Chapter XIX: The Scrabs Finder
Capitulo XIX: El Revelador de Scrabs
Hermione stood still in the empty hallway for a long time after Draco Malfoy had disappeared, but she could feel her lips and neck burning in passion. She still felt Malfoy's mouth on hers, his lips on her throat, his teeth sinking into her neck, his tongue caressing her skin. Never in her life had she felt this way: her body was buzzing, her blood seemed to be boiling in her veins, dense and hot, and she felt dazzled.
Why didn't she felt a tiny bit of this when she kissed Ben? Why could Draco Malfoy could affect her like this?
Only he was able to smother her logic, her reason, her conscience like that. When he let her go she was again in control of her thoughts, but while he was touching her, everything else stopped existing or being important.
She felt her eyes getting wet when she understood the repercussions of what they had done. She had cheated on Ben, with Malfoy.
It was true that he had been the one to kiss her, but Hermione was not a hypocrite, nor was she stupid enough to deny that she hadn't wanted and yearned for it, and she had answered in heart and soul. What would she do now? She had to be honest with Ben, even though it would end with their relationship, the only thing that mattered was to not hurt him. Tears escaped her eyes when she realized she was a traitor, that she had betrayed him in such a despicable way. He had always been nice and sweet with her; he treated her like a queen, better than anyone. He cared for her, he looked after her, he understood her and he loved her. And how did she thank him? By kissing another man in the shadows. She felt dirty and false, dreadful, unworthy of anyone's love and of being a Gryffindor. All because of him, why? Why did she have to love him back?
She twisted her hands, nervously trying, with little success, to hold back the tears. It had been a while since she cried and the last time she had done it because of Malfoy, but now she cried for herself and for Ben: for the pity and disgust she felt for herself.
-Hermione?
A soft and dreamy voice echoed in the empty corridor, Luna Lovegood stood at the end of it with the last Quibbler edition in one hand and a strange rectangular, violet coloured artifact in the other. When Hermione heard her voice she felt a shiver running through her body and rushed to dry her tears.
Luna approached her and Hermione could se her big blue eyes completely open, hooded by a worried frown.
-Hermione, what's wrong? – Asked the blonde affectionately – why are you crying?
-No, I'm not crying… - whispered Hermione, frantically wiping her tears and trying to hide her face behind her bushy hair.
-Have you spat up the maroon zarabrander you swallowed? – Luna seemed quite concerned – I've heard it hurts a lot…
-No, it's not that… - Hermione watched Luna with teary eyes, she needed to talk to somebody or she would explode, she needed to unburden herself, she needed a hug – Oh, Luna – she moaned and threw her arms around the blonde – I'm a bad person…
Hermione clung to Luna as though she was a lifeline to salvation and even though the blonde seemed shocked at first, soon she began to patt her back with the violet artifact from the Quibbler.
-You are not a bad person, Hermione – she whispered softly – you are my only friend.
Hermione pulled away from Luna to look her in the face, her eyes shining because of her tears.
-Really? – she asked in a small whimper.
-It's true – assured Luna – Ginny is kind to me and Neville is too. Harry invited me to go to Slughorn's party with him last year – she thought for a moment – Ronald said I was a good commentator and Benjamin Dewey defended me when people were cruel to me, but they're not my friends. They're just nice because they pity me.
—Luna...
-And none of them believe me when I say that the aurors are implicated in the Roftang conspiracy… - Luna continued, distracted – not even when I said that Scrimgeour is a vampire. But well, not everyone is open minded, - she shrugged and looked at Hermione again – but you've always been nice to me and you care about me. Thanks to the schedule you made for me now I have better grades and the pumpikers are glad. Now I want to help you.
- I don't see how you can – murmured Hermione, more relaxed than before, Luna had made her smile with her theories and she felt much better, but still – no one can help me.
- Is it Benjamin?
- No… and yes. You see – Hermione was unsure whether or not she should but, she needed so badly to tell someone what was going on… - I like another boy and when I started dating Ben, I thought I could forget him, but I can't and I feel bad… I feel that I'm cheating on Ben…
- And what are you going to do?
- I'm going to talk to Ben and tell him how I feel. I can't be with him anymore, I don't want to hurt him even more.
- Benjamin knew there was someone else? – asked Luna seriously and Hermione was grateful that she didn't asked who this other boy was.
- Yes – she explained – I told him before we started dating and he said he didn't care.
- Then he will understand – assured the blonde, nodding fervently. It would've been more believable though if her radish earrings weren't bobbing between her messy blonde locks as she nodded. But even so, Hermione felt comforted.
- I hope so. I will go to talk to him… thanks Luna – Hermione smiled at her and turned around to go look for Ben.
- Wait a second – Luna rummaged in her pockets until she found a yellow phosphorus stone in the shape of a kidney which she handed to Hermione – it's a charm, it will protect you from the deep red zarabranders, I think you need it – explained Luna in response to Hermione's questioning look. She took it, feeling a little bit uncomfortable, but she managed a smile and after that she left through the corridors down which Malfoy had disappeared minutes before.
Luna stared at her in silence and let out a long sigh. She had seen Draco Malfoy leaving by the stairs that Hermione was now taking, looking upset but quite satisfied. Now the Ravenclaw knew why. Now she understood many, many things.
Hermione felt a lump in her throat while she was walking towards the quidditch field. Even though she was walking quite fast, very deep inside her, she didn't want to reach her destiny. She didn't want to reach Ben to tell him she had betrayed him and possibly used him. She couldn't bare the look of disappointment or disgust on his face. He was the only person who considered her special and she had behaved awfully to him.
She saw the players in their blue Ravenclaw robes, flying towards the changing room and she waited patiently until all of them had changed and left. Hermione recognized Terry Boot, who acknowledged her with a nod and then left, followed by other Ravenclaws.
She bit her lower lip but she was so anxious that she couldn't feel any pain at all. Finally, some minutes after the team had left the field, she saw Ben leaving with a notebook in his hand. Before Hermione could say a thing, he raised his head and smiled sweetly at her. Hermione felt a stab of guilt and pain, thinking that she would never see that smile again, at least not for her.
-Hello Hermione – he said walking toward her – I'm happy that you came, I was thinking about you.
She saw that his cheeks flushed as he approached her. She knew he was going to kiss her and she shouldn't let him because that would make things worse, but she neither moved nor responded to it. When Ben moved away, he watched her with his green eyes full of wonder.
-Are you all right? – he asked – you look so serious… and you are trembling…
-Ben… we need to talk – she said in a small voice. Ben dropped the notebook and extended his hands towards her, looking concerned. But Hermione didn't run to his arms, she moved backwards as her eyes filled with tears. Merlin, she hated herself even more, if that could be possible.
-Hermione… what's wrong? You are scaring me…
He looked at her with so much love, with worry painted in his sweet and childish face. She couldn't bear to imagine those green eyes full of hate, instead of the tenderness that she could see in them.
-Hermione… say something…
-Ben… I can't continue like this –she managed to say, her voice high pitched, she didn't want to open her mouth at all for fear of bursting in to tears.
-What do you mean? Are you feeling ok? – Ben approached slowly trying to touch her, but she backed away a few more steps and raised her hand to stop him.
-Ben… forgive me… - she begged, her eyes full of tears – but we can't continue seeing each other.
-No… you can't… no- it was Ben who moved away, he walked backwards as if someone had hit him.
-I told you there was someone else – she murmured, holding her hands around her throat, trying not to sob – and I can't forget him Ben… I've tried… I swear that I have… but… I just can't…
-But…- Ben approached her once more, as if now he had a reason to hold on her – I already knew it and I told you that I don't care… that I'll wait…
-I can't ask you to do that Ben, is not fair to you… it's as if I'm using you…
-Then use me Hermione!- he shouted grabbing her by her shoulders – I don't care! I want to be with you!
-Ben…
Hermione couldn't stand it any longer and she burst into tears. She thought Ben would feel disgusted, that he would hate her, that he wouldn't want to see her ever again… and instead of that, he said that he didn't care that she wanted someone else, that he didn't care that she used him while she was with him. She didn't deserve him and now she felt even more despicable. She leaned herself fully on Ben as she felt his arms strongly surround her, offering a comfort that she didn't feel worthy of, but which she couldn't deny. She needed it.
-Ben…- she cried with her face in his shoulder – maybe you don't care, but I do. You don't deserve this, I care for you enough and I don't want to do this to you… I can't Ben. No.
Ben didn't say a word but continued to hug her even stronger, until she calmed down and slowly she stopped sobbing and hiccupping. Then he let her go and look straight into her face, seriously. Not with a hard expression, but with that sweet look that he always had when he looked at her.
-If that's what you want Hermione, I won't insist – he said in a neutral tone – I understand your reasons but I don't share them and I will continue to wait for you to change your mind – when he saw Hermione opening her mouth to complain he added – I know you're going to tell me not to wait for you, but I don't care what you say, my heart will continue to wait.
And turning around, he picked up his notebook and left with his head deep in his shoulders. Hermione looked after him until he was nothing more that a blue spot approaching the castle. The she removed her gaze from him and focused it on the ground.
There was something down there that caught her attention. It was a piece of parchment that must've fallen from Ben's notebook. It was trapped under a piece of wood, moving with the wind. Hermione picked it up and read it, what she saw hurt even more that what had just happened. Ben had written two names in blue ink "Ben & Hermione" next to a date "14/o2/o6".
She read it many times until her eyes finally dried, then she made a ball of it and put it in her pocket. She raised her eyes and looked at Hogwarts, she didn't want to go back to her Common Room, she didn't want to find people and to have to answer questions with more lies.
She didn't want to speak. She didn't want anything. She just wanted to disappear.
In silence, she walked across the empty quidditch field. On the horizon, the sun was hiding between the blue, shadowy mountains.
0000000
Luna Lovegood intensely watched the fire in her Common Room through her Scrabs Finder. It seemed to be just a square piece of shiny violet fabric, but Luna firmly believed that it was a magical instrument to find Scrabs in the fireplace, small rodents that eat away the burning logs until the fire was completely gone. It was the gift in the last issue of the Quibbler.
-Loony, move off the couch, I want to sit there – said a bossy female voice. Luna slowly raised her blue eyes from the Scrabs Finder and fixed them on Skipper Fontaine, a girl from her year that she believed was bewitched by an Armpyrot and that's why she was so mean.
-Sorry Skipper – said Luna in a dreamy voice, focusing again on her Scrabs Finder – but I'm trying to find a Scrab.
-Scrab? – asked Skipper rudely – is that another of the imaginary creatures that your crazy father writes about?
-The Scrabs are not imaginary creatures – answered Luna sweetly, as if she was talking to a child – they are small rodents with big teeth that…
-Look Loony, I don't give a damn about what those scrobs are, but get out of my sight and out of my couch or…
-Or what Skipper? – asked a male voice that Luna recognized as Benjamin Dewey.
-Ah… well… I… I was asking Loony…- began Skipper in a less bossy way.
-I don't need you to explain Skipper, I heard it myself and I'm going to tell you three things: first of all, don't call her Loony again. Second, what you've done is not "asked" but demanded, and finally, that couch is not yours.
-You are right Ben – murmured the girl with her face red as a tomato – I… I have to go…
And she disappeared swiftly to the girls' dorms. Ben watched Luna with concern but she was still looking into the fireplace, absentminded. He smiled softly, thinking of the weird girl sitting in front of him, and he was surprised to find that he could smile, even though Hermione had just dumped him…
-You didn't have to defend me, Benjamin – spoke Luna, in her soft and dreamy voice – I know how things work. There are popular people that are born to order and to be admired and there are others, like me, that the first ones like to play with. It has always worked like that and I don't care.
Ben looked at her as if he was doing it for the first time. He had know Luna Lovegood for years but she had never before caught his attention for anything but her oddities. She always looked as if she was somewhere else and she talked about things that no one understood. She was alone almost the whole time and everyone liked to call her Loony Lovegood. Ben felt ashamed to admit that even people from her own house stole her stuff, hid it and then made fun of her. He never liked that, so he always stood up for her. But today it had felt quite good helping her.
-What are you doing Luna? – he asked looking at the strange instrument in her hands.
- I'm looking for Scrabs in the fireplace- she answered with one eye closed and the other wide open. Ben couldn't help smiling again at the sight of her face frowning in concentration and the radish earrings tingling in her ears – do you want to try?
Ben watched her for a full minute. The last thing he felt like doing was looking for whatever Scrabs where. He only wanted to lock himself up in his room and let the days and weeks pass by, until hopefully, Hermione came back to him. But then again he didn't want to be alone and he could not stand thinking of Hermione any more, he had done enough of that for the last three hours locked up in an empty classroom.
Perhaps, after all, looking for Scrabs wouldn't be a bad idea after all.
-Ok Luna, show me how – he asked as he sat next to her.
Hey!
Yup, Hermione is crying again, she feels horrible about herself and decides to dump Ben. I love Ben, I think he is really sweet. Draco is making more appearances now...
Well, Hermione and Ben are no longer together, and Luna saw that there's something between Hermione and Draco, will she say something?
I'm sorry it took me to long to long to update... but my beta was working on the chapters and it took me a while to finish the translation.
I hope you'll leave me reviews and make me happy :)
XOXO
Lola