Finally, I got this chapter finished. It has bounced forth and back between New Zealand and Germany a couple of times and involved, among other things, jbird getting up at 5.30 in the morning to edit this... She's the best!

Now, please, if you're still with me, enjoy!

Tomorrow

by Serataja

-Chapter 6-

Falling Toward Apotheosis, Part 2

September 2001

When Jack woke it was still dark. Confusing dreams had made his sleep exhausting and he didn't feel refreshed. Now, a multitude of worries assaulted him and settled like a weight on his chest. He turned his head, barely making out the glowing numbers on the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. It was four o'clock in the morning.

He sighed, trying to push the thoughts back and recapture the bliss of a mind exhausted and fulfilled by the last day's events, ready to go to sleep again. But now it was too late. Sleep wouldn't come back. It usually didn't this time of morning, hadn't done so for many years now. So he lay there for a long time, faces parading before his mind's eye - faces of people that had never been found – the faces of those who had been found too late, the faces of children. He lay there panicked about his own inadequacy, knowing that he was not smart and not strong enough to help them all. Knowing that if he failed, lives would be crushed and lost, a debt that could never be paid.

At last the faces blurred and merged as they always did after a while, letting him go. Only today they were replaced by the face of his mother, of his wife and daughters. He felt his heart constrict.

He struggled between sleeping and waking, tortured by the jumble of thoughts and emotions.

ooo

The morning grew later and with the rising light he resurfaced to look at the woman beside him. She was sleeping peacefully, a smile on her face.

They had spent the past day making love. They had stared into each other's eyes, oblivious that a world around them existed. Jack had been flying high. He had been happier than he had ever been before, caught unawares by his feelings. He had in fact – he was able to admit that now – lost his head.

What had he been thinking?

He rolled on his side, facing Sam, looking at her face, which was illuminated by the early light, filtering in through a crack in the curtains. She looked so self-assured in sleep, as if nothing in the world could hurt her. She looked as if someone was watching over her.

Jack lay awake for more than an hour, thinking about what it all meant for him and what it might mean to her, thinking about consequences. Worst of all, was that he finally understood in what way he had failed Maria in all those years. He liked his wife. He had always respected her because she was smart and tough. But he had never loved her the way he should have. He had been in love with her once, but it had passed as these things do, and been replaced by sympathy. And sympathy had not been enough.

Lost in his thoughts he didn't notice that Sam was awake until she touched his face.

"So, you're regretting it now," she said.

He didn't know what to say. Deep down he wasn't regretting anything. He never would. And still…

He was searching for words when, to his horror, he realized that she was close to crying.

He took her in his arms. She didn't resist. Her face came to rest against his chest.

"I wanted this, Sam," he whispered in her ear. "I know it's a mess, but I wanted you. I still want you."

She sighed.

"I want this, too," she said, her words muffled against his skin.

Then she lifted her head and looked at him. He kissed her eyelids, feeling her lashes flutter against his lips.

"So – what are we going to do about it?" she asked. He didn't answer and she was relieved. Part of her wondered how they had ever gotten this far. She knew well that there was something hard and steely at the core of him and while she might deceive herself into thinking it was reserved for his professional life, she knew it was ultimately part of him and extended to his whole being. Right now he appeared to be weak, unable to make a decision – and maybe he was. But she also knew that he would work his way through it and what his decision would be once he came out on the other side. She dreaded that moment. She hoped he would stay weak, for her, for a long, long time.

They stayed silent for a while, things unsaid between them, questions unasked, issues unsolved. They would have to stay unsolved for another day Sam decided. When Jack rolled over, pinning her to the bed, she relaxed and made a deep, contented sound.

"This feels so good," she said. "Is there more to come or is this just an empty threat?"

He grinned, his worries pushed to the back of his mind, desire mounting.

"I never make empty threats," he assured her.

Her eyes became serious, holding his. He tried to part her legs with his knees, feeling resistance and stopped, unsure what was going on. Her expression didn't change, but he saw a glint light up deep inside them.

"Take what you want, Jack," she said. "I know you can."

So he continued what he had started, enjoying the feel of her strength, delighting in the way her willpower matched his. He held her hands down, feeling her fingers entwine with his. He brought their lips together and she opened hers in welcome. Her hips rose against his and when he entered her it was it was even better than it had been before.

So they made love, while the morning came and the demons fled, and Jack realized that no matter, what the future would bring, and what choices he would have to make, he would always belong to her.

000

Vivian sat at her desk, staring at the telephone receiver she had just replaced in its cradle.

She had talked to Jack yesterday. He had told her that they had been held up in Anchorage and would have to catch a flight tomorrow. Just now she had talked to an Agent Croydon out of the field office in Anchorage. She had wanted to inform Agent Malone that the body of Felicia Felton had been found in the rubble of the landslide. Her family had been notified and they were flying in later in the day. Also a gun had been recovered from the agent's car that had been swept away when the landslide occurred and had been found, not buried too deeply, near the cabin She would make sure it was returned to Agent Malone via priority government shipping - once they had verified the model and registration number. Before Vivian had even been able to heave an inward sigh about the paperwork involved, Agent Croydon had added that she hoped Agents Malone and Spade had had a good flight back to New York.

Vivian, momentarily cast off track, had chosen not to comment on that, ending the conversation in a hurry. Later she wondered why she had instinctively tried to cover up for them.

It was really none of her business.

She leaned back in her chair, her fingers drumming a slow rhythm on the desk.

It had, of course, been inevitable. She had seen it from the start. And it was really not her place to judge them. She would stay out of it and hope for the best.

Vivian got back to work.

Outside it was a warm, sunny day. It promised to be a wonderful September.

000

Maria sat at the small desk in the bedroom, looking out of the window. She loved the view, a slice of New York skyline with the tall pillars of the World Trade Center towering over everything.

Sighing, she tried to concentrate on the files that were spread before her. Kate was running a fever and Maura, the babysitter, was unavailable until the afternoon, so she had decided to work at home and reschedule all meetings to later in the day.

It would all be much easier if she lived near her parents. They would be happy to look after the kids. Frank, Jack's father, was pretty much useless at that. The kids loved him, but he couldn't really be trusted to look after them on his own. Maria thought he was displaying signs of beginning dementia. She made a mental note to talk to Jack about it. Jack himself, of course, was almost never available. It had become easiest for her to not count on him at all. He had been gone for more than a week now and she didn't especially look forward to his return. Whenever he was home, he was like a stranger coming to visit, upsetting her routine, exciting the kids. It would be so much easier without him.

For a fleeting moment she wondered where all the love had gone. She had been crazy about him once, hadn't she? She had hardly been able to wait, getting married. It had been wonderful to see how insecure and how tender he had been, when he held Hanna in his arms for the first time. Only, after a while, all the good stuff had started to get buried under the downsides. Did he really have to work around the clock? Did he really have to worry about the missing constantly? She'd started to hate being woken in the middle of the night by his nightmares and she'd started to hate being excluded. Why couldn't he just talk to her and tell her what was wrong? Didn't he know she cared about him? She was his wife for God's sake. And when he finally talked, things came out in anguished bursts, like the time he had told her about his attempted suicide, many years ago. It had been scary and she hadn't really wanted to hear about it that way.

She twiddled her pen and pursed her lips in thought. In a way he was not the man she thought he was. Oh well, there were worse things than being married to Jack Malone. Maybe she should just give them one more chance. She decided to cook something he really liked tonight. And maybe she would let him take her to bed afterwards. It had been a long time and she knew it was not easy for him. They seemed to crave a different kind of closeness.

Maria smiled, trying to recover some of the old warmth for him in her heart. She decided to look forward to his return. Still smiling she went back to work.

000

Jack and Sam were sitting across from each other at a small table in the departure area of Seattle Airport. It was a busy time of the day and people were milling around them. Sam was picking at a half eaten sandwich, not really hungry for food. She looked over at Jack, who was sipping at his coffee. She was definitely hungry for him. The last day had only satisfied the very peak of that hunger.

The setting was unromantic but that didn't bother them. From time to time Jack looked up, meeting her eyes, feeling pure happiness flow through him. Outside, beyond the tall glass walls, the sun was shining, its rays reflected on the cockpit of the Boeing 747 that was rolling across the tarmac toward the runway, destined for a far away place.

The anguish of the early morning hours was forgotten. In the bright sun of the new day everything seemed possible.

Part of Jack's mind was nurturing an unspoken dream. That dream was telling him how easy it would be to leave home. People did it all the time. Custody of children and visiting rights were all things that could be worked out and had been, thousands of times. Maybe it would even be easier than to go through the routine of yet another day of his life, and yet another. Maybe he could be alive again all the time, not just… Jack pushed the thoughts aside. He could not give up on his marriage that easily, regardless of what had happened between Sam and him

Sam reached over and took the paper cup out of his hands. He was reluctant to let it go, although there were only a few drops left. She wriggled it out of his fingers with a smile and put it on the tray. Then she gave him her own.

"Here, drink the rest of this, junkie" she said.

He laughed and sipped the rest of the coffee that was in it.

"I'll get us more coffee," she said. "I bet that's all right with you."

"Fine," he murmured, turning her cup in his hands. As happy as he felt, he was also tense. What would the future bring?

Sam rose. She passed behind his chair, her fingers brushing over his cheek and neck in passing. Jack felt like taking her back to the Hilton that very moment. He turned and followed her with his eyes.

Had this been a one-night stand for her?

He didn't think so. The thought that she might love him with a strength that matched his own love for her crossed his mind. But he dismissed it. She was attracted to him. She liked him. It wouldn't do him any good to read more into it.

He picked at the rim of the cup.

It wouldn't be hard to find some time to spend with her. He was always working late anyway. Maybe they could go to her apartment. Certainly she would want that, too. He took a deep breath. He needed to see her again, soon. Very soon. Not as a colleague, but as a lover.

She came back and put another cup of coffee in front of him, sitting down again.

He wrapped his hands around it, not caring that the heat bit into his skin because now her dark eyes were looking into his.

"I'm not having any plans for Friday evening," she said. "Maybe we could work late -together. There are some things I want to go over with you."

His heart made a leap of joy.

"Now, what could that be?" he said, trying to stay cool

"Let's say there are certain things that leave me unsatisfied. I thought you could help me with that."

"Funny you're mentioning that," he said softly, "because I'm having a similar problem. Let's help each other."

She beamed at him across the table.

Some of the hot coffee spilled on his hands and he put the cup down, swearing under his breath, not able to suppress a grin. Sam took a napkin and dabbed the liquid from his skin. When she was finished she didn't let go of his hands but kept them in her own. He raised them and placed a kiss on her fingers.

They looked at each other in perfect understanding.

TBC