Stephenie Meyer owns the copyright to Twilight and all its characters

The original characters, plots, and storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Brits23 and Lazykate

(Translation: if you steal it, we will send Bitey after your ass…and not in a good way)

Just as a reminder—Lazykate writes the girls and Brits23 writes the boys.

~Epilogue~

EPOV

"Edward Masen! No means no!"

I rolled my eyes, all while maintaining a blinding smile upon my face. For as much as my girl liked to bust my balls, I sure did enjoy it.

"I'm just saying, baby," I chuckled, holding my arm up to block her adorable fists. "A little road head might alleviate some stress."

"You don't have any stress," she grumbled, a smile breaking through her scowl as I caught her hand and twisted my fingers with hers.

"I have some stress…my gorgeous girlfriend is constantly busting my chops. That's stressful."

She was silent for only a moment before she was smacking me again, giggling melodically as I protected myself from her wrath. "Stop attacking me while I'm driving, woman!"

"I thought that's what you wanted," she challenged, quirking her brow at me and taking my hand once more.

Sadness flashed in her eyes, breaking through our playfulness as she squeezed me tighter. "You sure you want to do this?" I murmured, lifting our joined hands to brush across her cheek.

She nodded solemnly. "Yes, I do. It's time…we can't avoid him forever."

"I just feel shitty."

"There's a good chance that feeling will never go away, Edward. My stomach is in knots, but he told you he wanted both of us there. He just doesn't want us to miss out on Gladys's big night."

"I don't understand why Gladys had to have a shotgun retirement anyway," I grumbled.

Bella laughed softly. "Sweetie, she won the Powerball, why wouldn't she?"

"Still…lame excuse."

"Hey, at least she stuck around long enough to train her replacement for Car…for your dad." Two months had gone by, and she still couldn't say his name.

I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me, but I was confident in the feelings Bella and I shared. There were no doubts for either one of us, but it still didn't change the fact that we had hurt someone we both deeply cared for. That shit stung…for all three of us.

I knew my pop always put on a happy face for me whenever we'd catch the game or have a few beers. After everything went down with us and Bella, the one thing he and I vowed to one another was that we wouldn't let this fucked up coincidence ruin our relationship. Carlisle and I had gone too long without having each other in our lives; nothing would ever break us up now, because he was my fucking family. That meant everything to me…but Bella meant just as much. Thankfully, Carlisle understood that, and it never ceased to amaze me just how lucky I was to have him for a father.

All three of us were caught up in something that was out of our control, and now all we could do was sort through the rubble and try to live our lives again. Carlisle never outright asked me to keep Bella away, but as far as I was concerned, it was a given. The wounds were still raw for all of us, and the distance was a necessity because of it.

All things considered, my pop was doing a hell of a lot better than I expected. It killed me every time his smile never reached his eyes, or when he confessed that he wasn't sure when he'd ever be ready to get back on the horse, dating-wise. In those moments, I could see as plain as day what Bella meant to him, and I felt like a fucking shit-heel as a result.

Right after it happened, I was constantly apologizing, but for what exactly, I didn't know. I just needed him to understand that his pain cut me just as deeply as it did him. I would have done anything to take it away, but eventually, he demanded that I stop apologizing for the hand we were dealt.

"Son, I don't want to hear the word 'sorry' out of your mouth again. I'll be all right, because you're all right. That's all I need, okay kid? Just treat her right and be happy together…don't worry about me when you have so much to be thankful for."

And that was my dad. Selfless, amazing, and so unbelievably generous. He had so much love to give, and I prayed that one day he'd be able to find the right woman.

My palms began sweating as we got closer to the banquet hall where Gladys' retirement party was being held. My knee began bobbing frantically up and down, and Bella looked as white as a fucking sheet. We were in a sorry state.

"Maybe we shouldn't um, touch or anything when we get there?" she swallowed thickly, her nerves evident in her eyes as she fiddled with her clutch.

"Okay," I whispered.

"Edward, I don't…"

"What is it, baby?" I asked softly, sliding my hand beneath her hair to wrap around the back of her neck.

"I don't want to see him hurting. I know that's selfish of me, but he's such a good man, and he's been through hell because of me…"

"Bella, don't even," I said forcefully, pulling her toward me over the center console. "We've been through this a thousand times. My pop is stronger than you think. He'll be all right. None of this is your fault, you have to let go of all the blame."

She sniffed and rested her head against my shoulder. "I know. I just hate this."

My fingers slid through her long hair soothingly as I kissed her forehead. "I feel the same way, Bella. But this is something that needs to happen. Once we break through this barrier, it will only get easier as time goes on."

"At least we'll have Alice and Jasper there," she sighed sadly.

"And Emmett and Rosalie, too," I reminded.

Bella looked at me warily. "I don't think she likes me."

"She doesn't like anybody, baby, it's not personal," I chuckled, straightening my tie.

I pulled into the parking lot of the hall and both our nerves escalated tenfold. "This is three hours out of our lives, Bella. We're walking into a room full of friends and family who love us. We'll get through this."

She smiled reverently at me and kissed the back of my hand before resting it against her cheek. "You're calming me down already. Who knew you'd be so levelheaded about this?"

I smiled crookedly and leaned forward to kiss her gently on the lips. "I'm just a peaceful kind of guy, sweet thing. And just so you have something to look forward to when we get back to my place, I fully intend on serenading you tonight. Ladies' choice…do you want MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice?"

Bella clasped her chest and pretended to swoon. "Oh, Edward, you sure know how to romance a girl," she trilled sarcastically.

"Damn straight," I growled, pulling her over the console until she was practically in my lap. "Now give me some love since we're going to be all chaste and shit in there."

"How much love do you want?" she purred, the back of her hand sliding down my stomach. I caught it just before she went past my belt, groaning softly.

"Oh sure, now you want to give me road head," I murmured against her lips, tracing them with my tongue before diving into her mouth for a better taste.

My girl's flavor was fucking delicious.

Our kiss turned heated as she gripped my tie and wrapped it around her fist, pulling until I was kissing her hard enough for it to hurt. I squeezed her bare thighs as my hands snuck beneath her dress, sliding higher until my fingertips brushed lacy fabric. "You're an evil woman," I gasped against her chin.

"I'm not," she whispered, kissing me once more before looking deeply into my eyes. "And all I want from you after this party is to take me home with you, let me cuddle with you and Taylor, and hold me until I fall asleep."

"Fuck, that made me hard."

She rolled her eyes and slapped my chest, attempting to pull away before I grabbed her tightly. "Hey…that's all I ever want too, you know."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, her cheek against mine as she breathed evenly. "I love you, Edward," she whispered against my skin.

Music to my ears.

"Can I add one more thing to that list of activities tonight?" My fingers began creeping up her thigh again, and she melted into my grasp.

"Oh…sorry, sweetie, I should have specified. That's what I want to do after you rip all my clothes off and fuck me. My bad." She patted my cheek and grinned at me with pure fire in her eyes, crawling back into her seat and opening the door to climb out of the car.

Fuck, that woman would be the death of me.

I caught up with her quickly, lacing our fingers together and kissing her temple. "What did I tell you? Evil…"

"You like it," she smirked.

I shook my head. "No, I love it." I leaned down and sucked her earlobe into my mouth before kissing her jaw. "I love you."

She had no idea how much.

As we approached the glass doors of the banquet hall, Bella regretfully untangled her fingers from mine. "We're almost there…we should let go."

I looked at her fiercely, stopping in my tracks as I lost myself inside the brown eyes that completely and utterly owned my ass. "I'm never letting go," I murmured solemnly, meaning so much more than clasped hands.

She gazed up at me in my favorite way. Eyes shining, lips quirked, pure love radiating from every inch of her. With a sigh she ran her hand along my cheek. "I'm not either."

We both needed strength from one another to be able to withstand this moment of truth. This was the first time my pop would see Bella since the bullshit went down, and the first time he'd be seeing us together. It was the first time he'd see firsthand just how in love with me she was, and perhaps the first time I'd see his own love for her shining in his eyes.

Fuck, this was all so much to take, but they were the two most important people in my life, and one way or another, we would fix this shit…because we had to.

I held the door open widely for Bella as she graciously stepped through the threshold, and with a deep breath, we walked toward the sounds of music and laughter billowing from inside.

-x-

BPOV

I don't think I'd ever really understood the phrase "sweating like a whore in church." Until now.

I stepped through the heavy door of the banquet hall that Edward held open for me, simultaneously wiping my damp palms on my skirt. I'd tried to keep the mood during the drive light, for my boyfriend's sake, because I knew he was as nervous as I was.

Well, maybe not quite as nervous, but I could tell he was jittery too. He'd made more unnecessary jokes to put me at ease, but the smile never completely made it to his eyes. He was constantly touching me, trying to reassure me, even though I knew the whole key to that lay within my own mind. But I didn't want him to think I didn't appreciate his efforts, so I laughed and smiled and even played him at his own game, throwing his barbs back at him.

Truly, though, I was so nervous about this party that I was almost sick. I wasn't sure why; Carlisle had reassured Edward repeatedly that our happiness was all he ever wanted, and that seeing the two of us happy together was the epitome of that. And Edward and I were happy…more happy than I'd ever been, more happy than I'd allowed myself to believe I could be. Almost every day, the joy in my life was enough to make me forget about the whole messed-up situation where our relationship had begun.

It was only in unexpected moments when guilt stung me, made twofold by my own selfishness: when Edward spent a weekend afternoon watching the game with his father, or when the two of them went out for drinks after work. Carlisle always asked how I was doing, of course, and although it was no less than what I should have expected, it made me ache anyway.

My transition into a relationship with Edward hadn't been a seamless one. Although I knew he loved me, and I trusted him implicitly, he was completely unprepared for the whole concept of monogomy. He'd spent his life guarding his heart from opening up to let someone in, and there were moments when that showed. Our first fight, when we'd ambled down to Blue World after dinner, and he'd let a bleach-haired tramp sit on his lap, waiting for me to fling her off instead of politely rebuffing her himself. Or when a chance meeting with James in the hallway had almost ended up in a fistfight when a stinging word or two would have sufficed. Edward loved in extremes, and he was still learning that a relationship was all about compromise, not black or white.

I didn't love him any less for it, though.

My boyfriend…my impetuous, hot-headed, passionate boyfriend. Edward and I were ridiculously and improbably perfect together. He could make me laugh when I let the stress of work get to me too much, and I grounded him when his anxiety over Esme's half-hearted continued meddling in his life had him spinning off into space. On paper, we never should have made sense. But in the end, we loved each other so much that it all just kind of worked.

And Carlisle's quiet acceptance of it all made it so much easier, and that only made my guilt worse.

I hadn't seen or spoke to Carlisle in two months, since my last conversation with him. Edward had shared all the news with me: the flourishing of his practice, Gladys' improbable Powerball win. But never did Edward suggest that the three of us go out for dinner, or did Carlisle invite us both over. There were limits that we all needed to adhere to first, and I was only too glad to cling to those.

Now, though, was the actual test of our weeks of polite side-stepping. Bailing out of Gladys' retirement party wasn't an option for either of us, and truthfully, it was probably the best opportunity Edward and I could hope for. Alice had practically dressed me and shoved me out the door into Edward's car, filling my ears with practical wisdom that made sense up until the final moment. We were all adults. Carlisle didn't hate me or Edward. The world wasn't coming to an end. We could do this.

The hall was on the higher end of such venues; Edward had told me that Carlisle had practically begged Gladys to let him give her a more luxurious send-off. She'd lovingly scolded him for the thought, but requested something where everyone would be comfortable…and then asked him to hand over his Amex to pay for it. The result was a plated dinner at an old-money Miami banquet hall, and a DJ instead of a string quartet. It was a testament to Gladys' popularity that the room was packed when we walked in.

Edward's warm arm snaked around my waist. "Whoa, this looks like my senior prom…emphasis on senior."

"Stop!" I hissed, even as I smothered a giggle. The presence of Gladys' friends did tip the crowd toward the AARP end, but from the look of things and the line at the bar, I might end up dancing with a man who cashed Social Security checks by the end of the night.

The first familiar faces we spotted were Rosalie and Emmett. I wasn't quite sure what Rosalie's problem was with me, despite Edward's repeated assurances that she hated everyone, but I found her snotty attitude more than a little annoying. Emmett, on the other hand, was a complete hoot. He was like a giant teddy bear in a WWF wrestler's body, and an eighth-grade boy's sense of humor. You couldn't help but like him. His ice-bitch of a supermodel girlfriend, however, was a different matter, and her arched eyebrow as we approached just reinforced that.

"Dude!" Emmett reached out to fist-bump Edward. "Who would have thought your dad knew so many fine-ass MILFs and GILFs? This party isn't half-bad!"

"Sick!" Edward laughed, even as Rosalie landed a blow into Emmett's ribs that made him grunt. When he got his breath back, he managed to wheeze out a reply.

"Where's Jazzy-boy? Don't tell me he managed to dodge an invite to this?"

"He and Alice were right behind us, last we knew," I put in.

"Yeah, you know his schedule is set by that hopped-up elfin princess. She probably sent him out for some new mascara or some shit," Edward added. I elbowed him, a move that he neatly dodged before pulling me tight against his hard body. "Hey, I speak the truth, baby, and you know it."

"Don't think so."

Rosalie snorted, a surprising sound from her glacial perfection. "I hope you two aren't hungry. Gladys apparently wanted hors d'oeuvres for an hour or two before dinner."

"It's a retirement party, not a fucking wedding reception," was Edward's stinging reply. "Now I see the line for the drinks, but where's my pop and the lady in question?"

Emmett gestured with his half-empty glass. "The receiving line is over there. Have fun."

I could hear another grunt from him as Rosalie landed another dig, but all I was conscious of was Edward's warm hand settling on my hip as we turned toward the far corner of the hall. "You okay, baby?"

I licked my dry lips, already missing the diversion Emmett and Rosalie had provided. "Ready as I'll ever be. You?"

Instead of replying, he pulled me tighter against his body, and I let myself sink into the comfort it provided. "It'll be fine Bella, you can do this. But if you want to bail, just say the word."

I took a deep breath, bailing was the last thing I would allow myself to do right now. "I'm all right. Let's go. Just…" Contradicting our earlier words, I reached down and grasped his hand in a death-grip. "Don't leave me, okay?"

If he was surprised or hesitant at my request, it didn't show. "I'm not going anywhere, baby, you know that." His fingers, entwined through my own, tightened. "It's just my dad, not Genghis Khan or some shit."

Except that I was dating your dad while I was dating you, except that I know what it's like to have sex with your dad and... I squeezed my eyes shut. I didn't regret a single thing I'd done with Carlisle, and Edward was my life now.

The resolve of his hand in mine gave me strength, and as he tugged me toward the corner of the banquet hall I took a deep breath. Like a scene out of some cheesy movie, the crowd parted before us and there he was.

Dressed to perfection in a suit, of course, standing just to Gladys' right, laughing at something, a glass of amber liquid in his hand. Carlisle. Oh Carlisle…I may not have loved him the way I knew he'd loved me back, but the quick ache came and pierced through me. What I'd done to him…

The bitch about cheesy movies and crowds parting was that the other party inevitably laid eyes on you almost as quick. Just as Carlisle's eyes landed on us, I heard Edward take in a heavy breath next to me, just before he launched himself into that most charming of facades he could put on. Stepping forward quickly, he clapped a hand on his father's back as he addressed the guest of honor.

"Powerball, huh? And here I thought we had an understanding, Gladys? Whatever happened to the whole sugar mama thing?"

Gladys laughed as the man I quickly recognized as her husband threw a mock-scowl in Edward's direction. "Step off my woman, boy. She'll be supporting me through our retirement now!"

"I couldn't even tempt her out of leaving." I could hear Carlisle's easy voice, and I forced myself to smile in his direction without really meeting his eyes. "It's good to see you, son. Hello Bella."

"Hello, Carlisle. Congratulations, Gladys." The words were mine, but I was feeling strangely out-of-body at the moment.

"Ohh, thank you, sweetpea!" Gladys reached over to give both Edward and I an impetuous hug before beaming at us. "We're leaving on one of those 'round-the-world cruises next weekend, but we'll be sure to send postcards!"

"To hell with postcards, I want souvenirs!" Edward's voice was relaxed, but his fingers after they settled back on my hip were anything but. "Pearls from Bora-Bora or some shit."

"Buy your own pearls, hon!" Gladys flung back at him. "Now go enjoy some of the overpriced appetizers I charged to your father's account, and I fully expect a dance or three with you later this evening. In the meantime, behave yourself!"

Another couple crowded up against us just then, clamoring for Gladys' attention, and just like that, our long-dreaded meeting was over. Edward guided me away, toward the dance floor, just before snaking down a hand to squeeze my ass. I squeaked involuntarily.

"Edward, God!"

"I've heard a lot of that Edward-God! thing, but it still sounds good." He swung me out onto the dance floor, under the dizzying swirl of the DJ's lights. Some Rush power-ballad was playing, and I let him pull me tight against his body. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Considering we only said two words to each other, it didn't really have a chance to be bad." The butterflies-on-crack feeling in my stomach had only slightly abated at our brief meeting with Carlisle, and I knew there was more to come in this evening than what we'd already faced. "But I'm not ready to bail, if that's what you're asking."

"Nah, I knew that." His arm tightened around me, and despite his light tone, I knew he was worried. "I just…you know…"

"I'm okay, Edward. Swear to God." I sucked in a deep breath and pulled back enough so that he could see me smile. "It was quick and painless, it's all good. I think I built it up too much in my mind."

The green eyes that pierced though any lie I could conceive studied my face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." I stood on tiptoe to plant a kiss on his cheek. "I'm fine."

"We'll probably be sitting with them at dinner, you know."

"That's fine too." The song changed to an equally mood-appropriate Eric Clapton crooning about looking wonderful tonight. "I'm not ashamed to be here with you, you know that. And Carlisle would never be anything but a perfect gentleman under any circumstances."

Edward sucked in a deep breath, looking away. "Baby…it's okay. I know this is awkward as fuck, I just want to make sure you're all right."

"Okay, let's just be blunt then?" Bluntness was something I'd come to appreciate in our relationship. "This is Carlisle we're talking about. He's not going to hurt us. That's the last thing in the world he'd do. Maybe getting all this awkward seeing-you-again stuff out of the way will make things better overall."

He heaved out a deep breath. "Yeah. In the grand scheme of things, it's probably about time we grow up and act like adults...as much as I hate to admit it."

I smiled up at him and wove my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"You know I fucking do." His words were rough, but I could hear the emotion in his voice. "You and me baby, no matter what."

"Exactly. So let's just…let's just dance to the best of the power ballads, okay?"

He forced out a chuckle before pecking a quick kiss on my lips. "Whatever you want, beautiful."

Eric Clapton was still singing and I'd started to relax when a voice spoke from just to our right. "Am I allowed to cut in?"

Carlisle's voice, easy and as kind as I'd ever heard it. It could have been an awkward moment, but in the next heartbeat when Edward's eyes met mine, I knew it didn't have to be. He trusted me, and this meeting was one that needed to happen.

Edward let me go into his father's arms, and I took a deep breath before looking up into the blue eyes I hadn't met for so long. "Hi."

"Hello, Bella." He moved easily in time to the music, his arms perfectly polite around me, his face betraying nothing. "I'm glad you both came tonight."

"We wouldn't have missed it." I bit my lip, unsure what to say next.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. Busy as always."

He nodded. "Edward told me you're planning on going back to school?"

"Sort of…I'm going to start taking a few classes on website coding and stuff. I'm thinking about striking out on my own instead of contracting with the company in California."

"That sounds like a great idea," he said immediately. "I have no doubt you'll do just as well if not better for yourself. And feel free to use me as a reference."

I smiled tentatively at him. "Thank you, Carlisle."

He smiled back, nothing but kindness in his expression. "Bella…no matter what happened…I hope you'll always feel comfortable approaching me if there's anything you or Edward need. I'll always be here for both of you."

"I know," I murmured, dropping my gaze. "I just feel bad…that…"

"Don't feel bad," he said quickly. "No regrets, right?"

"I found out that's easier said than done."

"Bella…" I felt his fingers under my chin, lifting my face back to meet his eyes. "I saw the two of you the moment you walked in the door. I saw you talking to Emmett and Rosalie. And the looks on your faces…" Here he hesitated for a moment. "You both looked so happy. I've never seen my son look the way he does with you. And your expression was a mirror of his."

"I love him very much," I whispered.

"I can tell, and that makes me happier than I can express in words. Stop beating yourself up over the past…all I want is for the two of you to be content in each other, and that brings me all the satisfaction and joy I need."

There was absolutely no doubting the sincerity in his voice or in his blue eyes, but I sensed a note of finality between us when he leaned forward and kissed my cheek, releasing me as the music ended. "Enjoy yourselves tonight, and take care, Bella."

"Thank you."

He gave me one last smile before turning away, cutting through the growing crowd on the dance floor. He'd barely disappeared when I felt familiar arms wrap around me.

"You okay, baby?"

I turned to face Edward, and immediately saw the anxiety in his green eyes. "Yeah, I'm fine. I think he just needed to say goodbye in person."

"What do you mean, goodbye? Is he planning on packing up and splitting or some shit?"

I had to laugh, despite the real concern in his voice. "Don't be so literal, silly. I meant…goodbye to me."

"Oh." He exhaled a long breath. "What did he say?"

I thought for a moment about recounting the entire conversation, but I didn't want to add to the guilt I already knew Edward carried. "He wanted to make sure I knew we could come to him for anything we ever needed. And he said we looked very happy."

"Was he freaked out?"

"No, not at all. I think he needed that conversation just as much as I did. I don't think we'll be all best friends and inviting him over for dinner parties any time soon, but maybe some day…"

Edward nodded, his expression relaxing. "Hey…they're playing our song!"

I focused back on the music and then groaned almost immediately. "Edward…we don't have a song, and if we did, it wouldn't be Everything I Do, I Do it For You."

"Sure it would," he insisted, pulling me tightly against his body and moving with me to Bryan Adams' crooning. "This was the ultimate love song of the nineties. I think I'll sing it to you every night before bed. Naked."

I couldn't help but laugh as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "That's okay, playboy, totally not necessary."

"The singing, or the naked part?"

"Mmm, I'll take the naked part any time." I felt another surreptitious squeeze on my butt and scowled at him. "Edward Masen…I swear to God I'll take that last part back if you don't stop groping me in public!"

He grinned down at me, the swirling lights glinting in his dancing eyes. "Love you anyway, baby."

"I love you anyway too," I replied, just before he bent to kiss me. The very last knots of tension left my body as he held me close, and I didn't even tease him when he sang the final few words of the song quietly in my ear.

I was exactly where I wanted to be. And as long as we had each other, then we'd be okay in the long run.

The rest of the night ended up being surprisingly enjoyable, and despite my initial observations about the AARP crowd, the majority of Gladys' friends were still going strong when we left shortly after midnight. I spent more time at Edward's apartment than I did at the house now, and he drove us straight back to Wind Tower without having to ask.

The moment Taylor heard Edward's key in the lock, she started yelping and whining from within her puppy palace, and I couldn't help but laugh as the furry brown ball of energy rocketed out the door as soon as Edward opened it. She ran directly to the living room, nails scrambling on the hardwood, before launching herself onto the couch and fixing both of us with an accusatory stare.

"Aww, baby girl, don't act like we've never left you home alone before. We were out seeing your Grandpa do the Hokey-Pokey." Edward spread his hands beseechingly as Taylor continued to stare him down.

"Does Carlisle know you call him that?"

"Are you kidding?" he snorted. "He'd shit a brick."

I laughed again and dropped down on the couch next to Taylor, and she immediately flung herself across my lap. I scratched behind her soft brown ears and she heaved a contented sigh, shutting her eyes only when Edward sat down next to me. "I thought we were headed straight for my bedroom for the clothes ripping and fucking and such?"

"Hey, it's still early, and I think someone missed us." Right on cue, Taylor heaved a blissful sigh and cracked one eye open to stare at Edward, as if daring him to break up the snuggle session.

"Domestication, who would have guessed it would have happened to me?" There was no regret in his words, though, and I curled into his side as he put an arm around me. Taylor hitched herself forward so that she was sprawled over both our legs, and I planted a kiss on Edward's cheek before whispering in his ear.

"Hey...maybe the monogamies aren't so bad after all."

-x-

-x-

-x-

A/N:

We interrupt your (somewhat) regularly-scheduled orgy for this important authors' note. Even if you are not a fan of our long-ass A/Ns, you may want to read, as important information is contained within.

Kate and Brits snot sob into their "I love McYummy and Playboyward" baby tees OMG, you guise...it's finally over!

Kate: YES, it's over! We only do one epilogue per story around these parts! So we have good news and bad news! GOOD NEWS: Holy shitballs are we excited to churn out some outtakes for Dirty Little Secrets! They'll be tacked onto the end of this story, so as long as you have it on alert, it's all good!

Brits: BAD NEWS: We will not be doing a sequel. sadface But realistically, who needs a sequel when tons of outtakes are coming your way? We're talking smuttakes, futuretakes, smuttakes, dream-sex where ExBxC is not creepy cuz it was a dream she had BEFORE she knew...and did I mention smuttakes? That's right, my twin and I are nowhere near done with these three!

Kate: Got a specific outtake you'd LOVE to see? We have a few in mind, but if you've got an idea, hit us up in the reviews! DuckyFach is screening all the requests, but he's solemnly sworn to be impartial!

Brits: DuckyFach is gonna get a squeak right up the ducky ass if he doesn't keep it fair between our two hot docs! side eyes DuckyFach

DuckyFach: grumpysqueak

Kate: So anyway, BRACE YOURSELVES for our co-Sally-Field moment! Because apparently YOU LIKE US, YOU REALLY LIKE US! First off we'd like to thank all of YOU for reading, for hanging in there, for keeping the OMG WTF EWW EWW EWW to a minimum, for trusting us, for not boiling us in oil with the Choose Your Own Adventure endings (which yes, we PLANNED over a year and a half ago)…

Brits: ...For pimping us on Twitter, for putting aside your mad Edward love and accepting Carlisle into your hearts, for supporting us, and most of all...for being the most fuckawesome readers anyone could ever ask for, EVER!

Kate: Yeah, bottom-line, you guys ROCK! And now, just as a gentle reminder…if you're reading this A/N and are completely confused, please don't forget that the last chapter and epilogue were different depending on whose profile you're currently chilling at. Even if you're a hardcore E/B or C/B lovah, consider checking out the alternative. We won't rat you out to the canon-police, but we love and worked our asses off on BOTH endings equally, swear to God!

Brits: Allow me to take a brief second to fangirl over my amazing beta, who constantly fixes my shit and makes me look a lot better than I am. I haven't been giving her the props she deserves in our DLS A/N's cuz, let's face it, Kate and I are wordy bitches, but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve it! Isabel, thanks a million, sweets! Love ya!

Kate: Ummm, anything else we need to say, or are we just padding our wordcount at this point? Cuz I'd really love to go hump a hot doc right about now…we can flip a coin to see who ends up with who!

Brits: I call heads! heh heh. Our readers clearly don't know about the THIRD alternate ending, where Brits and Kate ride Playboyward and Doctor McYummy off into the sunset. But...we better just keep that one between the two of us!

Kate: Yeah, good call! All right everyone, love and smooches from your Perv-Twins, Dr. McYummy, Playboyward, and DuckyFach! See you in the outtakes...until then...PARTY ON BRITS!

Brits: PARTY ON GARTH! I mean KATE! Send us some farewell reviews! We love you all!

*THE END*