Breathe Anew
Touched
Hola everyone! I hope your axes are nice and shiny. Things are starting to wrap up, but I still have a few twists under my sleeve. Let the fun continue, shall we?
Characters: Matthew, Francis, Antonio, Gilbert, a new character!
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I'm seriously having way too much fun with this story.
Breathe Anew
Touched
As much as Gilbert tried to convince himself that Matthew's fling with Valerie was just a passing faze, when one month turned into two, three into four and when the fifth month came strolling by, Gilbert was starting to consider getting himself his own place.
The condo he purchased so many years ago held too many memories for him and as much as he tried to chase away the ghosts from his past, the skeletons in his room kept him awake at night.
The holidays were particularly brutal on him, what with Valerie spending Christmas with Matthew and on the twenty-sixth, Gilbert booked himself a plane ticket to Germany. He spent two weeks there with his folks and his brother, who was visiting as well, before returning back to his home, in slightly better spirits.
It wasn't that he didn't want Matthew to be happy, but part of him couldn't quite digest the fact their relationship was over; that their languid mornings spent in bed together exchanging sweet nothings were far behind him and that Matthew's future was one without him by his sides.
He talked to Matthew's doctor about this and she told him these things took time to fall back in place. Alfred suggested he just bring Matthew to the lake, where the incident had taken place and on a day where he felt brave, some two weeks ago, he went out with Matthew. They went as far as the main road before Gilbert broke down.
He passed it off as too much stress from work and Matthew didn't say a thing, but he didn't seem convinced either.
Half his waking time, Gilbert tried his best to compose his thoughts and try not to read into Matthew's gestures too much. It was incredibly confusing and frustrating to see the blonde casually tease him with a brush of a hand here and there or a line that hinted to a past they once shared, but Matthew still didn't seem to remember.
He didn't like the way he was becoming, but he just didn't see any other alternatives to it. Gilbert sighed as he took out the cutting board and started chopping celery for some soup. It was lunchtime and Matthew was due home any minute now. The younger man was gone for the past three days to a chalet his parents left him located up North.
Gilbert remembered with ease the many winter nights they spent up there making love by the fireside and he bitterly wondered if Matthew used their special blanket and if he even remembered why it was special. He shook his head from the thoughts and tried to concentrate on the task at hand.
He was completely opposed with the idea of the little retreat at first, but when he wasn't able to find a legitimate excuse as to why he, Matthew's "friend", should abstain him from going, he shut his gob and said nothing.
He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the door closing shut and a duffel bag hitting the floor. Gilbert put his knife down and went to greet his living companion.
He found Matthew leaning against the door with a happy content smile on his face and his violet eyes shining brightly. Gilbert knew that look. He had seen it many times and right now; it disgusted him.
He wanted to sneer at the younger man and punch that smile off his face. He wanted to walk up to him and tell him everything. He wanted to see that smile directed at him with the sunlight from his room reflecting on Matthew's blonde highlights. But most of all, he wanted Matthew to hold him in his arms once more like he used to. He needed some air.
"Glad you're home. Listen, I'm on my way out; I'll be back later." Gilbert sidestepped Matthew and exited his place, only stopping to pull on his jacket. Matthew barely heard him and simply sighed contentedly.
Gilbert walked with no purpose at first. He walked because he needed a change of scenery. He walked because the cold, brisk, winter air felt good on his cheeks and it made him alert of everything that was going on. He walked quickly for fifteen minutes and then he slowed down as he felt something warm roll down his cheeks. He raised a hand to his face and felt a tear there.
He sighed to himself and decided to walk to his friend's house. Francis didn't live too far by car, about five to eight minutes, fifteen minutes by public transportation and twenty-five by foot if he was walking quickly. Gilbert found his momentum and picked up his pace. His only thought as he walked was that if Arthur was there, he wouldn't be responsible for his actions.
When he got to Francis' place, which was actually the childhood home that Matthew grew up in, it was to find only one car in the driveway. Gilbert was relieved that it was his friend's, but he was perplexed as to whom the pair of feet and legs that were coming out from the passenger side belonged to. He nearly did a double take when he recognized the other man.
"Toni? 'The fuck you doing here in winter?" Antonio and Francis both turned around at the sound of his voice.
"Che frio! You guys must be loco to live through this every year. Es la muerte." He said as he shivered dramatically. Gilbert found himself smiling for the first time in weeks.
"Ne sois pas stupide, Antoine. You used to live here too, once upon a time."/ "Don't be stupid, Antonio." Francis said as he took out Antonio's suitcase from the backseat.
"Si, si, but you get used to the warmth muy rapidamente."
"Maybe, but why are you here now?" Gilbert asked ever curious.
"Ah, well, it was supposed to be a surprise as a belated Christmas present for you, mi amigo. Francis and I were going to come and visit you later today, but you beat us to it." He smiled and paused. "Can we continue this inside? I can't feel my feet anymore." Francis and Gilbert both laughed as the three of them made their way inside, where it was nice and warm.
"Alors, what brings you here in this weather, Gilbert?" Francis asked as he went about getting the necessary things out to make his special hot chocolate that was velvety smooth.
"I needed to get out of the house…" He simply said. Antonio and Francis exchanged a worried glance.
"What happened now?" Antonio inquired. Gilbert sighed before telling his two friends of what happened earlier that morning.
"But enough about me, how are things with you and him?" Gilbert asked Francis, who gave him a sad smile.
"They are as cold as the outside weather."
"Shit, I'm sorry man."
"Not to worry. Either Arthur will come around on his own and realize his error, or I will simply pack up my things and leave." The other two said nothing to that and watched Francis work over the stove.
"Toni, please, tell me something good. C'mon, we can't all be living shit relationships. How's your tomato boy?" The Spaniard's face lightened up with joy at the mention of his lover.
"Lovi told me he loved me before I left! Isn't this fantastic?" Gilbert laughed and clamped a hand to his friend's shoulder.
"Good job man! It only took him what, five years to say it?" Antonio smiled.
"No importa. It was the sweetest thing ever. He drove me to the airport and he waited with me in line before I passed security. He wasn't saying much, but that's Lovino for you! Anyways, when there were about five people left in front of me, he pulled me to him and kissed me. It was muy magnifico. Then he mumbled "I love you" and he left quickly, but it was soooo cute. He doesn't know it, but I saw him waiting until I was completely gone before he left.
One day, the two of you will come and visit me so I can present you to him. At least it's warm back home!" Antonio chuckled to himself as Francis placed three steaming mugs of hot chocolate in front of them.
"It's good to know that one of us is happy. You know, maybe Toni had the right idea. Maybe I should have stayed in Germany when I went there for two years."
"What do you mean?" Francis asked.
"Just that. Had I stayed there, then none of this would have happened. Matt would have forgotten me and I wouldn't have confessed to him and all would be well." Gilbert was bitter about it and his friends could tell.
"Don't say such things. You were always so happy when you were with him. I think what you really need is a change of scenery." Antonio started.
"Oui. You are always spending your time at work or with Mathieu. You need to broaden your horizons, go out, have some fun, see what is out there." Gilbert stared at the elder of them with a confused look.
"Either you quit speaking code or I'm going to leave." Francis sighed.
"You can be so dense. If Mathieu has "moved on", so to speak, then maybe you should see someone else." The idea did not sit well with Gilbert.
"Are you out of your fucking mind? Francis, I knew you weren't all there, but that's just dumb. No, I'm not doing it." Gilbert refused at point blank, but Francis was not done.
"I am not saying that you need to develop a full blown relationship or even sleep with the other person, although, if you want, by all means, it would do you some good; I am simply suggesting that you go to a restaurant or something and just see what is available." Gilbert still wasn't convinced.
"Francis is right, amigo, it wouldn't kill you to see someone who isn't us or Matthew. If you really don't want to, it's okay, but it's only one night, nothing more." The silver haired man was silent for a moment as he thought the situation over. Maybe they were right and it was true that he didn't have to do anything that he felt uncomfortable with. These weren't his high school days.
"Okay, if I accept, who the hell am I supposed to go out with?" Francis and Antonio smiled.
"I have a friend of mine who works with me. His name is Jake and I'm sure the two of you would get along just fine."
"Alright, whatever, but just one dinner; that's all." Francis nodded and promised to set up the appointment. Gilbert returned to his hot chocolate, glad that Francis always poured a generous amount of brandy.
The following Saturday, Gilbert changed out of his usual jeans and t-shirt for something more appropriate for his blind date. As much as he hated the idea, he rather enjoyed telling Matthew where he was headed.
The younger man was slightly surprised, but wished him a pleasant evening. Gilbert watched him closely and even though nothing Matthew did showed signs of jealousy, Gilbert saw a flicker of emotion pass through his violet eyes. He did a mental victory at that, but then Matthew told him he would be at Valerie's overnight and he was sure his own eyes spoke nothing but jealousy.
Gilbert shook his head to rid himself of these thoughts and passed a quick comb through his hair. He checked his appearance, made sure he looked presentable in his casual black pants and red button down shirt, before fixing the collar, grabbing the jacket that went with the pants and scanned his room briefly.
The side Matthew used to sleep on looked as unused as always and everything seemed the same except for the un-matching pillows on the bed. The one he used to sleep had the matching pillowcase that went with the sheets, but the one on Matthew's side was one from a different set of sheets.
It was the last pillow case Matthew woke to on that fateful day of the accident and whenever Gilbert was feeling particularly down, or whenever he slept in his room, (because sometimes the couch got really uncomfortable), he would hug the pillow close to him and he would smell the lingering odour of Matthew's scent that stayed on the pillow. If he closed his eyes, he could make believe for a moment that all was well.
"Well, here's mud in your eye, I suppose." He whispered to the picture frame on the bedside table; the only picture that he hadn't put away in the storage room with everything else from his past life.
His eyes lingered on their happy, smiling faces for a moment longer before he squared his shoulders and set out for this so called date of his with the Jake fellow Francis knew.
When he stepped into the restaurant, he already felt unease creeping into his stomach. Even though he wasn't doing anything wrong, he still felt as though he was cheating Matthew by just being here and he hadn't even met the other man.
Gilbert mentally readied himself for what was to come and walked over to the table Francis told him he reserved for the evening. He found his dinner date already sitting and apologized for having made him wait.
The other man smiled politely and told him he wasn't waiting long. Gilbert spared Jake a glance and briefly observed him. He had medium long brown hair, which was let lose and bangs that were parted to the side. He had dark brown eyes that were soft to look at. The man had fair skin and was wearing a crisp green shirt, a tie and grey pants. His sense of unease grew even more.
"Listen, before we start any of this, I have to be honest, I –" Jake smiled and interrupted him.
"Don't worry, Francis told me that you were just here for a breath of fresh air. So how about a simple dinner between two people who've just met and we'll see where that takes us? For all I know, you can be a total ass." He smiled and Gilbert found himself smiling at the joke as well. Perhaps this wouldn't be such a fiasco.
They made polite conversation and exchanged casualties about each other, asking about family, jobs, and hobbies and Gilbert found himself enjoying the exchange. One subject led to another and eventually, the conversation turned to Gilbert's current situation somewhere halfway through the meal and Gilbert found himself spilling everything that he was keeping to himself.
He told Jake things that nobody else knew. He told him of the fact that he wanted to propose to Matthew, told him of the guilt he still felt, of his irregular sleeping habits, of his rage, his longing, his sorrow, his jealousy, he brought himself raw until there was nothing left in him and for some reason, he felt better.
Jake did not judge him and he didn't laugh. He simply put a soothing hand on top of his and said nothing. By his silence, Gilbert understood that he wasn't left alone and that he had friends he could talk to.
"Thanks." He finally said after a moment passed. Jake shook his head.
"I can only hope to be as lucky as Matthew and to one day find someone as caring. There aren't many like you out there." Jake gave him a little smile and Gilbert wondered for a second what Jake's story was.
They finished eating in relative calm and even had dessert. They each paid their own bill and Gilbert was pleased by the general outcome of the evening. He was about to pull his jacket on when Jake slipped him a piece of paper from across the table. He picked it up and unfolded it only to find a phone number written on it.
"Call me, if ever you need someone to talk to and you feel no one else can listen." Gilbert nodded and placed it in his wallet, where it would be safe. The evening came to an end and they both went their separate ways. For some reason, he felt strangely optimistic.
OWARI 12
TO BE CONTINUED
Aha, yeah, so I have a strange definition for "things are going to pick up". Go ahead, lemme have it!
I do accept anonymous reviews.
Started writing: September 7th 2010, 11:29pm
Finished writing: September 8th 2010, 11:56pm
Started typing: September 18th 2010, 10:55pm
Finished typing: September 19th 2010, 12:40am