6.

When Tavington found Esther, she was pulling laundry from a clothesline, folding the garments as she put them in her basket. She jumped when he called her name but she smiled as she turned and watched him approach.

"I have something I need to know, Esther," he said tersely when he reached her side.

Her smile faded and her brows furrowed with concern. "What is it?"

"Why does your son refer to himself as a bastard? A boy his age shouldn't be subjected to that and I want to know why you allow it!"

"When did Jason tell you this?" She asked. She scanned the yard with her eyes and added, "And where is he?"

"He's at my house where he comes every day to get away from that whelp you call your nephew," Tavington told her. "Do you know how cruel he is to Jason…hmm? Did you know he bullies the boy? I've just patched him up because he came to me with a gash where Timothy hit him in the head with a rock."

"Is he all right?" Esther tried to get past him and go find her son but Tavington stopped her when his iron grip grabbed her by the arm.

"Whoa, woman. You will first explain to me why you allow this to go on," he demanded. "I can understand if you've had an indiscretion in your youth but…"

"How dare you command me as if I'm one of your men….or one of your horses?" She spat with sudden vehemence, shrugging his hand away. "A youthful indiscretion? You have no idea what you're talking about! You have no idea what I've allowed or why. Do you think I enjoy living this way? Do you think I enjoy watching my brother and my nephew treat my son that way? Where else am I to go? What else can I possibly do to protect him? I don't know, William. I just don't know!"

Esther picked up her basket, leaving the rest of the clothes on the line and stormed away. But Tavington was not about to let her get away so easily.

He called after her, "What do they have on you, Esther?"

She dropped the basket and whirled around to face him. The color had drained from her features and her expression was one of fear distorted by anger. She marched up to him and for a moment he thought she was going to hurl herself at him.

Esther grabbed a fistful of the front of his waist coat and nearly dragged him along behind her. She found a place near the tree line, out of direct sight from the house where they would have more privacy. Once they were secluded, she narrowed her hazel eyes at him and crossed her arms across her chest in a protective manner.

"What exactly do you want to know, William?" She asked tempestuously.

His voice came out just as cold as hers was. "Why? Why do your brother and nephew treat you and Jason with such contempt?"

Esther could not control her nervousness. It erupted in a violent trembling that made her hands and knees shake. She sat down on a fallen log and tried to collect her thoughts. After a long pause, Tavington did the same, sitting a little too close for her comfort. Close enough that even with the warmth of the day, she could feel the heat radiate from his body. Then his knee brushed against her skirts, and as she sat there wringing her hands, it dawned on her that the discomfort she felt was her problem, not his. And so she let him stay where he was and did not attempt to move away.

"You already know we came here from Massachusetts- just outside of Concord. I regret to admit it is my fault that we had to flee," she began. "And I suppose my brother still harbors resentment because of that. And that resentment has in turn, rubbed off on Timothy. I am not surprised Timothy has called Jason that….word. But I have never used it and no one else has dared to ever do so in my presence."

Esther took a deep breath and slowly released it, rubbing her temples.

She stole a glance at Tavington who waited patiently, watching her as if his ice-blue eyes could see right through her.

"I'm sorry. I don't quite know how to explain. I'm grateful for the chance to tell you the truth…..except that….this is very hard for me. It's been weighing on me these last eight years and I've never spoken of it to anyone aside from my father. And not even with him since it happened."

The only sounds came from the woods. Birds chirped and insects buzzed as if they had no idea her heart was breaking. And as Esther continued she felt a strange detachment from her words. As if someone else were speaking them instead of her.

"You see, the British had an armory nearby, and of course my father was asked- or forced actually- to house soldiers for King George's army. Just one at first, but then as the rebellion became a real threat, rather than just a cause, two more followed. A captain and two lieutenants. I will never speak their names, so don't even ask."

This was the hardest part, exposing herself to a man that could destroy her with a single word of rejection. Then what would Jason do? She knew her little boy admired this man; even loved him. How would she explain if his mentor no longer wanted anything to do with him because of her?

Esther kept her eyes on her lap. She knew if she looked at Tavington she wouldn't be able to finish.

"We all tried to be as accommodating as possible. I tried to be gracious as my mother had taught me, and maybe that was my mistake. Maybe they simply misunderstood me…I don't know. I tried to make it very clear that I was not interested in any of their attention but sometimes I would catch them looking at me. As young as I was I knew there was something wrong with it. A girl can sense things like that, you know? It had nothing to do with the fact that they were British, or Redcoats, or Tories, or the enemy….or whatever. It had to do with the fact that it made my skin crawl."

Esther stopped suddenly, not wanting to go on. Her eyes burned and blurred and she blinked repeatedly until they cleared.

"One night when my father was away, they caught me out in the barn. I could tell they had been drinking- they reeked of it. They…..they hurt me, William. I hadn't even had my first kiss yet and those….men… held me down and had their way with me. They stole my innocence and destroyed my life."

"I wanted to keep it a secret but it was so hard, William. It was so hard. They were living under our roof. I had to see them every day, wait on them, and continue to treat them as guests. They disgusted me. I wanted to tear their eyes out for looking at me. I wanted to cut their hands off for touching me. I even thought about poisoning them but I was too afraid."

With those words her tears flowed freely.

"Finally when I knew I was with child I had to tell my father and of course he told Bart. My father was very understanding, but Bart…..he's never forgiven me. We couldn't make them leave and when my father spoke to their commander he laughed and said maybe I should marry the one that got me bellyful. Can you imagine such a thing?" She asked her voice thick with emotion.

Esther turned towards Tavington now to gauge his reaction or wait for a reply. He said nothing and only moved to rest his elbows on his knees. He closed his eyes, clasped his hands and brought them to his forehead, reminding her of a man deep in some kind of thought or prayer.

"Instead, we started sneaking away some of our family treasures. Nothing of worth really, just family things. Then one night when they were gone, we packed up as much as we could and came here. To get as far away from the war as we possibly could. Even here there was trouble from time to time, but not from the British. And nothing compared to what we heard was happening back east."

Finished with her revolting tale, she sighed heavily, feeling as though a huge burden had been lifted off her small shoulders. But she still worried at the same time over what Tavington might think of her now that he knew the truth.

"So now you know my shame….and Jason's. I love that boy. Some folks might think that's insane but I truly do. He saved me. All the times I thought of doing something to myself to end it all, I only had to think of him. Sometimes while the thought of how he came into the world brings me pain, he has only brought me joy. And I thank God every day that I have him as my son."

Tavington hardly knew what to say. He felt sick. If he was conflicted before, he was even more so now. As he listened to her gut-wrenching story, he felt her shame and humiliation. Women always bore the blame in situations such as this. He thought about his men and what he would have done if her father had come to him. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew in his heart that he would have said something along the same lines. He would have turned a blind eye to the actions of his men, and had actually done just that many times.

Although he had never taken a woman unwilling, he had been just as guilty by allowing it to happen in the name of victory. Yet now, he had never been more ashamed of his actions. Tavington reached for Esther's hand and was relieved when she didn't snatch it away.

"Esther," he said very calmly now. "I presumed too much. You must never blame yourself for what happened. Those men made the decision to hurt you that night. You were their hostess and should have been treated as such. But I cannot sit here and pretend to be honorable and righteous. I too committed horrible sins against the innocent by-standers of war. I even earned a reputation among them and while I'll not go into details, I cannot deny that up until very recently, I was proud of that reputation."

Esther looked at him wide-eyed but remained silent. Her face was streaked with tears and at the moment he wanted nothing more than to kiss them away and sooth her. Instead he pulled his shirt sleeve over his hand and wiped them away with the cuff, holding her chin in his hand as he did.

"I've hurt so many men and women- entire families and communities were destroyed because of my actions," he said, taking her hands again. "I don't know how God could ever forgive me. But I'm asking you to forgive me and forgive yourself for whatever you think you've done wrong. It wasn't your fault."

Tavington inched a little closer to her. They were hip to hip now and his leg was nearly covered by the billow of her skirts. Yet, she still made no attempt to move away from him and he took that as progress and continued holding her hands in his.

"I care deeply for both you and Jason. I don't want you to think that the circumstances of his birth or your past mean one wit to me. They don't. All I care about is the present and future. Not just my future but yours and Jason's as well. I know you're afraid of me right now and I don't blame you. But I'm simply asking you to give me a chance- just one chance- to prove to you that I only want good things for you and Jason."

"William," she said in almost a whisper. "will you please help me protect my son?"

Tavington put an arm around her shoulder and she sank against him, emotionally exhausted.

"Of course I will. I am not proposing marriage right now but will you allow me to court you a little? Now that everything is out in the open, we should start over," he suggested.

Esther looked up at him and voiced a concern, "And what if things don't work out? What about Jason?"

Tavington lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, causing her to blush.

"Darling, we'll just have to burn that bridge when we come to it," he answered with a smirk. Then his expression turned earnest again. "But Jason's feelings should always remain our first priority."

Esther sighed heavily and he let her relax against him once more. They sat quietly for a moment, simply relieved that they had both said what they wanted; what they needed to say. And both were contented just to be near the other without the fear and tension.

"Shall we go find Jason?" Tavington finally asked. "It's getting late and the walk back will give us some time to talk."

"Yes," she said and smiled. "I would like that."