Chapter 17

Later that day, Deidara was pacing back and forth in the hallway, before walking into the living room to get Neji. Itachi had asked him to tell Neji about who Sasuke was, and that Sasuke was here at this very moment. And Deidara was freaked out by it, not knowing how Neji would react. The only thing that made him do this, was because Itachi was still mad at him and he had to do everything he could to make up for not telling Itachi he knew where Sasuke was. Now he had to spill another secret and Neji would probably want to kill him for not telling him, but Itachi was more important now. And Neji needed to know as well. Deidara now walked to Neji and sighed.

"Can I talk to you Neji? Alone un?" He asked.

Neji looked up from the couch where he was reading a book.

"...Sure." He said, seeing this was serious. He put his book away and stood. "Where? And about what?"

"Outside. I'll tell you what it's about when we get there un." Deidara said and started walking. He was really, really, really nervous about this.

Neji frowned slightly as he followed Deidara. He hadn't seen Deidara this nervous in a while. The last time was when Itachi had suddenly stormed out of the house together with Kisame, of which he still didn't know the story. Did this have anything to do with that?

When they were finally near the forest, Deidara stopped walking and turned around to Neji.

"You have to promise not to kill me un." He said.

"...Depends on what you're going to tell me." Neji said, giving Deidara a slightly worried look.

"No, promise me un." Deidara said stern. "I won't tell you about Sasuke otherwise." Deidara was silent then, comprehending what he had just said. Damn, he and his big mouth. Keeping it shut was obviously something he had to work on.

Neji's face fell right into a stone expression when Deidara mentioned Sasuke's name.

"What do you know about him?" He demanded.

"W-well... uhm... I.. I know that.. you know.. I err.. Well he has his memory back un." Deidara said. This was even harder then he thought. That look on Neji's face was scary.

"How do you know that?" Neji asked, frowning as he took a step closer to Deidara.

Deidara quickly took a step back now.

"... B-because Itachi went to get him a week ago un.." Deidara said.

"What?" Neji now snapped, a deep frown marring his face. "Where is he? Why didn't someone tell me about that?"

".. He asked us not to." Deidara said. "... He's been staying in Itachi's room recovering."

Neji fell silent for some time now, feeling a sting of pain going through him.

"Why did he ask for that?" He asked. To think that Sasuke had been in the house for a week already, and he hadn't had any idea.

"Because he found out something about himself." Deidara said. "And he's afraid to tell you, so he asked me to do it un. It will be very hard for you to take."

"...What is it?" Neji asked, reading himself for the worst.

"... Well... your city was attacked by a monster and it killed your family.. That was Sasuke un." Deidara carefully said.

Neji felt his breath get stuck in his throat as his eyes widened.

"...What?" He asked. No... it couldn't be... right?

".. I'm sorry. Back when he was with Orochimaru, he let him implant monster DNA in his body. To get stronger un... It turned out that when he was angry, he would turn into that monster and go berserk.." Deidara said, worried about Neji.

Neji frowned deeply as he looked away, staring at nothing while he was thinking.

"...So the time when I was almost killed..." He started. He then shook his head. How could he ever face Sasuke again? How could he let himself be touched by the hands that had killed his family...?

Deidara looked at Neji sympathetically now.

".. I know it's hard for you... I can only imagine un. But Sasuke asked me to tell you that he loves you very much. He didn't know what he was doing." He said.

Neji bit his lip as he closed his eyes.

"...I want to be alone for now." He then said.

"Are you sure, I wouldn't want you to do anything stupid un.." Deidara said.

"You can't ask me to not do something stupid after what you just told me." Neji muttered, as he shook his head. "...This is too much."

"... He's so sorry for it Neji... you should know that un." Deidara said. "Please think before you act. I know it's hard, but you're gonna regret it if you do something stupid un."

Neji clenched his jaw together as he kept on staring somewhere else, before he turned around and walked away from Deidara, towards the woods. He had to be alone now. He had to think of this, what he should do with the information Deidara had just given him. And.. he had to think of how to face Sasuke now.

The next day, Sasuke was sitting in bed, just having woken up. It was pretty early in the morning, but he couldn't sleep after having heard about Neji's reaction. He had just become angry and confused and then marched off into the forest. Sasuke figured this was probably the end of them for real. Neji probably didn't wanna have anything to do with either him, or the people around him. It made him nervous and anxious and it even slightly panicked him. He wanted to step out of bed at that point, but then heard the door open and when he looked up, expecting it to be Itachi, Neji was standing in the doorway. Sasuke wanted to speak, but saw the look on Neji's face. It was like it was carved out of stone. It didn't move, it didn't show emotion, it didn't show anything. Sasuke felt his stomach turn as he looked at Neji, not knowing what to do.

Neji looked at Sasuke for some time, before lowering his eyes and sighing.

"...So it's true hm." He then said, as he closed the door behind him.

Sasuke looked away now, not wanting to look at Neji for a second longer. That look of disappointment was way too much.

"... It is.." He said.

"..I don't really know what to say." Neji said. "I know you couldn't help it, but it makes me feel like I'm not safe around you."

Sasuke swallowed silently now, staring at the ground. That hurt. All he wanted was for Neji to feel safe and loved around him. Now he had ruined it.

"... I'm sorry... I guess you're not safe around me.." He said.

"I'm sorry for saying that to you Sasuke, but that's how I feel now." Neji said. "..You even tried to kill me when you got angry with me."

"I know that... you don't need to remind me." Sasuke said bitter. ".. I can't say anything to make this better. You'll just have to leave me."

Neji looked at Sasuke now, slightly frowning.

"How much control do you have over your own body when you change into a monster?" He asked.

"None." Sasuke answered, still looking away. He didn't understand why Neji was standing there so calmly. The only conclusion he could make was that Neji just didn't care about him anymore.

"...But you do remember what happens?" Neji then asked.

".. I do now that Orochimaru messed with my brains." Sasuke answered. "Look Neji... just go. I can't give you what you want anymore.. you'd be better off with someone else." He looked at Neji now, his eyes slightly wet, but hoping Neji wouldn't see the despair on his face.

"...If I wanted someone else I wouldn't be standing in this room right now." Neji said. "Of course I'm upset that you were the one who took away everything I had, but for now you're the main goal in my life, 'you' are the one who makes me happy. I want to search a way how to be able to stay together, but how I still will be safe."

Sasuke looked at Neji for a while and then put his head in one of his hands, starting to break down. He just couldn't understand Neji, he couldn't feel happy about this at all. As he felt tears rolling down his face once again he cursed slightly. He had wanted Neji back so badly, but now that Neji was trying to figure out a way for it, all he could do was feel even more worthless and less deserving of a happy life.

"...Sasuke please don't cry now.." Neji said with a slight frown. "...Do you even 'want' me back?"

".. I don't get how you would still want me.." Sasuke softly said, still with his head in his hand. He couldn't look at Neji. He had ruined Neji's life, he didn't deserve him at all.

Neji sighed a little as he sat down onto a chair next to Sasuke's bed, coming slightly closer.

"If you had killed them on purpose our relation would be over without any doubt." He then said. "The thing is that the only thing you can help is that you allowed the DNA into your blood."

".. I still did it..." Sasuke said. ".. You were devastated from it... I can't.. I can't be with you knowing I'm the one who caused you pain." He tried wiping away his tears, but there only came more.

Neji frowned now as he stood and sat down next to Sasuke. He then hugged him.

"...I can't help but love you Sasuke." He then said. "I'd be in even more pain if I also had to say goodbye to you."

Sasuke was silent for a while, before grabbing Neji tightly and burying his head in Neji's neck. He was still crying.

"I don't get how you don't wanna leave me.." He softly said.

"I explained it to you already Sasuke.." Neji said. "The monster in you isn't you, it's someone else, a piece of a different spirit, taking over your body. You had nothing to do with wiping out my village."

".. Then what do you wanna do now?" Sasuke asked. If Neji wanted this, but was scared of him now, how would they ever work out?

"Trying to not make you angry I guess..." Neji muttered. "And staying close to you. May it go wrong, I will face you and take over your body instead."

"... That won't be an easy task.." Sasuke said as he pulled away from Neji a little to look at him. "I'm stronger then you, you know."

"...When Orochimaru held me hostage, he has sent a lot of monsters into my cell, to test my eyes." Neji said. "I stopped most of them, just at the end it became more difficult. When I'm on normal energy I can stop any person."

".. Do you know how many of your family members tried to stop me?" Sasuke asked now. "..You can't stop me Neji. And I don't wanna put you in danger."

Neji immediately stiffened up when Sasuke said that.

"...Oh." Was the only thing he could say.

Sasuke now softly pushed Neji away and got up, walking to the window.

"... I'm sorry." He said.

"..I know you are." Neji said.

"I felt miserable the past few weeks, especially the last one... you were happy without me Neji. I know you think you could be happy with me, but I'm not that sure." Sasuke said. "I'm not the person you fell in love with anymore."

"..Deidara kept me happy." Neji said. "He did his best to make me happy all the time, but you have no idea how many times I cried when I was in my bed alone."

"... You missed the person I was when I didn't have my memory. I'm not that person Neji." Sasuke said, shaking his head.

"...The only difference I see now is someone who keeps on blaming himself." Neji said.

"I have reason for that." Sasuke said, staring out the window.

"I know." Neji said. He then sighed, and stood. "Well, I tried the best I could. Let me know when you can let me in again." He turned around and walked out of the room now. This was too hard.

Sasuke quickly turned around now, making his headache worse, but followed Neji nonetheless and grabbed his hand.

".. I wanna let you in.. But I don't think it's fair for you to be with someone who doesn't even know who he is himself." He said.

"I've been doing fine up till now with you, you know more of yourself now than before." Neji said, frowning at Sasuke.

"... I was someone completely different before I met you Neji." Sasuke said. "... I don't know which Sasuke is more me, the one who had his memory, or the one without.. I just don't know."

Neji looked at Sasuke for some time before he shrugged his arm loose and left the room. He did not want to deal with Sasuke for now.

Sasuke watched Neji go and then retreated to Itachi's room again, locking the door. All he was doing was ruining things. But Neji deserved someone who felt worthy. Neji deserved someone who knew who he was, someone who was strong. And right now, Sasuke couldn't offer him any of that.

That same evening, Itachi walked into his own room to talk with Sasuke. He saw Sasuke sitting on his bed and he could immediately feel the tension in the air: his conversation with Neji probably hadn't been well.

"Hey." He said. "How did it go?" He sat down next to Sasuke now.

"Like crap." Sasuke said bitterly. "I knew I shouldn't have told him. I should have pretended to have gone away for good."

"What did he say then?" Itachi asked, frowning. "Was he angry?"

".. No. He said he was scared of me, but wanted to try it anyway, because he loved me. And then I started thinking..." Sasuke said.

"...About?" Itachi asked.

".. About who I am and why I would even consider being with Neji. He deserves better than me. He deserves better then a good for nothing piece of shit, who doesn't even know who he is anymore." Sasuke answered bitter.

"Sasuke, you might think like that, but Neji doesn't." Itachi said. "He loves you and he only wants you. He has been so upset when you were gone, I think you may praise yourself the luckiest man on the planet that he still wants you."

"Well then he's stupid for not thinking the same way." Sasuke snapped. "He's not thinking at all, because if he was then he would be running away. He must know I can't give him what he wants. Hell, I don't even know if I'm going to be alive for a whole lot longer. I don't want to put him through any more misery."

"Then allow him to be with you again." Itachi said. "I don't get you."

"Well that's no surprise, I don't get myself either. All I know is that I'm messed up and I can't allow myself to mess Neji up as well. And don't tell me he'll be messed up if I break up with him, because that is bullshit." Sasuke snapped. "You wouldn't be with someone who was as insane as me either. Frankly, I don't understand why you're letting me stay here anyway." He felt anger boiling up inside, but ignored the danger it brought.

"Because you're my brother and I care about you." Itachi said. "Why can't you get it in your head that we still love you?"

"Because it's stupid, that's why." Sasuke hissed now and then grabbed to his head, before glaring at Itachi.

"It's not stupid Sasuke, you have to put this mentality aside." Itachi snapped now.

"If I think it's stupid, then it's stupid. It makes no sense at all! Why would you love a person who has done nothing but wrong! Why love someone who made everyone's life a living hell, either by being there or leaving!" Sasuke yelled now. "It's just insane to love me, so stop it!" He groaned as he felt his headache becoming more and more painful. He knew this was going wrong, yet he couldn't stop it anymore.

"Sasuke please stop thinking so low of yourself." Itachi said, frowning deeply now.

"No I won't, it's the truth and you know it!" Sasuke yelled. "And it is very, very frustrating when people keep on denying it! I don't want to ruin anything anymore, so just please fuck off! All of you!" He then crouched down on the floor, clenching his head tightly from the pain that became unbearable. It spread through his entire body now.

Itachi gave Sasuke a worried look as he quickly knelt down next to Sasuke.

"Calm down Sasuke." He said. He tried to help him up. "Let me lay you down on the bed."

But Sasuke pushed Itachi away with more force then he himself had even expected.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" He yelled and then grabbed to his head again as he could just feel his body changing. And there was nothing he could do to stop it. All he could do was scream from the pain it brought.

Itachi let out a gasp from shock as the force that he was being pushed away with lead him to fly through the room and crash against the wall. He immediately knew what was going on. Sasuke was turning into the monster.

"...Sasuke, try to fight it." He then said, wondering if this was hopeless or not.

Sasuke wasn't listening at all though. All he could do was wait for it to happen, wait for himself to turn into that monster and probably take out everyone who got in his way. It didn't take long before his limbs started growing and he changed colour as well. He grew claws and teeth and muscles that were insanely big. And then the transformation was complete. Sasuke was in his monster form once again. He stayed crouched down on the floor for a while though.

Itachi stared at his brother, inwardly cursing Orochimaru for doing this to him, as he slowly rose from the floor, trying to make no sound. He knew that he had to get out of here. He didn't want to fight Sasuke, he didn't want to hurt him. So it would be better to sneak out and warn the others. He carefully took a few steps towards the door, his eyes fixed on his brother.

At that exact moment, Sasuke looked up, a look of terror in his eyes. And then he let out the most deafening roar anyone could produce, before storming to Itachi and grabbing him, throwing him through the room. Sasuke was no longer himself anymore.

Itachi's eyes widened, and just when he realised what was going on he again hit a wall, this time having it knocking him unconscious. He fell down on the ground limply, not moving anymore.

Once Itachi wasn't moving anymore, Sasuke ran through the house, breaking walls and everything else he could reach. He then managed to get down the stairs and found almost everyone panicking when they saw Sasuke, who came running up to them. In no time, he had Kiba and Karin knocked out, soon after Suigetsu followed.

Deidara ran to Kisame now (who to him seemed like the only one who could take Sasuke on).

"Itachi was with him just now un!" He yelled, worried sick that maybe Itachi was... dead now.

"We have to get out of here." Kisame said. "Neji, run for your life, he might be going after you!" He barked at Neji, who immediately ran out of the door, while Kisame broke the window and jumped out, taking Deidara with him.

When Sasuke saw Kisame yelling at Neji, Sasuke's attention immediately focussed on him and ran after him, breaking the door in its process and knocking Juugo out as well. He gave out another roar as he saw Neji running towards the forest, and then followed him. He came closer and closer to Neji within seconds.

Neji cursed under his breath as he quickly ran towards a tree and climbed in, hoping that Sasuke wouldn't be able to follow him. He started sweating now. Shit. He actually had to flee for his life now.

Sasuke was with Neji in an instant, but instead of trying to climb the tree, he just started ruining it, taking pieces of it with his claws. It wouldn't take long before the tree would fall, with Neji in it.

Neji bit his lip as he held on as tight as possible, and looked around frantically if he could jump into another tree, but it was impossible. When the tree started croaking he quickly jumped out of it again and while Sasuke tossed the tree away, he started running again. He ran towards a huge tree and hid behind it, hoping Sasuke would just run by when he would focus again.

Sasuke didn't lose Neji out of his sight though and ran after Neji, then rammed his hand through the tree, just above Neji's head, before pulling it back and looking behind the tree, spotting Neji again.

Neji let out a shocked gasp as he quickly turned around to run away once more, but he knew that the end was getting near now. There obviously was no way out and Sasuke was far too close to him now. He just wished that Sasuke was planning something else with him then killing him.

Sasuke let out another roar now and then was able to grab Neji by the arm and slam him back into the tree. He then pulled Neji away from it and threw him at least ten metres away, storming after him.

Neji let out a yelp of pain as he hit the ground hard, and just when he pushed himself up a little Sasuke was right above him, his breath on his face. Neji swallowed deeply as he stared at Sasuke. He then stared at Sasuke intensely, and tried to get in, to take over Sasuke's body.

As soon as Sasuke felt someone trying to take over, he hit Neji across the face hard, making him fall to the ground again. He then grabbed Neji's by the hair, his claws slicing Neji's skin and pulled him up, growling. Neji winced in pain as he was being held up onto his hair like that, but kept looking into Sasuke's eyes, trying harder then he normally did. He tried to force Sasuke to let go of him, trying to not pay attention to the dizziness the hit had brought him, but Sasuke just grabbed Neji tighter. He then threw Neji away again, this time making him hit a tree. Growling and showing teeth, he came storming towards Neji again. His claw was already up in the air, ready to give Neji the final blow.