Breathe Anew
Devastated
Hello everyone! It has been a while, no? Well, lucky you I had a BA chapter that was just waiting to be typed out. I suggest you buckle in…
Disclaimer: The plot thickens!
Breathe Anew
Devastated
The following month proved to be challenging for Gilbert's nerves. It was a new situation that he had to adapt to and it was sapping the energy right out of him. The first week that Matthew was back home was interesting for a lack of a better word.
Matthew was restless to go back to work or do something other than sit around in the house all day long, but the doctor told him to take it easy so he did, even though he would have preferred to do something, anything!
Gilbert had to watch himself from not completely losing it and they were both glad when Monday came and Matthew returned to work. The small change of scenery and the actual obligation of having something to do improved both of their moods by a lot.
By the end of the day, they were both able to appreciate each other's presence more and enjoy the small talk that came with it. The second Saturday that Matthew was back, the doctor told him that he could go back to playing hockey and Matthew was more than happy.
Gilbert remembered how a few years ago, Matthew was approached by a scouting agent and asked to tryout for the national team. The younger man had been overjoyed and ended up making the team. He played for one season, but then he stopped, since he didn't like the way the game was being controlled by money. He then returned to his local team.
Now he played on a semi-professional level and he did it more for fun and for the love of the sport than anything else and he enjoyed it.
After that initial first week of adjusting, the two of them fell into an easy routine that sort of surprised Gilbert. Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays, he was in charge of dinner while Matthew cooked on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. Fridays turned out to be either left-over night or take-out night and that was fine with both of them.
Matthew went to the hospital every two weeks for a regular check-up in order to make sure that his condition was stable. Gilbert always came with him and Matthew didn't seem to mind.
Once the doctor was done with her patient, she would in turn speak to Gilbert for a little bit to see how he was doing. It was during the second check-up, after Matthew was released, that the doctor told Gilbert that if he wanted to, because Matthew was recuperating well, he could start, or more like restart including things that they used to do together. Little things like an outing at a favourite restaurant or a drive up along the mountain, in the hopes of getting the younger man to remember.
Gilbert seized the opportunity immediately and decided to revive their Friday night movie nights. From the early days of their relationship, every Friday, or the majority of them, they would either rent a movie, or pick one from their collection and watch it together. It proved to be an excellent way to unwind after a long week of work and the added rule of sweatpants, wool socks and the baggiest t-shirt you owned, only made the event cozier.
He was looking forward to this quiet evening at home and he picked their favourite movie to watch. Gilbert had a good feeling about tonight and he couldn't wait for Matthew to finish up with his shower so their evening could start.
"Hey Gilbert, could you give me a hand with something?" Matthew asked, as he went down the stairs and walked towards the kitchen. Gilbert left the room he was in and went up to meet his "friend" in the corridor that led to the other rooms of the condo.
He was curious to know what Matthew needed help with and when he saw the younger man, he stopped in his tracks to take a moment to compose himself.
"Hey, aren't you a little overdressed for casual movie night Friday?" He asked with a small smile. Why Matthew was dressed up in a nice fancy suit, clean pressed pure white shirt and a silk tie hanging loosely from his neck, he still did not know.
"Oh! I'm so sorry! I completely forgot about tonight." Matthew apologized as his eyes went wide and he smacked his forehead.
"That's alright, we can always postpone it to next week, but what are you all dressed up for?" Gilbert observed as Matthew turned a lovely shade of pink as his cheeks flushed with colour. The younger of the two shuffled shyly on the spot and averted his gaze from him to the floor.
"I-I have a date with Valerie from next door… I'm going to pick her up in ten minutes." Matthew looked back at him and gave him a small smile. Gilbert, on the other hand, felt as though the world stopped spinning, again. Here he thought that he was making good progress, that he would get his second chance, that Matthew would finally remember after a whole month passed, but instead, instead he went and found himself a new sweetheart, a girl no less.
"Oh, oh, I – I see, well, eum, that's great, I guess. I, eum, you said you needed my help?" Gilbert wanted to run, he wanted to punch someone, he wanted to grab Matthew's shoulders and shake him, as he would yell at him that they were a couple; that they loved each other and that he wouldn't let him go out with this Valerie chick.
But instead, he simply tried his best to remain as calm as possible on the outside, while he fell apart on the inside.
"Oh, yes, eum, I can't seem to get my tie right, can you do it for me, please?"
"Sure." He walked over to him, took the delicate piece of fabric in his hands and proceeded to make an elaborate knot. Once he was done, Gilbert let his hands slide down to Matthew's shoulders and the two just stood there in silence for a moment.
"You look good, Matt." Gilbert finally murmured, interrupting the silence.
"Oh, thanks." More silence followed. None of them dared to move, almost as if some spell was placed on them.
"Well, I should be going. Wish me luck." Gilbert nodded and let go of him.
"'Knock 'em dead." Matthew turned around and gave him a small smile before walking out. Gilbert sighed and let himself slide to the ground, once the door was closed.
He remembered a time, not too long ago, when he would fix Matthew's tie in the morning before his lover had an important meeting and just before he would leave, Gilbert would pull him close and whisper "'knock 'em dead" right after Matthew would have told him "wish me luck" and then he would give him a good luck kiss. But that was then and this was now and Gilbert couldn't help but quietly sob the fact that he preferred the past to this new reality he seemed to be stuck in.
After staying with his back against the front door for a good thirty minutes, he made his way to the liquor cabinet and grabbed the first bottles that came to his hands. He needed something strong tonight and Jack Daniel's, rum and a good old bottle of vodka, which he actually hated, would do the job nicely.
He made his way to the couch and proceeded to drink away, or at least try to drink away his misery. He somehow managed to get halfway through his bottle of rum and four beers (because he liked beer and beer tasted good, damn it), before he fished out his cell phone from his back pocket and dialled Francis' phone number.
The phone rang once and then twice, before his friend picked up. Gilbert was just glad that it was the Frenchman and not Arthur who answered. He wasn't sure he could handle the other man in his current state. Gilbert sobbed out his tale to Francis and he wasn't even done that his friend told him he was on his way and not to move a muscle. He did just that and waited for him.
Francis didn't need to ring the doorbell when he got there, since he had his own key to the place. He walked into the condo and quickly located Gilbert, who was nursing the second bottle of liquor. Francis sat next to him and pulled the bottle out of his hands. No words were exchanged between the two as the elder of the pair pulled the other man to him.
Gilbert buried his head into his friend's shoulder and started sobbing all over again, not really caring that it was un-awesome or whatever. Francis could only make out clipped sentences in broken English and slurred German, but he could understand the gist of what his young friend was telling him.
"It is alright, Gilbert. I am right over here. Je te comprends."/ "I understand you." Gilbert pulled away and looked into those cobalt eyes with his ruby reds.
"No, no you don't understand. You can't possibly even start to comprehend what I'm going through. You don't know what it's like to hear your lover, the one man you truly love, the one you wanted to marry, casually tell you he's going out with the girl from 3B. 1. You don't know what it's like, nobody does." Francis was silent for a moment as more tears fell from Gilbert's eyes. It was unnerving to see the young man display such emotions, for he seldom ever did. If anything, it was testimony that he truly did care for Matthew and that he was serious about their relationship.
"You are right, perhaps I do not understand or even know what you are going through, but I can guess. I too have a man I love and I pray never to live through something like this." Gilbert laughed.
"That bastard would probably have a field day right now seeing me like this."
"I would not know. I have not spoken to him much in the past few weeks." There was coldness to Francis' voice that was not there before.
"What are you talking about?" Gilbert looked at his friend, who gave him a small sad smile.
"It is just as I said. Ever since the incident, back when Mathieu woke up, he never really forgave me for helping you out or taking your defence. He may have gone through a lot, but he has to realize that it is not fair for others to suffer inutilement. I do not consider his threats of kicking me out seriously, but they certainly do chagrin me." Gilbert's silent crying stopped and he looked genuinely concerned for his friend.
"Fuck man, I'm sorry. You're supposed to tell me when shit like this happens, so I can help you and crap. That's why we're friends." Francis smiled softly at him.
"I have already said this once, but you have a lot on your plate. I did not wish to burden you with my troubles." Gilbert slung his arm around Francis' shoulders and drew him close.
"Nah, man, you have to tell me, you can't keep it all to yourself. Apparently, 's not good." He paused and gave a small hopeful smile to Francis.
"Someone up there must really hate us, drink?" He took a long swig from his bottle, before offering it to Francis who politely declined.
"No thank you and I believe you had enough." He gently pried the bottle out of Gilbert's hands, who only mildly protested.
The two of them ended up talking a while longer with Gilbert occasionally sniffing noisily whenever he would recall exactly why it was that he wasn't watching a movie with Matthew and it wasn't long before he fell asleep.
Francis placed a pillow behind his head and pulled a blanket over him, before getting rid of the bottles and closing the door softly behind him. For now, rest was probably the only solution to all of their problems.
OWARI 10
To Be Continued
Whew, well, that was interesting, no? So, Matt has a girlfriend, ahahaha!
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Started writing: June 17th 2010, 10:36pm
Finished writing: June 21st 2010, 11:22pm
Started typing: August 23rd 2010, 6:43pm
Finished typing: August 23rd 2010, 8:30pm