Chapter Six
Rose seated herself on the floor at the foot of his bed, her back against the divan and waited.
She thought about what John had said about being a consolation prize and her having won him. She hadn't felt like a winner when the TARDIS had dematerialised leaving them both standing on the beach.
Her mind wandered to what he had said about being a murderer. He wasn't one of those but the Doctor had said he had committed genocide. Had he? And if he had had he had a choice? Rose couldn't see one. If he hadn't wiped them out then the whole of creation would have been destroyed, everything, not just one race but all life everywhere. That Neutrino beam had been set to go everywhere and destroy everything it touched. Wouldn't doing nothing have been condoning that? Wouldn't it have been condoning mass murder on an unimaginable scale? And if he had been able to give them a chance he had to know they wouldn't have taken it. Nothing and no one ever did. No one ever listened to him when it mattered. When he chose his words with such finite care and used them so sparingly so there could be no misunderstanding his intent… no one ever listened.
John moving and murmuring in his sleep brought her back to the present and she rose silently to do what she had been planning to do so many hours before; get a wash cloth to press to his forehead. She moved to the opposite side of his bed and knelt on it before pressing the cool cloth gently to his head. His brow had been furrowed but as the cold soothed his skin his face had relaxed back in to sleep.
His pain bothered her. Why would the Doctor leave the way he had when he must have known this would happen to John? He could have stayed to help him ho he SHOULD have stayed to help him and his leaving the way he had suddenly struck Rose as cruel and callous.
Wouldn't he have known the turmoil that would be present in John's head? Her mind immediately threw an excuse for him to her. Maybe he didn't know. After all a Time Lord/Human Metacrisis might have never happened before. But even if he hadn't known this would happen he must have known that telling John he had committed genocide would cause him immense emotional pain.
She left the cloth on John's head and decided to lie down next to him. There was plenty of room and she was tired as well. She lay and listened to his deep and even breathing and felt herself slide away and in to sleep.
When she woke again night had fallen and the room was cast in the ghostly glow of the moon that was coming in through the uncovered window. Rose pushed herself up and saw that someone had left her a makeshift supper to eat. She smiled when she thought of her Mum sneaking in to leave her food. She was hungry though and thinking back she couldn't remember when she'd last eaten so after using the rooms en suite she ate her unconventional dinner.
The cloth had slipped off John's head and was now warm and dry. She pressed her hand gently to his forehead and was relieved to find he was pleasantly warm rather than feverish. He looked relaxed and peaceful and she hoped that sleep was affording his brain the time it needed to heal itself. She smiled as the phrase *physician heal thyself* ran through her mind and the frowned at herself. John wasn't the Doctor or any type of doctor for that matter, but she still hoped his brain was healing.
When she'd finished eating she slipped off the bed and crept downstairs to the kitchens were she dealt with her plate before retiring to her own room. She quickly showered and changed in to her pyjamas before climbing in to her own bed. She lay down and waited for sleep to creep over her.
An hour later and she was still wide awake so she decided to read for a while and see if that would help. Her mind refused to allow her to concentrate and she left her bed and she drew her heavy drapes back and stood looking at the night sky. The moonlight had bathed the grounds of the mansion and given the whole place an ethereal glow and she was suddenly taken with the idea of walking out there and breathing in the cool night air.
She slipped on a zip up jacket over her pyjamas and forced her sockless feet in to a pair of trainers and silently descended the stairs for a second time before opening the heavy front door and stepping outside.
The gravel on the driveway was too noisy for the hour and she moved as fast as she dared to walk on the grassed pathways. It was cool outside but she wasn't cold and she made her way to the apple orchard. She loved it here. It was one of her favourite parts of the estate. The smell of the blossom in spring, and the baby fruit in the summer, and then as it ripened in the autumn made her glad to be alive.
She turned and looked back towards the house and picked out her bedroom window. Her eyes wandered to John's window and she saw that his drapes were also still pulled back. He desperately needed sleep so she decided to go back inside and pull them across so that the morning light wouldn't disturb him too early.
As quietly as she could she opened his door and stepped inside his room before silently pressing his door closed behind her. Before she closed the curtains she watched him sleep and again checked his temperature with the back of her hand. He was warm, warmer than the Doctor should be but just right for the human physiology that this version of him held in his DNA.
When she'd closed the curtains she turned and waited until her eyes grew accustomed to the light and she crossed to him and pressed her lips gently to his. She inhaled as she touched him and was suddenly filled with an urge to hold him.
She told herself that it was so that she could keep an eye on him and soothe him if he had bad dreams… but she wasn't even convincing herself. As she slid between his sheets and took him in her arms she told herself again, 'This is just so I can look after him. I'm doing what the Doctor told me to. I'm making him better.'