A/N: Good news, i managed to find internet for the week so i'll be able to update ! i won't update as often as i was used to but i'll update anyway.
Warning : This chapter contains really dark and shocking themes. If you're sensitive don't read it. I haven't put much details but it's enough to picture shocking things.
Hope you'll enjoy this chapter anyway !
=)
Chapter9:
They climbed a dune and sat behind. There was no one there, they sat down on the sand and Puck wondered how to begin his story.
"You remember when I told you that my cell-mate had beaten me up on first day ?" Kurt nodded quietly.
"Actually, he was not a bad guy, he had done that to show me what to expect from the rest of the guys here. During this day, Max, he was kind of the boss, wanted to see me. My cell mate had told me that I was lucky if he liked me, and he did so I was kind of glad, thinking that I'd be spared. I had never been this wrong in my life."
Even if it was just the beginning of the story it was relieving to talk about it. Yet there was something in his throat that didn't want to let the words slip outside.
"My cell mate had told me that I had to go and see Max after dinner. It was still the first day. When I reached his cell for the first time Max smiled at me, it was almost a tender smile and I really thought he would be nice to me."
Tears began to come down from his eyes. Kurt put a hand on Puck's shoulder to give him courage.
"He called me "nice lips", I told him not to call me that, that my name was Puck. It was the first and last time that I dared talking to him this way. He was standing in front of me, still smiling and he told me to give him head. I told him the fuck I wouldn't. He was still smiling and he kept on smiling when he grabbed a razor blade and cut my torso. He then forced me to give him head and I … I couldn't fight against him, there were the other guys around, there was nothing else I could do."
Puck was panicking at the only memory of the scene.
" I know there was nothing you could do. Don't worry it's over now." But for Puck it wasn't over. It would not be over until he would have told the whole story.
"When I went back to my cell I puked my guts out, I felt so dirty it was disgusting. My cell mate put some bandages on my torso and told me that I couldn't hope getting a better place and that it was worth better than being beaten up everyday. I'd have dreamed to be beaten instead of that." Puck exclaimed tears still escaping from his eyes.
"The following days I didn't hear of Max. I wasn't beaten up either but my cell mate was, so I guess I was somehow protected by Max. First, I thought it had been just rite of passage, that I would be left alone for the rest of my sentence. Yet, on the fourth day I was called again in Max's cell. I didn't know how to behave, either I fought like the first time, but there was a chance of being hurt and I knew that in the end he would do what he wanted to. Or I could let him do but it was like giving my consent and I couldn't. When I reached his cell for the second time he smiled at me and told me that he … that he had missed me. I hadn't made my choice concerning my behavior. He removed my shirt and he … he licked the scar he had made. He told me that he had never seen anyone to whom the scars suited better. He was fuckin' turned on by it ! It meant that if I decided to fight I gave him pleasure, there was no right choice. So I decided not to fight, when he asked me to give him head, I just did to puke my guts after. I was sick of it, while I didn't see him I was almost glad to have this place, I saw my cell mate being beaten up everyday."
"Yet the third time he called me, he was angry and when he saw I didn't fight he hurt my chest again. I still didn't fight since I knew that's what he wanted. But when he saw my torso bleeding the psycho was fuckin' aroused ! And this time he wanted more from me than just to give him head."
Kurt had tears in his eyes as he listened to Puck, he hugged his friend tightly. It felt good to Puck. Good because when it happened he had no shoulder to lean on and Kurt being here exorcised everything. At least, that was what Puck hoped.
" I tried to escape, I tried to fight, I tried everything I could but they were stronger and bigger than me and the more I fought, the more the bastard cut me. In the end he did it and I … I … I thought he was killing me. They had put some clothes in my mouth to gag me so I couldn't scream, I could barely breathe. He spoke to me while he did it, he spoke tenderly but was so violent it was torture. When he was done I collapsed on the floor and I woke up in my bed. The pain was so terrible I couldn't even move."
Puck was crying hard at the thought of the feeling he had when he had woken up.
"But no one ever helped you ? You never complained ?" Kurt asked.
"Max, he told me that if I told anyone he would make my life a living hell. I told him that it was already hell but he told me that this had nothing to do with hell. There was something very threatening in his eyes and I didn't want to test his version of hell."
"And how many times did he..." Kurt didn't seem to be able to pronounce the word.
"Rape me ? Three times. The last time was the worst since he knew I was leaving he wanted me to remember of him."
" I'm so sorry Puck I … there are no words to say how sorry I feel for you" Kurt said crying. He hugged Puck tighter and they both cried for a while.
"Can you do something ?" Puck asked.
"Of course I can." Kurt answered.
"Can you call me Noah ? He... He was always calling me Puck and made fun of it while he was... I just can't stand it anymore." Puck explained. Kurt nodded. They remained silent for a little while before Puck broke the silence again.
" I got... I got tested last week, just in case, you know, he gave me something. I'll have the results tomorrow at the clinic."
"Will you want me to come with you ?" Kurt asked comforting.
"Yes please, I don't wanna see them alone." Puck answered. Silence settled again between the two of them. "Was it worse ?" Puck asked finally.
"Worse than what ?" Kurt asked a bit lost.
"Worse than what you pictured in your head. You said you pictured the worst." Kurt's lips shook at the question.
"No, wh... what I pictured was heaven compared to what you lived" He admitted.
"I knew you were too innocent to even imagine half of it." Puck tried vainly to smile at his friend.
"But Noah, how could you possibly say that I was braver than you ? I'd have killed myself at the end of the first day. And you, you just went through it and you can still smile and laugh. You're the bravest man I ever met and not the contrary." Puck's heart filled with warm at these words.
" I think I'd have killed myself if I had stayed in Lima. I mean, there was no way I would talk about it to anyone. And I knew that you had always hidden everything we did to you. So I just thought that if you managed to bottle everything up, I could too. Then I went back home with the certainty I could live with it and learned that you had given up. Everything collapsed, I thought that, if you didn't tell me where you were for me to leave too, I just had to give up but not in this way."
Puck tried to fight the tears in his eyes but they showed up anyway. They stayed silent for a while, just listening to the sound of the sea.
"That's why you reacted that way to what happened yesterday night ?" Kurt asked finally.
"I always thought that pressuring people wasn't right, I never pressured any girl. I was about to storm in your room to tell him to stop, you know. But then you did I don't know what and he stopped talking and moaned." Kurt blushed instantly.
"So I thought that it wasn't the right time. Seriously Kurt promise me you won't do it if you're not ready. Even if I know Keith won't hurt you on purpose, it will hurt you if you're not ready and I wish you'd never have to suffer half what I suffered." Puck said looking Kurt in his eyes.
" I promise you." Kurt said in a weak voice.
"Whatever he tells you, and if he wants to force you into anything you come to me I'll protect you. I'm sorry Kurt I really liked Keith but I don't trust him anymore." Kurt had tears in his eyes.
"He wouldn't hurt me, he was just frustrated. Don't hate him for that he's really good to me."
"Anyway I'll hear if he tries anything." Puck said standing up. Kurt followed his move and stood up as well, he hugged Puck tightly.
"I'm really sorry for what happened to you Noah." He simply said, and Puck let himself go into the hug.
The rest of the day went better, everyone went swimming and playing. And if anyone noticed any change in Kurt or Puck's behavior they didn't show it. When it was five in the afternoon they decided to go back home and hopped into Sarah's car.
When they got home, Keith was already there, he immediately wrapped Kurt in his arms but Puck didn't think that it was cute anymore.