Dear reviewers, your reviews have totally blown me away.! I'm so very pleased that you all enjoy the story. I just hope I can live up to it as the story continues.

And, as always, a big THANK YOU to Jbird, who has managed to edit this chapter despite the worm-virus that is eating its way through her PC... I hope you find a way to kill it, very soon.

Tomorrow

by Serataja

-Chapter 4-

Meditations on the Abyss, Part 3

August 2001

The sales assistant thought it a shame that the couple, who had come in just as she was about to close up, had obviously had a fight. The woman was beautiful, with a melancholy slant to her eyes. She had declined help and, with a sure hand, started to pick out clothes that suggested they were about to spend the weekend hiking, or maybe staying in a cabin in the woods. She was quiet and sad, and didn't once look to her husband for approval which, in the sales assistant's experience, meant they were having some serious trouble. The husband was older than his wife, but handsome and rather irresistibly attractive with his dark, brooding looks –so the sales assistant thought. He made no move to suggest what she should buy, but didn't look bored, either, as husbands usually did when they came in to shop with their wives. Instead he stood off to one side, his hands clasped in front of him, his eyes alert, taking in the room and the other customers. If it hadn't been for the clothes he was wearing, the sales assistant would have believed him to be a cop or someone working security.

After a while the woman came back from the changing room, now clad in jeans and a warm sweater. She caught one hopeless look in her direction, which the man tried to hide, as soon as she emerged. For a moment it seemed as if she was about to go over to him. From behind the cash register, the sales assistant watched with breathless anxiety. She was well versed in the ups and downs of relationships between the opposite sexes. She knew all about the heartbreak associated with it. She was watching two dozen different soaps and sitcoms every week and she had seen it all. To her eternal regret the woman held herself back. She walked right past the poor guy, dumping the rest of her purchases on the counter and taking her credit card out of the wallet.

"Jack," she said without looking at him.

"Yes, Sam?" he asked, all his attention turned toward her.

"I'm really hungry."

The look that appeared on the man's face gave the sales assistant serious heart-flutter. It was a combination of protectiveness and adoration, but the beautiful woman didn't notice, instead she checked her watch and started to apologize.

"I know it's getting late, Jack. I guess I can wait until…"

"We'll get you something to eat."

The sales assistant wanted to cheer, but instead she had to concentrate on her task at hand. A few minutes later the two of them left the store and walked out of her life forever. Oh, how she would have liked to know how that story would end.

000

Jack bought Sam a pair of rubber boots, claiming they were essential. Afterwards she went into a drugstore to buy a toothbrush and some other basic necessities. Jack waited outside. She could see his broad back through the display window, his shoulders hunched against the wind.

She was happy to find they also had an aisle with underwear. She averted her eyes from the section with the more provocative stuff, going for the simple bras and panties, basic white cotton without any frills. It was not as if anyone would see her wearing it. It was not as if Jack would ever see her wear it. That thought brought a sudden painful stab. Sam wondered what was wrong with her. She didn't usually get that emotional over something she could not change.

When she came out of the store, Jack looked at her.

"You got everything you want?"

"I have. Thank you, Jack. I appreciate-"

"There's a restaurant right across the street. You warm enough in that jacket?"

"It's fine, Jack, really," she said, neglecting to tell him that she was still cold.

He looked as if he didn't entirely believe her, but kept quiet.

There was an awkward silence between them while they were eating. Sam had been ravenously hungry, but now she could hardly get anything down. She left half the food on the plate, while Jack ate with a healthy appetite. From time to time he glanced over at her, a worried frown on his face, but she didn't meet his eyes. He started to talk to her about the case, and after a while she stopped pushing the food around and just listened to him.

It seemed as if Felicia had dropped from the face of the earth. No one had seen her. The only relative she had left in Alaska was an aunt, living up in Barrow. She hadn't heard from Felicia since she had left the state twenty years ago. The friends she knew from her childhood, who weren't living in Crossville any more, had been checked out, and they all claimed they hadn't seen her. Jack admitted that they had nearly run out of options.

His face was tense and drawn while he talked about his efforts, and Sam knew that he feared it was already too late.

"My guess is she'll show up in Crossville sooner or later," she told him. "There's no reason for her to come all the way to Alaska just to kill herself. She's got unfinished business. Whoever killed her family has never been found. I think she's looking for closure."

"Her twin brothers were killed," Jack said. "They were six years old, the same age her sons are now. Maybe they reminded her of what happened then. It might have brought the whole thing on."

The waiter passed the table and Jack ordered another cup of coffee.

"I have to stay awake," he said with a smile when he saw Sam's raised eyebrows. "We have a long drive ahead of us. We could stay in Anchorage, of course, but I would really like us to get on with the interviews in the morning. We've lost half a day as it is."

"Because of you driving down and picking me up?"

"No, because Vivian's husband thought his birthday was more important than the case and because Vivian let herself be blackmailed. It's got nothing to do with you."

"You're hard on them," Sam said quietly.

His eyes grew dark and she saw a look in them she had seen before, a fierce commitment to his cause.

"Back in New York a family is hoping its mother will come back alive. That's my priority, not people celebrating their birthdays." The way he said it made celebrating a birthday almost sound illegal. Sam bit her lip to hide a smile.

"I think it can be hard for someone on the outside to understand," she said. "Especially when the work's constantly interfering with how you lead your life, or your family's life."

"Marcus married an FBI agent. He knew what he was getting into."

"Did your wife know?"

She immediately wished she hadn't said anything. The look on his face told her that she had hit right home. His gaze was hard to read. If she had known his story back then,she might have been able to decipher the stubbornness in his eyes, covering up his helplessness and the despair he always felt when a case threatened to go bad.

He looked down at his hands and, for a moment, he seemed enveloped in an utter loneliness.

"She didn't know," he said after a while. "I've never been very good at making Maria understand."

Sam thought he was laying too much of the blame at his own door but didn't say so. Whatever was between him and his wife was none of her business.

She felt him staring at her.

"What?"

He reached out and lightly touched one of her hands.

"You're shivering and your hands are cold. Are you still freezing?"

She opened her mouth.

"Will you please stop telling me that it's fine? Are you all right?" he demanded.

She gave in. It was hard to resist Jack Malone.

"I'm still cold," she said. "And I'm tired. Maybe we should get on our way."

000

Back at the car he gave her the blanket and tucked her in. He was fussing a bit over her, asking if the seat was comfortable, checking the seatbelt, adjusting the headrest until he thought it was in the right position. When he asked her if her feet were warm enough she gave him a small punch on the arm.

"Stop it Jack," she said, "I'm fine."

He laughed out loud, something she had never heard him do before.

"And I," he said, "know exactly what the word 'fine' means in Sam Spadish."

He was close. She smiled brightly at him, one part of her wondering if he had forgotten about the 'keeping your distance' thing. If so, he had an awfully short memory. But she would be the last person to remind him. She was not going to resist him; she didn't have the strength any more.

Jack was aware that he was getting too close again. He had been getting too close to her ever since he'd found her at the airport - hell, ever since he'd met her for the first time. He'd had every intention of being strong, for his family's sake and for Sam's sake, but in that moment the temptation was overpowering. New York was so far away. It almost felt like another life. New York was a dream and this was reality.

The rational voice in his head was mute and the only thing he could think of, leaning over her while he checked her seatbelt for the third time, was that no one would ever know if he kissed her now. It would stay between the two of them, it would only be one kiss, only one kiss to find out how she tasted. How could he go on with the rest of his life without knowing that?

Their faces were close together. He felt her breath on his skin. Then her eyes fluttered shut.

He kissed her slowly, tasting her lips like someone tastes dessert, finding out if it is as delicious as it looks. His kiss deepened, because her lips were warm and moist and open and she tasted so good…She tasted like heaven. He was floating on a stream of bliss. Her hands were gripping the collar of his vest, holding him close. He couldn't move away and didn't mind at all. He kissed her even deeper, feeling her suck his tongue into her mouth.

He never knew how long the kiss lasted, having no control over his senses anymore. Finally they pulled an inch away from each other, catching their breaths. He was trembling all over with suppressed desire. The last time that had happened to him, he had been barely 21 years old. She pulled him close again, crushing her lips to his. 'Only one kiss' became two in the matter of a second.

Jack became aware of her hands stroking the back of his neck. He pulled away from her lips, resting his face against her cheek, relishing the caress. He wanted to say her name but held it back, because he was afraid of how his voice might sound.

It was a while before he recovered enough to understand what he was doing. He was crouching over her in an awkward position and he could feel his knee start to hurt. He grabbed the roof of the car to stabilize himself, standing up. Sam uttered a small moan. She reached up for him.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said, closing the door on her side, going around to the driver's side and getting in.

He started the car, put it into transmission and reached for her hand. Their fingers entwined. He was afraid she would ask questions, about what he was doing, about his family, about what he had said two hours ago. But she was merely caressing his hand, her eyes closed, her head leaning back against the headrest. She looked exhausted. There were purple shadows beneath her eyes.

Jack pulled out of the empty parking lot, heading northwards. It was dark and through the windshield he caught a glance of the multitude of stars littering the sky. There was little traffic and driving with one hand on the wheel was safe enough for now.

'Only this once', he thought to himself, 'only while we're here. Back in New York things will go back to normal again.'

He pushed all other thoughts aside. This was one of the few times in his life that he managed to live only in the moment, without thoughts of the past or fear of the consequences. Looking back at it years later, he would always realize how disgustingly weak he had been. And he would feel guilty; not for being weak, no, he would feel guilty because he didn't feel guilty about it at all.

TBC