I don't think I like this chapter very much. It got really really stubborn and just wouldn't really so-operate. If you liked it, tell me. If you didn't, still tell me. Reviews are fully appreciated. So please don't be too disappointed.

He had walked back into the kitchen, with apple juice and the Harry Potter Sippy cup Finn had brought for her the previous Christmas. She had been raised right, that was one thing. But now was not the time for Kurt to remember his own fan-boyish childhood.

Katie just sat there with her too deep eyes with a colour that didn't quite have a name. Like there was speckles of gold and dashes of green, and somehow they were all thrown together in a totally beautiful, extraordinary collision they all just called Katie. The colour was Katie, because it was parts of Blaine and Kurt, and their mother's, and their father's and it was just so unique, it deserved nothing less.

With a deep breath and a swallow of a sob, Kurt sat down next to his little girl on the black leather.

"Daddy, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" She looked so sad. So lost. Like the look when you know that the truth is being hidden from you. And you feel so useless and unimportant because it's like you're not worth the truth. Damn, how could one look from a four year old transfer all that?

"Do you remember when I told you that Grandma Carole wasn't my real mummy?" He decided this was the easiest way to start.

"Sure, you and daddy told me after Christmas once. You said that your real mummy died when you were a little boy. And that you and Grandpa Burt were both really really sad when she died. But then Grandpa met Carole, and you got a brother and met daddy again and you were all happy again."

He was amazed she could remember. "Well yes, but there's more to that." He tried to form words so he could cut to the chase. But he had to be careful. She was so sensitive and yet so strong and courageous.

Courage. Somehow that one word bought back the whirlwind of memories and texts and jokes. Courage. He needed that if anything right this minute.

"My mummy died just after my best friend in the whole wide world moved to a different country. Mummy was supposed to make everything okay, and when she left, I didn't really know what to do. I was only a little boy, sure I was older than you, but I was still too young for everything to go wrong."

Katie took her daddy's hand, as he remembered everything that had happened and told her the story. Maybe she was too young to understand everything, heck he had been too young at the time. But she needed to understand.

~~~OOO~~~

Blaine had been gone for two months now. They spoke on the phone every second Saturday night at the same time. It had to be that time because otherwise they'd either be asleep, or eating idnner, or at school. So it was naturally, Kurt's favourite part of the week. They talked about everything, about how Blaine's new school was going, about how he had eaten the yummiest bread, about his new friends, about his new house, about his visit to the Eiffel tower, about him learning French, about the cat that appeared on their balcony every night. They did the same thing every time. And at the end, when Kate or Dakota would say that that was enough, they could talk more next time, they'd part with the same words they'd repeated a gazillion times. "I hope this keeps you warm tonight."

"Because you don't deserve to be cold."

Except there was no Eskimo kiss to go with it. And maybe that's why it all stopped.

Kurt was always the one to call Blaine. It worked out cheaper that way. So Blaine was always the one waiting for the calls, bouncing up and down on their couch in Paris, waiting for the phone to ring it's now-familiar dial.

Except this time, it didn't call when it was supposed to. It didn't even ring five or fifteen or one hundred minutes later. His mummy and daddy were out that night. He'd been left at home with the daughter of one of the men his daddy worked with, so he couldn't ask them why Kurt hadn't called.

He went to bed that night feeling super-duper empty without being told to stay warm by his best friend who he missed enough as it was. Not a clue of why he hadn't called.

But calling Blaine was the last thing on Kurt's mind that night.

Burt and Kurt had been watching 'the big game' when it had all happened. Well, Burt was watching it; Kurt was flicking through his mum's fashion magazines, when the phone rang. With his eyes glued to the television, Burt moved to pick up the ringing piece of technology. "Hullo" he grunted.

When suddenly, Kurt watched his father's eyes go from enthusiastically glued to his television, to a look so empty he could see his father's heart. Well what was once his father's heart. He saw it break, right there in front of him, whilst he held the phone to his ears. And then he dropped it and then he collapsed.

Have you ever seen a grown man collapse so suddenly? Like his body sieges and then he just crumples to the floor without a moment of warning, and then there are tears falling from eyes that should have always stayed dry. And you cannot do anything. Can't do anything, but stay where you are, and watch. You watch the man who protects you, the man who kept the monsters under the bed away at night, fall apart at the seams.

And then suddenly through his scary phase of crying broken-hearted tears, he finally speaks, and by the time he does, Kurt wishes he never did. He wants to take back those pleading looks he gave that said, 'tell me what happened, dad?' because not knowing, is so so so much better than the truth.

"It's…" He couldn't start. He couldn't tell his son, he couldn't. He couldn't even believe it himself. How the fuck was he supposed to break his boy's heart any more. "It's your mum Kurt."

"What about her? Does she need us to come pick her up?" But Kurt knew it wasn't that. The eyes and the crumpled man and the inability to look him in the face, he knew.

Burt breathed deeply, trying to dry his eyes, but failing, didn't move his head. He didn't raise it too look at his son. Because he couldn't. Because… "She's gone, Kurt. She was in an accident."

Eight year old eyes just looked at his father with confusion, and wanting him to say that no, he was just lying and that she'd be home in five minutes time with pizza. But the punch line didn't come and Burt didn't stop crying and he still wouldn't look in his son's eyes. And then it hit him. His mum was gone. She was gone gone gone to a place where Kurt would never see her again and she would never tuck him in at bed time again and she would never wipe away the tears he had shed. And she would never tell him that he could ring Blaine now because he'd finished his dinner and she would never tell him again to eat his carrot and peas.

Never again would he feel his mother's gentle touch or perfect kiss on his sore finger. There would never be another sweep back of his hair on school picture day or wash his hair after a big day. He would never hear the words 'I love you' come from her mouth again. He would never feel truly at home in the embrace of her fragrance. She was gone. She was never coming back.

And somehow, Kurt had made it up into his room. But he couldn't move to the bed. It's like somehow, his legs had carried him away from the one person who would understand loss, but wouldn't move him towards the place he might feel a little bit safer.

But no. He was slunk against his door and his room smelt of perfume. His mummy had cleaned his room just this afternoon. And everything was in its place and she had spritzed her eu de perfume before she had closed the door to go do the grocery shopping. And now that he was there all he could do was cry cry cry. And somehow, no matter how many times he would wipe away his tears with his little unscathed eight year old fingers, the cheek would just keep becoming all damp and shiny and salty again. And there was no one else to wipe away the tears or scare him out of hiccups. So he cried and he cried and he shed tear after tear at every thought and memory until he fell asleep. And he couldn't really dream properly because he was still crying. You weren't supposed to cry in your dreams were you? Weren't dreams supposed to be happy? And who would scare away the nightmares now? And he woke up in the morning still slumped on the floor, somehow his body had moved down over the night and his back was sore sore sore. And he was about to get up and to ask his mummy to rub some Deep-Heat on it before he remembered why he had fallen asleep there and why nobody had come in to fix it.

His mummy was gone gone gone. And she was never coming back.

And then he remembered Blaine (what a silly time to remember other things he knew) and how he was supposed to call him last night, and how sad Blaine must be feeling because they didn't have their best friend talks.

But then Kurt snapped out of his mind zone and went downstairs to wake his daddy from where he fell asleep on the couch. And he still won't look at him.

And Kurt knows that on that day where he lost his mummy, he also lost his daddy, and his best friend.

Because his daddy hates his eyes and his smile and the way he is Kurt. Because he was supposed to be Dakota and Burt's Kurt, and not just Burt's.

And his best friend would just never understand and Kurt can't handle trying to keep something else alive when everything is just so ruined.

But most of all, Kurt can't handle not having cuddles and kisses from anyone.

And he knew that he was sad before, but that was when he really truly felt his heart break and his world tremble and everything, everything, everything go wrong and bad and every synonym a young boy who just lost his whole life can think of.

~~~OOO~~~

"It took a long long time for my daddy to be able to look at me in the eyes after my mummy died." He brought himself back to reality, drying the corners of his eyes. "And when he did, I asked him why he didn't look at me for those months after my mummy died. And he told me that he couldn't look at me because every time he did, he saw my heart breaking. Because I didn't have a mum, and my daddy couldn't take the heartbreak of his son as well as himself so he just tried to forget about me, even though he couldn't" And he knew he wasn't making much sense.

"I think I just reminded him too much of everything he had lost on that day and he didn't want to be reminded of that every single day." He felt his daughter's stare. "Is this making sense to you?"

"Sort of. You were both very very sad. And you should have been, because it would be horrible and not right to lose your mummy and for Grandpa Burt to lose his wife."

He could have cried. "And at the same time, I should have stayed in touch with my best friend because he would have helped me the most, but I just couldn't. Because he wasn't going to come back and make everything okay and that's what I needed the most."

But when he did start being able to look me in the eyes again he told me that he had wished he had sung me this song that night that she had died. And is it okay if I sing it to you now?

She still seemed confused, hell she had every right too. Why the fuck was he unloading his past, one he swore he'd keep away from her, at this moment.

And then he remembered the way his day had turned out and holy fuck what had happened and he started shedding salty water and Katie looked like she felt so so useless.

And somehow through his tears, he continued to sing that song in his pretty voice, "now love, I'm only, telling you this, because, life, can do terrible things to you."

And then he sang a little bit of the song Burt had once sung to him, the night everything died.

"When I see your smile
Tears run down my face
I can't replace
And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one

And as he was singing the song to his daughter, he couldn't help but think of a time when he and Blaine had sung this too each other. When they'd promised they'd always love and support the other. And this act of remembrance brought so much more meaning into his song.

I will never let you fall(let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all(though it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven"

And as he finished he let Katie take in the words and to see something cross her face, but for the first time in forever he couldn't figure it out. So he let her sit there with that look in her eyes to match whatever was in Kurt's eyes before he could continue.

A/N: The song is "My Guardian Angel"- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.