"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned." ~William Coongreve, English Poet & Playwright

16.

Tavington slipped into the quiet darkness of his room at the inn. He shut the door without a sound and turned to find Esther standing by the window.

Damn! Damn! Damn!

Her arms were crossed and her toe was tapping the hardwood floor.

"Where the hell have you been," she hissed, her head bobbing from side to side like a metronome, punctuating her words.

Tavington was once again faced with a decision. He could demand his privacy and let her jump to her own conclusions. He could make up a lie by claiming he had joined a card game, forgetting the time. Or he could tell her the truth and let the chips fall where they may.

An omission, a lie or the truth.

Tavington was still coming down off his rush. He was tired. He didn't want to argue and would probably lose his temper if he did.

He opted for the truth and hoped the gamble paid off.

Tavington took a step forward and Esther stood firm. She didn't move away, nor did she make a move towards him. He took this as a sign that she was at least willing to listen to an explanation. Whether she accepted what he told her or not- that he was a cold blooded killer- was another story. He laid it before her very bluntly- without even raising his voice, but very sincerely and almost apologetically.

"I went out after you fell asleep. I tracked down James Putney and I killed him. He will not hurt anymore women… or you, Esther. I know he will always haunt you and I pray, darling, that this does not add to your strife, but I was not about to let that man live knowing what he did to you. I couldn't take the chance that he would see Jason and try and take him, continuing to terrorize you further. And that, my dearest, is that."

Esther's reaction surprised him although he wasn't quite sure why. He realized then that while the killer inside him did not feel one single shred of remorse for his victim, he felt horrible over the possibility of upsetting his wife.

She stood silently for a moment her eyes locked on his. With her back to the window in her wrapper, the moonlight cast a glow that made her hair appear silver. She looked like an angel. Tavington did not think he deserved an angel.

After what seemed like an eternity Esther straightened, blinked a few times and cleared her throat with a short humming sound. She was still trying to process the information and Tavington felt guilty for burdening her with it.

It had to be said and simply put, he knew that there would always be a part of him; a dark part of him that would never change. Should he promise never to do such a thing again? The answer was no, and he would not delude himself or her by doing so.

"I had to set things right, darling." It was his only excuse.

At that, her eyes welled up and Tavington braced himself for angry histrionics.

Esther flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. She hid her face against his chest and said something he never expected.

"Thank you…thank you. Oh God, thank you, William, for protecting Jason. It's been weighing on me since I saw Captain Putney in the tavern today. I wanted to tell you but I was so afraid…"

She cried her tears of relief while Tavington grappled for a handle on his emotions. He had promised her that he would protect Jason only a few months ago. He had nearly forgotten that promise until now. And yet that had been the one thing on his mind; the driving force behind his need to hunt Putney down and kill him like a dog. Protecting Jason. Protecting him for selfish reasons but protecting him none the less.

Now, here was this woman-his wife, who accepted him unconditionally, sobbing and telling him how much she loved him- a murderer. Perhaps she didn't know she should be afraid of him as well, or maybe she just saw him as some kind of distorted hero. But either way, it was a strange feeling to know that someone actually loved him enough to overlook something so monstrous about himself.

Tavington was also quite worked up physically at that moment. He knew he wasn't the only man to feel that way after what he had just done. In his experience most soldiers were always full of sap after a good fight.

The problem was that he normally would have gone to see a whore, if only to work out his sexual frustration. That's not to say he was particularly brutal to the women he bedded- whore or not. But he knew he could be very demanding and sometimes a little rough.

What it came down to was that Esther was still very innocent and although she tried whole-heartedly with success to please, Esther was not a whore.

When he told her once before that he had never confessed to loving anyone in his life but her, he had spoken the truth. But what he wanted from her now wasn't something she was accustomed to giving. He didn't want to hurt her, yet he was afraid he might. Then after he would have to face her and he wasn't sure he would be able to do that.

Tavington took her by the shoulders and held her away. Looking down at her tearful face he resisted the urge to ravage her mouth.

"Esther, I think it would be best if you bunk with Jason for the rest of the night."

"Is something else wrong, William? Were you seen?" She asked nervously, glancing at the door as if expecting the magistrate and a posse to come bursting through at any time.

"No, darling, everything is fine…..but…"

Esther pushed herself back into his arms, pressing against him. The feel of her nearly snapped whatever control he had left.

Tavington desperately tried to push her away once more but she clung to him and began kissing his cheeks and jaw. "Esther, we cannot do this….right now."

Hi voice felt tight and sounded strange to his own ears.

She stopped and drew back to look at his face. "What is it? Don't you want me, William?"

"I want you too much right now."

She stared at him, confused. Maybe he should frighten her a little, he thought. At least then she might learn not to question him when he was in such a temper.

He narrowed his eyes, tightened his jaw and while looking her straight in the eyes, he said, sounding as threatening as possible, "I want you so much I could fuck the daylights out of you until you beg me to stop."

"I don't like that word, William," she said in a stern tone he had often heard her use with Jason.

He blinked.

Being nasty to Esther hadn't accomplished a thing with her before. If anything it seemed to arouse her more. Tavington had no idea what made him think he could scare her now. Apparently his little wife was the one fly attracted to vinegar.

She stepped back and without hesitation, dropped her wrapper.

When he didn't move, she took the initiative and began removing his clothes. Slowly at first, constantly watching his face like a mouse toying with a cat that was already about to pounce. Once she was certain he would not react badly, his clothes started flying. When she finally had him naked and took him in hand, the rest of his will just crumbled to dust. He pulled at her, crushing her curvaceous body against his and kissed her hard. Forcing her lips apart with his thumb, he thrust his tongue inside to dance with hers.

He could tear her apart right now if he wanted, but that was not really what he wanted. He loved her too much. He couldn't hurt her and he never wanted to lose her. Just the thought of it brought on a new kind of anxiety and panic he had never experienced before. It terrified him.

Tavington's chest tightened and suddenly it became very difficult for him to breathe. He ended the kiss just as he felt a wave of heat pass over him. His vision tunneled slightly as he broke into a cold sweat and he wondered if he might pass out. When he stumbled a little Esther held on to him and helped him to the bed.

He sat down on the edge, bracing his hands on his knees and heard her ask in what sounded like a very far off voice if he was alright. He shook his head to clear it but it was too late. He felt the hot tears spill from his eyes and land with a splat on the floor. He tried to dash them away with an angry swipe of his fist but they kept coming. Tavington couldn't remember the last time he had ever broken down and wept. He felt like such an imbecile, jagging on like such a baby and he had no idea why.

Esther quickly scooped her wrapper from the floor and slid her arms into the sleeves. She went to the washstand, poured some water into a cup and handed it to him as she patted his face with a damp cloth.

Tavington drained the cup and let Esther fuss over him a minute more before stretching out on the mattress.

"I'm sorry, William," he heard her say. "I won't bother you now. I'll go sleep in Jason's room like you asked."

There was no way in hell he would let her leave him now.

"No," his voice cracked. "Just….lay with me."

Esther slipped into bed next to him and held him close.

"Dad?" A small voice whispered to him.

Tavington cracked his eyes open to find Jason standing fully dressed, puppy in arms, peering into his face.

"The puppy needs to go outside. Can I take him down?"

Tavington sat up, rubbing his face and looked at the window while considering what was being asked and how best to answer. It was past dawn; at that time of the morning when the sun just started to burn off the dew.

Jason waited patiently for him to give permission. It was the puppy's whine that snapped him back to the question.

"Yes," he said, croaking his first sentence of the day. "You may take the dog out."

Jason just stood there for a moment and then asked, "Why are you naked?"

Tavington had to think fast. "I uh….was a little….warm." Yes, that was it. "...and I took my shirt off, I suppose."

This excuse seemed to satisfy the boy and Tavington glanced down at a sleeping Esther, making sure she was covered and hoping she wouldn't wake until Jason as out the door. He was relieved to find her still looking peaceful, wearing her wrapper. Then he had an idea. A naughty idea.

He had to get rid of the boy for an hour or so.

"Jason, make sure you give young Speck there plenty of time. And stay in the stable yard. Perhaps you could check on Sam and Sue for me? Maybe take them out and walk them a bit and give them a good brushing?"

"Yes, sir," Jason answered happily as he closed the door on his way out.

Tavington turned to Esther lying on her back. Knowing her to be a light sleeper, he was surprised Jason hadn't woke her when he came in. Tavington smiled to himself, wondering just how much he could get away with.

One of Esther's hands rested on her belly while the other was resting palm up on her pillow by her face. Her hair was flung about in tawny swirls across her eyes and pillow. He lifted the sheets to peek underneath. Esther's wrapper was open, exposing her breasts. It twisted around her hips and thighs which lay akimbo on the mattress.

She was out cold, absolutely gorgeous and all his.

Tavington smoothed the hair back from her face and softly pecked her lips.

Nothing.

He skimmed his fingertips down her chest, between her breasts and over the rise of her belly. Goose-pimples appeared and her nipples puckered but still no response from Esther.

He lowered his head and tugged one of the tips into his mouth. The instant he suckled, he felt her body stiffen. Tavington smiled.

Esther writhed, stretching. She brought her hands up to stroke his hair and lifted her head to see him nuzzle in between her breast.

"You'll smother yourself doing that," he heard her say with a sleepy voice.

"But what a way to die," he answered, nuzzling deeper. She giggled.

Tavington continued his ministrations while his wife lay passively.

"William?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm sorry about last night?" Esther said regretfully.

This time his head popped up and with a perplexed expression he asked, "Whatever for?"

"It wasn't my intention to push you like that."

He understood immediately what she was referring to and yet he had to know something.

He chuckled, "Are you ever frightened of me?"

Esther hesitated for a second before answering.

"No," She said shaking her head thoughtfully. "Well… maybe a little afraid that you'll leave me or that I can't be what you need. But your anger is never directed at me. Perhaps if I thought it was, my opinion might be a little different-"

"Esther, stop. You are exactly what I need. I've said it before and I'll say it as many times as required until you believe me….I'm not going anywhere."

Then he paused for a bit, lightly stroking her belly and thighs with a feathery touch. "I think back sometimes and I'm glad I met Jason first….otherwise I wouldn't have been ready to meet you. I would not have been prepared to love you and I've loved you almost since the moment I met you. Last night I think it overwhelmed me a bit."

Tavington was speaking from the heart but he was also lazily unwrapping the twist of cotton from Esther thighs.

"Even though I hit you with my spoon?"

He kissed her deeply, tasting the desire in her mouth.

"Especially after you hit me with your spoon."

He touched her and found her ready and willingly open for him.

"Now, William….please…" she plead desperately now that her worry was forgotten.

Tavington looked down at Esther's pretty face as it flushed with arousal. She was so loving…and sweet. Beautiful, infuriating, stubborn….delightful.

He drew her beneath him and obliged.