Breathe Anew

Confessed

Guess who! A new chapter after a really long wait! I am so sorry for falling behind on this. School work is being a pain in my ass and it's deemed itself more important in my life. Hmph.

Characters: Matthew, Gilbert

Rating: T for cursing on Matthew's part.

Disclaimer: Some of you will be quite happy.

Breathe Anew

Confessed

Gilbert refused to see Jake for a few days simply by principle. It took him a long while to sum up the courage to call him back. On top of that, he hadn't seen Matthew in two weeks and had it not been for Francis who called him five days ago to tell him that no, Matthew did not get abducted by space aliens, he would have been seriously worried, even though he still was.

The pessimist inside of him kept on telling him that his once lover simply picked up and moved out with Valerie, but when he saw her, eight days ago going into her place, his mind was able to conjure other drastic scenarios.

He was feeling simply shitty and the fact that he hadn't seen any of his friends for a while was getting to him, but that was to be expected. The only good thing that happened, since that evening with Jake was that the other man called him just the other day to talk things over and eliminate the white elephant in the room. As much as he wasn't looking forward to the talk, it was obviously needed and in the end, he was glad that Jake took the initiative to call, for it did them both wonders and they were able to achieve closure on this chapter, before moving on.

They talked extensively and things returned to where they were for them. Gilbert was glad, since he really enjoyed spending time with the other man.

As for now, it was the month of May and one year passed since the incident. Gilbert was simply relaxing on the couch in his living room. He had work to do and supper to start, but he was just emotionally exhausted. He felt as though he got to the end of road, at the cul-de-sac and there was no way out of his one way mess. He was about to just take a nap, but then he heard the front door open. He thought of feigning sleep, but when Matthew called out for him, he was up before he even realised it.

"Where have you been?" He found himself saying, before he could even formulate a proper greeting. He sounded worried even though he didn't want to, but the fact remained that Matthew was always on his mind, despite everything.

"I was with Francis. I'm - I'm sorry I didn't call. I just needed some time to think and to be alone. Don't get mad at him, I told him not to tell you anything." Gilbert nodded and they were both silent. He noticed that Matthew looked tired, almost as if he didn't sleep, since the last time he saw him. Matthew had deep, dark circles under his eyes and he looked thinner.

"I – we – can we talk? I really need to talk to you." Matthew finally said. Many different things ran through Gilbert's head. Was Matthew sick? Was that why he looked like this? Did something happen in those past two weeks? He found himself swallowing thickly and nodding.

They both made their way to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Gilbert waited for Matthew to say something, but the younger man seemed completely nervous and fidgety. The air around them was heavy and Gilbert didn't dare move in case it would scare Matthew from telling him whatever it was that was bothering him.

"I… I don't know how to start this." He finally said.

"Start from the beginning." Gilbert offered. He was hoping that it would help, but it seemed to only anger Matthew.

"The beginning? I don't even remember the beginning! I wish I did, though, trust me, I wish I did. It would make this mess so much less complicated." He finally snapped. Gilbert was slightly unnerved, but listened anyways.

"I don't want to mess anything up, but I just have to tell you this because it's been bothering me for the last several weeks, and I just can't take it anymore! I thought I could push it aside, I thought I was imagining things, but then it just – I – I couldn't – everything – it's not –" Matthew fought to find the words and had to stop for a moment.

"Just take your time, Matt, I'm not in a hurry." Gilbert told him encouragingly. Matthew looked at him and nodded.

"The thing is, ever since I woke up, I was told you were my best friend and I accepted that, but then you were always hovering around me and everyone's been trying to hide something from me, including you and it's been driving me mad." Gilbert opened his mouth to protest, but Matthew shook his head.

"Hear me out first, please. I'm not stupid; I could see it in all of your eyes. It's written there, and okay, so you don't want to tell me, fine, but that doesn't help me. On top of that, I can't fucking remember you! After all this time, if I have ten memories of you, that's a lot and I know I'm missing something, I just feel it, but I can't do anything about it!

You have no idea what it's like to see someone and try to guess what they mean to you. And I can't even be mad at you because you're always there to help me. And somehow, somewhere amongst all of this, you became my friend again, but then I wasn't sure if you were, because in the back of my mind, something in me yearned for more. Something – something just wanted to hold your hand and be with you." Gilbert could see the tears in the younger man's eyes, he could feel Matthew's pain from across the table and as much as he wanted to run to the other's side and hug him tight, he stayed rooted to the spot.

"It scared me. It completely fucking scared me. I was so confused and I felt as though I already felt this before and then I was angry for not understanding and not knowing what to do.

How the hell am I supposed to tell my "best friend" that I love him? How the fuck is someone supposed to go about that without risking screwing everything up and destroying an entire relationship?" Matthew paused again. The blonde tried to speak a few times, but he could only open his mouth before closing it again.

Gilbert wasn't sure what to make of this. On the one hand, he felt elated that apparently, Matthew had somehow, re-fallen in love with him, but at the same time, there were still so many things he wasn't sure he understood.

"What about – what about Valerie?" He asked. He didn't want to get into anything if Matthew didn't have some sort of closure with her.

"I haven't been with her in almost a month. I spoke with her and we both realized we were after different people. In a way, we were using each other without really knowing it. She was after someone else and I was falling for you. We agreed that we had our good times, but it would be best to just call it quits. That sort of just confirmed everything for me."

"But I thought you were moving in with her. I heard you talking about property and land and whatnot a while back."

"No, that was work related. I wanted to tell you, but when I got home that day, I just didn't feel like staying here so I left." They were silent once more and the atmosphere was still just as heavy.

"Listen, I'm sorry for snapping at you. I just really needed to get everything out and I would hate to lose you as a friend because of this. I just wanted to let you know and –" Gilbert silenced him by placing a finger on his lips.

"Shh, it's okay, don't worry about it, I'm cool with it. I also happen to really like you." He gave the younger man a smile and Matthew was slightly taken aback. Gilbert tried to find the right words that wouldn't hint to their past relationship and he felt those would do.

"Everything's going to be okay." He got up from his seat and Matthew did the same. He found himself walking to him and instinctively wrapped his arms around the other's body. They stayed in that position for a moment and Gilbert revelled in the feel of the shorter man's body against his. It had been far too long since he was this close and he ached for more.

He let Matthew burry his head in his chest and he patted him reassuringly on the back to let him know that he was there for him. Just being close like this was more than he came to think would ever be possible to get to ever again.

When they pulled back, Gilbert noticed that Matthew's unshed tears were threatening to fall and he brought up his hand to wipe away one that rolled down on his cheek. They locked gaze with one another and Gilbert couldn't remember the last time he felt so connected with him.

"I've always loved you." He whispered before tilting Matthew's chin up and bringing his face closer. He pressed his lips against the younger man's and felt Matthew cling to him as he responded back to the kiss. It felt surreal; he waited for this moment, he dreamt about it and he cherished it now.

He tested the waters at first, taking it slow, not wanting to rush Matthew into anything, not wanting to overwhelm him, but when Matthew slipped his tongue in his mouth and pushed him hard against the wall, tugging on his shirt, he placed his hands on top of Matthew's own to stop him. As much as he wanted to continue with this, as much as he would have liked nothing more but to get that physical contact and get some release, they had to stop.

"I'm – I'm sorry, I shouldn't have – I got carried away – I…" Gilbert stopped him by placing a finger on his lips and brushed it over lightly.

"It's okay, don't worry about it, but I know you; we've both been through a lot and if we want to make this work, we shouldn't rush through things." Matthew nodded his head and Gilbert removed his digit before kissing him again briefly.

"But this is okay. We'll build our way up, alright?" Again, Matthew nodded and smiled.

"How about I make us some dinner and we watch a movie afterwards, just the two us and nothing more?" He took the other's hand and kissed it tenderly just as Matthew blushed slightly.

"That sounds like a wonderful plan." Gilbert let go of his hand, before going back to the fridge and started getting the things that he would need out.

They would take it slow for now, go at it one step at a time and he would count his blessings that Matthew, even though he did not have his memories back, somehow found his way back to him. It was a beginning; a new one at that.

OWARI 15

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter is done!

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Started writing: November 3rd 2010, 5:54pm

Finished writing: November 4th 2010, 3:56pm

Started typing: November 11th 2010, 6:49pm

Finished typing: November 11th 2010, 8:07pm