Jess felt a warm hand brush hers, gentle and compassionate, and for a split second her heart leapt, filled with hope. But her moment of dreamy happiness crashed down around her as she raised her head and met her father's gaze.

She could see herself in his tear-filled eyes, silent droplets trickling down her own cheeks. Flames danced in his pupils, reflected from the auburn fire as the curtains were drawn around the cremation pit.

The service had been hard; the hymn book useless before her streaming eyes, the vast crowd of mourners only adding to the despair as she struggled to fit into words her mother's life; the love, the laughter...and the loss.

Now was worse. The material curved around the end of the platform, and there was a low rumble, before everything fell silent. That was it. Her mum reduced to a pile of ashes. Never had she felt such unmerciful pain, enveloping her into heart wrenching sobs.

"Goodbye, mum," she sniffed, bowing her head as traces of mascara ran down her face; she hadn't even remembered her waterproof make-up. It was as if she'd died along with her mother. She almost wished she had.

"I'm going to the toilets," she mumbled to her father. He raised his head and nodded, then resumed his praying. She'd always been close to her parents. Yes, she'd had a strict upbringing, but they couldn't have loved her more, and she knew it. Her dad understood she needed a moment alone. He did too.

Aiming a barely visible smile at her aunt as she passed, she stumbled towards the toilets. They were cool and calm; empty. She leant on the nearest sink, splashing icy water over her flushed cheeks in an attempt to clear her mind.

She wore a tiny black dress, accentuating her slim figure, and reasonably high heels too, opal and studded with crystals. She'd pondered over wearing trousers and flats; her mother had always nagged her to dress sensibly. But no. Her mum was dead now. She couldn't lose herself as well as the woman who'd brought her into the world. She had to stay true.

Even if I say, it'll be alright, still I hear you say, you want to end your life.

The song tumbled through her head, the desperate edge to the tune entirely suitable, and the lyrics indescribably perfect. Becker.

Now and again we try, to just stay alive; maybe we'll turn it all around, cos it's not too late, it's never too late.

Her mum had died. She hadn't given a lot of thought to anything else since that. As if she didn't have enough to occupy her nightmares, though, Becker had decided to kill himself.

He wasn't dead. He failed at suicide attempts on top of everything else. But it had been a close call. He'd refused to talk to the psychologist, and sent his colleagues away whenever they visited. She'd called him, but he'd blocked her number. Which was ironic, really, given he'd been begging her to talk to him the day before.

She didn't understand him. Was this because of his injuries; he couldn't live with the scars? Or had everything recently brought back so many agonizing memories he'd needed to escape? Any way she arranged the facts, it was her fault.

She wasn't scared of death. When the time came, she'd embrace it. But it was so final; so conclusive. And they were still so young... She didn't know whether to hate him for being so selfish and ignorant after everything she'd already endured, or love him. Admittedly, there wasn't much to support the latter notion right now. But...but he was only human. However he acted, he was only human. It wasn't his fault if he'd become so depressed and desperate he couldn't cope any more. He hadn't made his life any easier, mind; Lester had apparently sacked him promptly, and if he carried on like this he'd lose the only people who cared at all.

Except her. He'd never lose her; she owed him that much. One huge positive, outweighing all the negatives thrown towards her, was that she'd fallen for him, inexplicably and irreversibly. That love was stronger than any barrier they faced. And she knew that, somehow, they'd get through this, whatever the cost.

XxXxX

"Becker?"

He rolled over, wincing at the perseverance it took, and came face to face with Abby, "Oh God, please don't. Just go. I'm begging you."

She slipped the bobble from her wrist and drew her hair back into a ponytail efficiently, her lips set in a determined frown, "No, Becker. Not this time. Give me two minutes, and I'll leave you to mope. But there are things you need to know first, and I'm not taking 'no' for an answer any more."

He sighed. He couldn't be bothered to argue. What purpose would resisting her have? "Fine."

"Right." she nodded in agreement, lowering her gaze to meet his. This week, she'd been a bitch, but now he saw vulnerability in her sapphire eyes; pleading. "I...I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. We really need you; now more than ever. And believe me, I'm letting Lester know that. But...but suicide? You're a soldier, Becker. You can't take the coward's route out when life gets tricky. You need, and deserve, a hero's ending; anything else and you hurt not only yourself but everyone around you. It's not fair."

Becker didn't respond, but he didn't turn away either. Abby was making a true effort here, and she deserved respect, besides the fact that he found himself privately listening avidly.

"Secondly; Jess. She is heartbroken, Becker. She's lost her mum, and now she thinks she's lost you too. I can't tell you how to feel, but...well, just imagine her pain for a moment. All I can do is ask you to do the right thing, nothing more. It's up to you." she paused for a beat, digging a folded sheet of paper from her back pocket and dropping it onto the bed, "And finally, you're not the only one who's made mistakes recently. I'd be a hypocrite if I didn't explain my actions. I...I'm pregnant. Connor doesn't know yet. I was just confused, and scared, I suppose. But now I know what I've got to do. What's lost can sometimes be found."

She departed without so much as a goodbye, leaving him alone once more. The woman across the ward had died yesterday; they'd closed his cubicle curtain, but he'd heard the tortured screams. He'd never forget that sound; the cry of death.

Slowly, he unfolded the letter. It was nothing but a print-out of 'The Soldier', with the last two lines circled.

And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness, In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

XxXxX

"Give me...let's say five reasons. Why should I even consider allowing Becker back to the ARC?" Lester demanded, slamming a hand down on the table ferociously as the attendees of the meeting remained silent

at his question, "Well, Abby, since you called for this...tribunal, I daresay you must have a solid defence case, do you not?"

"This isn't a game, Lester. We're not your pawns," Matt snapped back as Abby glanced helplessly towards her team-leader. Connor, on the other side of Matt, was pale, and gazed distantly out of the office window, while Jess sat head in hands beside Abby. None of them were equipped for this – Lester had far more power than all four together, and they didn't want to fight anyway. But Becker deserved more.

"Five reasons," Lester turned away and began pacing the length of the room, inspecting his watch impatiently, "I don't have all day."

"He saved my life. He sacrificed himself for me," Jess mumbled, raising her head and meeting Matt's warm gaze – he understood she needed reassurance, given that a mere few days ago she'd been informed in this very office of her mother's passing, "If it weren't for him, I'd be dead."

"We'd all be dead," Abby corrected, drawing strength from Jess's heartfelt protest, "He's saved all of our lives so many times...including yours, Lester. Do you never wake in the middle of the night and remember that?"

"He's a brilliant soldier; calm, prepared, selfless. He's a colleague, a friend...Jess's boyfriend. Without him, the whole operation goes to pieces – everything we've fought for is ruined." Matt nudged Connor; they all needed to voice their opinions, no matter how else they were distracted.

"If he's fired, I'm leaving."

Lester froze mid-step, really listening now. Connor, however immature and insensitive, was truly a genius – they needed him. "Don't be an idiot, Temple. You don't mean that."

"I've never meant anything more," Connor assured him calmly, "I...I'm going to be a father. It's not just me I've got to worry about now – I can't go run around taking risks when I'm needed. I won't speak for Abby, but...but I love her, and I'll love our child; I'm not prepared to do this without Becker."

Abby's heart skipped a beat. She'd been petrified of telling him all week; constantly putting it off until the secret was tearing her apart. And when she'd confessed, he'd seemed vague and reserved in his happiness. But...but he'd been shocked – it wasn't every day it was revealed you were to be a father. And, as she met his gaze now, she sensed the fondness and devotion; he'd truly do anything for her. And their child.

"Neither am I."

Lester's eyes grew wider as he glanced between them nervously, analysing their assurance. Both wore deadly serious expressions. He couldn't push them any further, or he risked losing not only Becker, but Connor and Abby too. And all three harboured unique and invaluable skills. "Okay. Okay. If, and only if, he passes the required fitness tests, and the shrink confirms he's emot...actually, since when has Becker been emotionally stable? None of you lot are. Scrap that last bit."

"Cheers, Lester." Matt grumbled, but he reached up and patted Connor on the back, evidently thrilled at their victory. Whatever he pretended, he loved Becker.

"Just make sure there's no more of this melodrama for the foreseeable future. And get back to your jobs. Or you're all sacked."

For a second, Matt considered the notion that Lester had smiled as he'd left the office, then shook the thought off hastily. It must've been a trick of the light.

He glanced around him; Abby and Connor were hugging at the far end of the room, conferring in soft whispers. Jess was focussed on her phone, her fingers flying across the keypad as she transmitted a text to Becker.

Matt grinned, slamming a hand down on the table as to attract his team's attention, "You heard what he said. We've got work to do."

XxXxX

Sorry I haven't updated in a while...hope you're enjoying it :)

I don't own Primeval, although I certainly wish I did after last Tuesday *fan girl scream*

Please review and tell me what you think xxx