It Starts With One

A Boondock Saints

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the Boondock Saints. I only own my character Autumn and any story lines that I add.

Author's Note: Thanks to eXsTorDiNaRiLy InViSiBlE, ILuvOdie,and JokerSmile for reviewing.

Recommended Song: "Again" By Flyleaf

Chapter Four:

I found myself sitting in the empty pews the next morning. I stared blankly at the empty podium where the Priest usually preaches. I held my rosary beads in my hands and bowed my head to pray.

"It has been a long time Autumn..."

I looked up and saw Father Monsignor.

"I have no been so troubled as I am today father." I responded.

"What is troubling you?" He asked as he sat beside me.

"I'm stuck father. I'm forced to hurt people in order to help myself and now it is sending the ones I care for away."

"Why don't you stop hurting others?" He asked.

"I can't father..." I looked down and tears fell down my cheeks. "I am passed forgiveness from God. He will not accept me."

"The Lord is very forgiving." He said trying to comfort.

"I don't think he will make exceptions for how bad my sins are." I spoke and kissed my rosary beads before standing. "I don't think I deserve it anymore. Thank you Father, it was good seeing you again."

Every person I cared about has slowly abandoned me. Some of them by choice and the others by force. I wanted nothing more then to tell Murphy what was happening and to ask for his help. I knew that if I brought him into this mess that he could potentially be a target. He always had someone watching the mission. I took time off of work. I told Dan that I had come down with something. I didn't feel normal anymore. I couldn't go into work. I paced in my apartment in front of the phone. Against my better judgment, I called the MacManus' apartment.

"Hello?" Connor answered.

"Hey, It's Autumn... Is Murphy around?" I asked as I swirled my finger into the cord and bit my lip.

"I... don't think it would be the best time to talk to him." He said hesitating.

I remained silent knowing that I shouldn't have put my hopes up.

"Look, I don't know what happened. He didn't want to talk about it, but just let it blow over. You know how it is. He gets pissed about something and once he cools down he is alright." He said.

"Yeah, that temper gets the best of him." I sighed.

"What do you expect he is Irish?" He said and chuckled a bit. I couldn't help but laugh myself.

"Can you just give him a message?" I asked.

"Yeah sure."

"Tell him... Tell him I'm sorry and just to call me okay?"

"I'll let him know."

"Thanks Connor." I said.

"Anytime Autumn."

We both hung up and I laid on the couch to try to get some sleep. I figured I'd need it for tonight...

The constant ringing of the phone woke me up. Once I realized what the sound was, I quickly jumped up and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I said trying to catch my breath.

"Should I call back later?" Murphy's accent made my stomach fill with fluttering butterflies.

"No! I mean no, I'm glad you called." I said sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Are you going to tell me what is going on now?"

"I told you I can't Murphy. What do you want from me?!"

"I want to know that you're safe..." His voice had a hint of worry in it.

"No one is every safe..." My voice lowered from normal pitch.

"Is someone there?" He asked.

"No. I'm alone."

"Why don't you come spend the night here?" He asked.

"I...I can't." I said covering my face with my left hand.

"Another late night?"

I hated the way he said that. I knew what he thought and meant by that.

"I'm not seeing anyone else Murphy." I wasn't in the mood to fight.

"Sure doesn't seem that way." He replied.

"Even if I was, I'd say that it is my own business."

"I beg to differ." He remarked.

"Why would it matter to you?! Can you even tell me what we are right now?! Do I even honestly mean anything to you!?" I yelled.

"Fuck off Autumn!" He slammed the phone down and I did as well.

The phone rang off the hook once again. I knew what had to be done. I knew the routine. I didn't feel like listening to it again.

"It will be done."

"Good." He hung up.

I went down to my mailbox and grabbed the familiar white envelope before getting into my car and heading to the marked location. It was a little gas station and store. My target was locking up for the night when I pulled up.

"Excuse me!" I shouted and batted my eyelashes as he saw me. "I'm a little lost..."

He walked over to me and I pointed the gun at me with it low enough that not other eyes could see. He eyed the gun and licked his lips nervously.

"Get in now." I snarled and he got in quietly.

"What did I do..." He spoke softly trying not to anger me.

The poor kid couldn't have been a year over 20.

I drove to the water silently. "Lets go." I said pointing the gun at him.

He followed my directions and tried to even his breathing.

"Get on your knees." I said and he sobbed silently as he slowly went to his knees.

"Please... at least let me call my family..."

It broke my heart seeing him this way. What could he have done in order to deserve this.

"I'm sorry..." I said.

"I'm sorry."

"Please! Please don't!"

Tears fell down my eyes.

"I don't want to but I don't have any other choice!"

"Don't explain anything else to him... It isn't needed." I turned my head to see him. "Do it."

How could I deny the man helping me get my revenge. For all I knew this man did something terrible.

The gun sounded and I watched the man fall lifelessly to the ground. The grin from my mentor haunted me...

"Please..." He whimpered. "I don't want to die."

Tears fell down my face as I watched him. I closed my eyes as I pulled back the hammer.

"Autumn!" My head whipped around and I saw Murphy standing there looking at me in pure horror. "Put the gun down..." He said trying to comfort me and he walked toward me slowly with his hands out in front of him.

"I can't!" I said as my hand started to shake as I continued to point it at the teen.

"Don't do this. You won't be able to put this behind you."

"Shut up Murphy!" I shouted as I pointed it at him. "You don't understand!"

"Because you wont let me try!" I pointed my gun back at the teen.

The teen was in hysterics praying to god to let him live.

"Please Autumn... let me help you..." He inched closer toward me.

"I can't be helped! I'm going to hell for all I've done. What is one more?!" I shouted.

"Because despite what you have done this is one that will haunt you for the rest of your life. He is just a damn kid!" He shouted back. "Please... don't do this. When have I ever let you down?" He said lowering his voice and I looked down at the ground. If anyone could help me... It was Murphy.

I slowly lowered the gun and nodded. "Okay..." I whispered. "Okay."

"Oh thank god... thank you god..." The teen muttered over and over.

Murphy made his way completely over to me and slowly reached out for the gun.

He took it from me and The teen slowly stood. "Thank you. Thank you." He repeated over and over to Murphy.

A Gun shot from a distance went off and the teen dropped dead. I yelped in surprise and Murphy pulled me into him holding me protectively as he raised the pistol to look for the shooter.

"Lets go. We need to get out of here."

I got into my passenger seat and Murphy drove me to his apartment regardless of my protests to just go to my place.

"You're coming with me. End of story."

The ride to their apartment was silent minus my sobs. I had become a monster and now I had dragged Murphy down with me. I didn't know what was going to happen from here on...

Murphy closed his apartment door behind us and I stood in the middle of the room not knowing what to do or say.

"Autumn... Are you okay?" Connor said as he came up to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Whats wrong with her Murphy?" He asked when I didn't respond. I couldn't...

"Can you get her a drink? Give her a minute so she can calm down to explain." Connor nodded.

I was going to have to tell Murphy everything now. It was too late to turn back.