10.

Two weeks after the midnight rendezvous, Tavington still seemed to be in a daze. And although he had vowed not to let the situation with Esther get out of control again, it did. Several times.

He made the mistake of underestimating his intended. Which by now, she was since he had formerly made an offer to Mr. Mitchel. The old man gladly agreed to the match and Esther happily accepted his proposal. William didn't care about Bart or Timothy's opinion but the one person he expected to be elated with the news, actually seemed indifferent. And that was Jason.

The couple agreed they would be married that fall when everyone would make the trip into Chillicothe. It would be convenient since they would all have to go anyway for winter supplies and it would give William time to make his house ready for his new family.

But he and Esther still found time for stolen moments and soon it became more difficult to tear himself away from her. Esther found she liked the attention. It stirred her passion. It stirred it to a level which he never imagined she possessed. And with each encounter she became more bold and harder to resist. Which confused the hell out of Tavington because for once, he was trying to do the unselfish thing for someone. For once, he was putting someone else's wellbeing above his own and it was blowing right back in his face like a rotten stench. Her natural curiosity about her sexuality was doing his head in.

Tavington was still working hard to catch up on his long neglected property. His fields were all turned and his garden was doing well. There was no doubt he would have enough food for winter. He had even managed to salvage his hay field which would keep him from having to purchase it from someone else. Tavington eventually turned his attentions to shoring up his barn and privy and re-chinked his cabin using clay from the creek beds, mixing it with sand to form a crude mortar. All with Jason's help, of course.

Jason was still very eager to help William. However, William noticed the boy didn't seem as lively or talkative as he once was. He thought maybe the novelty of having a neighbor so close by had worn off. Then he thought it might be because Jason had lost another tooth and was embarrassed about the way the missing tooth made him lisp. And finally one day, Jason fessed up.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jason asked one day while he was helping Tavington muck out his stalls. It was almost like music to Tavington's ears.

"You may ask me a question, Jason."

The boy looked at him thoughtfully. "Are you really gonna marry my ma?"

"Wouldn't you like that?" Tavington asked.

Jason crossed his arms over his chest rather guardedly. "Just tell me the truth."

"Yes, Jason. I really am going to marry your mother," he answered.

Jason's face changed. He frowned and pressed his lips so tightly his chin puckered. He was clearly upset but Tavington couldn't understand why.

Then Jason blurted, "But what about me?"

The boy's eyes welled up and it clicked. In all the excitement about the upcoming marriage, no one bothered to ask Jason how he felt. Or even explain that he was part of the deal. Poor Jason. Tavington felt horrible.

He crouched down in front of Jason but he didn't touch him. The little boy was clearly in a defensive mode right now and Tavington was afraid he might run.

"Jason, did you think your mother and I were going to leave you behind?"

Jason didn't have to answer; Tavington could see it on his face. But he wasn't surprised one bit when Jason told him why he was worried about it.

"Tim said you wouldn't want me here because I'm not your boy. He said step-fathers don't like other men's boys," Jason said.

Tavington was really starting to hate that little son of a bitch Timothy Mitchel.

But instead of scowling over it, he forced a smile and took Jason by the shoulders, pulling him closer.

"Jason," he began. "You're mother and I have already decided this and I'm sorry we failed to mention it to you. We should have been more considerate of your feelings. But you will come and live with me and you mother. You may not be my boy, but you are my friend and I never leave my friends behind."

And then Tavington did something he had never done before. He pulled Jason closer and gave the little boy a hug. He patted his back and decided if only to himself, that Jason was his boy, no matter what anyone said. And even if he couldn't be Jason's natural father, he would do his best to be a good father. Even though he knew he had no idea how to make it happen.

That may have taken care of Jason but it still left Tavington with one more issue to deal with. And that was Esther and an argument they had one day that became his undoing.

Mitchel had left one morning to take a calf to a neighbor for trade and he had taken Jason along for the ride. With his own work mostly finished, it gave Tavington and Esther some much need time alone and they had found a nice spot near the creek to picnic and engage in a few kisses and cuddles.

But soon, as he should have known, they became a little carried away and a few kisses and cuddles turned into some heavy petting. And when Tavington tried to put a stop to it, Esther began to make things very complicated.

Tavington felt Esther slip her fingers to the buttons of his breaches.

"I want to touch you," she whispered.

"Hell no," William said sharply, quickly jerking her hands away. "For God's sake, woman, I can barely control myself as it is. If you touch me I won't be able to stop myself from finishing this."

Esther writhed helplessly in his arms, "I want you to."

"I know that," he told her. It was pretty damn obvious. "But I'm not going to. Now is not the time or place for this."

"William," Esther whined fitfully. She tugged in vain at her wrists. "I need you….please do something, I'm aching."

Tavington couldn't believe what she was saying. How many time had he said those exact words to a lady he was trying to seduce? He couldn't help but wonder if he was experiencing some kind of personal hell.

He pulled her skirts down and pushed her off his lap saying through clenched teeth, "No."

Then he got up from the ground, dusted himself off and started toward his house, trying to escape her. But much to his frustration, she wouldn't let him. Instead, she followed, running to keep up with his long strides, arguing all the way.

"You can't have it both ways!" Esther shouted. "You can't kiss me and touch me like that and then push me away whenever you like. It's humiliating!"

"I didn't mean to humiliate you, Esther. But I know when something is a bad idea. And bedding you before we marry is a very bad idea." he said. Then he stopped and turned to her. "I want this to be right for you, Esther."

"William, it's not as if I'm some blushing virginal bride," she argued.

He snorted a laugh and continued towards home. "Yes, essentially you are."

"Stop being a tyrant!"

Her contemptuous tone grated his nerves.

"Stop being a child!" He shot back. "I am eleven years older than you and I'm about to become your husband. You will not speak to me that way ever again!"

When Tavington finally made it back to the house he flung the door open and stormed inside. It was his only refuge and even now she was trying to invade it. He blocked the door and she glared at him.

"And what if I were to get you with child, hmm? What then?"

She tilted her head, crossed her arms and mocked him, "We'll just have to burn that bridge when we come to it, darling."

Here he was, trying to do the honorable thing, and she wasn't even grateful.

"So, the kitten has claws." He leaned forward within inches of her face. "I could have seduced you….easily…but I didn't. And do you know why?"

His question was met with defiant silence.

"I'll tell you," he hissed. "I stopped out of respect for you. I want things to be right for you and Jason."

"A few years ago," he shrugged. "I wouldn't have cared. Hell, a few months ago I wouldn't have cared. But I love you, Esther. And I have never said that to another person in my life. Ever."

Her eyes turned sad and Tavington tried to ignore the knot of guilt in his belly.

"I'm not afraid anymore, William….and I love you too. I know you want me and I want you," she said softly.

William did want her. He wanted her more than any woman he had ever wanted before. He wasn't certain if that was because of how he felt for her, or if it was because of the discipline he had been trying to restrain himself with. Which ever the case, he was loosing his grip.

"So help me God, woman, you step one toe over that threshold and I'll take you seven ways from Sunday," he threatened.

"I thought the saying was six was from Sunday? She challenged.

William narrowed his eyes at her, bracing his arms on the doorway and said menacingly, "I'll take you on Sunday too."

Esther stood there demurely, reading him, trying to decide if he was serious or not. William could have swore he saw a faint smile cross her lips and then his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as she silently shifted and placed the point of her moccasined toe on the wood floor between his feet.

Shit!