A/N: I don't own IZ... If I did I would be richer and be an episode.
-this would
Bride of Doom Chapter 3
Zim paced impatiently. What was taking so long? Did Gir switch the program to animal planet? He wished time would go by faster... He wished he could fast forward to the vows. Zim started to think about Dib. What was he going to do about that pig-stink? He decided he can't kill him, not if he wanted to get some action from Gaz on the honeymoon. But he can't have him running loose and ruinning stuff... That's it! He'll just tie Dib up to the tree where he ties up Gir. Brilliant! Sighing he decided that evil plotting was hungry work and went to get a snack. Hopefully the Tallest won't notice if he took just a little something.
"Drop those cookies, Zim!" Red yelled scaring Zim.
"Uh, it's...not, I was just going to..." Zim froze seeing Red and tried not to explode from laughter. There in the doorway, wearing a floral print house-dress and apron with a red marylin monroe wig to complete it, was almighty tallest Red.
"Just going to ruin your appetite!" Red pointed an accusing finger. Zim was now snorting, trying to surpress his laugh. He knew for the next hour they would act a little strange, it's only to be expected when an invader must learn another culture's ways and blend in. But this was too much! Even the computer had to mute itself so it could laugh. But there was more.
"You're just going to have to wait like your poor PapaPurple." That did it. Zim was in the floor having an epileptic fit from the ruler's humiliation. "And stop getting your invader's uniform dirty!"
Finally getting a breath in, Zim went out to the living room to be greeted by another just as disturbing scene. Purple wearing a purple cardigan, slacks and loafers, with a greyish wig that was styled simmiler to Zim's. He was sitting in a recliner, which Zim never noticed before, while reading the newspaper and smoking a pipe. Zim would laugh but now he was a little scared.
"Damn Yankees." Purple shook his head, noticing Zim., "There you are son!"
"Uh..I'm not your son..." Zim started to back against the wall.
"I know that, just a a term of enderment. Wanna throw a dead pig around?" Purple pulled a football out of nowhere.
"N-no, I just remember I need to be somewhere!" Zim dashed to the door finding it locked.
"Yes, How clueless of me." Purple slapped his forehead then pulled hout a wallet and gave Zim a $10, which not even I the writer know where he got. "Buy that girl some candy too. What's a movie without snacks?"
"Be home before dark, Zim, there are hungry hobos out there." Zim heard Red's voice calling out from the kitchen. "And no movies over the rating pg-13, you hear me young man?" Zim didn't answer, he jumped out the window and ran away.
"To think, yesterday he was destroying half the planet, now he has a little girlfriend... they grow up so fast." Red sighed.
"I thought he fell down a well?" Gir looked confused, not remembering, well, anything but stuff he makes up in his head. "Then the squirrel came and danced and I was like 'yeahyeahyeah' and then we had to be quite becuase big-headed boy was hunting Master, but he found the bunny..." Gir went on and on till he was put in a small pet carrier.
"Whew, that was close.." Zim wiped off his brow. At least he was up $10. He decided just to walk around town until he came to some sort of junction. There were people with signs and they were chanting and singing, "Let the lizard live, let the lizard go." What was odd was Gaz's voice seemed to be one of them. It was not a happy singing voice, more like a "you'll shall die for making me sing" voice.
Now I know what you're thinking... Gaz in a protest to save something's life? Singing? Why have you betrayed us, writer-person? But the past few years have been long and strange, and she had her reasons. She was still more goth than anything, but now she was a contridiction. A goth hippie. Zim stared at the violet-haired beauty, thinking of the cold and noticing she only had one denim jacket on. It was her favorite, she custom-made it, on the back was a picture of a skull with a rose in it's mouth. She was currently wearing a pair of torn jeans and a black tank top with a peace symbol on it. Her long hair was earlier in a ponytail but must've fallen during her march.
As cold as it was, Gaz wasn't really paying attention. Strange as it may seem she was focused on saving that mutated iguana in her father's lab, which was created by her father, and about to be destroyed by her father. A few months earlier, she probally wouldn't have cared, but she had to get a job as her father's lab assistant to pay for medical bills of some kid she beat up... whiner. In the middle of all these cute, fluffy animals was a small, green, spikey lizard. Is anyone surprised it became her favorite? Then her father found some preserved DNA of a raptor. It could not be cloned but it could be fused with something, and little Spike, which turned out to be a girl, grew larger and larger, and so did her teeth and claws. Gaz fed, and petted, and played with it from day one, and tried to tell her father that replacing her with a 'jurassic expert' or something may not go over so well with Spike, but did he listen? Noooo, and now there's a jurassic expert in a coma, but who cares, there's only one Spike! And he was going to kill her because of his stupidity.
She hadn't talked to her father since, and she moved in with Dib. Even though Dib was stupid, overprotective,annoying, sucked, and couldn't play video games worth squat at least he would admit when he screwed up. If he didn't he'd get the crap beaten out of him. Dib agreed Spike shouldn't be treated like this, it could help science solve some questions about cryptozooligy, he still didn't want her protesting. Made him look like the poster boy for sanity. But his disaproval added fuel to the fire.
'Hhmmmm... this could just be the chance I was waiting for." Zim thought. He licked his gloved hands and slicked his wig back, then kicked and punched and bit through the crowd to Gaz. Once he was in five feet he froze like a deer in the headlights. She was too busy to notice him, trying to rile the crowd, eyes burning like a tiger's and her hair falling in her face. She was also too busy too notice a man on the roof aiming a gun at her. Zim jumped on her forcing her to the ground as the sound emitted and the crowd ran away in panic.
"THE MAN'S TRYING TO OFF US, RUN!" Most were shouting. Zim looked around to the now almost empty street thankful he wasn't stampeded across, when he heard grunts from under him, forgeting he was on top of Gaz. Blushing, he jumped up and helped her to her feet.
"Why the hell did you do that?" Gaz demanded.
"To get out of the line of fire, dumb worm-baby." Zim normally wouldn't insult her, but if that was gratitude then fine.
"No, I mean do anything at all? At first I thought you were, Dib." She said bending down picking something up. Zim's squidily-spooch tightened at the thought she was hoping for the Dib-filth and not him.
"Yes, who wouldn't want a big-headed moron saving the day instead of Zim?" Zim snarked.
"Don't pout, Zim, you know what I mean. Dib was the only person I could think of that would be stupid enough to shove me in concrete 'to save me'." She smirked examining the objoct off the ground.
"Er... I was pushed, yes, Zim was pushed on you. I didn't try to save you, or think how great you looked under Zim, so get over yourself, delicous Gaz-human!" He crossed his arms sticking his toungue out.,
"So, uh, can't believe you were nearly assasinated over a stupid lizard." He straightened himself up.
"Spike is not just some stupid lizard... And nobody tried to assasinate me. That was my dad, see, this is just a tranquilaser." Gaz handed him the small dart.
"Wait... that's still pretty F'd-up!"
"Not for me, he use to do that to me and Dib since we were little, when we threw tantrums or refused to take medicine." She rolled her eyes, remembering a time when her father took time took a few minutes from work to check on them. Even if he did treat them like science experiments. Zim rubbed the back of his neck in the akward silence.
"Do you like arcade games?" Zim looked at her a little hopeful. He knew she liked video games, but arcade games can be different.
"Yes..." She looked at him cautiously.
"Wanna go play house of the dead 2player?" He asked confident.
"No..." his attenae dropped under his wig. ," I was just shoved in the freezing ground, by a crazed-alien, because my dad tried to hit me with a tranq-dart and I might lose my pet by tomorrow... we're playing carnival of evil." Gaz snuffed as Zim held his arm out like a gentleman and led her to the arcade.