Stephenie Meyer owns the copyright to Twilight and all its characters
The original characters, plots, and storyline contained within this derivative work are the property of Brits23 and Lazykate
(Translation: if you steal it, we will send Bitey after your ass…and not in a good way)
Just as a reminder-Lazykate writes the girls and Brits23 writes the boys.
Chapter Thirteen - Ghosts of the Past
-x-x-
CPOV
Friday night had found me in my office, attempting to keep my mind on the work in front of me rather than the chaos that had unleashed around me the past few days.
She was back.
Everything was so incredibly different this time around. Esme had come to Miami to visit Edward in the past, but either I was out of town for work or her visits were so brief that I never had to even contemplate the possibility that we would come face-to-face again. But now, she lingered as thickly as the humidity in the hot Miami air. She clung to every surface uncomfortably, lurking in the distance, making me unable to forget that she was near.
I didn't want her.
I would never want her again after I'd realized what she had become. But somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind, I knew there was a part of me that still longed for the young, carefree girl that I had once fallen in love with. Luckily for me, I knew the difference between Esme Platt and Esme Masen…and that difference was the equivalent of night and day.
The worst part of this entire situation was that her constant badgering of Edward to forgive her was making him close in on himself. He didn't want to talk to me, or anyone for that matter, opting for locking his door and burying himself in his sorrow. It was amazing that I had gotten my son to admit to me what he did, regarding his mother. He was so dead set on protecting me from the wrath of Esme that he kept me entirely out of the loop when it came to her intentions. I understood what he was trying to do, appreciated it even. But when it came down to it, he was my son, and if anyone was going to do the protecting, it would be me.
I threw my pen down and ran both hands through my hair, sighing loudly. There was no point in even attempting to accomplish an ounce of work when the daunting troubles in my life weighed so heavily on my mind. Normally I was adamant about keeping my professional and personal lives separate - but it seemed as though I was unable to compartmentalize the enormity of this situation.
This battle Edward and I were silently preparing to fight with Esme had been years in the making. For so long our words had been left unspoken. Her lies continued to pile up on top of one another, and our insistence on ignoring the lingering feelings we didn't want to acknowledge only strengthened as time continued to pass by. Whether we wanted to admit it or not, the three of us were undeniably bound. Esme and I had come together and we had created a son. Even if nothing about our circumstance was conventional, I would never regret Edward.
Regardless if the three of us were unable to join together as some sort of "family unit" and resolve our many built-up issues, Edward and I both needed to seek closure with this woman…or take a giant leap of faith and let her back in.
I just wanted what was best for my son, and only he knew what that was. I could only hope, for his peace of mind, that he would soon figure it out.
I knew it was only a matter of time before she sought me out. The past few days I had found myself eyeing my surroundings like a hawk, waiting for her to ambush me with pleas of forgiveness. In some masochistic way, I was hungry for her to approach me, to allow myself the luxury of being entirely heartless and uncaring, just as she had been since the moment she decided I couldn't be a father to my son.
She would feel my wrath one way or another - I was determined to make her understand just how little I thought of her for denying me of my only child. It was unforgivable, no matter what her supposed justifications might have been.
I was so resentful of her for being capable of turning me into this angry, hostile person. I was a good man, I genuinely cared for every living creature on this earth. But when it came to her and the unspeakable way she had betrayed me, there was nothing but a pure, evil rage that surged throughout my body. My hatred replaced blood and bone, leaving nothing more than a rabid beast, eager to feed on the repentance of the woman who had taken every single thing away from me.
I shut my eyes tightly and gritted my teeth, trying to maintain composure. I was so tired of being pissed off, of constantly wondering whether Edward was all right or if she had broken him down further. Especially when the damn kid wouldn't even answer his phone. I tried him once more, not surprised in the least when it went straight to voicemail. If I couldn't reach him by morning, I'd be showing up on his doorstep shortly thereafter.
I quickly abandoned the notion of getting anything accomplished and began locking up the office, briefly considering calling Bella before deciding against it. It wasn't that I didn't want to hear her voice. On the contrary, I had no doubt that her sweet tone pouring into my ear would be the best way to calm my rattled nerves. I just felt as if I needed to keep my own happiness at bay until this situation had been resolved one way or another. Who was I to cast all the pain aside when Edward was nearly being consumed by it? I wouldn't push Bella away, but until I could figure out a solution to the never-ending problem that was Esme, I'd have to sacrifice some of my time with her.
My eyes were heavy and aching as I locked the main door behind me, stretching my arms over my head as I leisurely made my way toward my car. I was unsure if sleep would evade me as it had in the past nights, but I planned on consuming a hearty dose of alcohol to help further along the process.
I froze instantly as I began to focus in on the figure standing in the distance. I shouldn't have been remotely surprised when I saw her waiting for me in the dimly lit parking lot, and yet I still wasn't prepared for it. Her hair was longer, her hips were a tad wider, her skin held lines that I had no memory of - but there was no doubt that it was her…she had a face that I was incapable of forgetting.
I figured that when I saw her again for the first time in twenty-eight years, it would feel like a gunshot wound to the heart, or a punch to the gut. Maybe both. But as my blood pumped loudly in my ears, I had never felt more eerily calm than the moment I strode carefully in her direction. I struggled not to gaze upon her as she stood there, determined not to search for remnants of the girl I had once given my heart to.
I hated the part of me that wanted to find my sweet Esme, the young woman who promised me she'd love me until the stars faded from the sky. She had been dead for so long now, and I was resentful that I felt the need to constantly remind myself of it.
I had Bella now…I no longer needed that long lost girl of my past.
She was visibly shaken as I approached her, and she had the nerve to look apologetic as she gently rested against the side of her expensive rental car. "How did you find me?" I murmured flippantly.
"A shot in the dark, really," she answered softly, averting her eyes from me. "I Googled your name and came across your practice's website; I saw the light through the window and the car in the parking lot and thought perhaps it was you."
I walked to my car and unlocked it, throwing my briefcase into the passenger side. "Well you've found me…now what?"
Esme shook her head, examining the pavement beneath her feet as she remained silent. "I don't know, Carlisle."
I swallowed thickly as she spoke my name, forcing myself once again to remember that this was not the girl I fell in love with all those years ago. "If you came here to damage him further, than you need to catch the first plane out of town and never look back, Esme," I warned her, my fists tightening at my sides.
She lifted her eyes to the sky in exasperation, gesturing with her hands. "Is it so hard to believe that I don't want to hurt my son? That maybe I'm attempting to atone for my shortcomings the only way I know how?"
"Shortcomings," I laughed humorlessly. "Is that what you call it…abandoning Edward over and over again while you travel the world? Making him feel so incredibly worthless throughout his childhood? Or were you referring to the fact that you kept my son from me for eighteen fucking years, not even deeming me worthy enough to know that he existed? Shortcomings…perhaps instead you should try atoning for your blackened heart and your shriveled, bitter soul, Esme." I felt my face heat as I ran my hand viciously through my hair, pacing away from her entirely. I couldn't look at her, let alone be in the same vicinity.
She was wise enough not to speak for a long moment; I could hear nothing but the muffled sound of traffic echoing in the distance.
I felt the words of anger and blame rising up in my throat, and I needed her to hear them. However, it would have been extremely unwise to air my dirty laundry in the middle of my office's parking lot. As much as the thought disgusted me in that moment, I knew we'd have to go somewhere to talk this out.
"Follow me," I said shortly, climbing into my vehicle and slamming the door behind me. I turned the key and cranked the radio, my running playlist blaring loudly from the speakers as I peeled out of the parking lot.
-x-x-
My house was blaringly quiet as I unlocked the door and walked through it, throwing my keys onto the counter. I didn't have to look behind me to know she was following, because I could feel her there.
I turned the light on in the dining room, quickly grabbing myself a Guinness and walking into the darkened living room. The light shined meekly into the darkness, her silhouette casting a shadow in the archway as she stared back at me. She was like a dark angel, as she silently occupied my home. Positively beautiful but dangerous and broken. Capable of producing so much pain and destitution that it could make your head spin.
My anger was bubbling beneath my skin like boiling water. Everything I only had the opportunity to imagine and never witness danced behind my clenched eyelids. Little League games I couldn't coach, illnesses I couldn't heal, heartache I couldn't mend…a life I had helped create but never had the pleasure of knowing. "You've taken everything from me," I accused her hoarsely, watching my fists tremble in front of me as my elbows rested on my thighs. "Everything, Esme."
She seemed visibly shaken by the seething anger laced with the unsettling calm that my body was emanating. "My choices gave our son the opportunity to have a privileged life, Carlisle! Perhaps I've taken everything from you, but my decisions have given him everything in return, don't you see?"
I stood from the couch and marched toward her, driven by nothing but pure, unadulterated rage. "You've given him everything but his father!"
She recoiled as I glared at her contemptuously, my chest rising and falling hastily while I struggled to steady my breathing. She carefully lifted her hand in my direction but quickly changed her mind, letting it fall to her throat. "I know you have all the reason in the world to despise me…but I've come here to give you the explanation you've deserved for so many years. I'm not saying what I've done can be justified, but you have a right to know why I've done it. We need to start at the beginning."
I chuckled dryly. "Don't you mean the end?"
I put my head in my hands and attempted to calm myself down as I sat back down on the couch, faintly registering Esme sitting in the recliner to the right of me. As painful as this was and despite how many bad memories our encounter was conjuring up, I knew this conversation had to happen. I felt my rage segue into a deep seated sense of anguish, a familiar old pain that I only now realized never fully left the caverns of my heart, never stopped twisting in my gut and sure as hell never left the depths of my mind. Suddenly I was vulnerable in her clutches again, and I hated myself for it. I didn't even recognize my voice as I addressed her, running my hand through my hair with a sigh. "You don't even know how desperately I loved you…"
She had the decency to sob quietly as the shadows of the darkened room enveloped her. Listening to her cry for what we once had gave me a sick sense of joy, but not an ounce of comfort. "Carlisle…"
"Don't," I demanded sharply, my jaw clenched tight. "Don't say my name like that."
"When I lost contact with you, I was certain I'd never survive it," she whispered quietly. I ignored the twisting in my chest as she breathily continued. "Looking back at you as my parents drove me further away, watching you get smaller and smaller until you disappeared in front of me…my heart splintered into a thousand pieces. I was so determined, after I had left you that summer. Through hell or high water, I was going to find you again."
"You had my phone number, my address, a piece of my fucking soul…" I took a deep breath as my voice rose in anger, fighting against my rage to calm down. "You knew how to find me, so why the hell didn't you?"
She shook her head, streams of tears sliding down her cheeks and glistening in the soft moonlight that shined through the parted blinds. "I had never been more ready to defy my parents," she whispered. "I had never gone against their wishes a day in my life, but for you…I would have done it a million times over. I would have done anything for you."
"Why don't you spare me the dramatics and get to the part where you break my heart and deny me my child," I demanded scathingly.
I saw her shaking out of the corner of my eye, and it was just so surreal that she was here now, driving the knife further into my heart by just existing. At least with her absence I could pretend that our entire affair had been a long lost dream. But here she was, and nothing about our reunion had been rewarding. Years of therapy were lost to me as I drowned in past feelings for her and the empty pain she alone caused by keeping Edward from me. Always conflicted, always choking on my own anguish; one hour with this woman had completely erased every step of my progress.
Fuck her.
"When I realized that I was pregnant, I was so scared, Carlisle." She swallowed thickly before continuing. "I didn't know if you would be angry about it, or if you would even want me after finding out that I was carrying your child."
I scoffed indignantly. "That's bullshit and you know it, Esme. If you knew me at all, you wouldn't have doubted for a second my commitment to you or our unborn child."
"Maybe," she conceded, wrapping her arms around herself. "Maybe it was easier for me to doubt you rather than to take that first, terrifying step. I would have had to leave my parents for the first time in my life, abandon the wealth and security and go it alone, with you, if you'd want me. I had no doubt my parents would disown me, and still somehow doubted that you would want me in return. I was just a kid…I wasn't ready to be a mother, I wasn't even capable of being responsible for my actions because of my sheltered life. So I took the easy way out, and completely lost who I truly was in the process."
"How tragic for you," I sneered sarcastically.
She continued her tale without acknowledging my acidic comment. "My mother put two and two together after I had been repeatedly ill each morning, and crying myself to sleep each night. She and my father knew of my feelings for you and took our bond as nothing more than a summer romance. If they even thought for a second that I was seriously in love with you, they would have had my head.
"She asked me point blank if we had slept together, and I burst into tears. She slapped me across the face and told me that Platt women don't behave like common whores. She then demanded to know if I was pregnant and I completely broke down, grabbing at her skirt and pleading with her that I loved you more than anything. That we made love because we couldn't contain the need we felt for one another."
My eyes began to burn as I shook my head, refusing to acknowledge what we once had. My throat was so constricted that I couldn't speak, I only continued to shake my head from side to side as her breathing quivered.
"Edward Masen had been pursuing me since before my summer in Miami, and our parents were hopeful that our families would be joined by our matrimony. He was several years older than me, but made it very clear what his intentions were once I turned eighteen. I had no desire of marrying him once I met you, but…oh Carlisle, my parents were so angry with me. They promised they'd leave me with nothing if I abandoned them for you. I was young and scared and…Edward Senior had the potential to offer me security and our baby a promising life; he was willing to care for Edward as his own son. The decision to attempt to erase you from my memory nearly killed me, but I didn't have the gall to step away from the safety of my sheltered world and take a chance on you. I was selfish and naïve and pathetic - I'll always be sorry for what I've taken from you."
I bit the inside of my bottom lip violently, fighting against the sorrow that threatened to weaken me when I only ever wanted to be strong when it came to this woman. It was bowling me over with every cruel reminder of what I had lost, and soon my pain had enveloped me entirely. I bid farewell to the last bit of reserve I had before the tears slipped past my eyelashes. With a roar I threw my bottle of Guinness against the opposite wall, pushing my palms into my eyes as I surrendered to missed memories that I would never get back.
"Everything you took for granted," I murmured brokenly, choking on my words. "Birthdays, school plays, soccer practices, kissing him goodnight…do you know how heartbroken I am that I wasn't there for any of the little things that mattered most? And the irony of it is that you weren't even around when he needed you. You've missed out on just as much as I have, only my absence was out of my control. You abandoned him out of pure selfishness, and I abandoned him because I wasn't given any other choice. If you were going to keep him from his own father, his flesh and fucking blood, couldn't you have at least been a mother to him in the process?"
"Don't you think I wanted to be?" she cried loudly, pressing her hand violently against her chest. "All I wanted was to be the mother he deserved, but if I did…if I gave into that part of me, then it would have killed me, Carlisle! It would have killed me because the same part of me that was the perfect mother to Edward, was also the woman that lived for you! If I went there…if I embraced that person inside me, then I never would have survived the path I had chosen with Edward Senior."
"Why didn't you just come back?" I begged her, forgetting who I was and what I had gone through and transporting us back to when we were kids again, to a time when I had loved her…an instance where we had the whole world in front of us. "I would have taken care of you, the both of you. We would have raised him together and maybe we wouldn't have been filthy rich, but we wouldn't have needed it. We'd be comfortable and we'd have enough love to make up for all of the meaningless things that money can buy. We could have had this beautiful life…and yet I've spent the majority of mine trying to get over you and your betrayal."
"I spent the first ten years of Edward's life in nothing but a fog of dreams and fantasies. Every second I closed my eyes, I envisioned what might have been. I saw us with our son, finding a small place together, Edward smiling at you with your own breathtaking smile. The happiness we could have found in one another, the life we could have had if I would've just taken that leap of faith and contacted you. My husband did the best he could, he was a good man but…no one could have ever filled the hole you left in my heart." She inhaled a shuddering breath, and I could feel her watching me as she contemplated her words. "You're still so beautiful…"
"No," I demanded in a whisper, focusing on my hands that were laced in front of me. "You've lost any right you ever had to talk to me like that."
"I'm sorry," she murmured gently, her fingers coming up to swipe beneath her eyes as silence overtook us.
"Why only ten years?" I asked quietly, fatigue and exhaustion quickly swallowing me whole as the battle continued to rage on around us. I wanted this to be over with, and yet I knew deep down that we had only just begun.
"What do you mean?"
"You said you dreamt of what our life could have been for the first ten years of Edward's life. What happened after that?"
She sighed, shaking her head. "Because it was eating me alive. I was consumed by you, and by everything I had given up. I was withdrawn from my son as well as my husband, and it wasn't fair to either one of them. One day I looked in the mirror, straightened my posture and held my head high. That was the moment I embraced my decision…that was the moment I became Esme Platt-Masen. You see, when Edward was little, I was distant from him because I was always lost in my head, envisioning what we could have had. And during the rest of his childhood I was revolting against my feelings for you and my yearnings for another life. I aggressively joined the elite lifestyle and the husband I had chosen, because I was sick of all the pain and regret that came along with secretly being in love with you. I abandoned it, my son, myself…and it turned me into a cold, treacherous woman."
"Aren't you still that woman?" I questioned honestly.
She shrugged a shoulder, meeting my eyes for the first time since we had reunited. "I suppose I still am. My husband has been gone for so long now, yet I'm still upholding our extravagant, carefree lifestyle. But I never really wanted it in the first place, so why do I continue to adhere to it? I've just been re-examining my life and…I'm so incredibly unhappy. I know I don't deserve Edward's forgiveness, and I know I can't transform into a better person overnight; but I want to be better, isn't that a start?"
"Have you ever sought out therapy over this, Esme?"
She shook her head. "No, that would have made me acknowledge it, and I would have never allowed myself to do that."
"And you're acknowledging it now?"
"Honestly, I'm not just acknowledging it, I'm buried in it. It's all I can think about, it weighs so heavily in my mind and I'm desperate to make things better - between all of us. And I'm afraid it's too late."
"It might just be," I agreed.
The room was silent for many minutes as I closed my eyes, trying to get a hold of all the conflicting emotions I had swarming inside me.
"Have you been to counseling, Carlisle?"
I chuckled dryly. "For years and years. Although you've erased every bit of progress I've made just by being here tonight. Add that onto the pile of resentment I feel for you."
"I'm sorry," she apologized once more.
I felt the urge to throw more hurtful words in her direction, but I had a suspicion that it would only make me feel worse in the end. Instead I arose from the couch and wordlessly strode to the small closet in the hallway, retrieving a broom and dustpan. I cleaned the mess I had made in a fit of rage, feeling remorseful over physically losing control of my emotions in such a way. But really, it would have only been a matter of time before the pain of my past had reached its boiling point. Now that I had erupted, I felt an unsettling sense of calm and serenity wash over me, all while the war still raged on inside me.
I had never been more confused.
After I cleaned up the broken glass, I retrieved two bottles of water from the refrigerator and silently returned to the living room, handing one to Esme without so much as glancing in her direction.
She thanked me softly, but otherwise our awkward silence continued to dominate the room. I calculated my next words carefully, knowing that at this point, there was no going back.
"We've got twenty-eight years of talking to do," I murmured.
"I know, and it's important that we do so, for Edward's sake."
I pointed a finger and stared at her intently. "Look me in the eye right now and tell me you only have his best interest in mind. That you're ready to put him before anything else in your life, like a good parent should. If you have any other ulterior motive, then you need to get the hell out of my house, now."
She turned to face me, green eyes burning into mine intensely. It was still so amazing how identical Edward was to her. It only made it hurt that much worse, knowing that I could have had a beautiful family and instead had to endure this life alone. "I swear to you, Carlisle. I swear on my life, on everything we'd once had between us. I've always loved Edward more than words could possibly express - and now I want to prove it. I want to be more like the woman you fell in love with, not the woman who pushed you away."
"We'll never be together like that again, Esme. Never again."
"I know," she nodded, studying her wringing hands. "I've never expected you to forget everything I've done and take me into your arms; I'm not that foolish, but I'm hoping to one day be a person you don't despise. That's all I could ever want out of this whole process - my son to know that his mother loves him unconditionally, and for you to know that I'll never forgive myself for hurting you in such a way. It may take the rest of my life, but I want to make things right…for all of us. Please, Carlisle."
I met her eyes and nodded, taking a swig from my water before turning in her direction. "Then where do we begin?"
-x-x-
Hours had passed. The night had transformed to morning and still we continued on. No more blatant hatred had fallen from my lips, even when my frustration built up again and again. I was tired of being angry and scorned. I wanted something positive to come out of this experience rather than a lingering sense of pain and incompletion.
And much to my surprise, I believed her when she said she wanted to be a better person. I couldn't deny the love I saw in her eyes when she spoke of our son, of becoming a part of his life and making an effort to be the mother he deserved, even if it was too late to make up for the past.
We talked, we cried, we yelled, we screamed…and in the end, we were better because of it.
I had to recognize that while Esme had made some horrible decisions and crumbled under the pressure, she had thought at the time that Edward Masen's security would benefit our son in the long run. She knew she was in the wrong by distancing herself from her child, and acknowledged how despicable her actions were. She was owning up to everything and insisting that if she had it to do over, she never would have taken the easy road out. She would have followed her heart, loved our son…loved me.
I didn't need that confirmation. Knowing that Esme would have chosen me if she had the chance did nothing to benefit me. I wouldn't let myself see the girl of my dreams from ages ago, nor would I allow myself to revisit the yearning fantasies I'd once had to make her a part of my family. That ship had long since sailed, and Edward was nearly thirty years old. She couldn't go back in time and make things right, but the fact that she was atoning for her mistakes and being honest and up front had to be acknowledged.
I would forever blame her for keeping my son from me, but at the end of our long and painful conversation, I had decided to forgive her.
Really, it was all I could do.
I was still outraged at the way she had withdrawn herself from Edward for most of his childhood, but I truly hoped that they could figure out a way to exist as mother and son. I could never fault Edward if he decided to cut off ties with Esme completely. I knew his childhood scars ran deep, and that kind of pain was difficult to recover from. But now that I had spent the last seven hours talking to the woman in question, I no longer doubted her sincerity. Now she just needed to prove it to Edward.
The sun slowly started creeping over the horizon, turning the darkened night into a pink and orange morning sky. I stood from the couch and stretched widely, yawning as Esme stood from the recliner. She looked tired, but much more at ease than when I had first encountered her in the parking lot.
I froze as she took my hand, my heartbeat reluctantly quickening as she gazed up at me. "Thank you for hearing me out. Thank you for giving me a chance. It's one of the things I've admired about you the most, your ability to forgive, the beauty of your soul. It's what I fell in love with."
I shook my head, giving her hand a squeeze before walking away from her. I didn't want to hear the words that reminded me of a time when my heart positively ached for her. I had to keep those emotions in the past and lock them away; I had another woman who I was ready to devote myself to. "Are you sure it wasn't my devastatingly good looks?" I asked dryly, smiling faintly at her as I led her to the front door.
She blushed but said nothing, suddenly reluctant to meet my eyes.
I opened the door and squinted as the early morning sun broke through the trees, a slight burst of frigid air washing over my skin. This was the ideal time of day to go for a run, but now all I wanted to do was sleep. I was so physically and mentally exhausted that I could barely remain upright. Luckily I had taken a much needed weekend off, and had nothing to do for the remainder of the day but catch up on my rest.
I sighed and averted my eyes, not able to look at her directly without a slight pain in my chest that I still refused to acknowledge. "Are you all right to drive? Shall I call you a cab?"
She twisted her nose in disgust. "A cab? Please…"
I rolled my eyes at her. "Rome wasn't built in a day, I'll have to remind myself of that."
"I'm trying, Carlisle," she smiled tentatively.
I shook my head. "Just…take it slow with Edward? Your sudden bombardment of love has him utterly confused. It's no wonder he sees it as insincere, when he's suddenly drowning in it."
"I'll try. Hopefully he'll be driving me to Palm Beach today, and we'll have some time to discuss things. Our conversation has given me so much insight, Carlisle. I feel infinitely better, and now more than ever, I'm determined to reconnect with Edward any way he'll have me. I'm…scared, to take this step, terrified actually. But the last time I was frightened, I gave up a beautiful life and broke the hearts of two amazing men. I won't make the same mistake twice. You and Edward deserve better than that."
"Just remember to take it easy on him. Emotions are hard for him to deal with, and it's taking its toll."
She nodded. "I won't forget."
Silence overtook us once more, my eyes studying anything but the woman standing in front of me.
"You can look at me, you know," she spoke softly.
"No…I really can't." And I couldn't even pinpoint exactly why that was.
She went to wrap her arms around me and I stopped her, grabbing her hand and squeezing it tightly. "Take care of yourself, and please…promise me you'll stay true to who you are. The girl I met all those years ago, I have no doubt that she's still in there, as beautiful and caring as ever."
"That's all I've ever wanted to be…the girl you fell in love with."
I squeezed her hand once more and let her go, watching her walk away from me as the sun rose higher along the skyline. I didn't want her speaking to me with such emotion, with such depth behind those green eyes. I wanted none of it.
I didn't have the energy to process everything that had happened in the last seven hours of my life. Instead I staggered to my bedroom, stripped down to my boxers and collapsed into bed. I was tired of over thinking things to death. For now, all I wanted to do was sleep.
-x-x-
I was awoken far earlier than I would have liked by the shrill beeping of my cell phone. My first instinct was to let it go to voicemail, but then I realized it could have been Edward or Bella. I jumped from bed and grabbed my discarded pants on the floor, fishing through the pockets until I found my phone. "Hello?" I answered exasperatedly, winded from the struggle of answering in time.
"Are you okay, pop?"
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. I should be asking you that question." I ran my hand through my hair, slightly disoriented as I tried to find my bearings.
"So you spent hours on end facing the wrath of Hurricane Esme, and that didn't fuck you up in the least?"
I flopped back down on my bed, tucking an arm behind my head. "Wow, it didn't take long for her to contact you."
"Of course it didn't…so what happened? I'm coming over by the way."
"Okay, yeah, come on over. We discussed a lot, but rehashing all of it to you would take more effort than I'm capable of putting forth right now, so you'll have to settle for the abridged version." I stood from the bed and yawned, rifling through my dresser to find a pair of jogging pants and a grey hooded Mercy West sweatshirt.
"That's cool, Carlisle. You sure you're all right?" My son worried too much, the concern was heavy in his voice.
"I'm good, kid. I feel much lighter after airing everything that's been bottled up inside me for so long."
"Did you give her hell?" he chuckled.
I smirked. "A bit, yeah."
"Good…okay I'll see you in a few, Dad."
The line quickly went dead and I closed my eyes. He called me Carlisle, he called me pop…but it continually threatened to knock me to my knees whenever he called me Dad.
That was all I ever wanted to be.
-x-x-
"So you actually think she's for real?"
I shrugged, nodding my head. "I mean, she still has her issues, but those won't dissipate over night. She has given me her reasons for doing what she's done, made it clear that she regrets the pain she's inflicted, and she sincerely wants to better herself, as well as her relationship with you. I can't fault her for that."
"What about all the other shit she put you through?" Edward was chewing on his thumbnail brutally, seemingly hanging on my every word. He looked like hell, but he seemed rested otherwise.
"I don't know Edward, at some point it's time just to let it all go. It's taking more effort to hate her for what she's done than to just let bygones be bygones."
He nodded. "Yeah, I know what you mean."
"Are you considering letting her in?" I questioned hesitantly.
"I don't know," he grumbled quietly. "Maybe. I'm probably gonna drive her ass up to Palm Beach, so I'm assuming by the end of the trip I'll have the answers I need."
"You seem to be more willing to talk to your mother," I observed.
He nodded, smiling softly. "Yeah, a good friend of mine helped me put things into perspective."
"And?"
He sighed, running his hand through his hair before turning to me. "And I guess I'm gonna hear Esme out. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? If at some point she decides she doesn't want to pursue our mother/son relationship or whatever, then I'll know that she was never really sincere about it. But if she's honestly making an attempt and not being an uber-bitch in the process, then maybe we can all start to heal, you know?"
I put an arm around Edward's shoulder. "That's very grown-up of you, son," I teased.
He smirked, elbowing me in the side. "Bite me, old man. Anyway, I've gotta grow up sometime, right? I can't be a manwhoring man-child forever, now can I?"
"I suppose not. It sounds like you're ready to make a change, Edward. A girl wouldn't have anything to do with this, would it?"
He smiled widely, shaking his head. "Maybe pop…she might have everything to do with it actually. I swear, man, as soon as I figure out what the hell's going on, you'll be the first to know. My first step is to straighten this shit out with Esme. Then I can start figuring out the other aspects of my life."
I felt the urge to dig for information about this supposed woman in question, but knew better than to push Edward when he was finally opening up. "Sounds like a plan."
He nodded. "You wanna go catch some breakfast? I'm starving."
I yawned, standing from the couch. "Yeah, I could eat, but then I'll promptly be kicking you out…I'm so damn tired."
Edward chuckled and followed me toward the front door. "Okay pop, you sleep, and I'll take a drive with Esme. If I survive it, then I'll call you later tonight."
I laughed, grabbing my keys and slapping his shoulder. "Let's eat, you'll need your strength."
"No joke," he muttered, flashing me a weary look.
I stopped walking and he turned to me, a look of confusion spreading across his face. "Edward, no matter what you decide to do about your mother, things will be all right."
"I know."
"No matter what, kid. For whatever you missed out on when you were growing up, I'm going to do my damndest to make up for that, okay?"
I didn't expect him to hug me, but as my son grabbed me up in a bone-crushing embrace, I couldn't have been more proud of him. "I know, pop. A lot of times I get so angry that I didn't have you when I was a kid. But then I think that maybe I wouldn't have you as a best friend like I do now, so I can't really be regretful about that."
I cleared my throat and slapped his shoulder a couple times as we parted. "I love you, son."
He chuckled and held his hand out, gesturing for me to give him the keys. "I love you too, old man. Now hand over the keys to the ride, I'm tearing this shit up."
I pretended to fish the keys out of my pocket, only when my hand emerged, I was flashing him the middle finger. "Not a chance, sonny, you wouldn't know what to do with this car."
I raced to the driver's side and climbed in, turning over the engine and revving it up as Edward climbed inside. "I'm driving on the way back, pop, just so I can show you how it's done."
I chuckled, sliding on my sunglasses and turning up the music as I pulled out of my driveway. "All right Edward, it's a deal."
-x-x-
BPOV
"Hi Bella, it's Carlisle. I'm sorry I'm just now calling you, but like I said…family drama. I know this is really last minute, but I was thinking if you weren't busy this afternoon you could maybe come over and I could make us lunch? There's some things I want to tell you about…nothing weird or heavy, so don't worry. I just want to tell you about some of the stuff that's been going on lately. Anyway, like I said, I know this is last-minute, but just give me a call and let me know. Talk to you soon, sweetheart. Bye."
I frowned as I deleted Carlisle's voicemail, then slowly went back to towel-drying my hair. It was Sunday morning and he'd called while I was in the shower. As far as I knew my day was open: I'd gotten a brief text from Edward late yesterday afternoon informing me that he was driving Esme to Palm Beach, spending the night, and would be back today, but he hadn't specifically said anything about the two of us getting together. Alice and Jasper were spending the day together, of course, so technically I was free.
A little pang of guilt tugged at my chest, though. Friday night, as I'd held Edward in my arms, I'd made a promise to myself. And as different as that promise looked in the light of day, I couldn't keep living in my fantasy land of denial. It just wasn't going to work that way anymore.
When I'd first moved to Miami, dating around had seemed like the perfect way to start my new life…getting over someone by getting under someone new, as they say. Edward could have been just a fling, albeit the best one-night-stand of my entire life. If Alice and Jasper hadn't hooked up, I probably never would have seen him again. No regrets.
And Carlisle…well, I might never have met him too. If it hadn't been for Alice wanting to impress Jasper with her cooking skills, we wouldn't have spent my birthday at home. I would never have landed in Carlisle's ER, never become involved with one of the most wonderful men I'd ever met in my life.
I could still be dating around…or not…going out with Alice more often instead of splitting most of my free time between the two men I was dating. My best friend and I could have taken some of the check I'd miraculously received in the mail from Jacob the day before and blown it on a great pair of shoes. Or gone out to another club and I could have paid for the bottle service.
It was funny the way Fate played her hand, though, and I could honestly say that I didn't regret a single thing that had happened since I arrived in Miami…except for the fact that I was going to end up hurting one or both of the men that I cared so very much about. I'd never anticipated feeling this way about either one of them…about both of them.
But I did. Was I in love with either of them? I genuinely didn't know. If anyone had told me it was possible to be in love with two guys at the same time, I would have called them a liar, or delusional. It just didn't seem possible. And yet…
I shook my head and finished drying my hair, refusing to entertain any thoughts about putting it off. I knew what I had to do, I just really really really didn't want to do it.
After getting dressed, I called Carlisle back. He answered on the third ring, sounding tired.
"Hey you."
"Hey you yourself. Are you busy today?"
"Not at all. Is everything okay?"
He sighed softly. "Just like I said…family drama. I think it's pretty much over for now, though."
"That's good."
"You have no idea. What time would you like to come over? There are a lot of things I'd like to tell you about, if you don't mind me unburdening myself on you."
"I can come over now, if you'd like. You sound like you need to talk."
"Yeah…I do. This weekend made me realize that there's still a lot of my history you don't know…not that I ever intentionally kept it a secret. I guess I liked having us in our own happy little bubble."
I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what he meant. "Okay, I'll be there soon."
He said goodbye quietly, and I felt a brief flutter of anxiety in my chest. I couldn't imagine that Carlisle had been keeping anything huge from me; I knew vague details about his past, but not the specifics. He'd had a whole life long before our paths crossed, after all. I knew he had a son, and therefore presumably an ex. And my guess was that I was going to find out more about both of them today.
Thunder was starting to rumble faintly in the distance just as I pulled up into Carlisle's driveway and made my way up to his front door. He must have heard me coming, because the door opened before I had a chance to ring the bell, and in an instant I was enveloped in a warm strong hug.
"Whoa, good to see you too!" I laughed, pleasantly surprised at his gesture. He squeezed me again before planting a kiss on the top of my head and then, tipping my head back with fingers under my chin, a gentler one on my lips.
"I don't think I realized until I saw you how much I needed to see you," he murmured finally, before wrapping an arm around my waist and guiding me toward the living room.
I shook my head and smiled at him, he'd sounded much more dejected on the phone, so it was nice to find him in a better mood than I'd expected. There were shadows under his eyes and an uncharacteristic growth of stubble on his jaw, but his expression was relaxed and his blue eyes were untroubled.
"So what's going on?" I teased, poking my fingers into his ribs. He grunted, but his hold around my waist didn't relax.
"Maybe I just wanted to see you today."
"Uh-huh, that's not what you said on the phone."
"I know." He nuzzled my hair and again I was struck with how playfully he was acting. Carlisle had never had a problem with showing affection, but he was acting like a kid. "I got some clarity by talking to one of the least-enlightened people I know, but it made me think. How about I make us lunch and I'll spill my guts?"
I batted ineffectually at the strong chest I was pressed against. "You know, every time you invite me over here for a meal, we end up doing something, um, different."
"And what's wrong with that?"
I scowled up at him. "I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, just stating a fact."
"Uh-huh." He was bending over to kiss me again when I wiggled out of his arms.
"Come on, Romeo, let's go out for lunch. My treat."
His eyebrows shot up. "Are we celebrating?"
"Well, I got a pretty hefty check in the mail yesterday from my ex, for all the mortgage payments I helped with over the years. I can't believe it sold that fast."
"Hmm, well at least he ended up being good for something."
"Yep! So let's go have a nice lunch and you can tell me whatever it is you've been holding out about."
He groaned and rolled his eyes. "Okay, let me go shave and change real quick and I'll show you all the skeletons in my closet."
"Sounds good."
He was halfway out of the room before turning back suddenly. "Oh, can you do me a favor?"
"Sure."
"I'm babysitting…well, dog-sitting, rather. She's been playing in the backyard, would you mind letting her in?"
"No problem…whose dog is it?"
"My son's. He's out of town at the moment and I'm usually his go-to guy." He was headed down the hall now, and his voice echoed as I moved toward the sliding glass doors that opened directly onto the back patio. "Don't worry, she's friendly."
The glass door slid open with a soft whoosh just as a brown furball came rocketing up the patio steps and shot past me into the living room. "Whoa," I chuckled, sliding the door shut again and locking it before I turned around to see a very familiar doggy-grin.
I blinked.
Taylor wagged her tail and cocked her head, looking at me.
This…this does not compute.
I licked my lips and shook my head, so disoriented that I was actually dizzy. This did not compute. This did not make sense. How did a piece of a completely separate world end up in the living room of this one?
Taylor started jumping up and down, before emitting a short impatient bark.
No. Oh no. No no no…
This was not…
I could feel the wheels in my brain start to move again, rotating and clicking into place like a Rubik's Cube. One piece, then another. And then the last piece hit me in the stomach like a freight train, an undeniable fact that even all the laws of probability and population statistics of Miami couldn't undo.
"Taylor, no barking!" Carlisle admonished, coming back into the room, running his hands through his rumpled blond hair. "Sorry, she gets excited sometimes."
"This is your son's dog?" I barely recognized my own voice, watching through dazed eyes as Carlisle bent and gave Taylor an affectionate pat.
"Yeah, he'll actually be here in about five minutes, he just texted me. I should have introduced you to him a long time ago, but it's a little awkward since he's a couple of years older than you. Plus…" He laughed a little. "I didn't want to have to worry about my own son stealing you away, Edward's something of a ladies' man. He…Bella? What's wrong?"
I was backing slowly away from the nightmare unfolding around me, stopping only to grab my purse. "I've got to go."
Carlisle followed me, his face concerned now. "Bella! What's wrong?"
"I've got to go…" I choked out, knowing that since it was unlikely the earth would open up and swallow me whole, I had to get the hell out of there. "I'm sorry, Carlisle…I'm so sorry."
He shook his head, his lips already parted to question me again. It was when he reached out a hand to me, though, that I turned on my heel, and I ran.
.
-x-x-
A/N:
Kate: Oh hai Shit, meet Fan!
Fan: Hi Shit! It's nice to meet you! I knew we were going to meet sooner or later, but dayum! So, you wanna mix it up or...?
Shit: Hey, it was bound to happen, so...HEY WAIT A MINUTE!
/Kate and Brits hijack "shit-hit-the-fan" discussion: So, twin, want to, uh, talk about something other than the ZOMG SUPERHEARTFAIL that just occurred?
Brits: Um, yes please, anything but (even though it was pretty epic, if I do say so myself)
Kate, studiously ignoring overflowing trashcan of tissues: How 'bout the McYummy Treasure Chest you and I started? Y'know, in the interest of furthering Carlisle porn, the great under-explored/poorly exploited corner of the fandom? Yeah. We're compiling a list of fics starring our favorite blond...subscribe and you'll get updates when we add new ones! http:/www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/community/The_McYummy_Treasure_Chest/87212/99/1/1/
Brits: Oh yes, check out the Carlisle Porn compilation, you won't regret it! And if you like that, my twin and I are also starting a little sumthin sumthin on Twitter.
Kate: So if you stalk the two of us on Twitter like we both believe you do, you already know that Brits and I have made it our mission in life to watch every PFach film/tv appearance there is. See, look what happens to mah twin when I put on this little clip from Tempted ...
Brits: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck….. goes into hawtness-induced seizure
Kate: Or the snippet that I actually made a ringtone for her out of this bit from Arc...
Brits: Mmmmmmmmmmm...yeah baby...RAWR!
Kate: See, we realized that we're being selfish hoors by allowing you all to believe that PFach's hawtness is contained to the whole HOOOOOLYSHITTHAT'SAHOTDOC niche the Twilight series has spawned. Which is why we hereby cordially invite you to join us in...insert dramatic music here
Brits: The PFach Watch-a-long, or #PFachwatchalong in Twitter-speak!
Kate: You think we're funny in A/N's? Just wait until you follow us in real time. Check your filter at the door, bitches, it's PERV-TIME, PRIME-TIME! We'll be setting up a scheduled viewing time for our favorite NOM-licious PFach films, with plenty of time in advance for you to procure a copy and be ready to squawk/ded along with us!
Brits: YES! There is plenty of PFach Porn to be found online, since you can get almost anything through Netflix (Instant and DVD) so the process will be easy! Just tune in and get turned on. WOOT!
Kate: TRUST US, this will be epic! Oh...and since we've been kinda dancing around the subject...OKAY, feel free to freak out on us in the comments about what went down in this chappie, but HAVE FAITH! YOUR PERV-TWINS WILL NOT LET YOU DOWN!
Brits: Yes, our faithful readers. The heartfail has commenced, and we want to know what you thought of it. Scratch that, we are DYING to know!
Kate Trufax, we spent a lot of time flailing over this chapter and what it will bring. Want notifications of teasers/#PFachWatchalong/whatever else we're up to? Hit us up on Twitter: Brits23 and lazykatevamp
Brits: Yeah, we can't wait to hear from you! Now send us some reviews, they inspire us to write faster! :)
Kate: Yep, especially since Shit has met Fan, and it's on like Donkey Kong from here on out! Love you all, talk to you soon!