Breathe Anew

Cooked

I'm sorry it's taking me so long to update. University has its hold on me.

Disclaimer: Can you smell the ending? I can!

Characters: Gilbert, Matthew

Breathe Anew

Cooked

When Matthew woke up that morning, it was to an unfamiliar room. It took him a moment, but he eventually realised he was in Gilbert's room and they fell asleep in there the previous night. He allowed a small smile to come to his face, as he stretched and felt Gilbert's arm tighten slightly around his waist. He craned his head upwards and found the other man to still be fast asleep. He wiggled about, until he was out of the hold and then sat up.

He took a moment to look at his surroundings. He had been tired the night before and didn't really take in much of the room. He was surprised by the choice of decoration and found that it wasn't what he thought he would find in Gilbert's room. He looked at each wall in turn and at the furniture, until his eyes came to rest on the night table that was on Gilbert's side.

There was a very basic lamp, which matched with the one that was closer to him, there was a gray alarm clock with a red display of numbers and there was a small picture frame as well. Matthew paid little attention to it at first, but then he found his eyes drawn back to it. Gilbert was in the picture, but there was someone else in it.

He extended his hand and took the frame, before reaching for his glasses with the other hand and then bringing the frame close. He gasped at what he saw. It was him and Gilbert, but he clearly did not remember this picture ever being taken. He knew it wasn't some random snapshot, since they were both looking at the camera and smiling for it. He couldn't understand.

He knew he and Gilbert had were friends before he lost his memories, but friends didn't pose like that or kiss each other in such a way for a picture… Matthew felt more and more confused and put the frame down to think of all the possible possibilities.

He always felt there was something that wasn't right about this situation and that there was a puzzle piece missing, but this just threw him off balance. Part of his mind seemed to be whispering to him what it truly was, but the other just couldn't understand why it would be that when he was told the contrary.

He sighed to himself and sat a little straighter. In his sleep, Gilbert subconsciously sought him out and snuggled close in his stomach. Matthew looked down to him and wondered what the older man hadn't told him, what was kept secret from him all this time. He automatically brought a hand down and started brushing his fingers through Gilbert's short silver locks. He took the picture again and looked at it, almost asking it to tell him everything.

He figured he would simply wait for Gilbert to wake up and then confront him about it.

For some reason or another, Gilbert felt good that morning. He slept soundly and felt completely rested. He could feel Matthew's body heat from under his face and he found himself snuggling deeper into, it as he slowly started waking up. Matthew continued combing his fingers through his hair and he had to admit, it felt really nice.

He lazily stretched and crawled up, before sitting beside the younger man and pecked his lips. He rested his head on Matthew's shoulder and he looked down to their laps.

And then he froze.

He brought his gaze upwards and felt a pang in his chest. Matthew's eyes were a storm. He never saw them so confused, hurt and betrayed. He didn't know what to do or say and he could hear Francis, in the back of his mind, telling him that he should put everything away. If he just fucked up everything, he wouldn't forgive himself, he wouldn't—

"We weren't friends, right?" Matthew finally asked. Gilbert didn't even dare look at him or say anything.

"Answer me! What is this? What does this mean?" He thrust the picture into his face. What was he supposed to say now? He remained silent still. They both remained silent for a moment and brought their gazes to the picture frame and their smiling faces.

"We were lovers, weren't we?" Still nothing.

"Weren't we?" He knew if he looked at Matthew again, he wouldn't be able to keep the truth away from him anymore. There was more silence and he slowly turned his head and looked at him.

"I'm so sorry." He finally said.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why – oh God, you should've told me! No wonder you were so miserable when I was with – why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry. I wanted to! Really, but the doctors were afraid that it would make you relapse and I didn't want to lose you again."

"But you did. You did lose me. I'm just as clueless as before. I don't remember more than half of the things that I supposedly did with you and now I find this."

"Maybe I did… but you're back now." He tried.

"No I'm not. Gilbert, I see it in your eyes, you're in love with the other me. I didn't realise it until now, because I didn't understand, but you have to forget about whatever it is that happened then, if you want for what we have now to work."

"But –" Matthew interrupted him.

"No, shh, forget me, forget him, Gilbert. Maybe one day he'll come back, but for now, please, for me, just put him away." Gilbert remained silent and Matthew sighed, as he took the picture frame out of Gilbert's hands and put it away.

"It's difficult."

"I know it is; I'm just asking you to try, please?"

"I can – I can do that." Matthew smiled softly at him and gave his hand a squeeze.

"How about I go make some breakfast, hmm?" Gilbert found himself nodding and watched as Matthew got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. Perhaps he should have told Matthew sooner, but he had truly been afraid that Matthew would have forgotten all over again.

When Matthew came back a few minutes later, he had a large tray with two dishes stacked high with pancakes, butter, maple syrup and strawberry jam and there were two mugs of steaming coffee. He set everything down before regaining his earlier spot. Gilbert remained silent and was mildly surprised when Matthew handed him his dish. He gave a questioning look to the other man, who looked just as perplexed.

"Strawberry jam?" He asked.

"Yes… I know you like it on pancakes as much as maple syrup." Gilbert remained silent and started eating. Inside though, he mentally cheered, for Matthew remembered this entirely on his own, since he hadn't told him any of this. Perhaps there was still hope for the "old" Matthew yet.

OWARI 18

TO BE CONTINUED

Three chapters left.

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Started writing: February 3rd 2011, 10:39pm

Finished writing: February 5th 2011, 11:04am

Started typing: March 2nd 2011, 6:13pm

Finished typing: March 2nd 2011, 6:54pm