A/N: Thank you to reviewers!
When Sai, Anko, and Itachi met the three stunned brunettes on the path, Sai proudly declared them all rotten eggs and took Neji aside.
"Neji," He said, in a low voice bordering on a whisper. "Next time you see Kisame, I want you to use your byakugan and see if he has two penises. Alright?"
Neji drew away from Sai -smiling like the fools Neji was destined to spend eternity with- in disgust. "The byakugan is not to be used for such things!" He whispered in a shocked tone.
"Okay!" Sai sang, and walked back to the group.
Neji stared from Sai to Itachi, shook his head, and decided he was better off not knowing what provoked Sai to ask him for such a favor and how such a person could get Uchiha Itachi to join their group without any violence or blackmail... that anyone knew of.
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After Sai unsealed the three scrolls from his own, then sealed the two into one, he handed the scroll with the tent and other two scrolls sealed in it to Itachi and the entire group was on their way. When they first set foot in the camp; Sai, Anko, Neji, Shikamaru, and Tenten were barraged with questions but Anko only smiled, Sai would answer in an infuriating fashion that only gave you more questions and less answers, and the three brunettes had missed it all as they slowly walked to the cave. No one dared ask Itachi, and when they all set out he walked beside Hinata and Shino in the peace that only the two currently most quiet could provide. Hinata because she's shy, Shino cause he's just cool like that.
Once again, Sai, at the head of the group, stopped. "We are going to get our next member. I will need Kakashi, Itachi, Sakura, Hinata, and Kiba with Akamaru to accompany me. Kiba and Akamaru will lead, then me and Itachi, then Kakashi as back-up negotiator and the impressive presence, then Hinata and Sakura as back-up defense and medic."
The chosen members fell into order as Sai gave the order for the rest to make camp. Sai returned to the front of the group, and patted Akamaru on the head.
"Akamaru, you will need to smell the scent of three dead bodies. Well, two and one half-dead. Hm. Well, just sniff out two dead bodies and another scent: dead, alive, or inbetween." Sai instructed the dog. Akamaru waved his tail, so Sai assumed that he understood and knew what to do.
"Kiba, whatever you sniff or Akamaru catches scent of that you think is important, relay it back to me, okay? Oh, and if you smell a bunch of dead bodies, bloody or not, please tell me."
Kiba nodded, seriously taking his role as the guide of the pack. Behind Kakashi, Sakura sighed.
"W-w-what is the matter, S-S-Sakura-san?" Hinata stuttered.
"Are we on a corpse hunt?" Sakura loudly complained so Sai could overhear. He only smiled, and turned his face back to the path.
"Let's go!" He said, and they started out.
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As the others made camp, Ino and Naruto loudly complained to each other about being left behind, while the forgotten Shino lonesomely watched from behind a tree.
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"We're picking up the scent of corpses that aren't quite dead." Said Kiba. Sai smiled.
"Head in that direction." He ordered. The group, flying through the trees, changed direction and quickened their pace. Finally, the forest opened onto another road, on which walked two men dragging a corpse that left a bloody trail.
"Huh?" Kiba said. "I thought there'd be half-dead people." Sai could only smile.
"They are half-dead, Kiba. Isn't that right, Itachi?" He said.
"Hn."
"Everybody, stop here. Sakura, Hinata, Kiba, and Akamaru: you stay behind." Sai motioned for Itachi and Kakashi to follow him, and jumped down onto the road, in front of the two travelers. Like Itachi, they both wore the Akatsuki robes.
"What the hell?" Exclaimed the silver-haired one with the bare chest and rosary around his neck. He was clearly the younger one of the two.
"Itachi." The older man greeted the Uchiha. He was wearing a mask and Suna-esque headcloth, and was quite calm opposite his partner's excitable demeanor.
"Kakuzu." Itachi responded.
"Hello, Kakazu-san!" Sai said, as cheerily as was possible with one of his uniform smiles. "We're here for Hidan: I'll pay you to let us borrow him for an adventure!"
"Hey, you shithead, what do you need me for?" Hidan yelled. Sai turned to him, still smiling.
"A human meat shield." He said.
"What?" Cried Hidan.
"We're going on an adventure to rescue Uchiha Sasuke. You're a vital part to the quest -we need someone to take all the deaths and then pop back up again. You do know how to die in a heroic fashion, don't you?" Said Sai.
"I don't die, fucking moron! I'm an immortal badass!"
"Badass. Well, we can work with that. How much?" Sai asked Kakuzu.
"How much do you have?" Kakuzu clearly didn't want to spend anymore time with Hidan, and was overjoyed that someone was willing to buy Hidan off of him.
"Here." Sai handed Kakuzu a pouch of money, and turned to leave. "Hidan, please follow behind Kakashi-sensei and Itachi."
"I'm not going with you, you bastard!"
"Hidan, go with them or next time your body pieces get severed, I won't sew them back together again."
"And Itachi's with us. You better listen to Itachi." Sakura helpfully called out from the trees.
"Hn." Itachi said.
"I'm not going!" Hidan yelled.
"As our meat shield, you will experience-" Sai began.
"A shitload of pain?" Suddenly, Hidan seemed as excited as Naruto getting treated to ramen.
"Ah, yes. A... shitload of pain." Said Sai.
"Okay, what the hell, couldn't hurt." Hidan chuckled at his pun. "Who's this Sasuke kid, anyway? Itachi's kid brother? The one from his clan he killed? (Hn. What other clan do I have?) Shit! That guy got screwed! Way to go, Itachi! Definitely this year's number one big brother!"
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As the others finished setting up camp, Naruto and Ino complained to the others about being left behind, well Shino sighed and poked at the fire with a stick, wishing his teammates were here.
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"Uh, Sai-san, are you sure about this? I mean, two Akatsuki members? Won't they attack us in our sleep or rob us blind, or something?" Tenten asked Sai.
"Hn." Itachi seemed amused.
"Hell no! Don't want none of your crap... although I may sacrifice you to Jashin. Hmm... would you prefer to be sacrificed in your sleep, or while your awake? I wonder what the scriptures say about that... I'm sure there's something in there about it. Ah, fuck it."
Sai gripped Tenten's shoulders and stared very seriously in her eyes. "Tenten-chan. Everyone on this adventure has a purpose: these two serve a very important role. To not have them with us would be to not have you with us. This adventure would be a failure."
"Huh? I'm needed?" Tenten asked.
"Yes." Sai said with a smile, not telling her that Tenten was possibly the most important of them all.
Sai let go of Tenten and walked back to Itachi and Hidan. "Itachi-san, Hidan-san, I suppose I should tell you of your role too, as we are nearing Sasuke. Itachi, you are Sasuke-bait. Also, try to spend some qaulity time with your brother. Hidan, don't let Sasuke kill Itachi. Don't kill anyone of our group. We'll let you sacrifice the enemies we encounter to Jashin, okay?"
Hidan happily nodded, but Itachi didn't seem too satisfied with his role. Oh well, he'd play a good role in the redemption line... if they ever got that far. Sasuke did become a missing nin all so he could kill Itachi. But that was nothing a little adventure couldn't fix!
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"No."
"But it's an adventure!"
"No."
"We have Itachi."
"Where? Where's Itachi?" Sai merely smiled at Sasuke and the rest of Team Hebi.
"I won't tell you unless you swear on the name of Uchiha that you won't try to kill him until after the adventure."
"Yeah, yeah. Where's Itachi?"
"Do you swear?"
"Yes, I swear! Where is Itachi?" Sasuke's brows furrowed in annoyance.
"Foolish little brother." Itachi said, appearing inbetween Sai and Sasuke.
"Itachi! I will kill you!"
"But you swore, so save it for later, okay?" Sai asked, smiling. "Meat-shield, please remain inbetween these two at all times."
Hidan moved inbetween Sasuke and Itachi as Sai took the scroll of Sasuke's back, unsealed the other scroll, and handed it to Sasuke.
"Here you go, Sasuke-san! There's a pair of winter boots and a scarf and your rations... all ramen I'm afraid."
Sasuke scowled. "That Dobe..." He muttered. Sai's ears perked up.
"Oh, dobe? Is that Naruto's nickname? What is your nickname then?"
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"Teme! Get your hands off Sakura-chan! Dattebayo!"
"Dobe, she's got her hands on me." Sasuke wheezed, Sakura forgetting her strength in her excitement at seeing Sasuke. Already he seemed more like that Sasuke she'd known in her genin squad, and she didn't hesitate to greet him. Maybe Sai's plan would work?
"So Sasuke's nickname is Teme? Hag, Dobe, and Teme...?" Sakura immediately let go of Sasuke to punch Sai to the ground.
"Hmph." She said, and dusted her hands off.
Sai rubbed his cheek, where Karin had punched him earlier for daring to take her "Sasuke-kun" away without inviting her. Suigetsu seemed to care less, but Juugo had almost transformed until Sasuke took him away to speak privately. The girl had overreacted way too much, and Sai stopped smiling for a few days as the pain of Sakura and Karin's punch wore away from his cheek.
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As the group trudged through the dirt roads of the countryside, Shino frustratedly stood at the very back of the group where Naruto and Ino -heedless of his presence right behind them- made mutinous complaints against their leader at his having chosen Hidan, Itachi, Hinata, and Kakashi to accompany him to get Sasuke and once again ignoring the two of them.
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"Well, Sai, we've been walking for three days. What's next?" Kakashi asked. "The action better start soon, Sakura had to stitch both of Hidan's arms back together again this morning."
"Don't worry, Itachi and Sasuke will not kill each other." Sai said. "It's because of their sharing a tent that we have Hidan with us -without the numerous assasination attempts, he'd get bored and betray us so he could feel the pain of our attacks. And we need him for when someone needs to heroically die."
Kakashi still looked uneasy. "As for action, we'll be getting to that around lunchtime..." Sai mysteriously said, leaving his sensei to stare at his back in lazy annoyance. Kakashi sighed, whipped out his Icha Icha book, and got lost in a world of perverse fantasies.
Sai joined Anko at the front and walked steadily with her, keeping a conversation with her that made the few that overheard pale and Neji hasten to keep Hinata away. At lunchtime, they stopped and made a fire by a stream so they could cook and eat their ramen while glaring at an oblivious and quite happy Naruto. Afterwards, they had just enough of a walk to let their stomachs have time to adjust when Sai called the halt.
"We are approaching a town where the Fuedal Lord's youngest daughter is being held in a tower by the bandits who occupy said town and intercepted her as she traveled to an betrothal ceremony. We will need all of Team Kakashi... or Team Seven, Neji, and Anko to go. Shikamaru, I place you in charge. If he falls asleep then it's Itachi's responsibility. Team Eight, please scout the area and look in the distant Eastern range for a very tall mountain and a path leading in that direction?"
"Yes! I'm finally going to get a piece of the action!" Naruto shouted, pumping his fist in the air. Ino scowled.
"How come I can't go?" She asked.
"I need you, beautiful girl, to stay in camp and safe until the time comes when only you will be able to do what I need you to do."
Ino blushed and Sai turned around to leave, finding the requested members eagerly waiting for the next part of the adventure. Naruto impatiently waved him over, and with a smile, Sai obligingly jogged over to his team and their friends.
"We're off! Don't fall asleep, Shikamaru!" Naruto turned to shout when they were almost out of sight.
Kakashi's mask twitched as he joined Sai in smiling. The copy-nin's excellent hearing could already pick out the rough sound of someone snoring.
A/N: I'm so flippin' paranoid... but is Sai OOC? Of course he will be, this is some random idea I got whilst daydreaming and so to actually make it into a story... if I'm at all satisfied with it it will be a miracle. So, on a scale of 1-10 (1 being in character and 10 being identity crisis) how OOC is he?
My excuse is that I only watch the anime for Shippuden and last time I saw Sai he was showing off his curse-mark-free tongue.
Review and make my day? No seriously, you'll make my day. I promise. Review. Now.