I woke up the next morning from a dreamless sleep from my alarm clock. I yawned and glanced over at Carlos. He had his head buried under his pillow. He was never a morning person. I slipped out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I passed Kendall and Logan's room. The lights were still out. I guess I'm the first one up today. Usually Kendall wakes up first, and then tosses a pillow at Logan's head to get him up. Then they both come in our room and shake us until we wake up. And let's just say when Carlos gets woken up, it's not pleasant.
I smiled to myself as I entered the bathroom. I glanced in the mirror and groaned. My hair dried weird from the rain last night and to top it off I had deep purple bags under my eyes. I sighed quietly. I guess I have to take a shower now. I walked over to the shower and turned the water on. I grabbed a towel from the rack and hung it over the side of the tub. I slipped off my shirt and pants and set them in a pile next to the shower. I then took off my boxers and stepped carefully into the steamy water. It felt so good on my cold skin. I grabbed the shampoo and proceeded to wash my hair. When I finished with that, I grabbed the bar soap and ran it down my body. I made sure I got all the soap off, and turned off the water. I grabbed the towel and wiped my face; then wrapped it around my waist. I stepped out of the tub and made sure not to drip any water on the dry floor. I looked around. Shit, I thought to myself. I knew I had forgotten something. I headed out of the bathroom back to my room to grab some clothes. I opened the door slowly and thankfully Carlos was still asleep. I took a clean white t-shirt, a pair of black skinny jeans, and a pair of boxers and hurried back into the bathroom. After I had finished getting dressed, I dried my hair with the hairdryer and sprayed it with my Cuda hairspray.
My mind wandered back to last night, as I was putting the finishing touches on my hair. Yes, I resent my parents, but I still love them, although I'm not sure why. I mean they lied to me about numerous things, they beat me, and they threatened me, but I still feel this strong connection to them. I also never got why they chose Cameron over me. We look alike. We have the same chestnut hair, the same tall build, and the same addiction to singing, the only difference is I have hazel eyes and he has bright blue. I sighed. Now that I think about it, I am the only one who has hazel eyes. My parents and Cameron all have blue eyes. Strange, I had never noticed that before. Maybe that's why they hated me. Maybe this all had to do with eye color. I laughed to myself. If only it was that simple.
I looked in the mirror. If you looked closely you could see a small scar along my jaw line. It was when my mother got angry I had gotten a B on an Algebra test. She pushed me to the ground, but on my way down, the side of my face hit the coffee table. I had to have fourteen stitches. I would like to forget the burning look in her eyes, but the scar is a constant reminder.
As I looked in the mirror, a small shine caught my eye. I turned around, and saw what caused the glare. A razor blade. I walked up to it and picked it up slowly. I turned it over in my hands. Do I really want to do this? No, I shouldn't. I was about to put it down when I heard a voice. Come on. Do it. Just once. It will make you feel better. I promise. But what if my friends find out. They won't. Like your parents said, they don't care for you. They never noticed the bags under your eyes. They never noticed your sluggish behavior. If they find out they won't even care. Come on. You know you want to. I looked at it once more. The way the light reflected on it made it glow. It was calling to me.
I walked over and locked the door. I turned back around and headed towards the mirror. I rolled up my sleeve and placed the blade down on my wrist. My parents came to mind once more, and I pressed the blade down. The stinging pain felt…..good. I slid it down my wrist. I removed the blade and watched the beads of blood form on the cut. I don't know why I did this, but it feels right. I slid it down once again. The pain from the cut canceled out the pain from my parents, well for the time being anyway. I dragged it down my skin again without realizing it. When I looked down the blood had dripped down off my wrist and onto the floor. I panicked. I rinsed off the blade and placed it back where it belonged. I then wiped the blood off my wrist and took out a roll of gauze. I wrapped it securely around the wound and placed the extra back in the cabinet. I took a towel and cleaned the blood off the floor, and then proceeded to wash the towel until it was once again, a bright white. I rolled down my sleeve and double checked myself and the room for any traces of my blood. None. Good. I unlocked the door and walked out. The other guys were still in their pajamas, sitting at the table eating breakfast.
"Finally. I thought I was going to have to break down the door again," Kendall said with a smile.
"Ha ha. Very funny. That only happened once. Or twice. It doesn't matter though," I said giving him a glare.
"Kidding. I was just kidding," he said holding his hands up in a mock surrender.
I sat down at the table next to Logan, and grabbed a plate of pancakes Ms. Knight had so kindly prepared before running to the grocery store with Katie, for the third time this week. You just can't keep food in the apartment with Carlos here. I shook my head.
I was in the middle of eating when the other guys saw the time and hurried out of the room to get ready. A few minutes before they returned, I finished my pancakes and placed the plate in the sink. I sat back down and waited. They ran out about a minute later.
"Hey, dude. What happened to your wrist?" Carlos said pulling up my sleeve. I pulled my arm from him and he gave me a hurt look.
"Sorry. I fell and I think I sprained my wrist. It hurts pretty bad when someone touches it," I said coming up with a quick lie.
"Oh, do you want me to check it for you," Logan said quickly.
"No, it's fine. Really," I said with a smile, hoping they would believe it. They did.
Soon it was time to head to Roque Records. The other guys were walking out when I remembered I had forgotten to grab my phone. I told them I would meet them downstairs and they nodded. I hurried to my room and took my cell of my nightstand. I put my phone in my front pocket as I walked through the kitchen. I opened the door, and turned to look into the apartment. I had finally found a way to cope with the pain. Not necessarily the best way, but an effective way none the less. I took one more look around the apartment and ended up shutting two doors. The door to the apartment. And a door in my life.