Professor Aurion," they chanted back.
"Good. Master Computer has been kind enough to set up this dandy machine that will help us with the Hi-Ougi. The first chamber will get you into the required Overlimit state that you need to be in to activate this ungodly powerful move. The second chamber will take your picture for the little bar that appears with your undoubtedly furious face. The final chamber is where you will perform the Hi-Ougi on a practice dummy. Who would like to go first?"
"Me!" Genis said, waving his hand around. "I need to go solve a mystery after this."
"Fine," said Kratos. "Genis, enter the first chamber."
"Yes, Sir," said Genis, doing so quickly. He was in and out within about three minutes, looking a little drained, but happy with himself.
"Genis, wait," said Hermione, dashing ahead. "I'll help you when I'm done."
"Alright, meet me in front of Professor Umbridge's room in ten minutes," said Genis, running out of the room with his stuff.
Hermione took slightly longer time, and she seemed more drained when she was done. She still smiled encouragingly to Harry and Ron before she left. Then, there was a pause in the movement. Nobody seemed to really want to go next.
"If you don't go, I'm going to choose someone," said Kratos. "Fine. You, there, Ginny. You go."
"Alright," added Ginny as she entered the chamber.
"Can we watch?" asked Tak.
"Yes, you may," said Kratos, kicking the machine violently.
The walls fell away to reveal Ginny in the first chamber, looking into a TV screen that had Umbridge saying things. She seemed unaware of everyone's presence as she moved into the second chamber with a black aura around her, the same Sheena had back in that battle with the MEDIA. She took a pose, her face screwed up in anger as her picture was taken. Her furious face flashed across the sight of those watching her, as the computer automatically applied some neat filters to make it look even more epic.
Then, she moved into the final chamber. She listened to the computers' instructions, and took a pose, the black aura around her. She raised her wand, muttered something, and caused a deep fissure in the ground. Fire erupted from it, flying around her and into the air. As it came together above her, the picture she had taken moments ago flashed across the screen, and disappeared. She sent all the fire right into one of the dummies, causing a huge explosion.
"Wow. Remind me never to piss your sister off, okay?" Harry said as she emerged, grinning tiredly.
"Ditto," said Ron.
"I'll go next," said Tak, adding. "Professor Sage taught me this one. Before she went away."
She entered the first chamber, watching something that she artfully blocked. She went into Overlimit relatively quickly. She moved into the second chamber and quickly took a picture, one that was surprisingly furious for Tak. Finally, she walked into the third chamber. She focused on one of the untouched dummies and began to chant, though hers was different than Raine's.
"Fairies and sprites that dance in the night," she said in her cool, calm voice. "Resound in a holy chorus of exorcism! Fairy Circle!"
Around the dummy, fairies began to circle out of the central area, leaving a sparkling trail behind them. The ground had a very complex magical patter on it, one that was obviously used for healing purposes.
"Heavenly protection to us," said Tak, her voice rougher. "And punishment to those who oppose us!"
The ground let loose a bright flash of light, which healed Tak and damaged the dummies repeatedly. When it ended, Tak tossed her hair back playfully and left the chamber, looking drained, but happy.
"Have you decided, Gaz?" asked Presea as the two moved closer to the machine.
"Meh," Gaz replied, furiously playing with the GameSlave Advance.
"I have an idea for one, if you need it," said Presea. "It's called—"
"REPPA ENSHOUGI!" Iggins screeched from the machine, making the ground burst.
"What? That… that's one of mine!" Presea shouted, a fire in her eyes.
"I know," said Iggins haughtily as he left the machine, "But you had no claims to it other than the game, so I took the chance and went with it. That's how I beat—"
"Professor Aurion," said Presea, her voice shaking a little bit with anger, "Can I practice on Iggins?"
"Sure," said Kratos, who was still yelling at Lloyd, who was sobbing.
"Thank you," said Presea, shooting into Overlimit straight away. Gaz threw Iggins back into the machine as Presea quickly got her picture.
Then she walked into the final chamber. She glared at Iggins, who cowered. She rushed at him, slamming her ax into the ground. Instead of speaking English, however, she started to shout in Japanese.
"Chiri to kashinasai!" she shouted as the ax dove into the ground. A power surrounded it, and she violently withdrew it with a cry of, "Kore de..."
She soared to the top of the chamber. The end of her ax glowed brightly as she charged it up. When she had gained enough power, she continued with, "Owari desu!"
Then, she came swinging down with it, turning completely over once. As she did so, she shouted, "HIEN!"
The ax jammed into the ground, causing a large crack again. Then, as she screamed, "MESSHOUJIN!" the ground began to erupt at a high rate, slamming Iggins repeatedly with rocks, stone, and fire. Finally, there was an almighty explosion, and Iggins was thrown back as the ground exploded. Presea stood back, and then held her ax to her side.
"Toki wa modoranai," she said in a much more mellow voice, a second picture floating down the side. "Sore ga sizen no setsuri."
"Wow," was all Dib could manage.
"Never making her angry, either," Neville muttered in a small voice.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't give you my other move," said Presea to Gaz as she exited.
"It's alright, I've got my own idea now," said Gaz, entering the chamber. After she did her own "Abbadon Paroxysm," where basically the local space-time continuum shattered, Colette and Lloyd registered Holy Judgement and Falcon's Crest, respectively. Harry followed them with a slightly predictable, "Justice Wave" where he used the power of his scar to send out a wave of light and power that would likely slash through and hurt enemies greatly. Ron was next.
"I've got a good one," he said, entering the chamber. He watched a short video where Professor Umbridge said things, and he was soon in Overlimit himself. He walked into the next room, and was immediately attacked by Pigwidgeon.
"No! You stupid bird!" Ron shouted, lunging for the tiny owl as the picture was taken. The owl fluttered into the next room where he slammed into a dummy.
"PIGWIDGEON!" Ron shouted, grabbing him. "Get out of here, I need to get my Hi-Ougi done…"
"Hi-Ougi registered as… 'PIGWIDGEON!'" Master Computer said.
"What? Wait! No, I'm not done!" Ron cried. "That was a mistake."
"Too bad," said Master Computer. "You get one shot, that's it. Go away now."
"Sod off," Ron hissed, walking away (he was struck by a lightning bolt, much like those in the Health room).
"I remind the remaining students that we have merely five more minutes, so those of you that don't finish will have to stay into your next class to finish your Hi-Ougi registration," Kratos reminded them.
"Me next!" cried Girtrude, running into the machine before anyone could stop her. "Okay… okay… now…"
She suddenly made her eyes turn red. She went into the next room and got her picture, though she faltered a bit and went blue when the picture was taken. So, she ran into the final chamber, ready to go and back in her red pose. She jumped high into the air.
"Now you shall feel the true pain that I can inflict when I—" Girtrude began to shout in her angry voice, but then she shot back into blue mode and grinned happily and gleefully, saying, "AHAHAHA! RAINING COWS!"
Suddenly, all around the chamber, cows began to plummet from the sky. They landed on the dummies and pretty much squashed them. Girtrude landed back on the ground, giggled, and left the chamber and the classroom very quickly. The rest of the remaining students stared for a few seconds before continuing.
Neville took a while longer to Overlimit, and his picture was a little sloppy and pathetic-looking. However, he had a decent Hi-Ougi: "MEDIA Swarm!" A bunch of MEDIA, who had seemed to have adopted Neville as their leader, came out of nowhere and violently dismembered a dummy. Zelos registered Divine Judgement next, and Zim used "Irken Rage," a Hi-Ougi that made him get really big and scary looking, and tear anything apart in his path. By the time the bell rang, only Luna, Dib, and Sheena remained.
"I have no idea what to do for mine," said Dib as Luna walked into the machine.
"I don't, either," said Sheena. "I don't' just want to use my Summons… and we're going to be late for Science. Professor Umbridge will not like this…"
"No, she won't. Wait, what is Luna staring at?" asked Dib.
Luna was sitting in the chamber, staring at the TV. On the screen was a bowl of Ramen, cooking in the microwave. Luna continued to stare at it, a vein in her head twitching. Finally, the black aura shot around her, and she was in Overlimit. She moved into the next chamber, looking murderous.
"Okay," said Dib. "I'll just register mine later."
"Me, too," said Sheena. "Bye!"
Monday, January 2nd. 4:01 P. M. Science Classroom.
House Point Totals: Fence: -202/Typhoid – 329/Iko Iko -1/Potato: 33
"You're late, Mr. Membrane and Miss Fujisalami," twittered Umbridge as the two walked in a minute late. "I cannot allow students to be late for my lessons. Twenty points from each of you."
"No fair!" cried Dib. "We were held up in Weapons Appreciation!"
"Don't worry, dear boy," said Umbridge in a friendly voice, "That scary class will not be here much longer; children should not be allowed to handle large, sharp objects. It may hurt their fragile souls."
"By the way, my last name is Fujibayashi," said Sheena flatly.
"Are you saying I don't know how to do my job?" asked Umbridge in a dangerous voice.
"No, you just mis-pronounced it," said Sheena, taking a step back.
"GOOD!" shouted Umbridge. "Because you're not better than me! I am the Queen of Whitestone! I am the one who shall rule you all! I am-!"
She was hit in the face with another sticky dart at that point. Gaz quickly put the GSA in her bag, and looked around innocently. Umbridge seemed to collect herself and then smiled happily.
"Beakers away, pens out. We will be taking notes on equations and why they're not good for society—"
"This is a bunch of crap," said Genis. "Come on, Hermione, we're out of here."
"Agreed," said Hermione, leaving. They were joined by Presea, Gaz, and Luna (who thought class was over).
"YOU'RE ALL IN DETENTION FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!" Umbridge shouted. A final dart hit her in the eye, and she squealed in pain, rolling around the classroom.
A week later… Tuesday, January 10. 8:33 P. M. Health Classroom.
House Point Totals: Fence: -6483/Typhoid: -2828/Iko Iko: -4545/Potato: -3063
The first week of Umbridge passed with increasing tension amongst the students. The Saturday detention was filled to capacity with students, each in for a usually minor offense. The only ones not to get detention were the ones who had walked out of the first Science class, and then refused to actually attend any Umbridge lessons. The tubby tyrant had yet to stalk them out to find them. It Fifth Year for Harry and company all over again, including the detentions.
These detentions had been upgraded. You still had to write lines in your own blood (though the skin was now taken off your forehead; not your hand), but there were other things you had to do as well. Umbridge would make people clean her office, make fliers supporting her Anti-Part-Human club, and, worst of all, watch movies to the climax, and then turn them off. Luna had the special job of making Ramen for Umbridge every other hour on the hour, and she was about three bowls away from the insanity ward by Tuesday.
Students attempted to resist her in various ways. Some went out of their way to cause minor trouble for Umbridge (they were immediately found out, however, and punished). Some tried to escape the school, only to be tackled by Umbridge as she dove out of a closet. Hermione and Genis had attempted to start up the M. C., a nod to the D. A. where students could go to learn about Math and Chemistry, but nobody joined and they disbanded two days later.
On Tuesday night, Presea and Gaz approached Hermione and Genis in the Library. Many shelves had been covered in a lot of duct tape, preventing most books from being read because they were "dangerous." The basic picture books left behind were of no help to anyone, and anytime Ms. Bitters entered the room, her skin would begin to burn violently and she would have to go relax in her Secret Room.
"We have some information for you," said Presea. "We think you're going to like it."
"How do you figure?" asked Hermione as she solved a Quadratic Formula under the table.
"We found our Espionage stuff from when the Military was here," said Gaz. "If you'll agree to a trade, we'll help you."
"A trade? Money?" asked Genis.
"No. Something of equal value to this must be paid to us when the time comes. Remember what Yuko Ichihara said in xxxHolic about the universe being at equilibrium," said Presea, holding up one of the small books Ms. Bitters had given to them in Social Study on Friday.
"Right, right," said Genis. "What do you need?"
"We might know why Raine disappeared. We will help you get to the bottom of this, but it's going to be very risky. It involves invading Umbridge's office," Gaz said.
"Oh no…" Hermione muttered faintly, remembering the last time she and some others had tried to invade the privacy of Umbridge's office.
"Also, we've sent our correspondent to Raine's office to gather evidence and clues," said Presea. "We hope it will turn out okay."
"Alright," Hermione said, resigning herself to the inevitable. "Let's go."
Same Day, 9:30 P. M. The Air Ducts of Whitestone's Building A.
The four students made their way as silently as possible into the ventilation system of the school. With Umbridge "teaching" Healing Magic, they thought their path would be simple and eventless. They were right; the only close call coming from a small incident where Hermione turned left and almost got eaten by a fan. Finally, they were over Umbridge's office.
"How do we get down there?" whispered Hermione.
Presea punched the covering that lead to the office, sending the metal screen to the area below. It slammed down on Umbridge's desk, and something glass and fragile shattered. With a taciturn sigh, Presea leapt down after it, followed by Gaz. Hermione and Genis repelled down, landing softly on the ground.
"Look for anything you can find that would lead to our finding out Umbridge's secret plans," said Hermione, opening a desk drawer. Inside were a bunch of revealing love letters between Dolores Umbridge and Cornelius Fudge, and Hermione quickly withdrew her hand, looking repulsed.
"We're going to leave you two for a moment," said Gaz. "If we were to help you search, you wouldn't be able to afford our services."
"Alright," said Genis. "Just warn us when Umbridge is coming back."
"Will do," said Presea, as she and Gaz jumped back into the ventilators.
"So, what is it exactly that we're looking for?" asked Genis.
"I don't know," said Hermione, digging through Umbridge's chest of drawers, knocking aside sweater after horrible sweater.
"What about this?" Genis suggested. "I think it's a map of Whitestone…"
"You're right," said Hermione, glancing over his shoulder. "What has she done to it?"
"It looks as though she was going to turn this into a factory and a bed and breakfast," said Genis. "And we would be the slaves…"
"Oh my God!" Hermione cried, finding a list of students and the jobs they would supposedly have. "She had me down as a janitor! That foul, evil, loathsome—"
"What about me?" asked Genis, jumping up to look.
"Steward. Oh, look, Lloyd's a barber," said Hermione, scanning the list. "Ron's a maid… Harry cleans the machinery… all the other guys pretty much work in the factory…"
"What kind of factory?" asked Genis.
"Oh my God," Hermione breathed. "The most horrible kind of factory on the face of the earth."
Genis took one look at the title and his face paled, "How could she?" he whispered. "That woman was trying to take our souls… just like the Military…"
"What is it with people and wanting to take souls?" complained Hermione. "First Colette, and then Presea, then all of us…"
"We don't need to know why," Genis quickly argued. "Hurry up, we've got to get out of here before—"
Hem Hem.
The two turned slowly and found Umbridge glowering at them. She was holding her short, stubby wand in her hand and was smirking like she had never done before. Behind her, a couple of robot house elves dragged in Lloyd and Ron, both looking harassed.
"Well, well, well," said Umbridge, her voice the sickening-honey type everyone dreaded. "I was expecting to expel just two troublemakers, and now I get to do three!"
"There's four of us," pointed out Genis unhelpfully.
"SILENCE!" shouted Umbridge. "DO NOT QUESTION MY METHODS!"
"You sound like Professor Verminstrasser," said Hermione, eyebrow raised.
"AND YOU, MISS GRANGER!" Umbridge shouted. "I would have thought you'd learned your lesson before, but even you are too stupid to realize—"
"Don't call her stupid!" Genis hissed, waving his hands around. "She's way smarter than you will ever be. FIREBALL!"
He quickly fired three fireballs at his teacher, but Umbridge quickly blocked them. She smirked at him, her voice taunting him.
"Stupid boy. You should know that I am superior. You, as a part-human, would never understand my great powers. I can block anything you throw at me. I—"
Hermione, who had maneuvered behind her, waved her wand and stunned the tyrant. She smiled at Genis, and imitated Umbridge by saying, "I am PWNED!"
"Wow, Hermione," Genis said, faintly. "That was… scary and fun at the same time."
"Agreed. Let's get out of here," said Hermione. "We gotta rendezvous with the others…"
"What about us?" whined Lloyd.
"Deal with it yourself," Genis replied. "We've got a date with some friends."
The two leapt into the ventilation system, though aided by Gaz and Presea, neither of whom explained the lack of warning for Umbridge's arrival. Back through the ventilation they moved, wondering if the crazy teacher had woken up yet. When they finally reached the area to Professor Sage's office, it was Gaz who kicked out the cover this time, allowing the four to drop to the ground. Luna sat in a chair, playing with the GameSlave Advance. She smiled as they arrived, and stood up, handing it to Gaz.
"I got past Level 284," said Luna. "I found the error in your strategy. You wanted the Class 43A Rocket, not Class 43B. The zombies are immune to 43B."
"How did I not realize this?" Gaz muttered to herself, frowning at the game.
"Luna," Hermione asked, quickly. "Did you find anything?"
"I did, actually," said Luna, "I found this herb, some little dust bunnies, aren't they cute? Oh, and this bowl of… ugh… Ramen…"
"A bowl of Ramen?" asked Hermione, flatly. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I don't know. But I feel… angry…" said Luna. "Excuse me while I go… over there…"
She wandered away to a closet, shut the door, and screamed blue murder. After a moment of silence, she returned, smiling joyfully, though carefully avoiding the bowl. The others stared at her for a moment, before returning to the clues they had found.
"Seriously, though, why was there a bowl of Ramen in here? Is it for Umbridge?" asked Hermione. "There's no other purpose it could serve…"
"No," said Genis, a thought dawning on him. "I just remembered something Raine told me! You guys, this is a message, from Raine. I need to cast Eruption on it, stand back…"
The girls moved as far away from the bowl as possible. Genis began to focus, casting the moderately powerful fire spell on the bowl. Just as he expected, the bowl held together, and a holographic picture of Raine appeared above the smoldering noodles.
"Wow, Genis," said Hermione. "Where'd you learn that?"
"Raine taught me," said Genis, proudly. "It has something to do with the interaction of the Ramen and Symphonian Fire."
"She speaks," said Presea, pointing.
"Hello? Can you hear me?" Raine's hologram was saying. "If you're reading this, Genis, it means you remembered what I told you. I'm very proud of you, sixty points to Typhoid."
"Awesome!" Genis cried, slapping a high-five to Hermione.
"This also means I'm in trouble. Stand by while the noodles process the situation that I am in…"
"How long will that take?" asked Hermione.
"About five minutes," said Genis. "Do you hear something?"
"I do," said Hermione. "What's going on outside?"
The group walked to the nearest window and gasped. Outside, on a platform, were Lloyd and Ron. Umbridge, with a large bump on her head and a bandage on her nose, was standing between them. The rest of the school slowly assembled, curious as to what the ruckus was about.
"Hurry, noodles!" Genis pleaded to the bowl.
"What's she doing?" asked Hermione to Gaz.
"She's publicly expelling and executing them," said Gaz. "It's horrible to watch. I wish she'd do it to Iggins…"
"No!" cried Hermione. "Genis, we've got to do something!"
"There!" Genis exclaimed, as Raine continued to explain.
"Okay. Genis, here's what happened. It was about a week ago, and I was approached by a short, fat woman who had bad hair and a short wand."
"That's Umbridge for sure," said Hermione.
"Anyway, here's what happened..." Raine said, quickly relaying her story.
Meanwhile, Umbridge was giving yet another longwinded speech to the tired students of Whitestone. The other Professors stood intermittently throughout the crowd, each wearing a scowl heavier than the previous. Umbridge finally concluded her speech, to which nobody clapped. Not bothered by this in the least, she smirked to Ron and Lloyd.
"I will now begin the public expulsions of them, which goes along with the execution," said Umbridge.
"On what charge are these students expelled?" asked Regal.
"Anti-Social conduct. I believe Potter was involved as well," said Umbridge with more than a hint of superiority.
"Wrong answer," said Ginny. "He was with me!"
"Yeah! We were there, too!" Zelos called. "Back of, lady! You are so not one of my hunnies anymore."
"I'm broken up about it," Umbridge replied with no sadness at all. "Now, I think we shall start… CRUCIO!"
Lloyd fell to the ground, screaming and twitching. It was beyond any pain that he had ever felt in his life. He rolled around, trying to get away, but Umbridge cackled hysterically as she made him fall of the platform. Colette ran out of nowhere, trying to help him, and Umbridge stunned her, causing her to fall to the ground.
"MAUHAHAHAHA!" she shouted. "Now, Weasley, it's your turn!"
"Oh hell…" Ron muttered bracing for the impact.
Just as Umbridge readied herself, she caught movement in the corner of her eye. She turned just in time to be met by someone's food crashing into her face. Raine was back, and she was livid, way into Overlimit.
"You… WHORE!" Raine shouted. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU LOCK ME UP, HIDE ME IN A CLOSET, AND FEED ME NOTHING BUT CARROTS! I'll have you know, I've got half mind to kill you right where you stand."
"Your magic won't do anything to me, half-human!" shouted Umbridge.
"That's the nicest thing I've ever been called," replied Raine.
"Even nicer than cold-hearted witch?" Sheena called.
"Shut up, Sheena," Raine snarled back.
"Aye, ma'am," said Sheena, fearing retribution.
"Now… I would love nothing more than to bludgeon you to a pulp with my staff, but I have these students to attend to. Instead, I'll let someone else do it, someone who has suffered way more than I."
"And who might that be?" asked Umbridge, flatly.
"Luna! Look!" Raine shouted. "We have a present for you!"
"What is it? Is it Ecuador?" Luna asked, rushing forward happily.
"No, better. NOW, GIRTRUDE!" Raine commanded.
"YAY! RAY-MEN!" shouted Girtrude, chucking thirty packets of noodles at Luna, who froze.
"It's pronounced RAH-MEN!" shouted Gaz.
Meanwhile, Luna was hit repeatedly in the face with the Ramen. She looked down and saw them lying at her feet. Instantly, her eyes turned a horrifying red, and the black aura surrounded her. She was in Overlimit once again.
"NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!" she cried, her voice hard and cold, unlike anything they'd ever heard before.
It was as though everyone had found themselves floating in space at this point. Umbridge, horrified, couldn't move. Luna took her wand, pointed it towards the nearest planet, and stole one of the moons. This she held above her head, and began to twirl it around.
"NOW FACE MY WRATH AND THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND MOONS!" Luna shouted, the horrifying, red-eyed anime cut-out coming in.
"Nooooo!" Umbridge shrieked, turning to run.
"LUNAR JUDGEMENT!" Luna shouted, flying towards Umbridge. She and the moon collided with the teacher, resulting in the most enormous explosion since the Big Bang itself.
Genis and Hermione watched from the sidelines as this was going on. They smiled happily as Umbridge was hit, barely flinching as debris from the explosion flew past them.
"You know… you're pretty cool after all," said Hermione.
"Yeah, you too. I guess Traditional Magic is good in tight spots," said Genis.
"Although Symphonian magic has its quirks," Hermione concurred, smiling at Genis.
"That is true," said Genis, meeting her eyes. They stared at each other for half a minute, smiling in a lost sort of way.
"Look! I knew it!" Lloyd said from his position on the ground as Raine tended to him, "I knew they'd wind up together!"
"How sweet and cliché!" said Sheena happily.
"Although," said Hermione. "It's still quite slow and not useful in as many situations as Traditional."
"Oh yeah?" Genis retorted. "At least I didn't nearly get chopped up by a fan in the vents!"
"Oh, we're gonna start that now, huh? If it wasn't for me, we would have never known how to defeat Umbridge!"
"Yes but, you know what? It was Luna who defeated Umbridge!" Genis shouted back.
"Why, you little—" Hermione hissed.
"That's better," said Lloyd, reclining as Professor Sage bandaged his left leg.
"Everyone, look," said Gaz. "Umbridge is… melting…"
Indeed, she was. From the huge crater left by the moon's impact, Umbridge's skin seemed to be melting. Below it was a robot. Everyone stared at it for a moment as it shorted out and exploded. Master Computer and Peaches suddenly flew out of nowhere, with Master Computer landing on top of it first.
"DIBS!" he cried on the parts.
"Dammit!" swore Peaches, "You big jerk!"
She flew away sobbing. Everyone else stared for a few minutes, and then retreated back to their dorms. Now that Raine was back, everyone knew she'd be in a fury about so much missed class time, and nobody wanted to be around when she began to assign the make-up homework. Meanwhile, Luna sat in a tree, smiling evilly at building with Umbridge's office, which slowly burned and produced the smell of Ramen.
From Peaches' Mind: (June 2011)
HEEEY GUYS! : ). I'm so happy that we found out that we didn't kill the real Umbridge; that would have been a lot of paper work! Although I'm mad at Master Computer for stealing all the spare parts, I guess I can get over it for now. Anyway… next chapter is February! Valentine's Day! I can't wait, everyone's going to fall in love! And we might even see some unexpected pairings. I can't wait, it just makes me so happy to see everyone so happy and gleeful! Let's just hope we don't all randomly get launched into space, that wouldn't make me happy at all… so stay tuned for Lovey-Dovy Joy Next Time!
From Gaz's Mind:
Oh my God kill me please.