Breathe Anew
Decided
Goodness, a landslide of reviews for the last chapter! I was pleasantly surprised.
You guys are going to hate me, but don't worry, NO ONE DIES.
Disclaimer: Hey, this is a REALLY long chapter and pity buckets are on the way in.
Breathe Anew
Decided
Gilbert was still trying to digest the news that he was told. The doctor and the nurse gave him some time alone, until he was ready to further discuss with them about the next step in regards to Matthew. He stayed in the doctor's office for another ten minutes before getting up and heading towards Matthew's room. He was going to apologize for his rude exit earlier, but before he even had a chance to get there, he was intercepted by Francis and Arthur.
"I see they figured they would tell you the news as well?" He heard Arthur hiss out at him from behind. Gilbert paused and turned around.
"If by news you mean the fact that Matthew woke up, then yes, they did call me to share the good news, but I was already here." He spat out at the shorter man. Gilbert needed something to distract himself from his emotions and Arthur was the perfect target.
"I'm surprised you're still here considering everything that happened, I would have thought that you would have picked up and left already."
"Well, you thought wrong then. I was just on my way to say goodbye to Matthew as a matter of fact." Arthur smirked and he realized too late how that sentence could be wrongly interpreted.
"Really now? You've finally decided to leave? I guess with my brother forgetting about you, you're taking this opportunity to flee? Well, in that case, bon voyage and no need to return; you're saving me the trouble." Gilbert could feel his blood boil. Arthur was asking for it.
"Wow, you're really stupid if you could even think for a minute that I'm leaving Matthew behind for good. It's about time you get it through your thick head that your brother loves me and I'm here to stay." The Englishman laughed richly at that.
"Really now? And, please, enlighten me, what will you do now? Hmm? What will you do with a man that doesn't even remember your name?" Gilbert had nothing to say to that and it only made Arthur goad more.
"That's right, there's nothing you can do. Because of that and since we're all standing here together, I would like you to place Matthew's things in boxes so that Francis can come and pick them up over the course of the week." This time, both Gilbert and Francis looked surprised and shocked by the news.
"Arthur, de quoi parles-tu?"/ "Arthur, what are you talking about?" Francis asked his partner.
"We talked about this, Francis. We'll be speaking to the doctor about Matthew's new permanent residence. Since he doesn't remember you, it's only natural that he comes and lives with his family, people who actually love him and that he remembers.
See here Gilbert, see what's happening? I've been given a second chance to protect my brother from the likes of you and you'll be sure that I'm not going to let this chance pass. You've been trouble from the very beginning and I won't let Matthew get involved with you ever again." Gilbert was trying to control his emotions, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.
"For the love of God Arthur, when have I ever done anything wrong to you or your family? I didn't kill your parents! I didn't even know any of you at the time of the accident. Isn't it enough that Matt doesn't remember me, but you want to take him away from me as well? He used to love me. What's the big problem with having him come back to the place he called home?" Arthur slapped him hard across the face.
"Arthur, calm down!" Francis tried to restrain the younger man, but to no avail.
"No, Francis, let me go!" Arthur wiggled himself free and walked to where he was standing.
"Don't you dare. Don't you EVER dare mention my parents to me, EVER. That's one thing and do you really think I would let my brother live with a perfect stranger? How stupid do you think I am? I wouldn't trust you with my pet dog if I had one and you expect me to let Matthew come live under the same roof?"
"Well he was doing fine before; I don't see the problem now!"
"Goodness, you really are daft. Let me put this in clear enough terms so that you may comprehend. I am, under no circumstances, letting you anywhere near my brother anymore. I've heard of what you've done in the past. I know of your conquests and the things you've done with Francis, when the two of you were younger. I can only start to imagine what atrocities you put my poor brother through. I always did say that the boy was too good for his own well being.
If I have to put a restraining order on you, then so help me, I will. Tell me Gilbert, what will you do when your sexual addiction kicks in? Hmm? What will you do when my brother isn't there to satisfy your every little sick pleasure? Will you just push him to the ground like the animal you are and rape him? Will you assault him while he sleeps innocently? And what if he refuses you? Then what? Will you force him into something he no longer feels like giving you? Well, let me tell you this, sunshine, you can find some other way to satisfy yourself, for I'm keeping my brother with me and I-"
"Arthur, ça suffit!"/ "Arthur, that's enough!" Francis finally snapped and slapped Arthur in return. The shorter man put a hand to his face and his eyes widened in shock at the Frenchman. Gilbert, who was on the verge of falling to the ground and never getting up from it, turned his head to look at his friend.
"Don't you think that it is pushing it too far? This is low, Arthur; he has not done anything wrong to Mathieu. Now we can all discuss about this, like grown men, or we can continue acting like children. It's your call, Arthur."
"Stay out of this, Francis! You have no idea what it's been like for me, these past months, worrying over Matthew because of this fucking idiot! Because of this scum! He's finally getting what he deserves. For a change, he can suffer! I'm fed up of being the only one who ever gets hurt!" Arthur yelled. There was a look of pure hatred coming from his eyes and Gilbert could feel the venom seeping from them.
"Then fine! Take him away. Make believe that I haven't done my hardest over these past seven years to make Matthew happy. Just take my feelings and step on them if you want to, but it won't change how I feel about him! If it makes you happy, then just go, go and do whatever you need to, but I'm tired of dealing with this shit, Arthur. I'm fucking fed up.
I have no idea what I've done to you, but I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for breathing your air, I'm sorry for being in your way, but I'll never be sorry for loving Matthew." With a cold glare at the shorter man, Gilbert turned on his heels and walked away. He turned the corner when he got the chance and made his way to the roof of the hospital.
It became a regular place that he visited over the past months. It allowed him time to think. The quiet solitude helped him make some sense of his jumbled thoughts and his mixed emotions. It was exactly what he needed at the present moment. He walked to the edge of the building and looked at the scenery around him.
The hospital was next to a lake of some sorts and a surrounding park. From his spot on the roof, he could see the tree tops and the water up in front of him. He put his hands on the railing and looked at the calm surroundings.
He sighed to himself and put a hand in his pocket. He frowned when he felt a little box in it. He pulled it out and sighed, once more, when he saw what it was. He almost forgot about the ring that he brought with him, each day, for the past two months and a half in the hopes of getting to propose to Matthew, once he woke up. A whole lot of good it was going to do, now that Matthew didn't even remember him. He glared at the small object in his hand.
"It's all your fault, you hear? It's your Goddamn fault! If I didn't want to propose to Matt, none of this shit would have happened. I hate you! I hope you never bother me ever again!" He closed his hand around the platinum band with their initials inside, garnet on one side and ruby on the other on the outside, pulled his arm back as far as he could before swinging it forward, opening his palm and watching the small speck of light disappear in the water.
He let the box drop to the floor and felt his knees give out around the same time he heard the door that lead to the staircase close. He put his head on his folded knees and hoped that whoever was there would leave him alone.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude." Gilbert raised his head ever so slightly, when he heard Matthew's voice. He wasn't sure if he was pleased or angry to see him.
"Listen, if you want to be left alone, I'll leave. I just wanted to let you know one thing." Matthew waited for a moment and when he didn't say anything, the younger man went on. "The doctor and the nurse told me everything that you've done for me. I really appreciate it and I'm sorry for causing you such pain." Gilbert looked into his eyes, disbelief written all over his face.
"If I may be so bold as to ask, what are you doing up here all alone?"
"I'm throwing away my past." Gilbert looked away from those amethyst orbs he came to love and instead focused on a point on the horizon. Matthew fell silent besides him.
"Would you like me to leave? I'd hate to interrupt on something private." As much as Gilbert wanted to have Matthew here with him, he needed to be alone right now.
"Please." He told the younger man, his eyes not leaving the water where the ring landed. He could guess Matthew nodding his head and quietly making his way back to his room.
Once he was gone, Gilbert let out a shuddering breath and let his emotions finally claim over his body. The tears he was holding back from the start, he felt them spill over on his face as great sobs wracked through his body, coming from the depths of his soul. He let everything wash over him, until he faintly heard the door click shut one moment and felt an arm being placed around his shoulders pulling him into a warm body the next. Gilbert didn't even need to look up to know who it was.
"Francis, what am I supposed to do now?" He asked as he buried his face in his friend's neck, feeling the soft silk of his shirt.
"Tu dois rester fort, mon ami, pour lui."/ "You have to stay strong, my friend, for him." Gilbert didn't answer to that and let his friend rub soothing circles on his back. For a moment, he was six again and he just fell off the monkey bars, scrapping his knee on the floor and Francis, his best friend from the older group, was there. Gilbert continued silently shedding tears for a moment longer until he finally claimed control of his emotions once more.
"I am sorry for Arthur's behaviour." Francis started when he wiped away the last of his tears away.
"Don't. It's not for you to apologize." Gilbert interjected.
"Non, I feel that I must, Gilbert. What he said to you is unacceptable. I know that he has been through a lot, but there are things that you simply cannot say to others and for that, I apologize." Francis paused. "It has been a while, since the two of us disagreed on something, but I had to put my foot down for this. Do not worry about a thing; you have enough on your plate." Gilbert nodded. He wasn't quite sure what else to say.
"Listen, I finally got Arthur to calm down. I am not saying that he will listen to you, but I got him to promise that he would behave. He said we would go see the doctor together and see what she says. It is about as good as it is going to get." Gilbert remained silent for a moment longer.
"D'you think I have a chance? I mean, d'you think the doctor will let me bring Matthew home?" He finally asked the question that was on his mind for the past hour.
"If you do, and I think you will, you will have to make sacrifices and changes in your life. You will have to prove to the doctor and to Arthur that you are willing to go to any length to help Mathieu."
"What are you talking about?" Gilbert wasn't sure he was on the same page as his friend.
"This will take a lot of your will, but you must start from the very beginning. Mathieu thinks that you are his best friend. That means that he will have to have his own bedroom. Anything from photographs to I do not know what is going to have to be put away. You will have to make your place look as though it is the home of two friends living together and not two lovers."
"I can't, that's impossible! I can't possibly do that." How was he supposed to put all of that behind? How was he supposed to turn a blind eye to seven years of happiness?
"S'il te plait, Gilbert, essaye de comprendre! I know this seems difficult, but it is the only way. At least you would have Mathieu in your house and you could help him remember. If you are really meant to be, then things will work out for you in the end."/ "Please, Gilbert, try to understand!" His friend told him softly. Gilbert wanted to trust Francis, but it was so very difficult. He had woken up this morning, feeling positive about the day and now, he was facing situations he never thought he would ever encounter.
"Do it for Mathieu, if not for you." Gilbert sighed. Francis was right. He had to count whichever blessings he could get. He should be thankful that Matthew was alive and awake now and that he could at least hold a conversation with him.
"Écoute, we will be waiting for you in the doctor's office. I will tell them that you will be down shortly. Take all the time you need to sort through your thoughts and when you're ready, come and join us." Francis ruffled his hair, before leaving him alone, once more.
Gilbert ended up staying on the roof for another five minutes, before getting his act together and joining both Arthur and Francis in the doctor's office. Arthur completely ignored him and he was fine with that. He preferred a silent Arthur to a nagging one any day.
"Well doctor, you know why we're here. Please, tell us, where do you feel it would be fit for Matthew to stay?" Arthur asked. Even though he looked cool and composed, Gilbert could see the seething rage directed at him and the ready at hand smirk for when the news would be delivered in his favour.
"I've thought about it long and hard and I honestly think that if certain precautions are taken, then Mr. Williams should be able to go back to his home, with Mr. Beilschmidt, as long as we stick with the fact that the two of you are friends, for now." Arthur looked as though Christmas got cancelled, while he started to dare to hope again.
"Really?" He asked just to make sure that he heard right.
"Yes, really." The doctor replied with a small smile.
"But, doctor, I thought because of the close relationship, it would overwhelm my brother and cause him to relapse." Arthur tried to get the doctor to change her mind, but it didn't work.
"True, but bringing him in a familiar environment, provided that things and objects from your relationship get turned down to a bare minimum, will help him remember. I'm sorry Mr. Kirkland, but my decision is final." Arthur glared at her for a moment, before he resigned himself.
"Fine then." He replied curtly, before he stomped out of the office. The doctor excused herself to go check up on her other patients and left Gilbert with his friend.
"Tu vois, I told you things would turn up for you." Gilbert allowed himself a small smile. The first in what he felt was a really long time.
"You were right. And thanks, for everything, Francis." Francis smiled at him softly in return.
"Y'a pas de quoi, mon ami. If you need any help this weekend re-arranging your place, give me a call. I would be more than happy to help you with anything."/ "It was nothing, my friend."
"I will." The two of them waved at each other and Francis left to run after Arthur. Gilbert sighed to himself and passed a hand through his dishevelled silver hair. He had a lot to do over the next few days, but somehow, he had to stay strong. He felt as though this was only the beginning of what would turn out to be a very trying period for him.
But as Francis told him, he had to keep his head above water, if not for him, then for Matthew, because the younger man would most certainly need his "best friend" to guide him into this new environment, where he wouldn't remember him. But that was okay for now. There was no need to rush. One step at a time, nice and easy would do it.
OWARI 8
TO BE CONTINUED
Don't hate me. Arthur was really fun to write. I love the dynamics between them and the ones between Gilbert and Francis.
Question one: I made a FST for this verse, would you guys like me to share? If so, let me know.
GOODNESS, LONG CHAPTER IS LONG!
I do accept anonymous reviews.
Started writing: June 2nd 2010, 8:12pm
Finished writing: June 3rd 2010, 12:42am
Started typing: June 9th 2010, 1:24pm
Finished typing: June 9th 2010, 3:02pm