AN: Ok here is the second part. More Edward and Bella time, and some important things happening. I'll let you get to it, just a warning that this chapter earns the rating.
How Can I Help You?
Chapter 10
"Has Alice convinced you yet?"
"Convinced me of what?" I asked him. "That I'm not right for you, that I can't be what you need, and that you should be with someone younger."
I shook my head at him and then wrapped my arms around his waist hugging him.
"You are exactly right for me."
ooo
Edward tightened his arms around me. "I'm not, but I also don't want to fight my feelings anymore, either." He tilted my head up, leaning down as I pushed up onto my toes to meet him. Our lips moved as if they had always been together, our tongues danced sensually. We slowly moved towards the sofa trying to get closer. I ended up on his lap straddling him, my chest pressed tightly to his, my fingers in his hair. We tried to be as close as possible. I ran my fingers down his chest, slipping them underneath the hem of his shirt, trailing them along his hard stomach. I felt his hands running along my thighs, fingers slipping just under the edge of my shorts.
I felt the ache building in my stomach and lower. I had felt desire before when I made out with Jake, but this was so much more powerful. I wanted to crawl inside of Edward and just stay there. I moved my hands up along his sides over his chest, bringing his shirt up with them. Edward broke out kiss with a groan. He stilled his hands on my legs and looked at me. "Bella, love, we need to stop." That was the last thing I wanted to happen. I tried to kiss Edward again, but he moved me off of his lap to the cushion beside him. "No, Bella, we can't."
His hair was even messier than usual because of my hands, his hooded eyes were so dilated that they looked black instead of green, and his shirt was still pushed up revealing his fantastic abs and a trail of hair leading below his waistband. I wanted to spend the day just staring at the man.
"Why?" I asked.
I could feel how much he didn't want to stop, so why did he?
"Bella, this isn't something to rush into. You are so young, baby. I don't want you to feel pressured into anything and I'm not sure we're ready for that."
I was hurt. Did he not want me after all? Was I too inexperienced for him? All of my insecurities started to rear their ugly heads. I stood up and tried to move away.
"Bella…" Edward said as I pulled out of his hold. "Wait. Where are you going?"
I walked through the kitchen and out the back door into a huge backyard. I kept walking towards the back, until I spotted a swing hanging from an old tree. "Bella, please, look at me." He caught up to me as I sat on the swing. I avoided his gaze as I spoke, not wanting to see his reaction.
"I'm always going to be too young for you, Edward. Our age difference won't ever change. Please don't use that as and excuse. I know what I want. If you don't want me, just be honest. Do not use the age card." I started twisting in the swing. Edward grabbed the ropes leaning over me. "You have to know I want you. Shit, we were practically glued together inside, but Bella, this… what's between us, it's so much more than sex. There is also more than your age at issue, sweetheart. I'm scared. I'm scared that if we rush too fast one of us will end up hurt."
Edward took my hands, pulling me off the swing and back to the house. "You are leaving in a few weeks, and even though I know it's just to Seattle, you'll still be living a whole new life. You will be surrounded by new people, new experiences." We settled back onto the sofa from earlier. "Bella, love, I don't want this to keep you from having all of those experiences and rushing into bed could do that. Sharing the most intimate parts of ourselves, it means so much. I don't ever want you to regret the moment that I make you mine." He gave me a slow wink. "I want it to be a memory that we will cherish forever."
Edward tucked me into his side, running his free hand up and down my arm. "How about that boat ride? Would you still like to go?"
"Sure. Will we be eating while we are out?"
He nodded.
"Ok, just let me change." I pulled out a sundress that I had packed and paired it with sandals and a light weight cardigan.
Edward gave me an appreciative look as he helped me into the car. I had decided that tonight I was just going to keep reminding Edward of what I wanted. I wouldn't push him too far, but perhaps just enough would do the trick.
As we drove over to the marina, I crossed my legs allowing my skirt to ride up. Edward's eyes would dart from the road to my legs and back again. When he helped me out of the car, I hugged him close, kissing his chin. As we walked down the dock I slipped my hand from his, instead I wrapped my arm around his waist. Edward led us to a Bayliner Discovery. It was what I had always called a ski boat. It wasn't huge or over the top, but perfect for navigating the lake. He stepped aboard and as he lifted me down I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. I opened my mouth, teasing his lips with my tongue and just after he deepened the kiss, I pulled away sitting on the seat opposite the controls.
Edward looked at me with a strange gleam in his eyes. "Bella, what are you up to?" I tried to give him my most innocent look. "I'm not up to anything, sweetheart. I'm just excited for the ride." He smiled then and maneuvered the boat out of this slip.
As we navigated the waters of Lake Union, I ran my hand up and down Edward's muscular back before finally slipping it under his shirt touching the skin and tracing soft patterns on the small of his back. He turned his heated gaze on me.
"Bella," he warned as he removed my hand from under his shirt, "love, please behave."
"But Edward, what if I don't want to behave?" His eyes flashed as he set to boat to idle and pulled me close and taking my lips in a searing kiss. "I'd hate to have to put you in Time Out, Bella." He kissed my nose before resuming our ride. We ended our trip back at the marina. After securing the boat, Edward pulled me behind him, walking quickly to his car. "Where are we going in such a hurry, Edward?" He opened the passenger door and helped me in before leaning over me to fasten my seatbelt. He whispered in my ear, "You realize that payback is a bitch, don't you?"
Edward drove us to a small Italian restaurant for dinner. We were seated in a semi-secluded U-shaped booth and informed that our waiter would be right with us.
He smirked at me as we looked over the menus. "You are quite a tease, Ms Swan."
I just smiled. I was trying to decide what to order when I felt a light tickling on the back of my knee. I tried to ignore him as the waiter took our drink orders, but before he returned with my drink, Edward's hand started inching up my leg and underneath my dress. I shot him a dirty look. I was about to give my order when Edward moved his hand extremely high up on my inner thigh. Thankfully the tablecloth hid what Edward was doing, but it did nothing to muffle the squeak I let out. "Are you alright, love?"
"Y-yes." The waiter looked at me waiting for my order. I had forgotten what I was going to order, so I just said the first item I saw on the menu, "Mushroom ravioli." Edward was tracing hearts on my leg as he ordered, not showing any signs of what he was doing under the table. When the waiter left, Edward moved closer and leaned in to give me a sweet kiss, before removing his hand.
"Now we will both behave, right?"
Our meal was nice, but nicer still was that Edward touched me in some way the rest of the evening. As we entered his parents' house, he walked me to the guestroom door.
"I had a really great time today, Edward. Thank you for bringing me here."
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear as he said, "Thank you for coming with me, and for spending the evening with me, love. Now get some rest, there is a whole city to conquer tomorrow. Goodnight my beautiful, Bella." He brushed my lips gently with his.
"Goodnight, Edward."
Peaceful wouldn't be how I categorized my sleep that night, enjoyable yes, but peaceful, no. I was able to get up and dressed before Edward, so I went to the kitchen to make breakfast. I had just finished cutting fruit into a bowl and was starting to prepare French toast when I felt his arms wrap around my waist.
"Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?" I looked over my shoulder and smiled at him.
"I'm not sure you really want me to answer that." I leaned back in his embrace, loving the feel of him behind me. I finished our breakfast carried the plate of French toast and bowl of fruit to the table while Edward got our coffee and juice.
"I wanted to ask you what you wanted to do today. We can go down to Pikes Place Market if you'd like. There are several interesting shops, the aquarium is great, or we can always go explore the campus.
I took his hand in mine, "Would you mind if we just stayed here for a while. I know we have plans tonight, so today I'd love to have time just with you."
"Hmm… sounds good, but there are no meadows around here and there are bound to be interruptions." No sooner had he said the words than his phone rang.
"Morning, Mom. How are the girls?" While Edward spoke first with Esme and then Kate and Irina, I cleaned up our breakfast dishes. When I finished in the kitchen I wandered into the backyard. I sat in the swing swaying in the breeze and enjoying the beautiful morning.
"I wish I had my camera." I looked over to see Edward staring. "Why?"
"Just to capture your happiness, it's an image I wish to carry with me."
He came up behind me and gave me a gentle push. "The girls are having so much fun. They sent their love to you, but I'm not sure they ever want to leave Disney. We may have to move there permanently, Rini said that you could be Belle and I could be the Beast."
I really missed them. It seemed strange that they weren't here with us. "Edward, I think I've changed my mind." I felt him freeze, before walking around and kneeling in front of me.
"What about?"
"Let's go to the aquarium, go be around people now, because tonight I want just you."
He gave me a crooked smile, "Ok, let's go by the campus and get some shirts for the girls. I've already got one for you."
We spent the day exploring the city. Edward had grown up here of course, but I had only been a few times, and never had time to explore. The aquarium was beautiful; the staff was busy setting up in the underwater dome for a wedding. It looked like it was going to be lovely. We walked over to the IMAX theater connected to the aquarium and watched a film about a marine biologist studying giant manta rays, then Edward and I went down to the marketplace and watched the fish mongers throwing the salmon, and we bought some fresh fruit for the next day.
After driving back over to the University District, we parked the car and just walked the campus. Edward told me stories about his time at UW and showed me some of his favorite places to hang out. We did stop at the university store and buy both Irina and Kate UW Huskies t-shirts, Edward bought a new sweatshirt and I found a hooded long sleeved tee for myself.
It was getting late and our reservation for dinner was getting closer, so we drove back to the house to get ready. I showered quickly and was curling my hair with a curling iron when Edward knocked on the door. I was still in my towel, so I checked that it was secure before opening the door.
"Sorry love, the girls are on the phone. I told them we were going out and wouldn't be back before they went to sleep, so they want to tell you goodnight now." I took the phone from him and spoke to the girls. "We miss you Bella!" I smiled at the joy in their voices, "Oh I miss you too. Does this mean you are ready to come home?" I laughed when they both shouted, "No!"
Edward was staring at me like he was a starving man, and I was the last piece of food. "Be good for your grandparents and I will see you in a few days. Love you both! Here's your dad." I handed the phone back to Edward and watched as he backed out of the room.
I took out the garment bag from JCrew and a very tasteful bra and panty set from Victoria's Secret.
I slipped on the cream silk bra and matching panty before stepping into my dress. I really did love it. It was cotton, but it had a nice sheen to the fabric that made it feel so much richer. The skirt fell to just above my knee and after adding the thin black belt and slipping the heels on my feet I was ready to go.
Edward was speechless when I walked into the living room.
"I hope that means you like it." He walked over, placing his hands on my shoulders.
"You are beautiful, just beautiful."
ooo
Sky City was really nice, and the view was incredible. Being able to sit through dinner and watch as the Seattle skyline slowly changed was fun, but I found myself too distracted by Edward to really enjoy the experience. Once we had finished our dinner we moved up to the observation deck. We walked around looking down at the city lights. I stopped to look out over the lake as Edward put his jacket around my shoulders then pulled me back into his chest. He leaned his head against mine asking, "Are you having a nice time?" I nodded against him, and turning in his arms I snuggled into his chest. "It's perfect."
The air felt charged around us, and when Edward kissed me it felt like fireworks had gone off in my chest. My hands were in the hair on his neck then roaming his back, trying to get us closer together. Edward pulled me closer with his hands low on my back. I could feel him pressing into my stomach. He held me tight for a moment before slowly backing away, breaking our kiss. "You'll be the death of me, Bella."
He moved further away from me and as I walked towards him, he asked me to wait. "What's wrong?" He shook his head and chuckled. "Nothing love, I just need a few minutes to calm down. It's a little painful to walk right now." He gestured to his pants where his arousal was pretty noticeable. A soft laugh escaped me. "Sorry," I said, not that I was, he was not the only one suffering because he stopped us.
Once we made it back to the house, I tried to start things back up, but Edward stopped us again. "Bella, please… I'm trying to be a gentleman." I moved to give him space.
"Please, Edward." I felt like I would die if I couldn't at least touch him. "Will you at least stay with me tonight?"
I could see his resolve crumbling. "That's not a good idea, love."
"Please," I begged. I walked closer and placed my hand over his heart. "We are leaving tomorrow and Alice and Jasper will be at your house when we get back and then the girls will be home. This is our last night alone. I promise to be good. I just want to sleep with you."
He shook his head, groaning, and I knew I had won.
"Fine sweet girl, but we are just going to be sleeping."
He left me to get ready for bed while he went up to change. I went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth before pulling on a tank top and sleep shorts. I was just putting my hair up into a ponytail when Edward walked into my room wearing pajama pants and a sleeveless tee. We settled into bed and I turned off the bedside lamp before curling into his side. "Goodnight, love," he said as he kissed my temple.
"Night, Edward."
oooo
I was woken up later by kisses trailing up my stomach, my top having been pushed up just under my breasts. Edward was hovering over me holding me down by my hips. "Edward?" He moved up to my lips, kissing me. "God Bella, you've been driving me mad, love." He started kissing across my jaw to my neck and down while settling his body on top of mine. I moved my legs apart to give him more room as he pressed his hips into me.
"What? How was I driving you crazy?" Edward seemed to have lost his control and was beyond speech at that moment. He was grinding against me and sucking and nipping my neck. His hands were roaming over my body until they brushed over my breasts, then he took his time, cupping and molding his hands to each breast and rolling my nipples with his fingers. The sensations he was giving me were so strong, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump. Each time he thrust himself against me, hitting just so, coiled the rope of desire sitting in my stomach tighter and tighter.
I was moaning, writhing against him, "Ed- Edward…" his breathing was much heavier, panting. "That's right baby, it's okay, just let go. Please Bella, come with me."
The coil snapped and lights exploded behind my eyes, I clung to Edward as he stiffened above me, groaning. He collapsed against me, moving away moments later going to the bathroom. I just lay there trying to absorb what had taken place.
It had been an incredible experience, but with the exception of my tank top shoved up my chest we had been fully clothed. If it was that great with our clothes on, surely actually making love with Edward was going to kill me.
He walked out of the bathroom and climbed back into bed looking both satisfied as well as a little sheepish. "Are you alright, love?"
I smiled and snuggled into his side again. "Never better. Umm, don't take this the wrong way, but what brought that on?"
I felt the laugh rumble out of his chest. "Oh Bella… I thought I was going to go crazy. First you started talking, just saying my name, but then you started telling me where to touch you and how much you wanted to do certain things… I knew I was going to die before the night was over. I tried to get out of bed, but then you were running you hands over me and I was lost."
Oh. My. God. I'm a sleep slut. I was touching Edward, fondling him, in my sleep? I felt my face flush with embarrassment. "I'm, I just don't know what to say. I didn't realize… I'm so sorry, Edward."
He leaned over me, shaking his head. "No baby, please don't be sorry, I'm not. Being with you is incredible, though I do think we may kill each other when I finally get inside of you." I blushed and he kissed me one last time, before lying back on the bed. I laughed to myself thinking we had the exact same thought.
I slept deeply the rest of the night, only waking when Edward kissed my forehead. "Good morning, love. I have breakfast for you." He had brought a tray filled with coffee, orange juice, a bowl of fruit and two plates with omelets and toast. We sat in bed eating breakfast and enjoying the morning. After cleaning the dishes and straightening the kitchen, I stripped the bed and washed the sheets as Edward got our bags together and loaded the car.
We stopped for lunch in Port Angeles, taking our time, so we didn't make it back to Forks until late in the afternoon. Alice and Jasper were no where to be seen when we walked into the house. Edward helped me bring all of my purchases up to my room.
I wasn't sure what it was, but there seemed to be some sore of negative charge in the house. I just had a bad feeling something was wrong or was going to happen.
He must have noticed, because Edward gave me a worried look while placing the bags on the bed. "Are you okay?" I nodded, "Yeah, I just got a weird feeling, it's nothing. So, what are we doing tonight?"
He took my hand lacing his fingers in mine. "I need to work on my music, but if you can stay out of trouble I'll let you listen." He kissed my temple and then led us into the studio.
I sat down on the sofa, in the corner of his studio, reading a book while he worked on a few arrangements for the film score. I'm not sure how much time passed before he started that same melody I heard before we left for Seattle.
"That's really lovely, Edward." He smiled as he continued playing. "It's yours."
My jaw dropped. "What?" He looked up and motioned me over to the piano. "I wrote it for you… well its more about how you make me feel." He pulled me across his lap, playing the melody once again. "I'm feeling alive again Bella, because of you."
I leaned up for a kiss, but we were interrupted by a throat clearing. Alice stood in the doorway. "Hey Alice, sorry we didn't hear you come in." I moved to get up, but Edward just held me in place.
"What's up sis?"
"Jasper and I picked up a couple of pizzas for dinner, and I just wanted to let you know incase you were hungry." She smiled at us, and then said she was heading back downstairs. Edward let out a laugh as she closed the door. "Well at least she didn't try to move you this time." After eating dinner we all sat outside playing cards. I gave up after losing to Alice for the fifth time. "She has to be cheating, no one is that good."
I went up to bed as Edward went back into the studio to record. I woke the next morning with Edward wrapped around me. I knew I shouldn't get used to it, because the girls would be home the following day and I didn't want them to feel weird about their father sleeping bed with me. We had been so happy the last few days that we had not really broached the subject of how to deal with Kate and Irina, as well as what to say to his family, forget how I was supposed to say anything to my father. Charlie Swan would blow a gasket. I knew we had some serious discussions that needed to happen, but I just wanted to live inside our bubble for another day.
I turned over to watch Edward. He looked so young and carefree when he was asleep. He didn't look his age at all. He would be 30 the next week. I started thinking about what I could give him. I was so lost in thought I didn't see him open his eyes. "Morning, beautiful, sleep well?"
"um hmm." He smiled, "Are you ready to get up?" "uh-uh"
A laugh was bubbling in his chest, "Can you use actual words this morning?"
"Nope," I laughed.
"Come on, sleepy girl, let's get dressed. I want to take you back to the meadow."
We got up and dressed. Edward took a backpack into the kitchen and packed enough food for a small army along with several bottles of water.
"I thought we were just going to the meadow, not running away." After putting a blanket in the bag, he zipped it and put it on, then taking my hand we left out the back door.
"Just want to make sure we won't have to rush back to the house for a while."
We spent the day, just lying there in the middle of the meadow. There were no discussions about what was in the future; we just existed in the moment.
Later that evening Jasper and Edward fired up the grill while Alice filled me in on the apartment they found, Jasper's job hunt and what she had finally decided to do with the store.
"You make him happy, Bella. He hasn't been this happy in a long time, I think even before Tanya died."
"He makes me happy, Ali. I know you are worried, and I know we have some major things against us, but I'm hopeful we can work it all out."
After eating, Edward went up into the studio, Alice and Jasper went to sit in front of the fire, and I curled up in the loveseat on the deck. I must have fallen asleep there because when I opened my eyes I was in my bed and Edward was sleeping beside me. I was just in my shirt from the night before and panties, Edward in his boxers. It was early still, the sun barely shining. I put my around his waist, kissing his chest. A small smile appeared on his face, so I shifted placing another kiss over his heart before trailing feather light kisses down his chest and stomach. He moved against me and I could feel his body's reaction. "Bella" I looked up to see his dark emerald eyes piercing into my soul.
"Good morn…" was all I was able to say before he pulled me up against him and smothered my words with his mouth.
"mmmmm" I moaned as Edward ran his hands up under my shirt. He lifted my arms and removed my shirt leaving me in just my underwear. "God Bella, you're so beautiful." He pulled my hips down onto his, holding me close as he flipped us over. He was grinding into me over and over.
"Please Edward, please?" I was on fire, aching for relief, begging him for more.
He leaned back, looking into my eyes. "Are you sure, love?" I moved my hips against him, "Yes. Please Edward, please hurry."
Edward trailed one of his hands down my stomach, hesitating before touching me where I burned for him, first over the cotton then he pushed my underwear aside, sliding one finger through my folds. "Oh love, you are so ready for me." I was trying to hold on with all my strength as he slipped first one then two fingers into me. I lost it then screaming his name as I came. Edward whispered to me as I floated down from that high, and I felt him pulling my underwear down my legs. "My Bella… you are so perfect." I was trying to pull him closer while also trying to remove his boxers. He finally stood to remove them, freeing his erection. He looked big, standing there, and I was really hoping this wouldn't hurt.
Edward was looking at me, caressing me with his eyes. He has just settled back on top of me when he jerked away. "Wait…Bella, I don't have, I haven't bought any... we can't do this baby, I don't have anything here to protect you."
"It's okay, Edward. I've been on the pill for a while now." I kissed him gently. He looked at me, asking again, "Are you sure this is what you want?"
I wrapped my legs around him pulling him closer. "Absolutely."
He positioned himself and slowly pushed into me. There was a slight burning along with a feeling of being full, but no pain at all. "Ugh, you feel so good, so tight." Edward looked at me, "Are you alright? Am I hurting you?" I kissed his shoulder, "I'm fine, no pain." He gave me time to adjust to the feel of him, but as soon as I shifted against him seeking more, he began to move.
It was overwhelming, being this close to the person you love. Feeling him move inside me, I was feeling like I was flying, the pleasure was so intense. He kept driving me higher and higher.
"Bella, baby, are you close? I don't think I will last long. Please, baby I want you to come with me." He brushed a finger down over my bundle of nerves and it pushed me over the edge. I tightened around him calling his name, just as Edward came. I could feel him pulsing as he kissed me deeply. It felt as if we were one being. Edward moved off of me and was moving out of bed saying, "Don't move love; let me take care of you." He walked, naked, into the bathroom. I heard water running in the sink, and then Edward was walking towards me with a washcloth. He gently cleaned between my legs. I felt the heat of the blush all the way down my body. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, love. I'm supposed to take care of you." He put the cloth back in the bathroom and then climbed back into bed.
We lay there just kissing and caressing each other. Time got away from us, and that is when our bubble of happiness burst.
ooo
We were in the midst of a deep kiss, Edward was between my legs rocking against me, working up for another round, when we hear Alice shouting downstairs. "No, Rini, come back." Edward sat back and was trying to find the covers when the door to the bedroom burst open. He managed to cover us, but it was too late. She had already seen us together. She gave me a hate filled glare before running back out the door and down the stairs.
Edward was pulling on his pants, trying to hurry after her. I didn't know what to do. I knew if Irina was here it meant that Carlisle and Esme were back and that Kate was downstairs waiting on me. I pulled on clothes, pulling my hair up and then walked down to the kitchen.
Katie rushed over to me throwing herself into my arms. "Careful Kate, you don't want to knock Bella over." Carlisle admonished her. I swung her up in my arms. "That's ok. I've missed you, monkey." She wrapped her arms and legs around me squeezing me tight. "I've missed you, Bella. We had sooo much fun, didn't we Grandpa?" Carlisle was the only other person in the kitchen. There was no sign of Edward or Irina. "We certainly did pumpkin. How are you Bella?" He gave me a kind smile as he looked at Kate in my arms.
"I'm okay. Do you know where…"
Carlisle interrupted. "He's in the studio with Irina and Esme. I think it may be a while."
I thanked him and still holding Kate we walked into the den. "What would you like to do Miss Katie?" She just held on and whispered in my ear, "Can I just sit with you?"
"Sure sweetheart, why don't we read more of Junie B. Jones?" I hated admitting to myself that I needed the reassurance her contact gave me. I shouldn't have to depend on a seven year old. We had been reading for almost an hour when Alice and Jasper joined us. Alice asked Kate if she would like to go up to the playroom and play dress up with her. "Is Bella coming too?" I told her I would be up a little later. I had a feeling there were things the family needed to say and it was apparently going to start with Jasper.
"Bella," he started, "both Alice and I are so sorry we didn't stop Irina from going upstairs. She ran straight into Ed's room when they walked in, and by the time we realized he wasn't there she was already passed the second floor landing."
Well that answered that question; everyone knew he had been in her room.
I didn't know how to respond so I remained quiet. It wasn't until Esme came down at noon to make lunch that anything else was said to me. She walked over and gave me a hug telling me that both girls were in the playroom. I nodded in acknowledgement, before asking in a voice I could barely hear, "Where's Edward?"
"I'm here, Bella." I turned to see him standing in the doorway dressed in the jeans he ran out in and a button down shirt. He held out a hand for me, "Come walk with me?"
Hope flared in my chest that everything was going to be ok, but as we walked the trail leading towards the meadow, I could feel something was wrong. Edward stopped about halfway up the trail, where there were several fallen logs off to the side and led me over to one.
I tried to catch his gaze, but he would only look at the ground near his feet.
"Edward, honey, please look at me."
He met my gaze then and what was there was enough to cause my legs to buckle. I hit the ground for the first time when Edward was was disconnected again. He looked like he did weeks ago, when Irina had her outburst. After the week we just spent together and after what we did together that morning, I couldn't take the distance. I stood up and walked over to him. I moved to hug him, but Edward caught my arms and backed away.
"Bella, we need to talk. This… this has all been a huge mistake. I've been thinking only about myself when I should have been thinking of the welfare of my children. I'm sorry, but Irina and Kate have to come first."
"Of course Edward, I understand that. We can just explain to Rini…"
He gave me a cutting look, "You don't understand Bella. None of this should have happened. This morning never should have happened, never would have, if only I had kept my promise to stay away from you." He paced back and forth a few times before standing in front of me again. "Look, I care for you, but my children will always be my first priority."
My heart was breaking. I had never heard him be this cold.
"You're young, you are leaving soon for school and you will meet other guys. They can be what you want, I can't. This situation is no good for me. I can work here with the girls until school starts, then I'll work my schedule around them. We do not require your help any longer."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I felt like I was stuck in a nightmare.
"No, you are just saying all of this because of Irina. Edward she'll calm down, that's what Maggie is always saying, isn't it? I can't just leave the girls Edward. Maybe Irina is mad at me, but I spent a couple of hours this morning with Kate in my arms because she missed me. You expect me to leave and never talk to them again?"
"I'll explain it to them; tell them you had to leave for school earlier than you planned. Don't worry about them." He turned away from me then.
"This isn't all about Irina either, Bella. She just helped remind me of why I didn't want this to begin with. It never would have lasted Bella, we could have fun together for the next few weeks, but the moment you left for school, it would still be over. I'm just saving us from further complications."
I sat back on the log staring at his back. There was a gaping hole forming in my chest.
"Pack you belongings Bella and go home. Take the next several weeks, until you start school, with pay. When it's time, you'll go to school meet someone, fall in love and get married. Do this Bella, because you'll never have any of that with me."
With those words he left me sitting in the forest. I don't know where he went, but I just sat there waiting for him to turn around, tell me he was only joking, but of course that didn't happen. I'm not sure how long I sat there, but when the sun started moving behind the trees I got up and slowly walked back to the house. I climbed the stairs to my room and robotically packed my belongings. Carlisle and Jasper helped me get everything into my truck. Jasper told me to call him if I ever needed anything, and Carlisle gave me a hug telling me he was sorry. As I got into the truck, Carlisle handed me an envelope that had my name written across it in Edward's handwriting. I shoved it into my backpack and drove away from the Cullens.
Mom and Dad had not gotten back from their trip yet, and for that I was grateful.
I grabbed my backpack, leaving everything else in the truck and dragged myself into the house and up to my old bedroom.
I finally let myself breakdown, crying and screaming that it wasn't fair. He expected me to be able to just go on, like nothing had happened. It wasn't just Edward I was losing, but a whole other family, especially Kate and Irina. We just returned from Seattle, we had been all over the UW campus. How was I supposed to move on with my life when he was everywhere? I would see him wherever I went in Seattle.
I had a huge gaping wound in my chest where my heart used to be. I knew that this was because Irina was upset, and no I would never blame her, she's only a child. Edward, however, seized it as the excuse he needed for an out.
I lay awake in my bed all night. My cell phone rang almost constantly for several hours, I had messages from Esme, Alice, Katie, and Edward, but I ignored them all.
My parents were due in late the next day, so I spent the hours late into the night making decisions, I only hoped that my slot had not been filled.
By the time Mom and Dad walked into the house, I had spoken with Stanford and UW. Stanford still had an open slot and would be expecting me in 3 weeks. I also informed the UW admissions office I would not be attending this Fall.
I knew my parents were going to think I was crazy turning down a full scholarship in exchange for student loans, but there was no way I could be on that campus. I wouldn't be able to be there knowing that he could drop in at his parents at anytime, to be that close and not see him. No I couldn't go to Seattle. Stanford was just where I needed to be.
I kept the exact reasons why I decided against UW to myself, but told my parents my plans to attend Stanford. Mom was worried about the whys, but Dad was more concerned with how school would be paid. I had my savings from working. It wasn't large, but I also had a small inheritance from my Grandma Higgenbottom. That was enough to cover at least the first semester, giving me time to get loans to cover the rest.
Over the next few days we discussed it a lot, but as I had already informed UW I was not going to attend the only other alternative would be Peninsula Community College, and I was not going to stay anywhere near Forks. Mom helped me transfer my accounts from the small Forks Bank and Trust to Bank of America; I knew the larger bank would make my life much easier in California. We went into Port Angeles to buy what I would need for the dorm and have it shipped. I wouldn't be driving the Beast down to Cali; I think we all knew it wouldn't survive the trip, so I was flying out in a week. Angela was upset that we wouldn't be roommates, and as I didn't tell her why, she was confused about my going to Stanford. I couldn't talk about it and if I sat still too long it would hurt too much, so I just kept my mind occupied. I was packing clothes to take with me on the plane after boxing everything else up and sending it with my father to ship to the dorm, when I finally decided to go through my backpack. I had not touched it since I returned home.
I found the envelope I had shoved in there and lay it on the bed. There were a couple of dirty shirts that I pulled out along with the UW hoodie I bought. I decided to give it to Angie, but when I opened it, I realized it wasn't the shirt I bought but a man's shirt, it was worn and soft, I held it up and knew it was Edward's. Cullen was printed across the back. I felt like I had been punched in the gut.
I sat on the bed holding the shirt to my nose. I could smell him, and that brought the tears raining down my face. I looked at the envelope, not wanting to open it, but also needing to see what he said.
Bella,
I've enclosed a check for your last week's pay as well as enough to cover the next few weeks. Take it, please. Use it for school, isn't that the reason you took a job in the first place?
I promise not to bother you anymore, but I do want to ask one thing of you. Please be careful while you are away, don't do anything foolish, nothing to make your parents worry.
Take care.
Edward
There was a check for $20, 000 in the envelope. My paychecks added up were not even a 10th of that. What was I supposed to do with it? I didn't want it, but it would, make the transition to California that much easier.
In the end I did what Edward asked in the letter, I would use it for school.
OoOoO
I'll be behind the sofa if you need me. We'll hear from Charlie next chapter. I think it'll be fun. Let me know what you think, leave a review.