The moment to fight

I own nothing...

Late on a Thursday afternoon in the middle of July, Jordan is still in his boxers, still laying across the bed. The house was quiet, too quiet. There were no sounds coming from the family room. There were no sounds coming from the nursery. Maddie's room, always bursting with life, was now silent. Not wanting to face any of it, Jordan had decided to stay in bed.

It had been three weeks since Angela had taken the kids and boarded a plane for Pennsylvania. In the first two weeks, Residue had had so many appearances, Jordan had just blocked it all out. Even the first part of this week had been crazy. He'd been so busy, he hadn't been able to mope around.

Today, however, was different. He had nothing to do and no where to be. He, along with all his thoughts and all of his regrets, was all alone. On his back, in the middle of the bed he and Angela had shared for the last few months, he's thinking about her.

He misses her so much, and he misses the kids. He'd gotten used to being with them all the time. He wished he could jump on a plane and fly to Three Rivers, but he has obligations. Maybe once the album drops on Tuesday, he can go home. One month away from them should be more than enough time.

He talked to Angela on the phone almost everyday, but there seemed to be a lot of distance between them. He didn't know how to get rid of that feeling. They never talked about what happened, they mostly talked about the kids and what was going on with the album.

Grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes, he tries to stop the tears that he knows is coming. Laying there, looking up at the ceiling, he blinks back the moisture and thinks back to that afternoon. The afternoon that Angela watched the video, the afternoon she said they needed some time. The same afternoon she told him she was leaving.

Three weeks earlier

Jordan and Angela stand staring at each other, neither saying a word. Blinking back tears, Angela turns back to the window. Jordan, hanging his head, walks over to stand beside her.

"Say it, Jordan." She glances over at him and then back to the window.

Clearing his throat, he says, "What do you want me to say, Red?" Leaning his forehead against the glass, he places his hands on either side of his head. "Ask me and I'll tell you."

"Did you do it? I mean, not during the video, but any time after?" Wrapping her arms around herself, she turns to him.

In a whisper, he says, "No, I've never cheated on you."

"Then why have you been distancing yourself from me? You told me about the video. I knew what you were doing. So why?" Angela, tears streaming down her face, watches Jordan struggle to find the words.

"Because it felt like I'd done something wrong." Moving his hands to his head, then around to the back of his neck, he sighs. "Because I'm the one who pushed Shane and Tommy to make this video when they both thought it was a bad idea."

"Jordan, the video was amazing. I thought it was great. God, you were great. I don't think it's the video that I have a problem with." Letting out a bitter laugh, she turns and walks over to the sofa. "I'm not naive. I know that you were following a script. I know that you and Tommy and Shane were all acting. And I know it's supposed to look real. The only problem is, somewhere along the way, you stopped acting, didn't you? That's what's eating at you, isn't it?"

Pushing himself from the window, Jordan walks over to sit on the table in front of her. "Angela..." Jordan looks down at the floor, swallowing loudly. Taking her hands in his, he looks back up to her. "I don't know what to say." Closing his eyes, he bows his head.

Pulling her hands from his, she places them on either side of his head making him look at her. "I just want to know what's going on in your head. If you didn't cheat on me, then why do you feel so guilty?"

When he still doesn't say anything, she sighs in frustration. Throwing herself back against the sofa, she crosses her arms and continues to watch him. "Please don't go back to this, it's not fair. You don't get to close up on me. We are going to talk about this, no matter how much it hurts."

Taking a deep breath, running his hands through his hair, Jordan sits up straighter. "Just remember that you wanted to hear this when I'm done." Standing up, he walks back over to the window.

With his back to her, he says, "I'm scared to say it."

"Just tell me, Jordan. We need to get this out of the way. I'm tired of feeling like this and I'm tired of seeing you like this." Tucking her feet under her, Angela watches him.

Throwing his head back, Jordan says, "I wanted to, ok? That's my problem. I didn't, but I sure as hell wanted to."

"You wanted to what? You wanted to tell me?" Confused, Angela watches him start to pace.

"I wanted to sleep with her, that girl. Is that what you wanted me to say?" Watching her eyes widen, he smirks. "Yeah, I didn't think you wanted to hear that."

Moving over to sit on the far end of the sofa, Jordan props his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. "All day that day, I watched them film take after take of the girls together. I heard Cubbins tell those girls it had to look real. I almost backed out several times. I was going to call it all off. At the very last minute, I couldn't do it. We'd already filmed over half the video and I wanted to finish it."

Looking right at her, he says, "I texted you just minutes before I started filming. I wanted so bad to call you and talk to you about it, but I didn't. I wish I had now."

Shaking his head, he forces himself to say the words that he knows will change things. "At first, I couldn't touch her. All I could think about was you. What you would think, how you'd feel. But Cubbins kept making me do it over and over and over. Somewhere in the middle of all of it, I started thinking about her."

"Jordan, I was wrong. I don't want to know. Don't say anything else." Angela gets up from the sofa and walks into the kitchen, leaning on the counter. Jordan gets up and follows her.

"Hell, we've come this far, I may as well tell you all of it." Standing with his back to the wall, his hands in his pockets, he tells her, "Angela, I haven't been with any other woman since we got together 17 years ago. I'd never thought about cheating on you, I didn't want to. But that afternoon, with her under me, my hands on her body, I did think about it. I was tempted to."

Nervously licking his lips, he continues. "Every time I kissed her, every time I touched her, I thought about it. By the time we were finished filming, I had even convinced myself that I wanted her. As I was gathering my things, I picked up my cell phone and saw that you had texted me. I can't even begin to explain how that made me feel. I mean, here I was, practically having sex with another woman and you were thinking about me, telling me how much you love me."

Pushing himself away from the wall, he walks over to stand in front of Angela. Her head is down as she stares at the floor. Lifting her chin in his hand, he says, "I didn't cheat on you. I came home with the guys that night. But I am guilty of thinking about it. I thought about it for days afterward. I hated myself. I still hate myself. I did this. I can't change it or take it back. And it's not just because of the video that I'm telling you this. I need for you to understand so I can get past it."

"Jordan, why didn't you tell me all this that night? I asked you about it. I gave you plenty of chances to tell me, instead you turned away from me. That hurts worse than knowing that you thought about sleeping with someone else." Sniffing back tears, she pulls away from him. "Jordan, I understand about what happened during the filming. You are a man, after all. I would have been surprised if you hadn't gotten a little turned on by it. But after it was all over, you went from being my husband to being my room mate."

"Because I felt so guilty about all of it. I couldn't touch you without thinking about touching her. Every time I kissed you, I thought about kissing her. Every time I saw you without your clothes on, I saw her in my head. Instead of putting you through that, I thought it would be best just to give us some space. I thought I needed some time to forget about it. I felt like I was betraying you. " Throwing his head back, he stares at the ceiling.

"Oh my god. Do you still think about it? Do you still think about her?" Angela pushes Jordan away from her and steps around him.

"Angela, it's not like that." Watching as Angela walks toward the stairs, he feels helpless. "Where are you going? We need to finish this."

"We're done with this. I'm not talking about it anymore." She heads up the stairs and he follows behind. When they get to the bedroom, she takes out her suitcase and sets it on the bed.

"Angela, what are you doing?" Jordan grabs her arm as she walks past him.

"I'm packing. Me and the kids are going home. If you need some time, I'm going to give it to you." Pulling away, she walks to the closet.

"Babe, please don't do this. I'm sorry. I swear I would never cheat on you." He moves over to stand in front of the closet door as she's pulling clothes from the hanger.

"Jordan, you didn't cheat on me. But because you can't be honest with me, you withdrew from our marriage. I don't think I would have been half as angry if you'd have just came to me and told me what was going on in your head. Instead, you let it push a wedge between us. You haven't even tried to have sex with me since that night. I won't stay here like this with you anymore. I'm going home." She steps around him and starts folding clothes into her suitcase.

"Angela, please don't leave me here by myself. I don't want you to go back home. Stay with me." He just stands there watching her.

"Jordan, you're the one having a hard time with this. I can't honestly say it doesn't bother me a little, but I can see how much it's bothering you. You need time to get over this or whatever. I'm taking the kids and we're going back to Three Rivers. When you're done out here, you can come home." Going over to the dresser, she starts removing clothes.

"Red, please don't go. I love you, babe. I don't want to be here without you. We can get past this. Just stay."

"I'm going. You need to go spend some time with your children." Brushing past him, she goes back to the closet.

Present day

Jordan rolls over onto his stomach, burying his head in the pillow, Angela's pillow. He can still smell her on it. Sighing, he rolls back over and sits up on the side of the bed. As his feet hit the floor, his stomach starts growling. Trying to remember the last time he ate anything, he draws a blank. Angela hadn't been there to make sure he was eating right. Leaning forward with his head in his hands, he starts to cry.

Jordan VO: Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn't I just come home to her that night and tell her. It would have saved us all a lot of heartache. I should have known that she would understand. Why do I always doubt myself. God, I miss her.

As Jordan sits there crying, he doesn't hear the front door open. He doesn't hear the footsteps on the stairs. He doesn't see Angela when she walks into the bedroom. He's lost in his own misery.

He doesn't realize he's not alone until he feels the bed dip down. Lifting his head, he looks up to see Angela sitting beside him. She doesn't say anything. She puts her arms around him and he lays his head against her chest. Slipping his arms around her waist, he hugs her tight.

Sitting that way for several minutes, he continues to cry. Angela rubs her hand over his back, trying to soothe him. "Jordan, it's ok. Stop crying, babe."

Moving away from her, he sits up. Brushing the tears from his face, he looks down to her. "Red, what are you doing here? Where are the kids?"

"Mom has them. She took a few days off and she's going to keep them until I get home on Monday." Brushing his hair from his eyes, she runs her hand over his face. "Jordan, you look like hell. Have you been eating? Have you been sleeping? Why are you in bed this late in the day?"

Grabbing her hand, he pulls her into his arms. "I've missed you, Angela. This being away from you is killing me. I can't stand it. How can I sleep? And I have no idea when the last time I ate was." About that time, his stomach growls.

Smiling at him, she kisses his cheek before moving out of his arms. "Why don't you go jump in the shower? I'll go down and fix us some dinner. You have me all to yourself until Monday, so you better make good use of this time."

Getting up from the bed, she heads for the door. She stops and turns back to him as Jordan says to her, "Angela, I love you. I don't need anymore time away from you, ever."

"I love you, too. Now get moving." She leaves the room.

Jordan gets up and heads to the shower. He can hear her moving around in the kitchen. Smiling to himself, he thinks about how wonderful that sounds.

Hope I didn't disappoint you...I was so sad writing this. I changed it a few times. Now I'm ready to move on to happier times. Jordan and Angela do have a 4 day weekend, all alone, to look forward to. REVIEW. ~gagirl29