Who's Bet: Special Agent Paula Cassidy

Summary: Paula liked Tony, how will she take the pool?

Spoilers: Season 1 Episode 8: Minimum Security

"So," he said with a smile. Paula knew she was mush, even though she would never admit it. She couldn't just give in to Tony DiNozzo's charm. If she did, they would sleep together and he would move on. She knew his type. And she sure as hell wasn't going to become another notch on his bedpost. No, she wanted to be something more to him. "What are you doing after your meeting with the director?"

He was leaning casually against the railing outside Director Morrow's office. And he was smiling. He had a really nice smile, though again she would never say it out loud.

She shrugged. "Not you."

He laughed. It was deep, and gravelly, just like his voice. "Cute. Very, very cute. But," he wriggled his eyebrows. "Are you sure about that?"

Oh she was tempted. Very very tempted. Especially when he smiled like that. It wasn't fair. How could a man possibly be so perfect?

She had to stop thinking like that! Tony DiNozzo wasn't perfect. Sure he was cute, he was a great dancer and a good agent… ok, so he was as perfect as a man could possibly get, at least to Paula Cassidy.

"Agent Cassidy," Director Morrow's secretary called to her, saving her from having to say anything. "You can come on in and wait."

Paula nodded. Without sparing a glance at Tony, she followed the woman into her office. The door to Morrow's office was still closed.

"The Director will be here in just a moment. He's still in MTAC."

Paula nodded. The secretary went to sit back at her desk, completely unaware of the way that Paula was glaring at her. If Morrow wasn't even in his office, why was Paula sitting here when she could have been flirting with Tony?

The bitch's phone rang. Paula rolled her eyes and sat down as she answered. "Director Morrow's office." She paused for a second as the person on the other end spoke. "Hi Kate!" She sounded too bubbly. Like one of those cliché secretaries from the movies. The ones without a brain who did their nails at their desk.

Paula groaned. This wasn't going to be fun.

The bitch gasped, which somehow turned into some weird laugh thing. "No! Seriously?" She paused a second. "Now, when you say that he was naked, how naked? Seriously?" Paula dropped her head on the back of the couch. "Full frontal Tony DiNozzo." That got Paula's attention. She jerked her head up and gaped at the bitch. "Ok, I have to ask, how big?"

Paula slowly leaned forward, hoping to hear the answer. If they were talking about Tony, maybe it was Kate Todd on the line. Paula liked Kate, she seemed to be pushing for a relationship between her and Tony. That qualified her for Sainthood in Paula's book.

The bitch secretary groaned. "Ok, how do you not want to sleep with him?" She waited for Kate's answer again. "Your brothers look nothing like Tony!" She paused again. Then she gasped again. "Gibbs was there? What was his reaction?"

Paula was definitely confused. This woman sounded more excited about Agent Gibbs seeing a naked Tony than she was about the fact that Tony was naked at all. What was wrong with this woman?

"That's it? 'I need coffee,' that's all he had to say?" She leaned back at her desk. "Hey, do you think he spanked it in the shower that morning?"

Paula almost fell out of her seat.

"From seeing Tony standing naked in front of him, sporting a case of very impressive morning wood! Hell I would." The secretary laughed. "These men are never gonna get their heads out of their asses! At least, not without some help." Another pause. "No, Tony stayed with Gibbs before, he pissed the man off like crazy and slept on the couch." This was the most annoying one sided conversation Paula ever heard. "Yeah, it was like six months ago." She rolled her eyes up to the ceiling in thought. "Well, I suppose after Gitmo, they have a better chance. What do you have in mind?"

Paula was reeling. They were seriously talking about Gibbs. Gibbs and Tony. Her Tony! And yes, she claimed him. She danced with him, she flirted with him, even though it was against her personal rules—never date another agent. And he was into it! And Kate kept trying to set them up. Why would she do that just to go back and talk about Tony being with Gibbs!

"You are evil, Caitlyn Todd. I love it!" The bitch giggled. "Ok, but the question is how do we blow a boiler?" She scoffed. "Somehow I doubt that even Morrow would agree to use C4 to get Tony into Gibbs house and bed."

What?

"Ok, so you get a tech guy to blow the boiler, how do you know that Gibbs will even agree to let Tony stay there? I told you, last time didn't end well. I don't know the details, but they were both admitted to the hospital, Tony had a fractured rib and a broken finger. Gibbs had a sprained ankle and a couple of fractured ribs." She laughed. "Gibbs doesn't really strike me as being interested in rough sex, Kate. No, if anything, Tony tripped down the stairs and took Gibbs with him."

The woman took a moment to think again. Paula could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears. "That could work. Ok, so you covered why Tony would need a place to stay, and why Gibbs would let him. But how do you know they'll even do anything? They've been stuck in that situation a couple times, they never act on it."

Silence.

Her jaw dropped in what was probably the most serious emotion she's shown since Kate called. And it still looked pretty comical. "You want to date rape them?"

That time Paula did fall out of her chair.

"You want to drug them so they have sex with each other, that's date rape!" She fixed her receiver onto her shoulder and started typing at her computer. "I'm Googling the effects of ecstasy right now." Kate must have said something else. "Oh, of course you're gonna say that, this is all your idea! I'm getting a professional opinion."

A professional opinion from Google?

Apparently Kate had the same thought. "Google just gave me a link for the Mayo clinic website. You think they're professional enough?"

After reading for a few minutes, the woman's shoulders slumped. "Ok, it says that people on ecstasy are more likely to commit date rape than be victims of one, but that isn't much better! You're pretty much asking Gibbs and Tony to rape each other!"

"You can't rape the willing," Paula finally said, unable to stay quiet any longer.

The secretary looked up, with a deer caught in the headlights look. Apparently in this riveting conversation, she forgot that Paula was there. "Kate, I'm going to have to call you back." She hung up. Paula could hear Kate try and argue about it for a while.

She looked up and smiled. "Agent Cassidy—" She started before Paula cut her off.

"What the hell was that?"

She shook her head. "Just a friendly conversation."

"About morning wood and date rape?" The woman closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Paula went into full interrogation mode. She leaned over the woman's desk and gave her her most intimidating glare. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

It only took a second for the woman to gather her bearings and start rambling. Not just talking. Oh no, she rambled. "There's a pool around the office trying to determine when Gibbs and Tony are going to sleep together, Gibbs saw Tony in all his glory when they were in Cuba, so Agent Todd thinks that they'll sleep together very soon, she came up with a plan to blow Tony's boiler out so he'll be forced to stay with somebody else, which will be Gibbs because everyone else that he would ask is in on the pool, then Kate wants to slip them ecstasy so they'd get horny enough to sleep together and then she can win the pool." She finally stopped, breathing heavily.

Paula took a moment to go back and try and decipher everything she just said. Then she took another moment to understand it. She understood the last part, she heard it all. But the fact that NCIS would have an pool about when two male heterosexual agents would have sex was just… she couldn't even think of an adequate word.

"You really think—"

This time, the secretary cut her off. "We don't think. We know."

"Who's all in on this?"

"Everybody."

"Of course they are. And they all think that Gibbs and Tony…" She trailed off.

"Obviously, or they wouldn't be in on the pool." She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. If Paula still had her gun, she'd shoot the woman.

Paula shook her head. "I don't believe it." Not that she really wanted to. Tony DiNozzo was the closest thing to perfect she'd ever seen. It wasn't fair that he would be gay. She was very aware of the saying that all the good men are either gay or taken. But damn it, there had to be one that wasn't! And that was DiNozzo!

Before they could argue any longer, Morrow strode in. He was smiling. "Sorry to have kept you waiting."

Paula straightened up. "Don't be. Your secretary kept me entertained."

He chuckled. "Well, if you would just follow me please." He led the way into his office. Paula was extremely grateful to get away from the psychotic secretary who thought that Gibbs and Tony were going to have sex. And quite frankly, Paula wasn't very happy with how freely she talked about Tony's nudity.

She sat down in front of Morrow's desk while he sat in the big leather seat behind it. He smiled warmly at her, putting her somewhat at ease. Hopefully, he wouldn't ream her out too bad for her mistake.

"Agent Cassidy, I've already read Agent Gibbs' team's report. I don't believe that what happened was in any way your fault."

That was confusing. And not what she was expecting. "So, does that mean I'm free to go back to Gitmo?"

"Perhaps Guantanamo Bay isn't the best station for you. I understand that you took this situation very hard. I wouldn't be opposed if you wanted a transfer somewhere else."

That wasn't a bad idea. Paula had been rolling around the idea of being Agent Afloat. She wouldn't have to worry about a coworker betraying her if she was the only cop on board.

But still. "At the moment sir, I'd like to go back to Gitmo." She needed to redeem herself in her eyes.

Morrow nodded, completely understanding. Then he leaned back in his seat. "Well, while you're here, how would you like a stake in the office pool?"

Paula slammed her head on his desk.

Talk to me!

Bob