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How Can I Help You?

Chapter 7

Aftermath

It was the last week of January, just over a month after the accident. Life was slowly getting back to normal for the people of Forks, Washington. After several weeks of bad weather it seemed Mother Nature was giving us a break.

Alice and Jasper had been back at school for two weeks and poor Jasper had to force Ali onto the plane. Esme had stayed at the house with the girls until last week, when in a fit of rage Edward told her to leave. That's not all he said to her, but no need to repeat the awful things either.

Sparkle had been closed since the accident, and I wasn't sure it would reopen. I however was still employed even though I wanted to refuse the paycheck. It just wasn't right to be paid for helping friends or family. After many, many discussions with my parents and with the administration at the high school, I was moving in to the third floor guest room at the Cullen house. My mother understood my reasoning but Jake and Charlie were a different matter.

Jake had kind of been pushed to the back burner with everything that had happened. Let's just say he wasn't very happy about any of it. He knew I was loyal to the Cullens, and that Kate and Irina were special to me. He also knew that they needed me to take care of them. What he didn't understand was me moving in.

Charlie was in his protective Dad mode, like Mom and Jake he knew why I was helping, but he didn't like the fact that his 18 year old daughter was moving in to help take care of two young girls. He didn't think it was appropriate even though I was essentially the nanny now. I was Kate and Irina's new live in nanny. I would get them ready and then take them to Forks Elementary. My high school administration rearranged my second semester's classes so that study hall was first period and not required for me to attend just incase I ran late. I took my three required courses, ate lunch with Angela and Ben then left school. The girls didn't get out of class until 2 o'clock so I had time to shop for groceries or see my mother and father until it was time to collect them.

My biggest concern, as well as the concern of my parents, his parents and the rest of the family not to mention his daughters, was Edward. No one had been able to reach him. The accident had not only robbed the girls of their mother's presence in their life, but their father's as well.

The time right after Charlie had broken the news to me about Tanya and Edward's accident seems so blurry to me. It was like I was on autopilot. Kate and Irina had been eating dinner when Charlie came to the house; after he left I sent them upstairs to play in their playroom before bath time. I straightened up putting things away. I could hear the girls laughing upstairs, my heart breaking for them. I was remembering what Charlie has told me about the accident.

Tanya and Edward had not even made it to their hotel. They had apparently come upon a minor accident and as Edward swerved to avoid it, they hit an icy patch of road and lost control. The car rolled, Edward was found still bound by his seatbelt. Tanya must not have been wearing hers as she was halfway out of the car when the medics arrived.

Tanya was medevaced to Harborview Trauma Center in Seattle, while Edward, suffering minor injuries including a broken arm and possible concussion was transported to Olympia for assessment. Dad informed me that Carlisle was supposed to be heading over to get the girls and head back to Seattle. Edward had been treated and was already with his mother and Alice at Harborview.

Carlisle did call. just as I finished bathing the girls and getting them ready for bed.

"Bella, it's Carlisle."

"How are they doing?" I heard the sounds of a motor starting in the background, he must be leaving now, followed by a sigh. "Edward is doing as well as expected. He's walking fine, but so worried. Tanya was really damaged in the accident and honestly the doctors aren't sure if she'll make it through. She's in surgery now so I am on my way there to get Katie and Rini. Would you please pack them some clothing for a few days maybe a couple of books and coloring books? Edward wants them with us, but they won't be allowed back in the ICU. It's going to be rough until we hear she's out of surgery."

I had already grabbed a couple of overnight bags from the hall closet to start packing. "I'll get there things together. I haven't said anything to them, I just didn't know how."

"I'll tell them when I get there. I do hate to run in and out on you there, but I'm sure you understand."

"Don't worry about me. I'll make sure everything is secure and I'll lock up after you leave."

The girls were occupied in the playroom while I packed everything they would need for a few days. I then gathered my own things and had everything by the front door before asking the girls to pick out a few coloring books and two reading books each. Those went into a tote bag that they could take with them to the hospital.

"Girls, lets go down to the den, ok. I'll let you watch Dora on Tivo, and you can sleep on the sofa. Your Grandpa Carlisle is coming to pick you up and take you to Seattle tonight."

They squealed, happy that they got to see their grandparents. Again my heart was breaking for them and I prayed that Tanya would be alright. I just didn't know what would happen if she wasn't.

Carlisle arrived around 9:30 that night. "Are you sure you'll be ok to drive to Seattle? You won't get in until almost 1AM."

"We'll be fine. I will call you with news once there is some. Girls come give Grandpa a hug. We've got to go soon, but I need to tell you something first." He proceeded to give them a glazed over version just letting them know that their parents had been in an accident, and that Tanya was having an operation to help fix her.

I hugged the girls, helping them get settled in the back seat with blankets and pillows to help make sleeping sitting up more comfortable. "Be good for Grandpa girls and give everyone a hug from me. Carlisle please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you all." He nodded telling me he would call. I got my own bag and turned everything off in the house save for one small lamp on the foyer table. I set the alarm and locked the door before getting into my truck and heading home to my parents.

Mom was beside herself with worry. I made a couple of calls to Angela and Jake letting them know what had happened. Angela told me her mother was going to put a notice on the door of Sparkle, letting everyone know the store would be closed until further notice. Mom was telling me that if we had not heard from anyone with an update we would go to Seattle to visit on Monday morning. I didn't really sleep Saturday night, too much had happened. There was so much to think about, worry about. I prayed over and over for a miracle for Tanya.

Just before noon on Sunday, my phone rang. "Hello?"

"Bella? It's Esme, dear, how are you?"

"I'm fine, but how are you? How are Tanya and Edward doing? Are the girls ok?"

"I'm tired, but coping. Edward is actually physically ok, his left arm is broken but he didn't have anything else more serious than some soreness, cuts and bruising. Tanya is not doing well dear. She came out of surgery again this morning. The doctors were able to stop her internal bleeding, but she's really not stable. She has not regained consciousness since the accident. Edward is with her in ICU, he won't leave her. I was actually calling to see if you would mind coming to Seattle. The girls keep asking for you, Edward only saw them for a minute, he's too distracted by Tanya to be Daddy right now. I'm having a hard time keeping them occupied, a hospital waiting room is not really a place for young children."

I was already rushing around my room getting things together. "My parents will drive me over, Esme. I'll be there later this afternoon." I yelled downstairs to my mother. "Mom, can you and Dad drive me to Seattle. Esme asked if I could help with the girls."

Renee walked into my room asking, "How is Tanya? Are she and Edward alright?"

I shook my head at her. "Edward is, but Tanya is in really bad shape. Carlisle told me yesterday they weren't sure she'd make it. She's in ICU now."

Mom called my dad and told him what was going on. He had been fishing with Billy, but came home, changed and after they each had clothes for the next day, we headed out to Seattle. I was able to sleep some in the car, Charlie waking me as we were approaching the hospital. They were planning on staying the night at a hotel nearby and driving back to Forks in the morning. I sent a text to Esme that we had arrived and were on the way up. She met us at the elevator giving me a quick hug and greeting my parents before leading us to the family waiting area. Katie and Rini attached themselves to my legs while I said hello to Alice, Jasper and Carlisle. Carlisle said "They are only allowing one other person back there at a time. I arranged for Edward to be able to stay in there with her. Esme will take you to be checked in at the nurses' station if you want to see her."

I nodded then bent down to the girls telling them I would be back in a little while.

Mom and Dad went to get drinks and food to bring up for everyone as Esme led me to the doors to enter the ICU.

"It's not good, Bella, she's not going to pull through. We've all been trying to hold it together in front of Kate and Irina. Edward hasn't been out of that room all day, he wont respond to anyone that goes in there, he just holds her hand. He needs to eat something. Will you try to get him to come out, if just for 10 minutes?" I told her I would try my best.

I was buzzed through the doors and followed Esme's directions to Tanya's room.

As I walked I glimpsed Edward sitting beside the bed. I knocked gently and entered the room. Tanya was lying peacefully on the bed. Her head wrapped in gauze, tubing coming from all over her body hooked to various machines behind the bed. Edward made no noise or movement, anything that showed he was aware of my presence in the room. I took Tanya's other hand. I couldn't believe she wouldn't be around any longer.

"The doctors have said she has no brain activity."

Edward's gravelly voice startled me. "They want me to allow them to take her off life support so they can harvest her organs for donation." He was dry sobbing now saying, "How am I supposed to do something like that?"

I squeezed Tanya's hand, hoping somehow she knew I was there with her then walked over to Edward. I already had tears flowing down my face from his news, but Edward seemed so broken. I stood behind him placing my hand on his uninjured arm. Nothing else was spoken for a while. "Thank you for being here, Bella. Tanya will be happy to know you care enough to be here." He stood and pulled me into a hug. I could feel his body shaking with his sobs. I was trying to be careful of his injuries as I pulled him closer. "Of course I care. Tanya has been a second mother to me. Your family is now an extension of my own and anything that I can do to help, I will. Esme asked me to help with the Kate and Irina and I wanted to check on both of you as well."

I stayed with Edward watching over Tanya for almost an hour. I knew Carlisle has heard the prognosis by now, and I really wanted to get Edward out to his parents. "Your mother is worrying herself sick over you. She wants you to get something to eat and be with the family just a little while." I pulled him with me back to the waiting room. Esme pulled Edward in for a hug while I prepared a plate with a sandwich and fruit for him. He was like a zombie, barely reacting to anything. I sat him in the corner and gave him his food. Esme told him he needed to eat and rest. Kate and Irina had fallen asleep on one of the sofas in the room. Everyone seemed to be waiting for the discussion to start.

"Esme please get them to back off. Edward isn't holding it together, he's barely moving. He just found out the love of life is only alive due to the machines and that she will never come back to him."

Carlisle sat beside Edward, just offering his support.

Jasper offered to drive me with the girls to Esme's house. Just as the words left his mouth, Edward negated them. "No, the girls need to go say goodbye to Tanya. Dad, they have to let them back for that right? They need to know that she's not going to get better, but how?" Esme traded places with Carlisle, while he went to make arrangements with the nurses on duty and call Tanya's doctor with the news that Edward seemed to have made a decision.

I sat with just my thoughts on the floor between the girls brushing their hair off their faces, trying to wake them as gently as I could.

"Hey sweet girls, did you have a nice nap? It's time to get up."

Edward took the girls, Esme, and Carlisle into another room to meet with a chaplain. Hoping the chaplain could help explain that their mother was dying, but would always be with them. I still just couldn't believe it and that it was happening at what was supposed to be a joyful time of year.

I excused myself and went outside to call my parents and then Jake, telling them that the decision had been made and Tanya's time was short. Mom asked if I wanted them to come back to the hospital, I told her no, that I would be leaving for Esme's house with the girls soon.

I heard the crying when I walked back to the waiting room. It sounded like Alice and Esme, but deeper cries were heard as well.

I felt out of place witnessing the grief of such a loving family. I helped the only way I knew to. I wrapped my arms around the girls, and just tried to be there to help. Edward told me they had already kissed Tanya goodbye, told her they loved her. I wanted to say my own goodbyes so I walked back. I told Tanya how much she meant to me, how my life was so much better for having known her. I was always going to remember her loving nature.

After everyone had said goodbye, Edward was back in the room along with his father and a nurse, the life support was disconnected and her heart monitor was silenced.

We all stood in the hallway just outside of the ICU doors, and knew because of Edward's wail that Tanya Denali Cullen had passed into the Great Beyond.

Tanya passed the week prior to Christmas and was buried December 26. She was laid to rest in the Forks Cemetery so that she would always be close to her husband and children.

Kate and Irina stood beside their father dropping red roses into the gravesite as her casket was lowered.

Esme moved in with Edward and the girls, I tried to spend as much time with Kate and Irina as I could. I wanted to keep them busy, occupied with art and games. The girls wanted their father however, and poor Edward, he wasn't really there. Edward was in his room or in the studio, but he wouldn't speak, he didn't sleep, barely ate. The decision to close the store indefinitely had been made without Edward. Alice was going to have to go back to school, she was due to graduate after the next semester, and Esme was not going to let her delay that. Esme had no interest in the store and it was impossible for just Angela and I to run the store. Esme placed a notice in the paper announcing the closing of the store, explaining that a reopening date was not known at the time.

I tried reaching out to Edward, but he was locked inside his own memories. Esme finally lost her cool with him though and pushed him a little too hard and too far. Edward reacted by screaming horribly hurtful things to his mother, ending it by telling her to leave. She spoke to Carlisle about taking guardianship of the girls and transferring them back to Seattle schools. Edward told her in no uncertain terms that his daughters would remain in Forks with him. The only way Carlisle would go along with Edward was if he hired a helper to mind the girls until he could get back on his feet. Edward agreed and mentioned hiring me to take care of the girls before and after school.

So the plan had been hatched and the discussions had started. Charlie thought it was too much pressure to put on my young shoulders, Esme agreed, but after I spoke, saying I could handle it, she said that she thought I would be a great help. All of my 'duties' were discussed, every concern spoken and covered. They wanted me to move in, at least temporarily, to the house. Charlie and Carlisle put in a call to my principal explaining the dilemma, asking if my schedule could be rearranged so that I wouldn't miss my first class. Mr. Green was very understanding; he offered to switch AP English with my study hall, and on the days I was running late I wouldn't be penalized if I missed the study period.

I found myself trying to convince Jake that this wasn't a terrible idea. We'd have to sacrifice some of our time together just for a little while.

"Bells I don't like this. You shouldn't be living in a house with a man. I don't care if he just lost his wife that's even more of a reason for you not to do this."

I stared at Jacob. "What? Jake I am there just to help with errands, taking the girls to school, cooking. That is all. Edward is a friend I'm doing this to help him also because Tanya cant do it herself. Close your eyes, imagine it's us, say 10 years from now we have two children and something happens to me. What if I die and you are alone I know I'd want you to accept all the help you could get. Now what if you were the one to die and I was really alone with the children, wouldn't you want someone to help me if they could.

I know you would Jake. It's the way you are. Your heart is as big as the state of Washington. I need to do this. You can come over to the house and we will still talk on the phone. Just give me a few weeks to get us all settled into a schedule, and we can even go on dates again." I gave Jake a hug and pulled him down for a kiss. "It wont be forever, Jake, I promise."

I hoped I would be able to help the Cullens with their grief, but I would settle for making sure Kate and Irina were taken care of.

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