Don't kill me, but things are gonna get just a touch angsty.
It was St. Patrick's Day and Finn and Rachel had barely spoken since their fight on Mardi Gras. She couldn't believe the situation she had found herself in. They had always used a condom but apparently Rachel needed to take more precaution than that. She should have known to take more precaution than just that. A tiny little tear in a flimsy bit of latex was bringing her world down around her.
Every night for the first two and a half weeks after the incident all Rachel could think about was her fight with Finn.
"What do you mean it broke?" Rachel asked with panic in her voice.
"I mean, I took the condom off to throw it out but I noticed it was like, leaking. There was a little tear in it," Finn said in a dead voice.
"What?" Rachel squeaked out. Terror crossed her features and she stood up from the bed and started putting her clothes back on. "But...we, we did everything right."
Finn got dressed himself. "Well apparently you did something wrong."
"Excuse me?" Rachel said offended. "I wasn't the only one just having sex. This is your fault too!" Had Finn really just blamed her for the condom breaking?
"You were the one who opened it and put it on me. It had to have been something you did," Finn said, anger rising in his voice.
Rachel was losing it now. She had never been so pissed off at Finn. "Fuck you, Finn! This isn't my fault, it's our fault. We both had a part in this!" Rachel started crying. "This can't be happening. I can't…we can't do this."
She collapsed onto the bed and Finn just stood there staring at her blankly for a moment. Finally he screwed his head back on and moved to sit next to Rachel. Watching her breaking down in front of him was enough to break him from his fury. Now he was just concerned for Rachel because he knew what an unwanted pregnancy would mean for both of them, but first he needed to apologize. "I'm sorry, Rachel. This isn't your fault, I'm just freaked out. We'll figure this out though. I mean, what are the chances that-"
"Get out," Rachel cut Finn off quietly, staring at her floor.
"What?" Finn asked, his brows knitting together.
Rachel looked up at Finn with anger, fear and something else Finn couldn't place on her face. Her cheeks were tear streaked and all he wanted to do was kiss away all her worry and tell her everything would be okay. "I said get out, Finn. I want you out of my house. NOW!" Rachel shoved Finn away from her then huddled into a little ball on her bed.
Finn tried moving back onto the bed to hold her. "Rach, we need talk about this. I'm really sorry about what I-"
"JUST GET OUT FINN!" Rachel screamed at him harshly. Finn leaped back from Rachel in surprise at her outburst. Hesitantly, he tried to touch her one more time but she slapped him across the face. Once she saw his shocked expression and realized what she had just done, she cried harder, apologized, put her head in her hands and ran into her bathroom and locked the door.
Finn moved over to the door and tried speaking to Rachel through it. "Rachel, please come out. I know you're scared but, we, we need to talk."
"Just go away, Finn," Rachel cried through the door.
He didn't want to leave her alone like this but he knew she'd stay in there all night if she had to. Plus, his mother would be expecting him home soon. Feeling hurt and scared beyond belief, Finn shook his head and spoke to the door in a last ditch attempt. "Fine. I'll give you your space but we need to talk about this. I'll see you tomorrow, Rachel. I love you." He stood outside the bathroom for a moment waiting for Rachel to respond or come out. She didn't make a sound. He walked out of the room head hung low.
That had been the last time Rachel had seen Finn outside of school for over three weeks.
The first two and a half had been the worst because Finn kept trying to talk to Rachel about what had happened and what they would do if she were pregnant. He'd try to catch her after school and glee club before she could bolt to her car. He'd follow her home and wait outside her house for hours, despite the cold, begging her to let him in. He'd call and text multiple times a day. He had even tried scaling her house and climbing through the window until Leroy caught him and dragged his ass down. Leroy had told him to let Rachel come to him when she was ready. Her fathers didn't know what was going on exactly but they figured it was just a stupid teenage quarrel.
It wasn't that Rachel didn't want to talk to Finn and try to figure all of it out, she just wanted to wait until she knew with certainty one way or another what was going to happen. The thought of being a teenage mother terrified Rachel, especially after she had promised Carole she wouldn't make Finn a teenaged father. It also meant her New York dreams were in complete jeopardy. There would be no way she could make it in New York as a teenaged mother. It scared her too much to have to face Finn with all that uncertainty on her shoulders. She didn't think she was pregnant, especially since she had gone to the pharmacy to get the Morning After Pill immediately after Finn had left but that would only work to prevent a pregnancy if she were not yet pregnant. Since it had just occurred, Rachel figured the chance of conception was very low, but the thought was still very present in her mind. Anything was possible.
Thankfully, the Sunday before St. Patrick's Day, Rachel's period showed up. She had never been so thankful for that particular pain of womanhood. To make sure something like that would never happen again Rachel finally did what she should have done before her and Finn had ever engaged in intercourse, she asked her fathers to go on the pill.
Immediately they jumped to the correct conclusion that she and Finn were having sex but she didn't deny it. In fact, she spilled about everything she and Finn had been going through for the past few weeks. She was sure her dad was about to pop a blood vessel at her confession but after her daddy calmed him down, they surprisingly understood. Hiram said that he wished she and Finn had come to them sooner so they wouldn't have had to go through that all alone but he understood her apprehension.
The next day they took her to the gynecologist and she went on the pill after gaining a negative result on the pregnancy test they had her take. Despite her period, she still could have been with child. Feeling relieved beyond comprehension, after her appointment she immediately sought out Finn to tell him what was going on.
When she got to his house Kurt answered the door. "Hello Kurt, is Finn home?" Rachel asked brightly, feeling good for the first time in weeks.
"You don't speak to him or anyone really for weeks and now you show up on my door step all chipper and asking nonchalantly if my brother is home?" Kurt asked somewhat bitterly. He was annoyed that Rachel had been avoiding him just as much as she had Finn. He was also annoyed at Finn for not telling him why Rachel was avoiding the both of them. There wasn't enough warm milk and lady chat in the world to pry it out of Finn.
Rachel looked taken aback. "I'm sorry I've been avoiding you Kurt but I swear I've had good reason. It's not exactly something I felt comfortable with everyone knowing and you know how information flies around school."
"Rachel, what could be so horrible that you would even avoid Finn? You practically died emotionally the last time you hadn't seen each other for nearly a month," Kurt asked seriously. He had dealt with Rachel's longings for Finn for years now. She wasn't one to just stop talking to him altogether, not after all they had been through.
Rachel looked around her. "Can I please come in? It's cold and I don't want to take the chance of anyone hearing." Kurt stepped aside and let Rachel in. "Is Finn home?"
"He and Puck are out doing lord knows what right now. He said he wouldn't be home until later." They headed up to Kurt's room and once there he pounced on Rachel again for an explanation.
"Kurt, you have to swear that you won't tell anyone this. I'm trusting you to keep your mouth shut." Kurt did a key-in-lock motion at his mouth then threw the non-existent key over his shoulder. He sat patiently on his bed as Rachel paced about his room. Rather than beat around the bush and drag it all out, Rachel cut right to the chase. "I've been avoiding everyone because for the past few weeks I've been afraid that I might be pregnant."
Kurt's eyes turned into saucers at this juicy bit of information. "WHAT? You thought you were pregnant?"
"Well, not exactly. I wasn't sure. There was just a slim possibility that I could have been. The last time Finn and I were together, he noticed a tear in the condom and then he blamed me for the tear and I got pissed off at him because it wasn't just my fault. He apologized and I know he was, is, freaked out and he didn't mean what he said but I couldn't deal with him then. Then he kept trying to talk to me about everything but I wasn't ready because I wanted to know if I was pregnant or not before opening that can of worms. I've been trying to keep a level head about all this but I knew if I found out I was pregnant that everything would be ruined. I can't make it in New York with a baby at 17. That could never happen." Rachel began crying and she stopped pacing. Kurt stood up and gave Rachel a comforting hug.
"Are you pregnant?" Kurt asked point blank as he stared at Rachel. She shook her head no. "Well, thank goodness for that. So New York is still a go. You, me, Finn and Blaine will still attend college there and get our apartment together and…" Kurt trailed off noticing Rachel's expression. "That's still the plan, right?"
"I love him," Rachel choked out, "but I can't be with him Kurt. I can't let this happen again. New York means too much to me. I mean I want to be with Finn and marry him and have a family with him someday but not at the expense of New York."
Kurt was flabbergasted. He knew Rachel was dead set on New York at all costs but he never thought she really meant at the cost of Finn, at least not seriously. "Rachel, you're being irrational right now. You're just freaking out a little. You love Finn and you want to be with him and you want to share your dream with him. You've told me yourself that you and he have figured out how you will make it work. You can't let one little pregnancy scare ruin your relationship. If you're so worried, go on the pill for backup. Chances of this happening again if you double up are very slim." Kurt was desperate to defend his brother in his absence. If he had to deal with a grieving Finn again, he'd probably pull his perfectly coifed hair from his head. Nothing messed with Finn's emotions more than Rachel.
Rachel sat down on Kurt's bed. "I'm scared Kurt. I don't know what to do. I want New York but I want Finn too."
"Rachel, when are you going to realize you can have it all?" Kurt sat next to Rachel and put his hand on her back.
She sighed. "So what do you think I should do?"
Rachel had stayed with Kurt discussing the situation until her fathers had called her and said she needed to come home. Finn still hadn't shown up. She had wanted to tell him the news in person that she wasn't pregnant so she texted him that she really needed to talk to him. He didn't text back however.
The next day when Rachel saw Finn at school she pulled him into an empty classroom during lunch and finally explained why she had been avoiding him and told him she wasn't pregnant. He seemed relieved at the news but something was off. He seemed distant. Nothing like how he had been prior to this whole thing. She figured he'd be a little upset at the lack of communication but she really thought once she explained he'd forgive her and understand and they could resume their lives. This new behavior continued for the next few days however. Rachel figured Finn would come around eventually but it seemed like he was now trying to avoid Rachel.
Rachel sat in her car outside Puck's house contemplating all that had happened since Mardi Gras. She watched the kids entering the house and she could hear all the music and rambunctious students from across the street. She thought for sure the cops would be called eventually but she had to talk to Finn and figure out what was going on with him now. After being almost completely ignored for nearly five whole days, Rachel could understand how Finn must have felt being ignored for two and a half weeks. She regretted every second that she spent avoiding Finn. It wasn't fair to either of them.
She got out of her car finally after all her contemplation and made her way toward Puck's front door. This St. Patty's Day party blew both Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza's out of the water as far as the debauchery went. Kids from every grade and every clique were present at this party and they were getting crazy. Furniture was strewn about the lawn and a few windows were smashed. Kids were puking everywhere and Rachel could have sworn she saw a couple having sex on the couch in the middle of the living room in front of everyone. She could hear splashes coming from the backyard like people were swimming even though it was only in the low 40's that night. Rachel had to find Finn and fast. She did not want to stay in crazy town any longer than necessary.
After searching the downstairs twice she had only been able to find Puck and a few other glee club members. When she found Puck on her second search of the floor, he told her he had last seen Finn before he went upstairs to "take a leak" as Puck put it. Rachel carefully made her way upstairs trying to avoid getting any alcohol or bodily fluids on her. She couldn't believe Puck's party had gotten this out of hand.
She found the bathroom and saw the door was closed and a line was formed along the wall to use it. The girl at the front however was banging on the door loudly and yelling about how long the dude had been in there. Rachel wondered if that was Finn.
"Do you know who's in there?" she asked the drunken girl, speaking loudly to be heard over the music.
"It's the tall cute quarterback with that annoying short girlfriend. He's been in the bathroom all night whining about her. I just really need to pee," the girl said as she banged on the door again.
Ignoring the girl's comments about her, Rachel banged on the door herself and called out to Finn. "Finn, open the door baby. It's me Rachel." She could hear loud banging and shuffling coming through the door before it flew open. Rachel came face to face with a very drunk Finn who looked like he was about to pass out.
"Rachel, come in!" he said loudly, pulling Rachel into the bathroom and closing the door again before she could protest. She could hear the girl right outside the door groan. "Rachel, I love you so much." Finn pulled her into a big hug and sniffed her hair.
"I love you too, Finn. Why don't we get out of the bathroom and go home? There's a line outside and I think you'll feel better at home," Rachel suggested.
"No! You can't leave. I love you too much!" Finn exclaimed, panic in his voice.
"Finn, I'm just going to take you home."
Finn released Rachel and slid down the wall onto the floor refusing to move. Rachel was so confused as to what was going on. This wasn't like Finn at all. "Finn, what is going on?" Rachel asked kneeling in front of him.
"I want you Rachel but you don't want me as much as I want you. I thought you did but you don't. You're going to break up with me." A tear slid down Finn's face. Rachel was at a loss for words. How had Finn come to that conclusion? Yeah, they had been going through a rough patch and Rachel had thought about breaking up with Finn after the scare but that was just a moment of hysterics taking over. Once she calmed down and really thought about things she knew that no matter what, she wanted Finn with her for as long as he would have her. They were better together than they were apart. Rachel had never mentioned to Finn that she had thoughts of breaking up with him. So why did he think she did?
She ran her hand through his hair then placed it on his cheek. "Finn, what makes you think I'm going to break up with you?"
He sniffled a bit. "Kurt said you wanted to break up with me because you couldn't let something like this happen again. New York is too important."
Rachel was mad now. She had trusted Kurt to keep their conversation between them. Why had he told Finn about her brief freak out? Kurt was there when Rachel had come to the conclusion that she wanted Finn in her life just as badly as she wanted Broadway; that she needed Finn as much as she needed Broadway. So why was he telling Finn that she wanted to break up with him?
"Finn, I don't know why Kurt told you that, but I'm not breaking up with you. I love you and even though I freaked out a little, I know that life is just better with you in it. I love Broadway and I want to be there, but I want you there with me. I need you there, Finn." Rachel leaned forward and pulled Finn in for a comforting hug.
He wrapped his arms around Rachel and pulled her against him. "I'm sorry Rachel. I'm so sorry," he cried into her chest. Apparently Finn could become the weepy drunk under the right circumstances.
"It's okay, Finn. Everything will be okay. Let's just get you home, alright?" Rachel said as she pried herself from Finn's grasp. With some difficulty, Rachel helped Finn to his feet but before she could usher him out the door he turned toward the bathtub and vomited. He heaved a few times then slumped over the edge of the tub. Rachel had feared he passed out finally until he slowly pushed himself up and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. She'd have to help clean him up once they got back to his house.
Twenty minutes later Rachel threw Finn's house door open and helped Finn stumble inside. He was getting heavier by the minute. She called out to see if anyone was home. Kurt came rushing down the stairs. "Oh my…what the hell? Has he been drinking?" he asked Rachel as he threw Finn's arm over his shoulder and helped Rachel carry him upstairs.
"Yes, because apparently you told him I was going to break up with him!" Rachel said angrily.
Kurt looked sheepish. "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to. It just slipped out because Finn came home that night still looking all depressed and he just looked like a little broken puppy so I couldn't help but spill. I did tell him that you were not breaking up with him though. He must not have registered that part of the conversation."
Finally they made it to Finn's room and threw him down onto the bed. He wasn't quite passed out yet but he was close. Rachel just wanted to get him out of his messed up clothes and clean his mouth out before he fell into unconsciousness. He'd feel much better waking up then.
"I don't understand why he was avoiding me though. Why didn't he tell me that he thought I was going to break up with him?" Rachel asked looking at Kurt as she began pulling Finn's clothes off him.
Kurt shrugged. "I don't know. Honestly, he's been avoiding me too. I keep trying to chat with him but he shuts me out. Not even my rum chocolate soufflé got him out of his room."
Rachel looked at Kurt again. "Do you think your parents would mind if I spent the night? I really need to talk to Finn when he's sober in the morning."
"My parents aren't even home this weekend. I don't have a problem with it." Kurt walked over to the door. "I'll leave you two alone. You might want to leave the trash can by his bed in case he decides to give back all that alcohol he had."
"Thanks for the tip but he already puked. I think he'll be fine."
Kurt said goodnight and left Rachel and Finn alone. She left to go into the bathroom he and Kurt shared and grabbed some mouth wash but by the time Rachel returned Finn was passed out completely. She called her fathers and said she'd be spending the night at Finn's but not to worry about them doing anything because he was sick, sort of, then crawled into bed next to him and just lied there until she felt Finn roll onto his side and pull her against him. Rachel was pretty sure Finn didn't realize he had done it but it felt nice to be back in his arms after so long.
Even though it had been scary and somewhat traumatizing the last time, Rachel missed being physically intimate with Finn. She never felt closer to him, not just physically but emotionally as well, than when they were connected like that. She didn't want to lose everything over a tiny little tear that didn't even lead to anything. They would talk everything over in the morning and work it all out. They couldn't keep avoiding each other; that was almost as bad for their relationship as not telling each other the truth.
That night Rachel fell asleep in Finn's arms thinking about what was ahead for her and Finn. They had to get past this otherwise they'd be doomed.
When Finn woke the next morning he had the worst headache ever and his mouth felt disgusting. The light streaming in through his window was hurting his eyes and his body ached everywhere. He shifted to roll out of his bed to go pee but found a body lying beside him. He recognized Rachel's hair and light snore immediately and smiled. She had spent the night with him.
Trying not to disturb her slumber, Finn climbed out of bed as quietly as he could. He needed to clean up a bit before waking Rachel and having the conversation he should have had with her the moment he found out. He didn't remember everything but he knew he had said something to Rachel about his fear of her breaking up with him. Finn couldn't believe he had actually become the weepy drunk in front of Rachel.
After quickly cleaning up, Finn returned to his room to find Rachel awake and leaning back against his headboard. "Hi," he said quietly as he got back into his bed. "Did I wake you?"
Rachel shook her head yes. "That's okay though. We really need to talk, otherwise we are never going to get over this." Finn shook his head in agreement. "I'm not breaking up with you Finn. I was just scared about what happened and I had a hysterical moment in front of Kurt. Once I calmed down though, I knew I couldn't break up with you. You're too important to me. I do want you as much as you want me. Finn, at this point, I can't imagine New York without you." Rachel grabbed his hand and ran her thumb over the back of it. She stared at him and bit her lip. Finn gave her a lopsided grin. "That's why I'm confused as to why you've been avoiding me ever since I told you I wasn't pregnant. Before that I couldn't get rid of you even if I had tried to beat you off with a stick," Rachel joked slightly.
Finn stared down in front of him. "That day you came over and talked to Kurt, I got a letter from NYU." Rachel raised her eyebrows as she stared at her boyfriend with rapt attention. "It was a rejection letter." Her face fell at his words.
"I'm so sorry, Finn. But you applied to practically every school in the city. That's just one out of all of them. Have you heard back, good or bad, from any of the other schools?" Finn shook his head no. "See? There are still plenty of opportunities," Rachel said optimistically.
"Yeah I know. I guess I just had my own hysterical moment when Kurt said you wanted to break up with me. Getting that rejection letter and hearing that, it just made me feel like I was going to lose you and I can't. I was avoiding you so I wouldn't have to deal with you breaking up with me. I can't picture my life without you in it." Finn turned to look at Rachel seriously. "I know people say that we're too young to really know what love is and be so serious but when it comes to us, they're wrong. I know everyone says that but, I really feel it."
Rachel nodded softly. "I feel that way too. Obviously we're still very young and have a lot of growing to do but I want to do it with you. So from now on, in addition to no more lying, no more avoiding; we have to communicate no matter how hard we think it will be. We can't keep acting like little kids every time things get difficult if we want this relationship to work for the long term. We have to grow from a high school relationship into an adult one."
"Okay, no more avoiding," Finn said evenly. He leaned forward and kissed Rachel. "I love you."
"I love you too."
They still had a lot to talk about and work through but Rachel was confident that from here on out things would get better. At the time it happened a torn condom seemed like the worst thing ever, but looking back maybe it had been a blessing in disguise. Sometimes relationships needed testing to see how strong they were. Rachel knew that no matter what happened now, she and Finn would make it through together.
Aw, happy ending. I promise you, this will be the only angst from here on out. So prepare yourselves for regularly scheduled fluffy and smutty Finchel. :)