Hello, eternity. I have stared thee in thy face, and thou have offered nothing but pain…

Hello, Everyone! Sorry about the slip in updates, but I've been focusing on one of my other stories, check it out, yes? It is called The Electivire Guild, and it is my pride, but not my joy because writing that one chapter depressed me…

Anyway, I'm updating now because I read this other fanfic called Forest Tails, and it now ideas flow fresh from my mind and I'm sure as heck not gonna let them get away and no, the lack of commas in the last few lines is intentional because that's how I talk when I'm… in whatever mood you'd call this.

Pokémon isn't mine, but some of the characters are.

Share and Enjoy. Comment!

(Ash's POV)

Oh, nothing is making sense. There's… that… and this…this thing…in my head, and… oh…

You know, I've always thought that you were somewhat direct. I didn't think you were the kind to deal with a problem by ignoring it.

Oh great. Another voice in my head.

Yes, how droll. Trust me, it's even more inconvenient for me. It's a real mess in here, too.

"Where is that coming from?" I said out loud.

Sorry? Oh, Forgive me. Give me a second… Ah, yes, here we go. Is this better?"

An Alakazam Teleported beside me. He was tall, and stood up completely straight. Most Alakazam tend to hunch over-

"Ah, yes. Well, most Alakazam don't exercise like I do. I am probably the only one of my kind able to lift my head without the aid of telekinesis."

"Great," I mutter. "Another mind reader."

He was wearing a top hat and a high-collared cape, and instead of two spoons he had a single, black wand. He was also wearing a tuxedo with a red bowtie. He looked like a magician.

He smiled. "Ah, you noticed that? What do you think?" He swirled his cape.

"Er…nice?"

He frowned. "Word of advice. Don't lie to a mind reader, child."

"Are you with Warp, too?"

"Oh my, yes."

My ears flattened. "Are you going to try and feed me a bunch of that nonsense like he did?"

He sighed. He sighed with his whole body, with his shoulders falling and his mustache drooping. "Regrettably, Warp lacks any kind of tact, though this is more a result of this world's current instability than an fault of his own. He is not, however, a liar."

I grabbed my ears. "Please… just, stop…" My head started pounding again. What was going on?

He frowned. "Curious. There appears to be a war going on in your head."

I felt a tug in my gut, and my body glowed with a purple light. I floated up until I was eye-level with him. "My name is Presto, by the way."

"Ash-"

"Yes, I know your name. Don't blink." He produced some kind of measuring thing from his jacket. I don't know what it was, but I think I saw one used to measure someone's head once. Humans make the weirdest things.

His eyes glowed purple and he stared at me. I couldn't blink. My eyes syarted watering.

After a few moments he sighed again. He dropped me.

"Well, that's… interesting. I've never seen a case exactly like this before, at least not in person, but the condition is not exactly uncommon."

"What? What is it?" If he knew what it was, then I'd be one step closer to-

"Calm down. Listen." He waved his wand and a bench pried itself from the ground and floated over. He took a seat and rubbed his temples.

"Okay. Now. There are two personalities in your mind at the moment. Both are the same, and yet different. That is, they are two different versions of the same person."

"What? That doesn't-"

"Hush. Now, you are the dominant personality-at the moment. The other is the original personality."

"Original?"

"There an echo out here? Yes, the original. If you interrupt again I will Disable your mouth. The original psyche is trying to assert itself into a dominant role, but the Status Quo is shunting it into your subconscious, where it is occasionally making further grabs for control. It is growing weaker however, and can now only act when there are openings for it to take advantage of, vis-à-vis doubts, fear, or worry."

"Uh… well if it's getting weaker, that's good…right?"

"NO! It is most certainly not good! We want the other mind to gain control!"

"What! Why!"

"Because," Presto said slowly, "it is, after all, the original. Everyone knows that the sequel never lives up to its predecessor."

I paused. "…was that a shot?"

"Nothing gets past you, yes? You shouldn't worry. Once the original takes over, your current personality will be maintained. In fact, it is the nature of such things that you will actually retain memories from both lives."

"How does that work?"

"I have yet to have a chance to study such phenomena. This will be a learning experience, yes it will." He seemed rather cheerful at this.

I felt my fur start to rise. "This isn't going to hurt, is it?"

There was a pause. His smile widened. "This will be a learning experience, yes indeed!"

…Great.

(Warp's POV)

Good. Presto got to him. Good ol' Presto. Steady as a rock, that one. Speaking of…

I concentrated. Presto? Can you hear me?

Yes sir. Is it important?

I like to think so.

I'm somewhat busy with the young disillusioned polymorph.

Yeah, that's great, good job. Say, I want you to set the base down.

"What!"

I heard the shout from there. I couldn't help but grin when I saw that little Pikachu jump. Yes, I've found a nice spot just outside town.

Warp, I really must protest. Are you skipping out on your medicine?

I assure you, I took three pills just a minute ago. You have my full permission to trawl my memories if you don't believe me.

But if that's the case, and you're still acting like that… oh dear.

Yes. But I want the guys to see the place and who knows? They might be useful.

Silence.

Presto?

Hmp. Very well. Contacting Metagross…

Okay. Good. Excellent. Maybe we'll get done in time for TV! Yay!

Or not.

The base popped out of thin air about ten feet off the ground. It made quite the impressive thud.

Cracks appeared in the walls, then disappeared just as quickly. Self-repairing.

I turned back to human, keeping it simple this time. Cackie pants and a white shirt with a yellow collar. No hat. Staff in hand. Yes. Correct.

A door popped into place on the side of the building, and a massive hand opened it. I knew it was massive because I saw the head that stuck out. Huh. I thought they'd have Pokémon forms in this world. Oh well.

Slate stepped out, shielding his eyes from the sun. Kimmy hurried out, dwarfed by the guy's bulk. Then came Arvin, and… nope, that was it. Good enough.

Slate Buolder was a troll from the Discworld. He was made of rock, like all trolls from the Disc, and his skin was a rather nice shade bluish grey. There was some moss on his shoulders, but hey, that's cultural. I think. He was also unlike most trolls in that he wore pants, specially tailored for him. No shoes or shirt, just the blue jeans, which actually complimented his skin nicely.

Kimmy was a Koopa. She had a lovely blue shell and a pair of wings that she kept folded into her shell. You know those spiky blue shell leader-seeker Swift Shells from Mario Kart? Well, Kimmy was one of those Koopas, with the swift shell. The spikes were retractable.

Arvin, lastly, was a squirrel from Redwall Abbey. He was named after a former Redwall Warrior and abbot, and he tried to live up to the name. I'd expected him to turn into a Pachirisu when he got here, but no dice. Still a red squirrel in a brown tunic.

I ported behind them. "Hey guys!"

Man, Circuit knows how to teach. Only Kimmy flinched, and even then I barely noticed.

"Hey dere, Mister Warp," Slate rumbled. Arvin nodded.

Kimmy unfolded her wings and fluttered into the air. "Where's the target?"

"Target? I thought dis was a…" Slate's face screwed up in the effort of thought. "…what's der word? Thingummy, where you save 'em…"

"Rescue?" Arvin supplied.

"Dat's der bunny. I thought dis was a rescue mission, not a search-and-destroy."

"Actually, this is something completely different," I said.

"Really?"

"Oh yes. This whole universe has been turned on its head. We're supposed to fix it."

"An' how're we gonna do dat?"

"Simple." My staff squirmed and settled into a new shape. "I'm going to find Arceus, tell him off for getting drunk in the first place, and then I'm going to hit him with this crowbar until he fixes everything."

Man, I love the looks on people's faces when I'm around.

"Er…" Slate said carefully, raising a hand. "I don't think dat's a good idea, sir." He glanced at the sky. "Back home, some'fin like dat'd get ya a bolt a lightnin', sir, right in der face."

I grinned. "Yes, but thankfully Arceus is in bed with a hangover, and he tends not to pay much attention to his creation unless something big's going down."

Kimmy floated down. "Aha! If this isn't big, then-"

"Also," I interrupted, "Most people of the godly variety know my profession, and therefore think twice before messing with me. Harming a Guardian can get you in some serious trouble, especially once the Guardian wakes up. Heh."

Slate shrugged, but still looked apprehensive. Can't blame him really. He was involved in the troll mafia for a while, since Chrysophrase was his uncle. However, his connections made him very useful.

"So," Arvin said, hopping up on Slate's back, "What are doing?"

I opened my mouth and closed it again. Huh. "I…haven't thought that far ahead, actually."

There was a satisfying THOCKas Slate facepalmed.

"But I'll think of something. Kimmy, go help Presto with whatever he's doing. I think he's trying to console a yellow mouse over the fact that everything he thought he ever knew was utterly wrong, so… see to that."

Kimmy stared for a second, then shook her head, bewildered. I'm good at bewildering. It's fun. She took off, quickly becoming a blue streak.

"Now," I said, clapping my hands together. "Here's what we're gonna do until I can think of a more permanent slash productive slash whatever plan."

"Yeah?" Slate raised a ridge, the troll's rocky stand-in for eyebrows, so now you'll know what I mean when I say it again.

"Okay, so… um, let me think… well, we need to find Mortimer."

"You think Mortimer's still here?"

"Oh, yes. I've figured out his game. He's no coward. I don't think he knows how to be afraid, or worried, or what-have-you. He's still hovering around here somewhere, I'd bet my left arm."

"Well, let's go." Arvin jumped into a tree and started sniffing. "Got anything with his scent?"

"He doesn't leave a scent, Arvin."

"No?"

"No."

"Then how are we supposed to find him?"

"Can I say somefin'?"

"Yes, Mr. Boulder?"

He pointed towards the shadows of the forest. "Is dat him?"

I swung around. Tall, shoulder-length jet-black hair, red eyes, black clothes, and a single, dark gray sword that reflected no light? "Yeah," I squeaked. "That'd be him."

Hello! I had something to say, but now I forgot. Never mind.