Someone Like you

Disclaimer – I own nothing but the ideas.

. . .

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

. . .

The silent journey ended outside the cloned motel door, looking up and down the corridor, any of them could have opened to reveal the secret he had sworn to keep. Somehow he felt there should be something special about this door, something that made it different to the rest, other than the number, but it was just the same as the ones they had passed on the way to their destination.

Spencer paused, frozen to the spot.

JJ and Hotch shared a look behind his back. Neither was convinced they had done the right thing. Other than telling JJ that he would like the chance to speak to Emily, Spencer hadn't spoken to her since she had visited and told him Emily was alive. She thought bringing Hotch along might ease the situation, sharing the burden. But the hurt in his eyes as he realised he had been betrayed by another person was painful to see.

The tension between the three, as they stood outside the door waiting for Spencer to enter, was suffocating. Finally JJ put a reassuring hand on Spencer's arm; she was surprised when he didn't pull away.

"Would you like me to come in with you?" she asked softly.

Spencer nodded.

JJ stepped forward and tapped on the door. Soon it was open a crack, dark eyes peeping through. Then the door opened wide as the occupant of the room took a step back, beckoning her guests in. JJ entered, but Spencer was unable to move.

Stood in the doorway, he watched the woman he believed to be dead retreat into the room. He studied her every move, she seemed so familiar, yet so different. He felt Hotch's hand on his shoulder and took a step into the abyss.

JJ looked at Spencer then back at Emily, her semi-smile hiding her insecurities in the circumstances.

Emily slumped down on the bed, suddenly aware of what a bad idea this may have been. She looked up at JJ.

"Can you leave us, please?" Emily asked softly.

"Is that OK with you, Spence?" she said, looking in his direction.

Again he nodded a reply, unable to trust his voice, as he made his way further into the room. His eyes hadn't moved from Emily as he took in her pale features. Her eyes seemed to haunt her face, sunken into deep shadows. Her long raven hair, lacking the shine it once possessed, framed her ashen face. She slumped, instead of carrying herself with pride, her frame seeming to sag under the mental weight she carried. Her physical weight being less then he'd even seen.

JJ hovered a moment.

"Hotch and I will be downstairs in the bar, when you're ready."

The same solitary nod; slight enough that if you blinked you'd miss his only communication.

JJ left.

Emily and Spencer looked at each other, neither saying a word.

Emily stared deep into his eyes. Since JJ had told her that Spencer had agreed to meet her she had been practicing what to say. But now it all seemed so pathetic.

"I wanted to explain," she finally managed. The blank look on Spencer's face worried her. She was expecting hate, anger, disappointment but not a complete lack of expression. His eyes seemed dull as he stared at her. She took his silence as an opportunity to carry on.

"Hindsight is an amazing thing; the ability to see clearly your mistakes after they have happened. Suddenly knowing what you did wrong and what you would do differently next time."

"Would you do anything differently?" he bit, the cracks in his emotionless facade starting to show.

"Yes . . ." she sighed, "and no. Would I still run to protect you? Yes if needs be. It's why I'm still running, and will for the rest of my life. The past ten years have not been easy . . ."

"Really," Spence snorted, "I hadn't noticed, I've been having a blast."

Emily raised an eyebrow. He'd changed over the years.

"Sarcasm? It really doesn't suit you," she added.

"Blame it on a friend I once knew."

Emily's head dropped into her hands, her long hair dangling down over her face. She knew this wouldn't be easy, but she never thought it would be this hard, she felt like she was hitting her head against a brick wall. Looking up, tears welling in her eyes;

"I never meant to hurt you. The opposite in fact, I wanted to keep you safe, protect you. Doyle made it clear that he would kill each of you to get to me. I couldn't live with that on my conscious. It was my entire fault I had to deal with it."

"What do you want from me Emily?" he managed, finding strength in his voice as the anger in him grew, "I am supposed to tell you it's OK? That everything is fine. Or is it forgiveness you want? How about I thank you for all you have done?"

Spencer turned away, no longer able to look at the apparition of the friend he once held dear. He feared for what he may say next.

Emily stood and made her way over to him, resting her hands on his shoulders.

He shrugged her off, turning to look her directly in the eye.

"We were your family Emily. We loved you. You never gave us a choice. You never asked what we wanted. We could have protected you, but you never gave us a chance. You took away our freedom to choose, to save your own feelings, regardless of what it did to ours. I can't forgive your mistakes; unfortunately they are tarring all the good memories I have."

"I wanted to save your lives, not your feelings!" she shouted, exasperated that her message wasn't getting through.

"Well you were successful then, great job Emily, well done," he shouted back, walking towards the door.

Emily was shocked, she never expected Spencer to react like this.

"Stop, please. I never expected you to forgive me, but I hoped you'd understand. I didn't know you would be so angry, I'd expect that from Morgan."

Spencer turned back towards her.

"He was," Spencer began, "Furious, blaming himself that if he'd only got there a minute sooner you would have lived. Or Penelope who stopped everyday in the hallway, looking at your photo with tears in her eyes, trying to fool herself you weren't dead. Then there was Ashley, she left the FBI, too afraid she'd end up dead like you. Maybe Rossi, who tried so hard to reassure us all, help us, then sunk himself; when he felt he'd failed. How about JJ and Hotch? Who have lied to us all for ten years to cover you, a lie I now have to join. Anger is only one of the emotions that ricocheted around the team. The only difference is that given time the others have healed, their feelings have lost their rawness, but the problem with an eidetic memory is you don't forget. Memories are made, and remain."

Emily reached out to him again, but he took a step back, as if he feared her touch.

"I shouldn't have come back, it was wrong," her head dropped once more, as she rubbed her forehead, "I can see that now."

Spencer could hear her quiet sobs, but he couldn't bring himself to comfort her. It hurt him too much to see her, let alone risk touching her. He knew she was back for good. Soon she would leave again, and then he would have to morn all over again. It was best he kept his distance. Walking towards the door, he paused, hand on the handle.

Emily looked up.

"At least this time I can say goodbye," he added.

Open mouthed Emily watched him leave.

. . .

Sorry that was a bit tense and unpleasant, hopefully the next chapter will make up for it a bit, but as I warned before this may not be heading for a happy ending!