Chapter 1

"Come on, Anny! Hit me! You fight like a girl!" The woman darted in, seized Anny by her tunic, and tossed her to the mats. She landed heavily, but rolled and was back on her feet in a moment as she'd been trained. I am a girl, darn it! What do you expect? The session had been going on for nearly an hour. She was tired and sweaty and getting very frustrated. She knew that she was incredibly fortunate to be getting these lessons from Drou Koudelka, but it was hard to accept that this woman who was forty years her senior--almost sixty years old, for God's sake!—was mopping the floor with her.

They circled each other for a few moments and then Anny made a tentative lunge. She was rewarded with a blow to her protective helmet that sent her sprawling again, stars floating in her vision like glowflies. Drou stood over her, shaking her head. "Anny, you can do better than that! You have to concentrate!"

She sat upright and pulled off her helmet. "I'm sorry, Drou. You're right, I can't pay attention to this right now. Countess Cordelia should have been back an hour ago with the word! What do you think is happening?"

Drou stared at her for a moment longer and then put out her hand to haul Anny to her feet. She smiled: "Why do you think I was pushing you so hard? I was trying to take your mind off it."

"Fat chance of that," muttered Anny.

"Yeah. Well, it's almost lunchtime. Let's take a break." Anny nodded in grateful agreement. They each grabbed a towel and left the small gym on the third floor of Vorkosigan House. They headed down the steps, mopping off the sweat as they went. They had been heading for the kitchen, but an armsman intercepted them on the second floor landing.

"Ah, Madam Koudelka, Miss Payne, I was just coming to get you. The Countess commed a moment ago and asked that I have you meet her in the Yellow Parlor for lunch. She should be here shortly.

"Oh," said Drou. "All right. No time for a shower. I guess she won't mind us being all smelly."

"Did… did the Countess say anything else?" asked Anny nervously.

"No," said the armsman. "But she did look to be in a good mood." The man winked at her and went back down the stairs. Anny stared after him, but decided that any further questions probably wouldn't yield anything. She looked to Drou and raised her eyebrows, pleading.

"No use guessing in a vacuum, Anny. We'll know soon enough. Come on." The Yellow Parlor was on the second floor so it only took a few moments to reach it. Ma Kosti, the Vorkosigan's amazing cook, was there putting out some appetizers at a table set for three. Anny sat down but could scarcely force herself to nibble on the exquisite dainties. Her stomach was tying itself in knots.

I can't believe I'm doing this!

It was also hard to believe that nearly a year had passed since that fateful day in Hassadar. She could still feel the raw terror that had filled her when she found herself face-to-face with the Count and Countess. But they had both been kinder and more helpful than she'd dared to hope for. The legendary Countess Cordelia Vorkosigan had taken an interest in Anny and decided to make her case a personal 'project'.

But even with her full support, nothing had happened quickly. Anny had been expecting a simple yes or no (in all probability a no) and that would be the end of it. Either she would be sent home in failure or sent to the Academy. It wouldn't take more than a day or two for a decision like that, right?

Wrong. The Countess had set the ball rolling before she returned to Sergyar with the Count, but even though the ball had considerable momentum, it could not just roll straight to the goal. Instead, it bounced and banged and clanged around like one of those remarkable pin-ball machines imported from Earth that had become all the rage in the city. The ball never seemed to come to a complete stop, since few people had the nerve to give a flat no to Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan, but for the longest time it never got any closer to the goal, either. One obstruction after another was thrown up and Anny had to miss entering the Academy with the next class. She found herself taking new tests and retaking old tests and then waiting weeks for the results—even though the computers could grade the darn things in micro-seconds. Men in officer's uniforms glared at her and asked lots and lots of questions.

Days passed and then weeks and Anny had to return home. Her mother, who quite openly thought Anny had lost her mind, reminded her daily that she couldn't just keep waiting for something that was never going to happen. She had to find a job, or even better, find a husband! Her younger sisters, who had been so excited for her at first, were now making fun of her behind her back. The Countess had told her that with her school grades she could probably get a scholarship to a good college and as the time dragged on, that was looking like a better and better idea.

But just as Anny was getting ready to give up, the Countess returned to Barrayar to give the ball another shove. She shrewdly appraised Anny's situation at home and suggested that she come to Vorbarr Sultana for some 'advanced training'. With more than a few trepidations, Anny had agreed. She had never been to a city larger than provincial Hassadar before, so the capital of Barrayar had frightened and dazzled her. And when the Countess had told her that they would 'find a place for her to stay' she had never imagined that meant Vorkosigan House! The huge, old Count's Residence probably had more square footage than all the houses in her home village combined. She'd been given a very nice room on the third floor and introduced to a mob of new people.

"Drou…?"

"Hmm?" Drou answered around a mouthful of pastry.

"I… I just wanted to tell you that no matter what answer I finally get, I'm so grateful for all of your help. And the Commodore, too. You've all been so kind to me."

Drou swallowed and smiled. "It was our pleasure, Anny. With our girls all married and out of the house we were both at loose ends—or at least we will be until the grandchildren start coming."

Two of the first people Anny had been introduced to were Drou and Kou Koudelka. Drou had once—over thirty years ago—been the personal bodyguard of the ill-fated Princess Kareen. She took charge of Anny's physical and close-combat training. The officers who were opposing Anny's entry into the Service Academy—and there were a lot of them—insisted that she meet the same physical standards as the male cadets. Fortunately, Anny was a big, strong girl to begin with, but under Drou's instruction she was now in better shape than she had dreamed possible. She still couldn't match most of the men in raw strength, but she could pass every one of the tests. The close-combat training had been 'optional' since she'd get that training at the Academy, but Drou insisted that she learn it now, hinting she might need it for other things than passing tests. Anny didn't like close-combat and wasn't much good at it, but Drou had been very patient with her.

Equally patient had been Commodore Kou Koudelka, Drou's husband. The Commodore had once been Count Vorkosigan's military aide and had recently retired after a long and accomplished career. He schooled Anny in military matters and the ins and outs of the Academy. Unlike most of the officers she had met, the Commodore did not seem to have any objections to what Anny was trying to do. Drou had joked that was mostly due to some not-so-subtle threats made by their four headstrong daughters, but Anny didn't believe that. Kou had become like a father to her and it was obvious that he really wanted her to succeed. He wasn't just going through the motions because the Countess had asked him to. All these people doing so much to help me. What if I fail?

"Drou?"

"Yes?"

"Am I crazy? To want to do this, I mean."

"Probably." Anny looked at her sharply, but the woman was smiling. "The people who bring about the big changes are all probably a little crazy. Look at the Countess. Ha! Look at Miles!" She snorted a laugh. "But where would we be without them?"

"I'm not trying to change things! But if… if it had been possible for you, back when you were my age, would you…?"

"Anny, I would have grabbed it with both hands and run like hell and never looked back."

"Really?"

"Really. Oh, that's not to say that I'd do it differently if I had the chance to go back now. I love the life I've had and I wouldn't give up my marriage or my children for any prize. But without knowing about this future, if I'd been allowed to actually wear the uniform and hold the rank that went with my job, then, yes, I'd do it."

Anny nodded numbly. She envies me! That's just not right. "To wear the uniform," she whispered.

"That is what you want, isn't it?

Was it? That was a part of it, she supposed, but what did she really want? Another part was family tradition. The Paynes had served the Imperium and the Vorkosigan counts before that for a dozen generations or more. There was an ancient sword that hung over the mantelpiece back home that supposedly had been given to some great-great-etc-grandfather by one of those counts after doing something heroic somewhere. Other martial heirlooms cluttered shelves and closets that no one could quite remember the stories about. So, it was a family duty, but was it her duty? Her father had been a twenty-year man and very proud of it. He'd thrilled Anny with his stories of travelling with the squadrons escorting the trade fleets. Tales of different worlds and the close-knit comraderie of the service had kindled a fire in her heart. So that was another piece of this puzzle, but there were other ways to see the universe and other people she could give her loyalty to. Why do it the hardest way possible?

And then there was her brother.

Peter had been two years her senior and growing up there had never been a doubt in anyone's mind that he would uphold the family traditions and enter the Imperial service. She had envied him, just the way Drou seemed to be envying her now. But life wasn't easy in the Dendari Mountains and Peter had taken an after-school job with a logging company until he was old enough to join up. It was dangerous work and one day it killed him.

It killed her father, too, it just took a little longer.

Her Da had always seemed just the right age to Anny, but in reality he was an old man. He'd waited until he retired from the service to marry. He'd been forty-five when Peter was born. His health was already failing when his son died. Anny had watched her father's life just drain away after that. On his deathbed he said his only regret was that the long family tradition of service would end with him. Weeping, Anny had promised him she would take Peter's place. Her Da had smiled and patted her hand and then he was gone. You shouldn't make promises you can't keep.

"Anny?" Drou was looking at her with a puzzled expression.

"Oh! Yes! Yes, that's what I want." Is it?

"Actually, I should be thanking you," said Drou. "If—I mean when—you do this, it will open up worlds of possibilities for my own granddaughters—possibilities I never had."

Anny looked at her in horror. Don't say that! I'm carrying enough as it is! But before Drou seemed to notice her reaction there was a high-pitched squeal from out in the hallway and she turned and smiled. "Speaking of grandchildren…"

Another shriek and the patter of tiny feet announced the entrance of 18-month old Helen Natalie Vorkosigan. The toddler ran across the room and ricocheted off the sideboard and then stood in a patch of sunlight, turning in circles. Following at a more sedate pace was the Countess and behind her came Helen's mother who was holding her brother Aral. Anny and Drou got to their feet automatically. The Countess was never a stickler for ceremony, but somehow she just did that to you. Helen careened over and grabbed Anny's trousers in a tiny fist to steady herself. "Hi, Anny! How doin'?"

"I'm fine, Helen," replied Anny, but her eyes never left the Countess. She was smiling and came over and scooped up little Helen and proceeded to tickle her, producing gales of laughter that was so high-pitched it neared the edge of hearing. This went on for a minute or more until Drou finally spoke up.

"Cordelia, are you going to tell us what happened or are you going to keep this poor girl dangling?"

The Countess stopped tickling and shifted the breathless child in her arms. She sat down and looked right at Anny. "Relax. You're in."

Anny found herself back in her chair although she had no memory of sitting down. She just goggled for a few moments and then managed to choke out: "I am? Really?"

"Really," said the Countess. Drou clapped her hands and then came over and gave Anny a hug.

"You are going to have to tell us everything, Cordelia!" said Drou.

"Everything would keep us here far into the night. And some of it is even classified, although I can't see why. But let's just say that it went all the way to the top before it was resolved."

"The top," gasped Anny. "You… you mean the Emperor?"

"Higher than that: his wife," said the Countess with a laugh. "Laisa pointed out to Gregor that his hope of reconciling Komarr's people to being a permanent part of the Empire was doomed if half the population was barred from the surest path to advancement. Smart woman, that one. Of course, no Komarran women have even tried yet, but once they get a look at you, Anny, who knows?"

Anny sat there in a daze. She was really going to the Academy. 'Thank… thank you. Thank you all."

The Countess gave a sour laugh. "You might not be thanking us a few months from now. This was the easy part, girl! We could help you get in, but that's as far as the help is going to go. Staying in is another matter and it will be entirely up to you!"

Anny felt like a huge weight was descending on her shoulders. First her father and Peter, then Drou's hypothetical grandchildren. Now all the women of Komarr. She was amazed that her chair didn't collapse. But all these people had enough faith in her to give her this chance. Drou, the Commodore. The Countess.

She forced herself out of her chair and stepped next to Countess Cordelia. She sank to one knee and looked up into her surprised face.

"I won't fail you, my lady."