From the Author's Mind: (June 2011)
Well, it's taken quite a while, but I've finally made contact with the people on the Whitestone Starship Building B. All I can do is get a radio transmission to them; I haven't actually hooked up any sort of voice or video communication here at mission control in Building E. I can only imagine what sort of peril they may be in… last time I received a transmission, they were near the Dormir Nebula, which means they're near a lot of dangerous space territory. I'm trying to find a wormhole to send them home, but that's proving very difficult since they haven't upgraded the computers from Vista and it's running ever so slowly…
In this chapter, you will see many references to Halo, Space Cases, Invader Zim (well duh) again, and possibly various other things. The song lyrics that I will be placing throughout this chapter go along with the Space Cases theme; listen to it on YouTube or other such site if you're curious and/or can't remember the show.
Chapter 13: Space Cases
Once Upon a Time, In a School In Outer Space
There was a class of misfit kids, from all around the place.
They're trapped aboard a mystery ship,
and now have slipped through a spatial rift.
And now they're stuck on a long, dumb trip!
Lloyd Irving thinks he knows it all,
Luna Lovegood is talking to the wall.
Girtrude's really super-strong,
Gaz's GameSlave functions wrong.
Bitters acts like nothing's funny,
Colette's cheery, bright, and sunny.
Regal, Raine, and Kratos do the best they caaaaaaaan…
THEY'RE SPAAAAAAAACE CASES!
"Did you guys hear something?" asked Ginny as the group went silent.
"It was a song… and it had some of our names inside it," said Luna. "How very peculiar."
"I bet it was coming from here," said Tak, who was studying the controls on a huge panel. "This is part of the communications equipment on the ship… and I could've sworn I detected a sort of energy coming through here…"
She talked very fast, embarrassed that she, Zim, and Girtrude had been exposed and were now temporarily stuck in alien form. Nearly everyone else was silent, still getting over the shock of being hurled into space while their home planet was, apparently, going to be destroyed.
"Tak… Zim…" Hermione finally muttered. "This goes against all scientific proof that aliens don't exist. And it seems Dib was right… for once…"
Dib danced a dance of victory for his correctness. Some were highly upset, not only because they were in the presence of dangerous aliens, but because Dib had been completely right from day one and they had been completely wrong. Still, in the end, it mattered very little if they died out in space, or if the earth was destroyed.
"It's true," said Zim. "There are many, many races out there that you pathetic humans don't even know about. The mightiest of all, of course, is the Irken race, the one Tak and I belong to. We're going to bring the entire universe under our control in order to—"
"So you were sent to Earth to conquer us!" cried Dib. "Guys! Don't you see? This is our perfect chance to finish off these aliens once and for all!"
"Dib," said Raine, sharply. "If we were to incapacitate Zim or Tak in any way, how do you expect us to return home?"
"I… uh…" Dib said, frowning. "Dang, you're right."
"But how can we be sure they'll even lead us home?" asked Sheena, spitefully. "How do we know they aren't just leading us to Irkia or whatever their planet is called? They could have been in cahoots with Klorb this whole time and—"
"Klorb was acting on his own," said Tak. "Even against the Almight Tallests' orders to stay away from that part of the galaxy until it was ripe for conquest."
"Which is why I was there," interrupted Zim.
"Yes…" said Tak, though her eyes were slightly shifty for a moment. "But… it doesn't matter, we're nowhere near there now. For the love of Irk, we're near the DORMIR Nebula!"
"I've never heard of such a Nebula," said Raine, Genis, Hermione, and Dib at the same time.
"That's because your inferior human space equipment could never match that of our own," said Zim.
"I give you my word as an Irken Invader," said Tak. "I will do everything in my power to return you all to earth. Because… well… as much as it sickens me to say it… I've grown to… stomach… a good majority of you. Sure my happy-go-blissy persona was an act… at first… You were kind to me, and you were caring. Not like at the Irken Training Academy, where they didn't care about your personality and only wanted you to become a robotic Invader…"
She was pouring her heart out, and a few actually softened. Zelos, however, still seemed very upset, and quickly left the bridge. Nobody stopped him at first, until Tak finally called after him and gave chase. Nobody bothered to follow; many were still unable to accept what had happened.
"For the record, I still want to destroy you," said Zim.
"This… is not a good turn of events," said Raine. "However, I think it would be best if we did whatever we could to keep everything running smoothly. From what I could tell, when we took off, the internal structure of the building rearranged itself. I feel it would be in our best interests to explore the ship in groups of four or five and report back to the Bridge. I will stay here to examine this equipment and figure out how it works."
"Good idea, Professor," said Hermione, "We've got three exits to choose from… oh, and someone needs to keep an eye out for Tak and Zelos, we don't want them to get hurt or lost."
"Who put you in charge?" asked Genis, flatly.
"This is not the time for being catty," Hermione replied, coolly. "We're in a life-threatening situation."
"Too true. Kratos, Ms. Bitters, and I will stay behind, the rest of you go explore and find whatever you can," said Raine.
"I shall remain as well to instruct you on use of these machines," Zim said, looking at them with interest.
"I'm gonna stay here as well," Dib said. "To keep an eye on Zim… and see what that neat-o computer does!"
"Girtrude, come with us," said Colette as she, Regal, Lloyd, Sheena, and Genis made to exit out the west door. "We're going to see if we can find the kitchen."
"I dun wanna!" cried Girtrude. "My legs hurt!"
"Your legs are made of metal, Gir," said Zim, "You no longer need to use that nickname."
"B… But I like it!" wailed Girtrude, smacking his tiny fists upon the ground.
"He's just cranky. He hasn't had his juice," said Luna as she, Gaz, Presea, Countess von Verminstrasser, and Professor Trelawney left through the east exit.
"We're going this way," said Harry as he led Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Peaches out the north exit.
"Iggins, where are you going?" asked Raine, kindly.
"I'm going nowhere!" Iggins giggled. "I wanna see this computer, too!"
"As you wish," sighed Raine. "Snape, will you be joining us as well?"
"Of course," replied Snape in an icy tone. "It's better than chasing after those idiotic students."
"I might have guessed," muttered Raine, turning back to the computer.
Lloyd's Group: Deck C. Kitchen and Dining Area
"Wow!" cried Genis as he raced into the kitchen area. "This is so high-tech!"
"Indeed," said Regal as he walked over and examined a microwave that had a keyboard. "You can just tell it how to cook your meals and it'll do exactly as you tell it."
"Cool! The tables are so cool," said Colette. "And look, look! If you press this button, it changes colors. Watch!"
She pressed the button, but nothing happened. She frowned and pressed it again, but still no response. Finally, she jabbed the button about twelve times, which caused the table to begin changing colors about once every three seconds. Horrified, she stepped back.
"And the klutz strikes again," muttered Sheena, shaking her head.
"This is boring," whined Lloyd. "Isn't there an arcade or something?"
"Unlikely," said Genis. "This is a school building, after all."
"If there's a classroom and no game room, I'm gonna be real upset," muttered Lloyd.
"I really do like it here," Regal muttered. "I think I could get used to this place. I'm going to apply for Chief of Kitchen Staff when we assign duties."
"We're going to get assigned positions?" asked Lloyd, frowning.
"Yes. You children all need something to do, so we're going to see your strengths and decide where to put you," replied Regal.
"What are the options?" asked a curious Genis.
"As of now, we have only a few. Kitchen, Housekeeping, Engineering, Bridge, Archives and Research, and Medical. A professor will be the head of each section, but you students will do most of the work," explained Regal.
"You all managed to come up with those positions pretty quickly," Genis said, sighing.
"We had a contingency plan," said Regal, shrugging.
"That's messed up," said Sheena, "We do the work, you get to rest?"
"Now, now, Sheena," Regal replied. "Don't get the wrong idea; you do the work during the day. We'll be running the ship at night, while you all sleep."
"Fantastic," muttered Lloyd. "This still sucks."
"If we don't all pitch in," warned Regal. "We'll never get back home."
"That's true. Come on guys, let's just remain optimistic!" Colette said, smiling her normal, radiant smile.
"Colette, how do you manage to stay happy in these situations?" asked Genis.
"It's called 'Denial,' Genis," Sheena whispered as they returned toward the Bridge.
Luna's Group: Deck E. Engine Room.
"I think this is the right door…" muttered Luna as she pushed open yet another door.
"By all the heavens!" cried Trelawney. "Just look at that spectacular engine!"
Inside the circular room, a large, cylindrical machine stood straight up to the ceiling. Metallic in color, countless buttons, wires, and cords were on and connected to it. The translucent covering allowed them to see the electricity coursing through and powering the ship. A couple of other displays gave reports on ship functions, such as life support systems, shields, weapons, and various other things.
"Hey, what's this?" said Gaz, spying a locker in the corner. "It looks like it contains things."
"I will open it," said Presea, taking her ax and violently slamming the door, which burst open.
"The Spirit of St. Hitler smiles upon us again," Verminstrasser whispered as her eyes bugged.
Contained in the locker was a large array of futuristic-looking guns. They had plasma shooters, beam rifles, small side-arms that shot volts of electricity, and even a few swords of pure energy. Gaz, Presea, and Verminstrasser raided the metal locker as though it was Christmas all over again, while Luna studied the engine closely. Trelawney had contracted Narcolepsy on the trip up and was now asleep under one of the control panels.
"We must tell the others!" Verminstasser said, chuckling, "I will head up the Ship Defense area of this space vessel!"
"Do we have to?" said Gaz, not looking thrilled at the idea that she might have to give up her new toys.
"Yes, for the Master Computer wishes to inventory everything we have," said Verminstrasser, sweeping out.
"Let's go, guys," said Luna. "If we stay, here, we might get radiation poisoning since we don't know what that engine runs on."
"What about Trelawney?" queried Presea.
"She'll wake up in about twenty minutes," said Luna. "But be warned; she'll have a strong craving for iced coffee."
"That is so wrong…" Gaz muttered as they reached the stairs.
Hermione's Group: Deck B. Habitation.
"Wow…" said Harry as he led the group into the habitation area. "This is… beyond amazing."
"The beds are just little… circular holes in the wall…" Ron said, glancing into one.
"With attachments for computers, music players, DVD players, and all manner of other technological wonders!" Hermione gasped. "This is fantastic!"
"And look at this," said Ginny, standing near a table in the center of the room, "This thing can store and recall any possessions we entrust to it. This is sweet!"
"I can recharge while you all sleep," Peaches said gleefully as she found a plug-in that fit her cord. "This is much more convenient and less boring for me!"
"Look at these video games," Neville said, flipping through a small rack where a huge wall-mounted TV loomed. "Some of these look so advanced and I haven't ever heard of them before!"
"Me neither," said Harry, glancing through. "They look to be of futuristic alien design."
"I'll bet Luna knows all about it," muttered Ron in a dark voice.
"Well, we've got to report our findings to the Bridge," said Hermione in a very crisp, decisive voice. "We promised we'd report anything we found to them immediately."
"You mean you promised," grouched Ron, but he followed everyone else out of the room anyway.
Zelos and Tak: Deck D. Sick Bay and Rec Room.
"Zelos?" Tak asked, as a door opened revealing a large medical unit.
It had beds much like those in the habitation area. Tak was slightly amazed by the number; twenty at least. Much more than required for a ship this size. Tools of all shapes and sizes were strapped to the wall, each connected to a large life support system that spanned one entire side of the ship. Platforms and capsules were arranged in the room so that people could be tended to. But what Tak was looking for was sitting near a window, staring into space.
"Zelos… babe… I'm so sorry," she muttered, walking over and sitting next to him, staring at her feet. "I never meant to hurt you like this."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked. "Why'd you have to keep this a secret?"
"Well… to be frank, at first it was because I was getting a better understanding of the human relationship and its dependence on 'lust'…" Tak explained, looking upset. Then she hesitated. "But after that… I was afraid you wouldn't love me. Your attraction to only earthly girls of certain body volumes and figures frightened me away from showing you my true self…"
"But still… you didn't think I would love you if you showed me the real you, correct?" Zelos muttered, looking equally upset. "I didn't want you to ever think that about me."
"When I came here originally," Tak said. "I planned to takeover this pathetic world and enslave everyone. But I wasn't kidding about what I said; I've grown to like everyone at this school. Except maybe Zim and Iggins, but nobody really likes them of course… but I… found a new emotion with you. And I believe it is what you humans would call… desire."
"Tak… do you still love me?" Zelos muttered, looking at her with his puppy-dog eyes.
"With all my squiggly spooch," Tak replied.
There was a silence that lasted about a half a minute. Tak stared into Zelos' eyes, and he stared right back. The look on his face was unfathomable. Thoughtful, yet still reluctant and worried. And then, he broke into a smile.
"To be honest," said Zelos. "I kinda like the whole alien race idea… You've got quite the body, with or without your human disguise. I like it."
"Oh, Zelos!" cried Tak, hugging him. "Let's get back to the Bridge. I've got to get you all home."
"Amen to that," said Zelos, leading her towards the lift that would take them back to Deck A.
Everyone else: Deck A. The Bridge.
"I've never seen any computers like this," said Raine as she scanned screens for any sort of readable information. "The characters are a mixture of many things. I can't really make heads or tails of any of it."
"Nor I," said Kratos. "And I've been alive for four thousand and forty-seven years. You pick up quite a few languages in that time, mind you."
"Ms. Bitters? Any luck?" asked a now-desperate Raine.
"Nothing," replied Ms. Bitters, who had been tapping the keys on the large machine. "This extends beyond even my knowledge. My Room will need a new few books, I am certain."
With that, she promptly shot over to a nearby console, ripped the keyface off of it, and sat down, producing a typewriter from nowhere and beginning to furiously type something. Dib caught the flying keyface before it hit the ground.
"I've studied many alien languages," said Dib. "And this seems to be a large mixture. I can pick out some of our Earthly characters, but I also see from the alien races of the Irken, Meekrob, Spung, Vulcan, Wookie, Andromedan, Cruxis, Japanese, Kel'hetze, and Blorkin… as well as dozens of others even I can't identify."
"I can help you there!" came the angry, robotic voice of the Master Computer as he shot out of the ceiling and landed upon the ground. "I'll just filter anything that isn't in Earth Language."
"How long will that take?" asked Raine.
"Judging by the amount of alien languages… I'd say about eight hours. We should be ready by morning," replied the Master Computer.
"Foolish humans. I could easily have this translated in a mere ten earth minutes," said Zim.
"Oh? You can?" said a startled Raine. "Well, please do."
"Gir! Begin the translation now!" commanded Zim.
"Okay," said Gir, smiling stupidly. Then he twitched for a second. "I can't."
"… I just replaced your translator before we went to the Academy. Why won't it work?" asked Zim.
"Because I took it out," said Gir, grinning.
"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" screamed Zim.
"I had to make room for Gorfy, duh!" said Girtrude, withdrawing the Chihuahua from his head. The dog snarled and ran from the room.
"I'll get to work, then," said the Master Computer, sighing and retracting to the ceiling.
"Well, now all we've got to do is figure out how to use a communicator machine," said Kratos. "That way everyone will return to—."
"That will not be necessary," said Presea as her group returned. The other groups arrived seconds after she said this.
"We've found some great stuff!" Hermione cried. "It's so exciting!"
"Anything you found pales in comparison to this," said Verminstrasser, cradling one of the laser guns as though it was her first born daughter. "I need to shoot something."
"Start with Iggins," said Gaz. "He's being suspicious."
"Hmm… you're right…" said Verminstrasser, contemplating.
Iggins, who had been watching lots of the lights until it nearly sent him into a seizure, glanced over upon hearing his name. Verminstrasser then grinned, pulled back the hammer of the small gun, and gave chase with a hunter's scream. Iggins panicked and dashed out the nearest door, and the insane Nazi teacher followed.
"Now that that's over," said Raine. "Children, please go to bed, the Professors have many things to discuss. You will receive your assignments in the morning."
"Alright, goodnight Professor. Girls, follow me. I'll show you to your dorms," said Hermione, walking out briskly.
"Blokes with me, then," said Ron, flatly. "I feel like a bloody prefect again."
The children left and the professors faced each other. They were in a fix, and they all knew it. Tomorrow, they decided, would be the day that they would begin their journey home. From somewhere on the ship, there was a shot and a cry of pain, followed by hysterical laughter. This was the last sound that was heard before nearly everyone fell into a fitful sleep.
DAY 3
Once Upon a Time, In a School In Outer Space
There was a class of misfit kids, from all around the place.
They're trapped aboard a mystery ship, and now have slipped through a spacial rift.
And now they're stuck on a long, dumb trip!
Gaz Membrane really hates them all,
Iggins isn't ever on the ball.
Zelos is a real big perv,
Colette's always glad to serve.
Sheena's bitchy, Zim is lazy,
Trelawney is friggin' crazy.
Verminstrasser wants to genocide them allllllllllll…
THEY'RE SPAAAAAAAACE CASES!
"I almost had a lock on that," said a frustrated Raine, slamming her fist on the keyface. "I thought I'd be able to get contact with Earth."
"I wonder who keeps sending these messages," said a thoughtful Regal. "Well, it doesn't matter. It's almost time for everyone to arrive…"
The doors opened and everyone filed in, one-by-one. They each wore different colored uniforms to show their rank and position. They had received their assignments and basic training for their selected field of work during the previous day while Master Computer finished sorting out the bugs and glitches in the ships' systems. Finally, everything was functional and full operations could begin.
The Bridge group was headed by Ms. Bitters. She kept the traditional black uniform, though the students wore red. Lloyd sat at the helm, the steering under his control. Harry was Navigation and he kept them on the closet track to earth (according to Raine's estimates). Ron was to be in charge of raising the shields, preparing weapons, and monitoring changes in enemies' attacking patterns. Dib, working in tandem with Engineering, kept a watch on all ship systems to make sure there were no critical changes, and Ginny had taken over communications, though the first two days had been all but silent.
The yellow-clad Engineering group, headed by Kratos, consisted of only three students. Zim and Tak were vital since they were Irken and therefore had more knowledge of engine operations than anyone else. Kratos and Zelos, both having been part of Cruxius for a time, had some knowledge of space travel, so they were the best candidates to assist the aliens. Besides, if Tak and Zim began to argue, they needed someone with authority to diffuse the situation.
Wearing the navy blue uniforms, the Ship Defense group was ruled by none other than Professor Verminstrasser. They were in charge of locating, securing, and using any and all hand weapons on the ship. Gaz, Presea, and Luna had begun daily training simulations, learning exactly how to use the new, futuristic tools while Gaz struggled to get her GameSlave 4 to accept the alien upgrades.
In white uniforms, Snape had traded with Raine to control the Medical group. They, of course, were in charge of monitoring the sickbay and making sure all life support systems were functioning properly. Neville and Girtrude were the only two to have been placed there. This, effectively, reduced the number of capable healers on the ship to two: Neville and Raine.
Raine, meanwhile, joined two of her pupils in purple uniforms, denoting their positions as the Archives and Research group. Their main purpose was to learn anything they could about the ship, the alien races, and the parts of space they were in. Only Hermione and Sheena were in this group. Hermione had her usual unquenchable thirst for knowledge and Sheena knew neglecting to learn about all these alien machines would cause her lynching when she returned to Mizuho.
Genis had opted to join Regal and Iggins in the Kitchen, so he wore a brown uniform instead. They were responsible for preparing meals and snacks and drinks for everyone throughout the day. Iggins was more of a hindrance since every time he pressed a button something would burst into flame or explode, so he was demoted to washing things.
With their Green uniforms, Colette, Peaches, and Professor Trelawney took up the job of Housekeeping, which included picking up after everyone and resetting the beds to their charged state. All three happily went about their duties, smiling and blindly following the orders others gave them.
"Good morning, students," said Raine, addressing the gathered space cadets. "You all know your assignments, so hop to it! Today we're also going to be running a few drills, so interruptions are a possibility. Chop, chop! To your stations!"
Everyone filed to their correct areas, leaving through the various doors and talking to their friends. Ginny began to channel through various frequencies, attempting to pick up some sort of sound or voice communication. Before heading to the Archives and Research area, Raine spoke to Ginny.
"We got another song transmission, but we couldn't pinpoint a frequency. It was in English, so we assume it was from earth, and it had our names again," said Raine. "Most peculiar indeed."
"Alright, I'll keep an ear out," said Ginny, frowning as she was greeted with nothing but silence.
"All ship functions are normal and online," said Dib. "Small fluctuation in the aqua purifier on Deck E, but that's not major."
"Shields and weapons online and ready," muttered Ron in a tired voice. "Just like the past 48 hours we've been here."
"Potter," said Ms. Bitters, resting in the Captain's chair. "Set a course for 422.38/899.11/238.92."
"Aye ma'am," said Harry, "Course set."
"Engage, Irving," Ms. Bitters said.
"Alright!" said Lloyd, shoving the thing forward with gusto.
The ship shot forward, from subsonic to speed of light in a mere three seconds. Anything not bolted down was thrown backward, and this included people. Dib slammed into a monitor, Harry and Ron both fell out of their stations, and Ginny almost strangled herself when the cord to the headpiece caught her as she fell.
"Sorry," Lloyd said sheepishly, steadying the ship.
"Screw up," muttered Ron while Harry nodded.
"Professor Raine has decreed," said Ms. Bitters. "That we shall be doing an Emergency drill in about an hour. We will practice standard evacuation procedures, and Lloyd will get to do some fun spins with the ship to simulate a careening and inevitable crash."
"Yes!" said Lloyd, punching fist into the air. "I always wanted to simulate death!"
"Focus, Lloyd," said Harry, suddenly. "We've got an asteroid belt 28,000 nautical miles at twelve o'clock!"
"Sounds like fun. Let's go!" said Lloyd, pushing forward.
Deck E: Engine Room
"All hyper drive engines at full capacity," said Tak, running a scanner over the large object. "Nothing out of the ordinary. Not even a simple fluxuation."
"It would appear that the fuel source is this bit of negative energy," said Kratos, examining a glowing, black sphere.
"What do you reckon it is?" Zelos asked, peering at it with a gaudy, purple magnifying glass.
"Mana, I would assume. Some of shadows' perhaps. And where the hell did you get that magnifying glass?" asked Kratos in a disturbed voice.
"I stole it from Professor Trelawney," said Zelos, grinning. "She won't miss it."
"Zim, have you made any progress with the rerouting of the power sources?" asked Tak.
"Yes, Tak," said Zim, obviously annoyed at being told what to do. "When I am finished we will be able to reroute power from any and all other systems to shields, weapons, and engines. There is zero chance of error."
"Look at this," said Zelos, who had moved along the line. "It looks like this black mana is actually the waste product. It starts as this colorless stuff and gets fed through the filter. I've never seen anything like it."
"This is extremely advanced," commented Tak. "But not difficult to understand. This black mass is a life force known as Vishpleegoo. I believe your closest translation is mana, so we will stick with that for the sake of your Earthly ears. This so-called mana is fed through this tube, where it undergoes a process of Ristatioplork. The closest earth equivalent I was able to find is nuclear fission…"
"So the particles are separated into two parts?" Kratos, asked, frowning thoughtfully.
"Sort of. The parts are not identical, as happens with your earthly fission," said Tak.
"Which is COMPLETELY INFERIOR to the types of dividing that we have on Irk," reminded Zim unhelpfully.
"You know," said Zelos. "I bet Symphonia could use this type of technology. We could share it with the world and make it a better place!"
"To hell with that," Kratos said. "We could sell it to the highest-paying company and let them monopolize every other energy source on the face of the planet, thereby rendering us financially secure."
"You're truly evil," said Zelos.
"I was trying to explain this to you," said Tak, twitching. "Stop interrupting me or no candy for you, Zelos!"
"You never gave me candy," said Zim. "ZIM WANTS CANDY!"
"I don't think that's what she meant, Zim," said Kratos, looking uneasy; Zelos looked highly upset.
"Sorry, babe," he said, sheepishly. "Go on."
"As I was saying… it is separated into the useable mana and unusable mana. The usable mana is absorbed through those tubes and used as the driving force behind the engines. The unusable mana is filtered through and returns to where the black mana is," said Tak. "Simple, right?"
"Would you run out rather quickly, though?" asked Zelos, watching the bright mana quickly decrease. "It looks like we'll be out in like ten seconds!"
"No, that's the beauty of this system," said Tak, smiling. "There are tiny, tiny things so small that even Irken technology only discovered them six thousand earth years ago… there's billions of them in that little clear casing that the black mana is in."
"Atoms," said Kratos.
"Smaller," replied Tak. "Humans will probably not discover them before their extinction. Anyway, with so many, they're always moving and attaching to various things, and that means they'll go for the spent mana. Soon as it does that, it returns to light and moves through the filter."
She was right; the light mana moved through a small tube with a tiny opening at each end and refilled the first chamber, thereby giving more fuel to the engines.
"It only takes one for about eighty-five trillion earth miles of travel," Tak said. "So we could feasibly go halfway around the known universe and back without refueling even once. But we don't know how much of this was used up when it was part of Whitestone, so…"
"We'll have to be careful," concluded Kratos. "And what happens if the mana hits the oxygen in the air?"
"Let's just say… Ms. Bitters likes the word," said Tak. "But nothing short of a dead-on hit from an Irken laser can penetrate it, so no worries."
"Funny how something always goes wrong with those two words," Zelos, muttered, shaking his head.
Deck B: Hologram Area
"Girls," said Verminstrasser. "Your performances are improving. You have successfully completed level six of training. Luna, I suggest you be more careful with the sticky bombs; they're very sticky."
"I know," said Luna, smiling and waving her burned hand (patched up courtesy of Neville). "I just forgot they have adhesive on both sides, not just the one."
"Well, anyway," said the instructor. "Your progress is much more than I expected. Do you note any problems?"
"I do not care for this ax," Presea said, glaring stonily at the laser ax she held in her hand. "May I return to mine?"
"You may. But we will have to upgrade it to withstand laser blasts and to cut through space suit armor," said Professor Verminstrasser, reluctantly.
"Much appreciated," said Presea.
"Gaz, are you still having problems with the GameSlave machine?" snapped Verminstrasser.
"Yes," said Gaz in a foul tone. "The stupid thing won't accept anything anymore. And I know I'm nowhere my upgrade limit; I bought the eight exabyte upgrade six weeks before we were launched. It keeps complaining about being not compatible and sprouts some copyright information."
"Fix it," said Verminstrasser. "It will be crucial to training level seven."
"I'm working on it," said Gaz. "I've got at least two lasers, a beam sword transfiguration pack, as well as eight types of missiles inside it, plus a few photon chargers and an imploder. But every time I try to use it, one of the missiles will go off. It's being dumb."
"Luna, any complaints you wish to express?" asked Verminstrasser, glaring at her.
"No. Well, yes. But they're irrelevant and have to do with bubble baths and Muppets on crack, so we'll just ignore that for now," said Luna, still smiling in a lost way.
"Fine. Formation Alpha, Gamma, Delta, Omega! Go!" shouted Verminstrasser, hitting a button that would produce holographic images of generic space aliens with guns.
Presea went to work immediately, slashing violently with her ax, cutting down anything that got in her way. Luna gracefully leapt onto the walls and ran along the ceiling in her rather large anti-gravity boots, before chucking sticky bombs to the heads of the aliens. Gaz shot at a few of them with a plasma pistol and then quickly whipped out the GameSlave, setting it up to use as a beam sword.
A second wave appeared and Presea, without missing a beat, turned on her heel and sent a Beast out that knocked half a dozen aliens into the abyss. Luna flipped down from the ceiling ninja-style with two energy shurikens in each hand, as well as a boomerang that sent out electrical shots at everything it hit. With a screech like an Indian, she let out her brutal attack and decapitated six aliens.
Gaz ran into trouble. She had attempted to change the GameSlave into a minigun, but somewhere there apparently was a coding error. Instead, it reverted back to its original form, started flashing an error message, and then randomly shot off six missiles in all directions. The good news is that it wasted all the remaining aliens. The bad news is that Gaz had a minor conniption and threw the GameSlave at the wall (which Luna caught before it shattered).
"Your skills of combat are improving," said Verminstasser, nodding. "As I knew they would. My only complaints… Presea, fix your ax. Luna, get some anti-adhesive strips for your hands. Gaz… fix that hideous contraption!"
"Yes, ma'am," said Gaz as she sent it into Sleep Mode.
Deck D: Archives
"All this lost alien knowledge… it's wondrous!" Raine said gleefully, piling over six books and notepads at once.
"Mizuho will be so impressed with this," said Sheena. "I bet I'll get a promotion."
"I love this map of the universe they created," said Hermione. "I can't wait until we on Earth can understand such knowledge…"
"And these ship functions," Raine said, eyes bugging and face flushed. "It's so advanced even I have trouble keeping up with it at times! This is heaven…"
"I wonder how everyone else is doing…" said Sheena. "And wasn't there some sort of warning about a test of emergency today?"
"Oh… you're very right, Sheena," said Raine, quickly picking up books and disks and computers. "We need to get this place ready immediately! If even one kilobyte of this useful information is lost, I'll throw myself into the vacuum of space."
"We can't do this alone," said Hermione, panicked. "Computer! Contact… the Housekeeping Squad!"
This came with a small alarm and some James Bond music. The door slid open and revealed Peaches and Colette, both standing in very spy-like poses, holding their feather dusters like magnums. The effect was shattered when Colette tripped over the threshold and disrupted the music player, also causing a mild power outage in the area.
"Whoops," she said, smiling and getting to her feet. "Did you need something?"
"Help us tidy this place up and store all the archives," said Raine, breathlessly lugging eighteen gigantic books towards the shelf. "We've only got about ten minutes before the start of the trial."
"Alright," said Colette, picking up some disks. "Peaches, you can get the heavy stuff, alright?"
"Okay," said Peaches brightly, changing her arms into large cranes. "I know all the codes to lockdown the areas so that they can't fall out, too. Master Computer downloaded them to me this morning."
"That sounds dirty coming from a robot," said Sheena under her breath.
"What do you mean, Sheena?" asked Colette in her usual pure, innocent voice.
"Sheena, stop trying to impurify Colette. Ten points from Typhoid," admonished Raine.
"We're still doing that…?" said an incredulous Sheena. "We're likely to die in space and you're worried about a stupid house point competition?"
"It's a good idea to try and continue as much normalcy as possible," Peaches said cheerfully. "That way we remain positive."
"Your optimism hurts sometimes, Peaches," said Sheena, flatly.
"It's her best weapon," said Raine, still struggling with a stack of books.
"Let me help, Professor," said Colette, skipping forward.
"NO! I mean… it's alright, dear… why don't you go push the chairs in?" said Raine, looking horrified.
"Okay!" said Colette, going to do the task.
She managed to get two of them in alright, but she pushed far too hard on the third. This resulted in her running into the table, breaking a leg, and sending six books, twenty disks, and three computers skidding off the side. Hermione felt one of them crush her toe and she howled in pain. Colette looked mortified.
"I'm so sorry!" she squealed. "I didn't mean to do it!"
"It's alright," said Raine. "Let's get her to the Sick Bay."
"Can't you just use First Aid or something?" said Sheena.
"I want Neville and Girtrude to have some practice," said Raine.
"You really are a heartless witch," said Sheena, picking up the stuff Colette had dropped (since Colette was hyperventilating in the corner and Peaches was doing her best to calm her down).
Deck C: Kitchen
"Hurry, Genis," said Regal. "We need to have lunch prepared and properly stored before Lloyd executes the drill."
"Alright, I'm going as fast as this stupid computer will let me," said Genis, flatly.
He was struggling with one of the ovens. It would only cook at a certain speed since that was the best way to distribute heat, apparently. Genis knew he could use Fireball and have it done in half the time, but non-Healing magic was forbidden in space until the Archives people could find out whether or not it would have negative effects on the ship itself.
"I'm done!" called Iggins from the bullet-proof door that led to the dish washing area. "Can I come out now?"
"No," said Regal, quickly looking about, "You… have to wash… these…"
He opened a random drawer and started shoveling spoons into the chute by the handful. The chute was the place that dirty dishes were sent when they needed cleaning. This also stopped Iggins from leaving his small, secluded room, thereby making sure the kitchen was as safe as could be.
"But they're not dirty!" cried Iggins.
"They have not been sterilized properly. Get to work, child!" Regal shouted.
"You're good at beating people down," commented Genis.
"Well I am the Lezoreno Company President," said Regal, smirking. "And your soufflé's on fire."
"DAMN TECHNOLOGY!" screeched Genis, bailing it out quickly.
Deck D: Sick Bay
"Code Green, possible broken toe," Raine said, rushing Hermione into the waiting area on the sickbay.
"Hiya," said Girtrude, who was manning the front desk. "What'd'ya need?"
"We need to get her," said Raine, pointing to the pained Hermione. "Into the Quick Care Unit."
"Okie dokie," said Girtrude. "First, she needs to dance."
"I can't dance on a broken toe!" hissed Hermione, "Are you mad!"
"But… I… I like dances," sniffed Girtrude. "They're all that keep me from self-destructing… that's why I watch the DDR players at the R-Kade sometimes…"
"I'll do a dance, then," said Raine. "Will that be enough?"
"… yes!" said Girtrude, smiling. "Insurance will pay the rest."
"Alright," said Raine. "Fair enough."
She quickly did the dance that had made her famous in Asgard. Hermione twitched, but said nothing. Girtrude swayed along and then went and got a levitating stretcher, which Hermione was strapped down to.
"Here we go!" said Girtrude, kicking his boots into high gear and shooting them into the Ward at about sixty miles an hour.
They came to an abrupt stop in one of the areas for examination. Snape stood by the door, looking uninterested. Neville, wearing one of those funny headbands with the silver circle thing in it, stood over Hermione. He frowned and examined the toe, having the computer run other diagnostic checks on her.
"Computer, give me an X-Ray on the right phalanges," commanded Neville, turning to a screen. "Aha. Just as I thought. Two fractures, simple and fixable. Girtrude, get me the paste."
"Paste?" Hermione gasped, sitting up. "What are you talking about?"
"Here you go!" said Girtrude, handing him a large, green jar.
"Thank you, Nurse Girtrude. Now go back and watch the front desk, and prepare for the drill."
"Yes, sir!" said Girtrude, flying out and slamming into Snape along the way.
"Professor, you might want to grab a seat," said Neville, strapping his feet to the ground while also tying Hermione down. "We're going to start soon."
"Longbottom, I think I can deal with it myself," said Snape, still leaning against the wall. "But Ms. Granger looks to be in extreme pain. Perhaps you should help her?"
"I'm aware," said Neville, coolly. "Hermione, this will be very cold and unpleasant, but it heals quicker than anything else."
"Alright," said Hermione, now bound to the bed. "Let's just get this over with…"
Deck A: Bridge
"Bridge to ship," said Ms. Bitters. "Our drill will begin in ten seconds."
"All functions normal again," said Dib. "Minor power abnormality in the Archives area has been corrected."
"Can I go now?" whined Lloyd, at the controls.
"Three… two… one… ENGAGE!" shouted Ms. Bitters, strapped to her chair.
"WHOOO!" cried Lloyd, pulling the ship into a somersault.
The bridge crew found themselves clinging to anything they could. Though they had strapped themselves in, Ginny and Dib still managed to get free of their restraints and were then holding themselves to their respective consoles as Lloyd continued to steer the ship in all directions.
In the Archives area, Sheena had just finished putting the last of the books away and felt the first flip coming. She quickly did a leap to the nearest outcropping and braced herself inside of it as the chairs and desks began to tumble around the area. She, however, was safe in her little enclosure.
In one of the halls, Peaches and Colette screamed and yelled with every drop and spin. They had gone to one of the stations specifically set-up for this kind of emergency, but the stations resulted in lots of bouncing around and getting whiplash. Colette was still trying to clamp a bag over her mouth as she was still breathing too quickly, and Peaches couldn't help because she had somehow jammed a wire into a small hole in the wall and was stuck.
Regal and Genis were both safely attached to their own safety spots and all the food was stored safely. They figured they were all good to go and that there would be no problems from their department. And then they heard Iggins' squeals of pain and the crashing from inside the dishwashing area and both sighed. More work for them later, it would appear.
Luna, Gaz, Presea, and Professor Verminstrasser were all, of course, prepared and contained in small, clear chambers that kept them safe and whiplash free. But just down the hall, in the Engineering department, a door malfunction had stopped them from getting to safety. Instead, Kratos and Zelos were flying with their angel wings while Zelos cradled Tak. Zim, meanwhile, was being thrown all over the area, his screams and yells and various complaints of organs rupturing went on for the duration of the spin.
Neville and Hermione were perfectly situated for the trip. Girtrude couldn't be hurt by a mere tumbling around a Sick Bay. Snape, however, was thrown headfirst into a wall and then limply tossed about the inside of the room Hermione was in. He came very close to slamming into them at one point so Neville shoved a ventilator in the way and he instead cracked his skull of that and flew toward the ceiling as they became inverted.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that," he shouted to Hermione as the alarms continued to go off.
"I'm sure you're a better man for it," Hermione replied.
When it finally ended, the injuries were tallied up. Many people had small cases of whiplash and bruising from being bounced around. Iggins was not only bruised but had also been thrown into various kitchenwares, resulting in lots of scratches, an impalement, and bleeding. Snape had head trauma; Zim had multiple body trauma. Colette finally got her breathing under control and Peaches managed to get herself out of the wall just in time for dinner. Ms. Bitters declared the drill a "bare pass," and then everyone but the injured people and Neville went to eat a delicious dinner. Nobody noticed a small blip on the radar screen closing in at twice the speed of light.
From the Author's Mind (June 2011):
This was actually one of my favorite chapters to write, along with the next one. I apologize for the formatting that may or may not be screwed up on . I had to download it from the website due to more computer crashes (I only had the first 12 chapters on my back-up drive apparently…) and looking at it right now there's only one space between periods. I refuse to fix it because that will take FOREVER. Also, I loved making up new versions of the Space Cases theme. Now to try and get in contact with them again…