A/N: Sorry guys, I had the biggest bout of writers block for this. And I'm still not entirely happy with this, but I just felt the urge to publish something, to let you and I both know that I haven't given up on this fic. Pretty please read and review. And enjoy.

~~~OOO~~~

Katie sat still, watching her daddy think about things she would never know, waiting for him to continue, to tell her where her other daddy was, and why he looked so so so sad. But Kurt still couldn't bring himself to speak the words he needed to. Because he needed Blaine to help him. Because Blaine had always helped him.

~~~OOO~~~

But now all he could think about was Blaine. Always Blaine, who he'd promised, that spring morning in a marquee set up in Central Park that he would love Blaine forever and ever until the world stopped beating and the waves stopped fighting and the wind stopped searching. And there were a mountain of memories that was just Kurt and Blaine that no matter what would never leave. Despite anything and everything that had ever happened.

Like the emptiness Kurt had felt when Blaine and he had simply stopped. When his mother was dead and his father regretted him and he went through his every day with no smile on his face, but with tear stains on his cheeks. And nobody ever thought to ask him what was really truly wrong, because they all just thought it had been losing Dakota, when really, it was something and everything more.

It was the emptiness he felt when he woke up to the sunlight. It was the way the eight, then nine then thirteen year old felt that he did not deserve the happiness of the sun to wake him in the morning, because happiness had left his own life when he was so young.

It was the way he made friends with girls like Mercedes Jones and Rachel Berry, whom he loved to absolute pieces, but who were just simply, not Blaine.

It was the way he watched Finn Hudson's lips from across the classroom and feel an uncomfortable feeling in his pants when he turned thirteen, or the dreams he had when he awoke in a mess and was too scared to do anything, when really, his mind had been going wild with thoughts of Finn and Blaine and Leonardo Di Caprio when he was young. And it was strange, because they were being taught that it was normal for boys to dream about girls in such a way (for surely, the happiness he felt when he'd woken had to be a dream), but it was weird, because it was always always always boys and faceless men in his dreams, and he meant to ask somebody, but he couldn't.

Because it was the way that nobody understood him. Because he couldn't talk to anybody because, he lived in Ohio and everyone was close minded and so set in stone and so much everything he hated.

But most of all, it was the way the thunder clapped on dark dreary nights, where he longed for a mother-made hot chocolate to share with his best friend as his father told them stories of 'when I was a young boy'.

~~~OOO~~~

By the time he was fifteen, Kurt had finally understood the meaning behind the dreams where men excited him, where women were supposed to. And his father descended into his basement room and he muttered, "Dad, I'm gay."

And his father had known. Because maybe it was the way he had dressed up in his mother's clothes, even after he'd forgotten she had died, and all the cooking he did, and the make-up he wore because it made him feel closer to the person who made everything better. But it didn't matter. Because his father knew the truth, and he himself finally knew the truth.

But he couldn't help but think how much he'd wished he could have talked his confusion out with the boy who knew him better than anything. He hadn't told Mercedes anything about his confusion. Mainly because she had developed a crush on him, but mostly because he just couldn't. At first that was, to be honest, she was the first person he had ever 'come out to'. He just didn't think she understood him to the same extent Blaine Anderson should and would have. Maybe though, it was because Blaine always had a recurring position in many of Kurt's 'wet dreams' , as his father had explained to him, one on of the many occasions he had attempted 'the talk' with him. But Kurt never listened when he had tried, merely stuck his fingers in his ears and sung 'la la la.'

So he sat down one night, when he couldn't sleep because he was starting to get harassed for his clothes again, took a piece of pretty paper and a pen and wrote a letter to Blaine, saying all the things he had wished he could say to him right now.

Dear Blaine.
How are you now? Are you still smiling the smile that made the nightmares go away? Are you still eating yummy bread? Have you climbed to the top of the world yet, like I knew you always would? Have you fallen in love and fallen in hate? Have you cried much? I know I have. But I just want to know, are you happy? Because you, always you, of all people deserve to be happy. Sometimes when I was sad, I would think about you and your hands in mine, and I would remember all the times we conquered the eight year old world together with matching smiles on our faces. And I wonder if you still wear that smile, even when I can't. Maybe I should tell you why I'm not telling you this in your chalet in France or even over the phone.

Because, the reason I stopped calling is because the world ate me up and told me I couldn't be happy. Because my mummy died and my daddy couldn't look at me and you were an ocean away and couldn't hold me in the night. And I was eight, and so empty and I look back and realize how sad and not right it was that I could be so young and so broken. Because you should have been there to put me back together and I should have let you. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I hate you for leaving, when really I hate myself more for pushing you away.

I just want to let you know that I'm not happy. Because I'm gay, not that that matters, but it does because the world doesn't seem to like it. Dad's okay with it, but it's not the same. And, well, I guess the point is that, I figured that I should tell my best friend forever about it, because he deserves to know. And yes, you're still my best friend forever and always because really, I dream about you every night, and the smiles we should have had and what we'd be doing now if you were here in Lima or I was there in Paris.

Do you miss me like I miss you? Because I never once stopped missing you Blainey, and I want you to know that. I always love you.

Your Kurt.

He was so absorbed in the writing on the page and the tears streaming down his face, he didn't hear the opening of the door or the descent of footsteps on the stairs, not until his father stood over him and saw tears on his face.

"Kurt…"" he looked and sounded extremely worried. "Are you – what's? – Is everything okay?"

But Kurt couldn't respond, because everything was crashing and he didn't know what he was supposed to think because God, how the fuck did his life turn out so shit.

"Kurt, I need you to tell me what's wrong. Why are you – Why are you crying? Who are you writing to?"

"Blaine."

They let the word hang over in the air. Because, since the night Dakota had passed, they had never spoken about him, even though he was always on Kurt's mind.

"Why – What – Why are you writing to Blaine, Kurt?"

"Because he's the only one that ever understood it all dad, even when we were little and innocent so naïve it hurts. And I know he would know about it all now. And I miss him. And he'll never get this letter, but that doesn't matter. Because I miss him so much and I wish he was here instead of there and it's not fair that everyone always leaves me. Like Blaine and mom and you and everyone else. It's not fair dad, and I'm sick of the taunting and teasing and the empty nights and the blank but pretentious looks from everybody because they don't like who I am. And I don't like who I am dad. And Blaine would have understood." And he couldn't stop himself, the tears streamed down his face and chokes echoed throughout the basement and yet his father remained silent.

"Kurt, why didn't you tell me that? All these feelings you hold up down here."

"Because you would never listen. You couldn't even look at me for two years, how the fuck was I supposed to tell you all of that without you I don't even know. I just couldn't dad."

Burt looked taken aback, Kurt had never sworn in front of him, but right now, he didn't even care.

"I'm sorry Kurt. I'm so so sorry." And he enveloped Kurt in the hug that apologised for the months he couldn't look into his baby blue eyes or listen to his pearly laugh because he hated the memories. And it was apologising for the slight disappointment in his sexuality. And it was an 'everything will be okay Kurt, no matter who you love, I'll never stop loving you' hug. It was a hug that brought forgiveness and sorrow and sweet yet bitter memories and the love they were sorry they never brought about.

And hey, his dad was crying now. Well, that was new.

"I know that maybe's not the right time for this, but I want you to know, that I'm seeing someone."

But Kurt looked taken aback, how the hell had they gotten to this so quickly?

"You remember Carol that you introduced me to?" Kurt nodded. "Well, I've started to drive her to work, and well, she's something Kurt. Let me tell you that, she's really really something."

But Burt wasn't expecting the radiating and beautiful Kurt to appear on his son's face he hadn't seen since Kurt and Blaine had spent the night with the sugar bowl and Disney Princess movies all night. And that made Burt smile and tear up again.

And through his own tears, Kurt muttered, "I'm so happy for you dad. I really – really am."

And he was. Because his dad, of all people, as well as Blaine of course, deserved to smile because they felt the love to make it through the night.

And his dad could have read his thoughts.

"One day soon Kurt, you'll find a boy that makes you smile that smile every moment of the day."

"Thanks Dad"

~~~OOO~~~

"I'm sorry Katie; I keep avoiding the thing I keep trying to tell you. But do you understand how much it's making me so sad to even think about it?"

For as a five year old, she was incredibly intelligent, a mix of Kurt and Blaine's brain topped with curly black hair with baby blue eyes. The perfect combination of everything.

She just took his hand.

"I know daddy, but please tell me. I love you."

And he whispered the words in her ears and watched the fat tears roll down her cheeks, and at the same moment they both whispered the same two words to themselves, to the world.

"I'm sorry."

And Katie sat in Kurt's lap and he let her hair dry his tears, and his shirt soon became completely soaked in five year old sorrow because of the words that broke her heart.

Because the world was the cruellest of cruel places. And it was no place for young hearts to break. But fate just sort of seemed to hate them all, didn't he.