Chapter 8
"Yo, perhaps you love birds can pull apart now, because the cleaners are coming in a sec." Kiba said, the next morning. When Sasuke, who had been awake all night, looked up, Kiba was standing in front of him with his arms crossed and a wide smirk on his face.
"Morning mister macho."
"What kind of stupid name is that?" Sasuke as he slowly let go of Neji, who he had been holding through the night. Every time he had tried to get away, Neji would almost wake up. And Neji needed his sleep, so Sasuke had just stayed.
"Don't you have a headache? You were drunk out of your mind when you came here."
Neji let out a groan while Kiba laughed.
"I was, but I can stand alcohol really well." He then said. "But seriously man, you should at least get out of here."
"Fine." Sasuke said as he quickly pulled on his clothes, which reminded him, they were still torn. "I doubt it they will realise what happened though."
"Two naked men in one bed mostly is enough." Kiba said, as he opened a window. "And you can smell a lot too." At that moment, Neji opened his eyes and sat up. He then let out a groan as he immediately laid down again. Shit, his backside hurt, and not just a little.
Sasuke looked at Neji for a second, before getting up and opening another window.
"There, happy now? Besides, I am not naked in his bed anymore." He said. He looked at Neji once again and wondered what Neji would think now. They had been drunk last night, and Neji had been vulnerable. So what would he say?
"Well if you want I could have told you nothing, but that would have been a little mean, don't you think so?" Kiba asked, pulling up an eyebrow. "Asshole." With that, he left the room, so he could continue with his breakfast downstairs. Neji carefully sat up now, reaching for his clothes.
"...Did you sleep well?" He then asked.
"I didn't sleep." Sasuke answered as he sat down on Kiba's bed. "And you almost didn't either. Do you wake up from everything?"
"I'm a very light sleeper yes." Neji said, as he nodded. He put on his underwear and stepped into his pants. "..Damn.. I feel sore."
"What did you expect?" Sasuke said, smirking slightly at the thought. It quickly faded though. What were they to each other now?
"Nothing like this I must say.." Neji said. He sat down on the bed again and then looked at Sasuke. "..Do you regret it?"
".. I don't know, do you?" Sasuke asked as he looked back at Neji.
"No, I don't." Neji replied. "Of course it's painful now, and somewhere I even feel ashamed.. but I don't regret doing it."
".. So what now then?" Sasuke asked, leaning against a wall.
"..It's kind of awkward now, isn't it?" Neji asked with a slight frown.
"..It is.." Sasuke said, nodding. He wasn't so sure what to say to Neji anymore. Maybe what they had done that night wasn't the smartest thing to do.
Neji let out a slight chuckle.
"You did bring my mind off stuff." He said.
"I guess that was what you wanted right?" Sasuke asked. Neji had said to make him forget. Getting his mind off stuff was as close to that, that Sasuke could reach.
"Yeah it was.. I enjoyed it a lot." Neji said, nodding.
"Good. So should we leave it at that then?" Sasuke asked. Maybe telling Neji that this was all would be better for both of them. After all, what future could anyone have with someone who can't remember a thing?
"If you want that." Neji said, giving Sasuke a look.
"Well I guess that would be best. You needed this yesterday, but you don't need anything now." Sasuke said. "Besides, what would you want, a relationship? That's not going to happen."
"Well, we could do things like we did yesterday more often." Neji said, as he shrugged. He put on his shirt in the mean time.
"Well then we'd be fuckbuddies. I'm sure we don't have time to do it again. Besides, I need to go, I'm late for work." Sasuke said, looking at the clock. He'd better make a run for it. The fact that Neji wanted more out of this then just one time of great sex frightened him.
Neji looked away now, with an indescribable look on his face. It could be anger, but also disappointment.
"Fine." He then said.
"Don't be mad now." Sasuke said. "I gotta run. Guess I'll see you later." He quickly left the room. It was a good thing he was going to work for a butcher. He could let his frustration out on some dead cow.
That afternoon, Neji was walking towards the butcher Sasuke was working in. He knew Sasuke would be finishing work too and had decided to pick him up. He walked into the shop and saw the butcher himself selling some meat to clients. Sasuke had told him that the butcher always worked longer than him, so he could expect Sasuke any moment.
It didn't take long, before Sasuke came from the back of the shop and threw the clothes he had to wear on the counter and said goodbye to his boss. When he turned around he spotted Neji and frowned slightly.
"Why are you here, you get food from the inn right?" Sasuke asked.
"Yes, but I felt like picking you up." Neji said, shrugging, as he looked at the guy in front of him. He betrayed himself by staring at the handsome man in front of him, who was looking a little tired and sweaty: which made him look sexy as hell. Neji could feel the need growing inside of him to share one bed with Sasuke tonight once more.
".. Stop staring at me, I know I look bad." Sasuke said as he wiped some sweat of his forehead. "We can go then, I'm done with work."
"You don't look bad." Neji said before he could stop himself.
Sasuke looked at Neji and then smiled just slightly.
"Thanks. Although I'm sure I could look a lot better. Reminds me that I still need new clothes. Nobody's my size." He said.
"There are more than enough clothes your size back with us, Sasuke-kun." A voice from behind them suddenly said and when they turned around, they saw the guy with the glasses leaning against the doorframe of the shop, smirking at them. "All your clothes are still hanging in your room."
Sasuke immediately narrowed his eyes when he saw the guy standing there. Sasuke stormed to him and pinned him against the wall.
"How dare you come here after what you tried." He hissed.
The guy smirked even more now.
"Tried what?" He asked. Neji was looking at the guy with a frown on his face now. This guy definitely wasn't to be trusted. Seeing the expression on his face but also the things he was saying. To not even start what the guy had tried to do to him.
"You tried to kill Neji!" Sasuke yelled now, as he pushed against the guy with his hands. He felt so angry, just remembering it.
"My, that was a very quickly made conclusion." The guy said, laughing a little. "I wasn't the one who tried to kill your comrade, Sasuke. Else I would have succeeded in it."
"You were standing there and Neji was almost dead! How can you possibly think we are stupid enough to think you had nothing to do with it!" Sasuke yelled.
"Calm down, Sasuke." The guy said. "I would never kill anyone close to you, because I know you're strong enough to murder me for it."
"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked with narrowed eyes. He still had the guy pinned against the wall.
"About your strength Sasuke-kun." The guy answered, tapping on his glasses with the tip of his finger. "There's nothing more to explain. I'm not stupid. If I would kill anyone close to you, a comrade, a lover, a family member, it would mean my death. And I prefer to live. It's simple as that."
"Then what the fuck is my strength?" Sasuke yelled now. "How do you know me and who the hell are you?"
"Sasuke calm down, this way he's not going to tell you anything." Neji suddenly snapped to Sasuke.
"All your answers can be answered by our master, and I could take you there." The guy said. He then smirked. "You may remember me as Kabuto."
Sasuke frowned now. He did remember that name, and he did know this guy was familiar.
"Who is this master then? Just tell me what you know about me already." Sasuke said, ignoring Neji.
"I'm afraid that I barely know something about you, for that I should take you to Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto answered, folding his arms.
Sasuke felt a shiver going down his spine when he heard that name. But he couldn't place it, like so many things.
"Why would I go with someone who tried to kill my friend." Sasuke stated.
"You don't listen." Kabuto said. Neji was frowning in the mean time. If Kabuto wasn't the one who had tried to kill him, then who was it? Would this person still be around? And what.. if this person was the same one who had destroyed his city?
"Or better said, why would he go with someone who watched someone killing his friend?" Neji then asked Kabuto.
"Ah, that's hard to explain." Kabuto said, once more smirking. "You wouldn't understand."
"Well make us understand then." Sasuke snapped. "If this 'Orochimaru' guy knows me, then why won't he just come to me? And why did you just watch Neji almost die? You should have done something." He had all these questions to ask. But he knew this guy wasn't going to answer any of them the way he wanted.
"It would have made the situation more complicated if I took action." Kabuto said. "Orochimaru-sama has more to do then search for students who ran away after becoming mad."
"You're making no sense at all." Sasuke snapped, now letting go of Kabuto and just glaring at him. Even if this guy wasn't making any sense, their names sounded familiar. They knew him and Sasuke was desperate to figure out who he was. He needed his memory back and this might just be the way to do it.
"Is this a sign that you want to come with me?" Kabuto asked, as he kept on leaning against the wall.
"I never said that. I'm just weighing out things." Sasuke snapped. He took a look at Neji and then looked at Kabuto again. Maybe he should go. "If you want me to come along so badly, then say something which will make me want it too."
"Oh don't understand me wrong, we're not dying without you." Kabuto said. "You are the one here who needs something from us, not the other way around. If I have to convince you to come along, you'll leave in the end anyway."
"Then why would I come with you?" Sasuke snapped. This guy was not very convincing at all. It would be simple to make him come, all he needed was reassurance that this place was gonna provide him with answers.
"Because we have the answers for your questions." Kabuto said, giving Sasuke a devilish look.
"Sasuke, don't go with him." Neji said, giving Sasuke a warning look.
Sasuke looked at Neji now and then back to Kabuto.
"Fine I will come. But if you're lying I'll kill you." He said. He just 'had' to know who he was.
"Sasuke don't, this guy can't be trusted." Neji snapped to Sasuke.
"And for the record, who knows who this Orochimaru guy is? You have no idea what he wants with you. Perhaps he's an evil person, you don't know. Don't go there, and especially not alone."
"He's right, you shouldn't go." Someone else suddenly said, and when they turned to where that voice had come from, they saw a guy standing by the door. His hands were in his pockets and he looked like he really wasn't surprised there was such a conversation in a butchery.
"What are you butting in for?" Sasuke asked annoyed.
"Just telling you that he's right. I never heard anything good about Orochimaru. Go there and it's a one way ticket to your own death." The guy said.
"And who might you be then?" Kabuto asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.
Neji looked at the guy, a little relieved. This might lessen the chance that Sasuke would go with Kabuto.
"Shikamaru." The guy said. "And trust me, this guy is up to no good as well. Siding with Orochimaru, tch. Pure evil if you ask me."
"How do you know that?" Sasuke asked. "Is that true?" He then asked Kabuto.
Kabuto couldn't help but sweat drop now.
"Orochimaru has a goal that some people don't agree with." He then said. "People tend to think things they don't agree with are evil."
"If killing innocents and experimenting on them isn't evil then what is?" Shikamaru asked. "I have heard the stories. Even seen some of the consequences. Go there and you die, I'll tell you that."
".. Experimenting?" Sasuke asked.
"Orochimaru is gathering magic from all sorts." Kabuto explained. "So he's experimenting with them as well."
"On people." Shikamaru said. "It's your choice." He told Sasuke. "But I'd find another person to follow."
"You've never been with Orochimaru, so your stories are based on rumours." Kabuto said.
"Not every rumour is just a rumour." Shikamaru said. Sasuke now turned to Kabuto and then to Neji. For a second, he was lost at what to do. Go with this other guy and find out who he was but risk his life, or stay with Neji and maybe loose the chance to find out who he was all together.
Neji took a step closer to Sasuke now.
"Sasuke, if he really would be trustworthy, he would tell you." He said, looking at Sasuke serious. "What if this Orochimaru actually put some kind of experiment on you which made you lose your memory?"
"Then I should go to him and ask him what if was and how I can get it back. You both are not really giving me any good reasons to stay or leave." Sasuke told Kabuto and Neji. "A stranger is better at it then you."
"Are you kidding me?" Neji suddenly snapped. "What do you expect me to do, throw me at your feet and beg you to stay? I tell you that this guy could have something to do with your memory and that he could even kill you, isn't that reason enough to stay?"
"He has something to do with my memory yes. Which is exactly why I wanna seek him out." Sasuke snapped back. "Fact is, that this guy told me I could be walking to my own death and I'm not ready to die. So before I go there, I need to find out what these powers are that I have. I'm not going, so chill it."
Neji just gave Sasuke a glare now.
"So be it." Kabuto said, and then, he disappeared.
Sasuke looked at the place where Kabuto had stood before and then let out a growl. He turned to Neji, angry.
"Happy now?" He snapped.
"You said you were not going yourself." Neji snapped back. "But sorry, I won't worry about you anymore. Idiot." He then turned around and walked in the direction of the inn, while huffing.
Sasuke glared at the door for a second, then followed Neji. Once he caught up with him he roughly turned him around.
"You don't get it do you?" He snapped.
"Oh I get it, you want to find out who you are, and those guys know something about you so you just want to go with them and see what happens." Neji snapped back. "'You' don't get that there could also have been people in your life that didn't plan good things with you. And this guy definitely didn't look trustworthy. This guy is not planning good things Sasuke, I tell you."
"See, you don't understand. Because if you did you would realise that it is the most frustrating thing not to remember. I don't know if I will run into people from the past anymore, because I don't even know if my family is alive or not, where I came from. I just don't know and it's killing me. I 'need' to know and if that means I have to do something reckless then I will. You just don't understand." Sasuke snapped.
"The only thing I don't understand why you don't ask Karin where on earth she lived, because you apparently came into her village some times a week." Neji snapped back. "But no, going with a guy who's not telling you anything, tries to lure you with him to some kind of guy he doesn't want to tell anything about. Don't be so naive Sasuke. If it would have been a good place, why on earth would you have left it?"
"Well I don't remember now do I? Besides, I already thought of that, but she said I was training, and that guy just now said I had a master." Sasuke snapped. "So that means that I came there when I was already with that Orochimaru guy. And wipe that stupid look off your face, I'm not as dumb as you think I am."
"No, apparently you're much worse." Neji snapped back. He then snatched himself loose and pushed Sasuke away. "Don't you get it that I just want you to stay, safe?"
"Of course I get that, but that's not your decision. It's not up to you to decide how or when or if I will get my memory back." Sasuke snapped. "That's not your call even if you want me to stay safe."
Neji looked away now, still pissed.
"Whatever." He then said.
Sasuke looked at Neji and then looked away. It was obvious Neji didn't understand. No one understood the frustration of not knowing anything. Not to think about but ways to figure out how to get back a memory. It was horrible and nobody understood it. And Neji was obviously not the right person to talk about it with.
"Maybe you should just leave." Sasuke said.
Neji gave Sasuke a look now.
"..I do know how it feels that you don't have anything anymore, I lost everything too." He then said. "The only difference is that I remember, and you don't. So in a way, I understand you."
"But you remember." Sasuke snapped now. "You can remember the good times you had with your family, you can remember what it was like. I'm lost.. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know anything and I can't remember any good times I might have had. It can't remember and I can't take it.." Sasuke took in a deep breath as he looked away.
"...Well I hope that we will get your memories back, but.. you can still have good times now, with the people that are around you.. don't ruin your life by trying to get your old life back, that's all I'm saying." Neji said.
"I don't want to be someone I'm not. I can't try to live another life. What if I turn out to be someone completely different then how I am now?" Sasuke asked. "Then what will I do? I will have spent my time with people that maybe won't fit into my old life at all. I'll be forced to give up even more. I just need to know who I was before I can move on."
"Well you won't be forced to spend time with people that don't 'fit' into your old life." Neji said. "It's all up to you."
"What would you do then?" Sasuke asked. "I keep losing bits. Sometimes I think like I might remember something and it just slips away again. I don't know how to deal with it anymore."
"The only thing I can think of is thinking positive and wait for it to come back." Neji said.
"I don't know how long I'll be able to think positive with nothing to look forward to." Sasuke said, speaking a little softer then usually.
"How do you know there is nothing to look forward for?" Neji asked, frowning. "I lost everything too, is that reason for me to think my life is suddenly not worth anything anymore?"
"I'm just not a positive thinker ok." Sasuke snapped. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Forget what I said."
"Sasuke." Neji said, giving Sasuke a stern look.
"What? What do you want me to say? I don't know what to do with it, I feel like I don't have a future like this. You might have lost the people around you, your home, but you still have those memories. You still know who you are and what you want and 'can' do. I don't know anything. I can't do anything. I need some kind of relief and all I can think about is getting my memory back." Sasuke said, his voice almost desperate.
"I think it would be better for me if I couldn't remember what I had back then and what I don't have anymore." Neji snapped. "Just try to think positive Sasuke. No, it's not nice, but don't make it your life goal. What if you don't get it back? You're becoming old and the only thing you did was searching for a life you won't ever remember anymore?"
".. You don't understand." Sasuke said, shaking his head and then turned around to walk away. He was done talking. Done expressing feelings. Neji would never understand what it felt like and Sasuke was done trying to make him too. He regretted not having left with that Kabuto guy now.
"You only think I understand when I say I feel sorry for you." Neji said. And with that, he left Sasuke to stand there on his own, to think of things.
Sasuke stared at the floor now and then left in the direction of Karin's place. He didn't need to see Neji for a while. Maybe he would just move on on his own. He couldn't build up a life without knowing who he was. And anyone who couldn't understand that and would get in his way, was gonna be left behind. No matter how hard it was.
The next day, Neji had been walking through the city for a few hours already, asking and looking around for one certain person. But it was like he was hiding somewhere for him, since he was impossible to find. Neji was now walking back to the inn, having given up. He chose to walk through the park that was close to the inn and to his surprise, he saw the guy he had been looking for laying on a hill, relaxing on his back in the grass. Neji sighed. Of course, the park. The guy already had looked lazy, of course guys like that could be found in a park. He had no idea where his mind had been lately. He walked over to the boy and then sat down next to him, noticing he was observing the sky. He frowned for a while as he looked up too, before looking at the guy, who was not looking at him.
"What do you see in the clouds?" Neji then asked, interested.
The guy didn't look at Neji, nor was he surprised to hear someone next to him. He just stared at the clouds before answering.
"Normally nothing, they're just soothing. Right now though, that one looks like the duck my mother made last night." He said, pointing at an odd looking cloud. It didn't look like a duck at all.
Neji pulled up his eyebrows as he looked at the cloud.
"Must have been a pretty fucked up duck then." He then said. He never swore, but sadly enough, this was the only way to describe the image of the duck that was currently in his mind.
"Yes. It was. My mom's not a very good cook." The guy stated. He then pushed himself up and put his hand out to Neji. "I'm Shikamaru."
Neji smirked a little and shook the guy's hand.
"Neji." He then said. "I have to apologize for what happened yesterday. We should at least have thanked you for the information you gave us."
"Oh that's ok." Shikamaru said. "I'm just glad I walked in and stopped that other guy you were with from going."
Neji nodded thankfully.
"I am as well, I didn't trust that Kabuto guy at all." He said. "Which is why I'm here now. You told us you had heard some things about Orochimaru... Sasuke lost his memory, and apparently he has trained with this Orochimaru guy. Could you please tell me and Sasuke about this man?"
"Well I don't see any Sasuke here, but I can tell you I don't know much." Shikamaru said. "All I know is this guy is doing some freaky stuff and lots of people get killed in the process."
"I wanted to invite you over for dinner at the place Sasuke is staying now." Neji said. "As a thank you, and also so you could tell us while no one is there to disturb us."
"Well I guess that would do. Anything's better then eating the food my mom serves us." Shikamaru said with a slight grin. "So where is he staying then?"
"A little to the south, with a girl named Karin and two guys, Juugo and Suigetsu." Neji said. "There will also be another guy named Kiba."
"Karin? Poor guy, why is he living 'there'?" Shikamaru asked. "And who is Kiba?"
"It's free and he likes his privacy." Neji said, chuckling a little. "Kiba has been travelling with me and Sasuke for some time. He's... very energetic and a real teaser, but he's nice. You'll probably like him."
"You're quick to thinking you know who I might like or not." Shikamaru said, grinning. "Anyway, what time?"
"Everyone likes Kiba, that's why." Neji said with a slight smile. "In two hours would be great. Karin will be preparing dinner in three hours, but we can speak before we eat."
"Ok deal. I'll see you then." Shikamaru said and laid back down to watch the clouds.
"Thank you." Neji said as he stood. "I'll see you tonight. And, try to spot the bird." With that, he walked away, leaving Shikamaru to search for the bird he had talked about in the clouds.