Chapter song: Epiphany by Staind
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight
Racing down the highway, he calls his wife's cell phone for what seems like, and probably is, the hundredth time. It rings four times and then goes to voicemail, just like it has every time he's called since he talked with his son.
He thought of calling his son back and having him go check on her since he was closer, but he knew that if this really is his nightmare, he couldn't let his son bear witness to that.
Frustrated, he throws his phone at the seat, then curses as it bounces and ricochets off the passenger-side window, falling to pieces on the floor.
Without the phone as a distraction, his mind starts wandering.
He thinks back to this morning, her comforting him, him pulling away. He couldn't even look at her afterward. Is that really going to be the last memory he has of her?
No.
He can't think like that. Not right now.
He just needs to focus on getting home.
Screeching to a halt in the driveway, he wastes no time getting into the house. As soon as he opens the front door, he calls out for her. It's eerily quiet. The only sound he hears is the pounding of his own heart as he runs up the stairs toward their bedroom.
Just as he approaches the partially open bedroom door, he stops. A sense of déjà vu washes over him as images from his dream flash through his mind.
He has never been this scared in his entire life.
With a shaky hand, he pushes the door open the rest of the way.
Relief floods through him like a tidal wave when he sees she's not there. Knees wanting to give out, heart pounding in his ears, he can't help but close his eyes. But, the feeling of relief only lasts a few moments. He still has no idea where she is, has no idea if she's okay.
Just as he's about to go looking for her, something catches his eye through the window.
At a closer look, he sees the figure of a woman sitting in the sand, arms wrapped around her knees, looking out onto the lake.
He would know that figure anywhere.
Stepping out onto the balcony, he sits back in one of the chairs, just staring at her as if she'll disappear.
The pull he feels to go to her is strong. He would love more than anything to go and sit behind her in the sand and hold her to his chest, but uncertainty holds him back. He feels he has to tread lightly with her, not knowing what could break her.
He thought this morning, that all he would have to do is show her that he loves her, but now he's uncertain that it would be enough. Does she even want him to touch her? She seemed okay with it last night, but that could have been because it was three o'clock in the morning. With so many things still unsaid, and so many things he's still not sure he should say, he feels at a loss on what to do or where to even start.
With a huff, he stands and makes his way back into their bedroom. As he changes out of his work clothes, he sees something that he hopes will guide him in the right direction.
Her journal.
Holding the journal in his hands, he doesn't open it right away.
He's procrastinating. Afraid of what else might be in there.
Hearing the rumbling sound of thunder off in the distance, he knows it won't be long before she comes inside to escape the rain.
Checking out the window, and seeing she's still there, he quickly opens the journal and starts flipping through the pages, hoping to find a new entry.
Wednesday, June 1st, 2011
I went to see my therapist yesterday. The whole session was spent talking about everything I was feeling Thursday, and why I went as far as trying to end my life. I guess it was a lot of things. Seth's last day of high school was that day, and everything just seemed to hit me all at once. Who's going to need me when he's gone? It's such a lonely question.
She ended up prescribing me some new 'happy pills' and sent me home with a bunch of information on them. Apparently, trying to kill yourself on 'happy pills' means they're not working, or making it worse. I probably should have read the information she gave me last time.
Today I feel happy though, and not because of the new pills. For the first time in months, I woke up in my husband's arms. I've craved his touch for so long that I didn't even realize how much until that moment. The feeling was so good, and so rare, that I had a hard time falling back to sleep. I just laid there pretending everything was okay. That whoever she is doesn't exist. That it's me he still wants.
When I started to fall back to sleep, he started breathing a little heavier and mumbling in his sleep. He was clearly having a nightmare. I got a little scared when I couldn't wake him up, but the look in his eyes when he finally did? It was something I will never forget. In the 23 years I've known him, I've never seen him look so scared. He grabbed me and held me so tight, the trembles going through his body shook mine. I never found out what his dream was about, mostly because he became distant after he calmed down. Maybe he was embarrassed. I don't know.
Maybe tonight I'll fall asleep in his arms.
Happy moment: Feeling wanted.
Leaving any uncertainties he had behind him, he makes his way to the only woman he's ever wanted, will ever want, determined to never break a promise to her ever again.
A/N: Special thanks to my prereaders, Crackylu and BittenIn Ca, and also to my wonderful beta, Allison Cullen