A/N: The title of this chapter is very misleading.

Warnings: For those who do not like surprises: slight foreplay and OCC-ness (as always)

"Why didn't you tell me he couldn't hold his liquor?"

"How was I supposed to know? Besides, it's your fault you allowed him to order his own drink!"

"What was I supposed to do? Be a nanny and tell him what he can and can't drink? And it's your fault I even had to go out with him in the first place!"

"Will you pull that stick out of your ass? You're making a big deal out of nothing,"

"How can I even have it when the stick's up your ass at the moment? And it is a big deal, he confessed to me last night,"

"He was drunk; you can't possibly take it seriously,"

The older brother growled before lunging at the younger, pinning him to the floor in front of the couch that was now Matthew's bed. "That may be, but you weren't the one who got molested last night by some drunkard!"

"Get off," Matthew struggled beneath him, but couldn't push Alfred's body away.

"No, you need to hear me out Mattie: I can't keep this up any longer and last night I could've gotten raped!" he hissed into the other's ear.

"How can that be? If anything, you could've raped him…I mean just look at you!" Matthew glared up at his brother.

"You're missing the point – this little soiree-"

"What is going on in here?" Arthur bursted through the door when he heard yelling coming from the other side, only to see that Alfred was on top of Matthew.

"Mr. Kirkland?"

"Crap…" Alfred swore and feigned another sleep attack, falling on top of the photographer.

"Alfred? What's wrong with you? Get off me!" Matthew kicked against the heavy body.

"What do you think you're doing? Help me get him on the couch," the landlord immediately ordered, trying to hoist the unmoving blond onto the furniture.

"Alfred…?" his voice was beginning to lace with worry. He stood up from where he was on the floor and saw that the Englishman was already trying to drag his brother over to the beige couch.

When Arthur noticed that Matthew was just gawking at Alfred, he snapped "Why are you just standing there? He's sleeping,"

"Sleeping?" Matthew eyed the motionless blond and immediately saw the smirk he had on his sleeping face.

Tricky monkey…

"It's alright, just let him lay where he is right now. He'll wake up in a few minutes," the photographer tried to sound polite, kicking the limp body.

Alfred recoiled slightly from the action, but kept his eyes closed, his smirk turning into a frown.

Witnessing the abuse, the landlord quickly pulled Alfred closer to him, embracing him tightly like a mother would to protect her child. "Are you daft? Is this what you do to someone who has narcolepsy?"

Although he was "asleep", Alfred was listening in to the whole conversation and supported Arthur by nuzzling into his chest, smiling.

That's right Mattie, you're so mean!

"So cute…" he heard the landlord mutter under his breath.

Matthew bit his bottom lip in frustration, playing the "bad guy" in this little drama scene. "…Sorry…I uh, I get irritated sometimes by his sudden sleep attacks," he bowed his head slightly in apology.

"It's not his fault," Arthur said softly, running his hand lovingly through Alfred's blond hair.

"I know it's not, but it just strikes at the most unfortunate of times,"

At this, something clicked in Arthur's head and he looked up from Alfred's innocent face to Matthew's amethyst eyes. "Just what was it that you two were doing before I came in?"

Doh…both brothers thought at the same time.

"We were…uh…Alfred was helping me out with my acting," Matthew started slowly, trying to hold his gaze. "You suggested that I should practice someplace outside of my bedroom right? So I thought the living room would have been better…"

"And just what was it that you were rehearsing for?" Arthur genuinely wanted to know what play required Alfred to pin his younger brother down to the floor like that.

Sensing that this was the perfect time for the hero to jump in, Alfred moved around in Arthur's arms to distract him and save Matthew the trouble of coming up with another lie. "Mm, Arthur, is that you?"

The Englishman immediately directed his attention to the awakened blond. "Oh Alfred, you woke up," Although his cheeks were tinged red, his hands still lazily hung around the taller blond's torso.

"Yup! How long was I out?"

"Only a couple of minutes," Matthew answered before Arthur could, walking up to his brother still on the ground. "Shame on you, just when Mr. Kirkland came to visit you,"

"It's not a problem, really," Arthur spoke up, but was silenced when his face was pressed up against Alfred's chest, unable to see anything behind him...or in front of him for that matter.

"I'm so sorry Arthur!" Alfred sounded sad, but upon looking up at his brother he mouthed the words "You owe me big time!" accompanied by a sly wink.

Matthew scowled for a good two seconds, but then his mouth twitched into a small smile when he realized that their little crisis was averted.

"So, was there something you wanted to talk to me about? Or did you just want to see me?" Alfred grinned down towards Arthur, still red in the face.

"I…wanted to apologize for last night…" Arthur dropped his gaze. "I fear that I might have done something I shouldn't have,"

Alfred glowered for only a second. "Do you remember what you did that may have been offensive?"

"Not really, I remembered we went to a restaurant and that I got tipsy…"

You were smashed! Alfred wanted to clarify, but encouraged the man to continue with his false memories.

"And everything else is muddled. When I woke up this morning, I found myself blindfolded and tied to my sofa with the fire hose from the hallway…it must have been really bad, and I want to apologize for all of it,"

"What happened?" Matthew eyed Alfred inquisitively, knowing that it was his older brother who probably did it.

Alfred chuckled nervously while scratching the back of his head. He then hoisted Arthur off his lap and led him to sit on the couch. "Honestly, I had a great time! There's no need to apologize, Arthur…as for that last part of the story, what did happen? I only drove you back to your apartment and opened the door for you,"

"Maybe it was the other tenants who did that to you," Matthew helpfully offered.

"Yeah, after I left the third floor, I could have sworn I heard a lot of noise up there…but I'm sure they did that to make sure you didn't hurt yourself; you were awfully drunk," Alfred took advantage of Arthur's amnesia to distort the story a little to preserve his innocence. "Are you alright though?"

Again, the landlord blushed out of embarrassment for not being able to hold his liquor and admitted "I still have a slight hangover, and my back hurts for some reason,"

Maybe I shouldn't have judo flipped him so hard like that…

What did you do to him, Alfred?

"Oh no!" Alfred gasped dramatically. "Do you want me to massage your back for you?" His right hand snaked up the sandy blond's back, brushing his fingertips playfully along the material of his dress shirt.

As much as Arthur would have loved to say yes, he saw Matthew smiling (no, smirking?) in the corner of his eye and he composed himself before politely declining the offer. "N-no, it's quite alright…maybe some other time," he whispered the last part out.

"If that is what you wish," Alfred said smoothly, letting his arm drop and instead grabbed one of Arthur's hands to kiss the middle knuckle.

"Ah, yes…well, I should be heading back to my apartment and cleaning up the mess," Arthur slowly and reluctantly retracted his hand from Alfred's grasp, staring into sapphire eyes before slipping into the hallway and out of sight.

Once Matthew closed the front door (making sure his landlord wasn't lurking around), he went up to Alfred and high-fived him before sitting next to the blond. "You're being awfully generous with the physical contact," he observed.

"Heh, I find it cute to embarrass him in front of you like that, and it gets the job done,"

"…So are you still just playing around with him?" Matthew asked seriously, looking into his brother's eyes.

The older adjusted the glasses on his face before answering. "Yeah…it's not right isn't it?"

Matthew shook his head slowly. "No…but he looks so happy around you…I can't imagine how he'll react once you tell him the truth,"

"He doesn't have to know the truth," Alfred said suddenly. When his younger brother raised an eyebrow he explained "Since I gradually got into the mess, I can backtrack and be less affectionate towards him little by little so that when I ultimately break up with him, it'll be obvious and not as painful."

"That sounds like a long process, can this all be done before you go back to Harvard?"

The thought never crossed Alfred's mind. "…No…but I'll do what I can before I have to go. Afterwards, because I'll lose contact with him, he'll learn to move on,"

"I really hope so," Matthew muttered and added "Wow, for once your plan sounds like it might work,"

"Oh shush up!" The taller blond lightly punched the other on the arm and was about to get up when another question made him think.

"But what will happen to my rent?"

"I suggest you find that second job as an actor soon," he joked.

"You know I'm not cut out for that," the younger pouted. "I'm still trying to find one, but what if I don't have a second job in time and Arthur kicks me out?"

"...There's nothing I can do, Mattie…" Alfred shrugged solemnly.

"…Blackmail…" Matthew threw the word out after a minute of silence.

"What?"

"To assure that I get to keep my apartment after you leave, blackmailing him may be the only way,"

"But Matt-"

"Think of it as a parting gift for your dear younger brother," Matthew persisted. "You've been in his apartment a couple of times now right? Surely there must be something that he's hiding and doesn't want found out,"

"It's not ethical!"

"The fact that you agreed to 'pretend date' him is bad enough…why not sink lower? Besides, if this works out, it'll resolve everything: you won't have to keep going out with him and I get to keep the apartment,"

Alfred didn't know what to say at the moment, his mouth agape at how desperate his brother was being. Yet...he was just as desperate to get out of this situation...and despicable enough to undertake the task. Under his breath he kept saying "It's not right," but a small part of him wanted to go through with it and end the shenanigan. "You tricky monkey…" he finally conceded.

"It must run in the family eh," Matthew shot back, smirking slightly in order to conceal his own guilt.

"Alright, after midnight, we'll strike!" Alfred declared boldly.

"'We'?"

"What? You thought I was gonna do it by myself? If anything, you'll be my accomplice! Don't worry, we make a great duo don't we?" Alfred tried to sound optimistic about the idea.

The younger couldn't help but smile at the notion. "Once you think about it…yeah, we do."

"Oh, and do both of us a favor and get a padlock for the door; the guy lets himself in as if he lives here," the older insisted.

X.X.X.X

"Here, you'll be needing this," Alfred carelessly tossed the camera Matthew used for work in his direction.

"W-wait! You know your way around Arthur's apartment better than I do. So wouldn't it make more sense if you had the camera with you to take pictures?" Matthew said while fumbling around with the gadget to make sure it wasn't damaged.

"Excuse you, but who's the photographer around here?"

"…Fine…but you're in charge of breaking us in,"

"Not a problem!" Alfred winked, pulling out a ring of keys.

"What-How?" Matthew gawked at the thing his brother was dangling in the air.

"Arthur was nice enough to give me spare keys to his apartment," the older explained. "In case I wanted to stay there instead of this pigsty," he joked at the affronted photographer. "Anyways, this'll make our job easier, so let's go!" He pumped his fist into the air enthusiastically, forgetting for a moment that what he was doing was technically illegal. But then again, he was sure Arthur wouldn't mind at all if he broke into his apartment.

The two made their way up the stairs and onto the third floor, treading carefully and softly in the hallway as to not warn their neighbor of their arrival. When they reached the landlord's apartment, Alfred took out the ring of keys and began trying each one out until he heard a click on the other side and pushed the door slowly open.

As expected, all the lights were out and no one was in the living room.

"Matt, you got the flashlight?"

"Right here," Matthew whispered back, pulling it out of his backpack and handing it over.

The older leading the way, the brothers headed deeper into the apartment, leaving the front door open in case they had to make a quick escape. Soundlessly the two split up: Matthew inspecting the kitchen while Alfred took the living room.

To the taller blond's surprise, everything was tidied up, the fire hose from last night nowhere to be seen and the broken china swept up and disposed of.

Hmmm, where could he be hiding that embroidery?

"Hey Matt, found any dirt yet?" Alfred whispered quietly toward the kitchen area.

"Does having an illegal amount of tea in the cupboards count? Because it looks like that's all he needs to live,"

Alfred giggled at the remark. "Hey, this is for you bro; you be the judge and take a picture of that if you want,"

Matthew thought about it for a good second before shaking his head in the dark. "What about your end?"

"Nothing…" Alfred said dejectedly, running a hand along the book shelf. "Some old people books and mag-Hey, isn't this the company you work for?"

The younger brother strode over to Alfred's side as the older shown his flashlight over the front cover. "Eh? It is, this is our latest issue," Matthew genuinely sounded surprised. In his state of shock he didn't notice that Alfred yanked the camera out of his hands and took a picture. "What are you doing?"

Alfred had to stifle his laughter to answer properly. "Oh my god, who reads this stuff? That in itself is something to be embarrassed over,"

"Oh will you shut up?" Matthew was getting mildly irritated by his brother's childish behavior. "This isn't exactly the type of blackmail I was looking for,"

"But there's nothing else here,"

"We haven't checked the bedroom yet," both blonds looked toward the closed door that was Arthur's bedroom. Matthew walked up to it and gently tried to turn the doorknob. "It's locked."

Bashfully, Alfred presented a single key.

"Wha-"

"Don't ask." The older cut Matthew off and gave the photographer back his camera as he went up to the door and slid the small key into the lock hole. It fitted perfectly, and with a turn Alfred pushed the door open to reveal a sleeping Arthur in his bed. "Let's make this quick," he said in an even quieter tone.

Matthew nodded his head and the duo was once again split up to cover more ground. They turned off their flashlights and tiptoed to their respective areas in the bedroom.

Unaware of the brothers' presence, Arthur continued to sleep soundly.

Rummaging through the small shelf in the corner, Matthew finally found what he was looking for. "Aha!" he piped up just loud enough to get Alfred's attention.

"Whatcha find?" Alfred stopped what he was doing near the walk-in closet and turned his attention to his brother's dark figure. When no reply came, he asked "Hey, you listening?"

"…You don't want to know…"

"Of course I do, it must be good if-" Alfred stopped himself when he saw what was in Matthew's hands.

An open journal with various pieces of paper stuck in it all had his name on it. Even with the limited lighting in the room, the American could tell that all the journal entries concerned him in one way or another; whether it was about him having a chat with the landlord or just Arthur missing him and wanting to see him. When Alfred pulled out the loose leaflets, he saw that they were love letters or poems dedicated to him.

"Just hurry up and take pictures of these," Alfred ordered, cramming the parchment back into the journal and into Matthew's awaiting hands.

"Hey, who's the photographer around here? Give me a moment to change the aperture; it's too dark and I don't want to use flash."

"Yeah whatever," Alfred went back to his side of the room, and although Matthew couldn't see his face, he knew that his cheeks were burning from embarrassment.

After a few minutes of silence, interrupted only by the clicks of the camera shutter, Matthew jolted when he heard something clatter followed by cussing.

"Holy fu-" Alfred slapped a hand over his own mouth to cut off his swearing and immediately got to work putting back what he just found in the back of the closet.

"What? What is it?" Matthew put the journal back on its shelf and rushed over to his brother's side to see what he was trying to hide.

"Something unspeakably horrid," Alfred said breathlessly, face remaining flushed.

"That's good, now let me see," Matthew moved past his brother and finally got a look at the awesome blackmail material. "Alfred, this is gold!" Matthew teared up at the sight and raised his camera.

"Ugh quit that Mattie, this is…" for once Alfred was at a loss for words. He forcefully lowered his brother's camera and tossed the blackmail back inside the closet. "Dude…"

"You have to let me get a few shots of that," The photographer-turned-paparazzi persisted and tried to fetch the items when a hand stopped him. "But Al-"

"Who's there?" A third voice stunned the duo to silence as they turned their attention to the figure rising from his bed.

"Shit!" Alfred cursed under his breath and kicked the closet door closed, pushing Matthew down flat on his stomach as he rose from his crouched position. "Get going!" was the last thing he hissed at his brother before averting his attention to the now awakened landlord.

Matthew nodded his understanding, packed up his camera, and began crawling toward the still-open bedroom door.

Taking immediate action, Alfred jumped onto Arthur's bed and pinned the man down before he got to see anything. "Calm down Arthur, it's only me,"

"Alfred?" By the tone in his voice, the American could tell the landlord was surprised to see him. "What are you-"

To keep him distracted, Alfred began nuzzling the sandy blond's neck, a hand reaching out to caress the other's cheek. "I wanted to see you, Arthur," The words were bitter in his mouth, since the landlord was the last person he wanted to see at the moment after discovering some of his secrets.

"How did you…at this time-ah!"

Alfred smirked as the person beneath him shuddered from his little bite. Pulling himself away from the crook of his neck, he answered "I used that spare key you gave me to let myself in," When the Englishman looked away from him, Alfred cupped his cheeks with both hands and forced him to gaze into sapphire eyes. "It has always been your plan for me to use it like this right?"

I can't let Arthur see Matthew

"N-no…I…" wide emerald orbs peered into half-lidded blue ones.

Alfred leaned in close to Arthur's ear. "Are you saying you don't want me here?" he purred and flicked the landlord's earlobe with his tongue.

"You're…not being fair," Arthur whined, but hardly resisted the American's ministrations.

Alfred didn't say much, his tongue languidly running down the man's neck and nipping at the pale skin. He strained his ears to bypass Arthur's moaning and hear the click of the front door – the sign that Matthew made it out of the apartment safely. When the heavenly sound finally reached his ears, Alfred stopped what he was doing, his mission accomplished. He was about to haul himself off the Englishman and make up some excuse to leave when he saw the other's face.

Arthur's face was flushed, mouth slightly agape and silently asking for more. Alfred could see his own reflection in those unfocused green eyes.

Something in the taller blond made him want to continue what he was doing, make the other man his. Whether it was the emotion called love or just lust, Arthur was right there…waiting...

Making sure that Arthur could see him lick his lips seductively, Alfred once again hovered over the landlord. "I want you." He proved his point by sucking on the skin of Arthur's neck hard enough to leave a hickey. "I want to hear you scream my name as I pound you into the mattress…"

"H-how vulgar…" Arthur managed to say before gasping as a hand snaked its way under his pajama and slid across his torso. "Are you drunk?"

Alfred pushed the shirt up far enough to fully expose the Englishman's chest before replying lamely "Only intoxicated by you." He then lowered himself to lap at the heated flesh.

Already feeling lightheaded from the touches and now the tongue dancing across his stomach, Arthur only moaned and arched his back for more contact. For in that moment he couldn't form a coherent thought, only aware that this wasn't a dream. He also couldn't believe that it was Alfred who was doing this to him, the realization making him blush an even darker shade of red. Arthur soon seized all forms of resistance and turned his head left and right in the pillow as his body writhed in pleasure.

The blond on top didn't even look up from his work as he went lower, making sure that his hands were occupied playing with the other man's nipples.

Everything else was a drunken haze.

End of scene fade to black -shot a million times-

Photography 101: Aperture - Basically it's the system that allows how much light enters through the lens of the camera and is measured by f-stops. A higher f-stop (smaller aperture) allows less light while a lower f-stop (larger aperture) allows more light in, ideal for darker places.

Endnotes: I'm sorry, but I'm keeping this rated T. Besides...I'm not good at writing lemons anyways...and too lazy lol

Looks like someone is cracking under the pressure...