Chapter Seventeen

Note: Kinda short but it had to be so I can skip ahead some in the next chapter.

Disclaimer: Lyrics and the song "The Only Time" belong to Trent Reznor/Nine Inch Nails. No profit being made! All fantasy!

Randy shivered as he rapidly paced back and forth, his heart racing as he pressed his phone to his ear and waited for it to connect. He'd come home and jumped right in the shower, ignoring Mizanin's orders to go to work and spent a good hour standing under the hot spray, desperately trying to scrub himself clean of the nights events and didn't give up until the water turned cold and chased him from the stall.

He'd emerged from the bathroom with just a dark green towel tucked loosely around his hips; skin raw, his body aching from exhaustion and ready for sleep. And he had yet to let himself "break" , as Tristan had stated because he knew he didn't deserve it yet. He needed to suffer a little more for his stupidity and used this as a way to punishment himself for giving in and giving up way too easily on everything else.

And fuck going to work. Randy was beyond tired and so completely turned around from the last twenty four hours that there was no way he could go into work and pretend like everything was normal! Michael had him. Fuck he had him and there was nothing he could do about it! This was his worst fucking nightmare and he was supposed to go about his day like nothing happened?-! His heart was shattered, he was completely broken and utterly lost. How could he act like he was okay?-!

Fucking hell he WASN'T okay and he was barely keeping it together! And besides all that pain and heartache, Hunter knew him too well and he'd give himself away in a heartbeat!

So fuck it. He called in. And he didn't give a damn about what Mizanin would have to say about it.

Now a short while after his bold decision he was pacing around his room, smoking cigarette after cigarette as he debated on whether or not to call his mother. Probably not the best idea in the world but he felt like he HAD to. They hadn't spoken in weeks, not even by email. But that wasn't unusual since she had been constantly avoiding him after his father died. And although it hurt him like nothing else he understood why she kept her distance. Especially now.

Still though he finally decided to give her a call, desperately needing to hear her sweet voice that some how always made him feel like everything was going to be okay and put the phone up to his ear and held his breath.

He paced as it rang a few times, but not enough, and went to voice-mail. His heart sank. "Hey Mom just calling to see if you got the birthday card and roses I sent you? I'm sorry I couldn't be there but I hope you had a good birthday." She must have gotten the roses, the card maybe not but the roses for sure because he had the confirmation email in his inbox at work. "...Um...Guess you're at work already." He swallowed hard. No she wasn't, she was just avoiding him like she always did. "Sorry I haven't called in a while, work's kept me pretty busy." He plopped down on the edge of the bed, his heart aching so painfully now he could barely breathe, "I um...I called a few weeks ago and left a message but you um...You didn't..." He trailed off as he covered his eyes with a shaky hand; she'd never called him back. He'd asked her to but, she never did. He was so hurt. It killed him before but now it seemed so obvious that, she must really hate him. "I um…I know you're mad at me but I miss you, Mom… I wish you wouldn't avoid me like this..." He shuddered, on the verge of falling to pieces. "Please call me…" He snapped the phone shut and lightly threw onto the floor between his feet, slumping forward and buried his face in his hands.

It was so unfair, he kept thinking, kept hurting and trying to hide it. All he wanted to do was be the good guy, the hero, just like his Dad! Why did everyone hate him for that?-! Why was that something everyone constantly used against him?-! First his mother, then Sam, then rest of his family and shortly after that his friends too! And now…And now Mizanin who had completely changed the game by using Cody to gain his love and trust only to betray him and break his heart.

He started to shake, his stomach churning painfully within his gut with such sadness he could taste it in the form of bile rising to the back of his throat. Fucking hell did anyone actually care about him?-! He choked softly against his palms, his eyes burning. Of course no one cared! All his hard work and dedication meant nothing to them and neither did he!

Well FUCK them! He was done being everyone's fool! He was DONE being the good guy!

His phone started to ring at his feet. Great. Probably Hunter wanting to know just why in the hell he couldn't come in today. Fuck. Or worse it was someone from Mizanins group calling him to ask the same thing. They were watching him right? They had to see he wasn't intending to leave any time soon…

With a heavy sigh he snatched it up and flipped it open without checking to see who it was, "Hello?" He grumbled, putting his hand over his eyes as if it hide.

"Did you like the car?" He grimaced. Fuck, it WAS Mizanin.

"It's alright." He lied. He loved that fucking car, no matter who he got it from. A Bentley was a BENTLEY.

"Just alright?-!" Michael spat, outraged, "Jesus Randy it's a Bentley! It's more than alright!"

"I know what it is. But I didn't ask you to give me anything." He pointed out with a sigh and rubbed his temple firmly, "What do you want, Mizanin? Whatever it is can't it wait till later? I'm pretty fucking tired."

"Why aren't you at work?"

"Why?" He hissed, "Did you kill someone?"

"Not yet but I will soon." Michael said and his words sent a chill down Randy's spine. Michael was serious, his tone, his words, he fucking MEANT them. Crazy fuck!

"Well you're just going to have to fucking wait because I'm not dealing with this right now. Did you really think I was going to go in today?" He almost laughed. Honestly Mizanin couldn't be THAT stupid! Not when he was capable of so much destruction and devastation! "Like seriously Mizanin you thought I'd be able to do that after last night?"

"I expect you to follow my orders so yes, I really thought you would."

"I will." He growled and wished he was lying, "When your orders make sense." But he wasn't lying. He WOULD follow Michael's orders. Just not today and not so soon after finding out that Cody never really cared about him. His brain just couldn't deal with anything outside of his heartache right now.

"How do my orders not make sense? Go to work Detective Randal. That seems pretty simple to me."

"Randy scoffed, "Of course it does because you're not the poor bastard who has to pretend they're still one of the good guys. You don't understand shit."

"Oh I understand plenty! I would have to in order to get you under my thumb now wouldn't I? I'd have to be pretty fucking smart to get to you like I did! I mean come on I'm using your own mother against you! I could kill her at any moment!" He started to laughed, and the sound was pure evil. "I fucking OWN you!"

Randy slapped his hand against the bed and clawed his fingers into the sheets as hard as he could, "Lay off." He warned and stopped himself from looking around for a camera to glare into. Michael was watching him from where again? "I'm not going anywhere nor do I have any desire to get anyone killed so you don't have to fucking threaten me. My not going to work is for the best." If he reacted to Michael's threat towards his mother more than he was the sick bastard would only laugh harder and he wasn't about to give him the satisfaction! He'd given that twisted fuck enough!

There was a long pause before Michael sighed heavily on the other end, "You disappoint me Randy." Oh yeah? Like he fucking cared! "I told you to go to work-"

"And if I had I'd have fucked everything up!" He pointed out for himself, "I did what I thought was best to keep you out of jail so give me a fucking break would you? Besides I was up all night, I'm fucking TIRED!"

"Hmp. Well I suppose you would be after spending a night with my boy. He can be quite a handful can't he?"

He scowled, "Actually, that's another thing, you're boy," He readied his hand against the phone to hang up, "Is a horrible fuck." He snapped the phone shut and this time he threw it across the room and raked both hands over his head. He'd probably regret saying that later but right now he meant it. Alex was awful and nothing at all like Cody…

I'm drunk.
And right now I'm so in love with you.
And I don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do.
Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars.
while the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car.

Nothing quite like the feel of something new

He jerked slightly in surprise. Wait. He huffed and shook his head. Fuck Cody! This was all his fucking fault! Stupid whore! And fuck Tristan too! Nosy little brat! Cody did NOT love him and he had no to tell him that he did! Tristan didn't know the whole story, he couldn't have if he was trying to convince him that Cody wasn't a lying, worthless piece of garbage!

If Cody really loved him, if he really felt sorry for what he was and what he was doing he would have TOLD him about Mizanin plan! There would have been at least an ounce of trust between them! Fucking hell IF CODY LOVED HIM he'd have given him a chance to save himself instead of just THROWING him into the hands of the DEVIL!

Maybe I'm all messed up

Maybe I'm all messed up in you?

He got up, rushing into the bathroom and slammed the door and started tearing everything out of the cabnets. If there were any microphones or cameras there he'd find them. He'd find them and smash them to pieces because NO one could see him like this! God damn it they had enough to use against him and this he just wasn't going to let Michael have!

That bastard would NOT see him cry.

I swear.
I just found everything i need.
The sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me.
Well i want to wrap it up and swim in it until i drown.
my moral standing is lying down.

Cody groaned as he rubbed a welt along his shoulder, grimacing as his fingers brushed against small cuts and broken skin and quickly moved onto the next bruise below his collar bone to wash it clean as well. He was covered in them, he always was after a night with Andrew only this time he had a pretty nasty bite wound to his inner thigh. Andrew was so rough, so beastly and not in a good way. His hands always held him too hard, his voice was always too demanding, too harsh. His needs were always more important and they always came first…

As to why Andrew felt he the need to bite him so badly he had no idea, Andrew was just twisted like that and he honestly never knew what to expect when it came to that psychotic pervert. That's why he'd do anything to get away from him! The sick fuck was using him as a chew toy! It was fucking disgusting! And not mention it hurt like hell! Shit he was LUCKY he didn't have any scars after all the times Andrew had sunk his teeth into his thighs.

He looked down at his chest, holding his breath as he stepped forward under the hot spray of the shower and watched as the wounds reddened and came to life with pain. He'd made up his mind long ago that he had to get away from him but had no idea how. If he wanted to make it out of this he HAD to find a way because Andrew would KILL him, he was sure of it! Once he was done with him and once he wasn't "fun" anymore he'd be tossed aside like yesterdays garbage and left for dead!

Knowing that he had to at least try to get away didn't he? He didn't used to think so but after he met Randy, the kindest, warmest and most generous heart he'd ever known he found he just couldn't swallow things they same way that he used to. Being a stripper never bothered him, hell he loved to dance! But knowing that Randy didn't like it brought on such shame and soon the rest of the shame for who and what he was came and tore his whole life apart. He HATED himself. He hated himself because damn it he just wasn't good enough for Randy! Especially now that he knew the truth!

He splashed some water over his face, trembling as he thought about the last time he and Randy were together and tried his hardest to feel his arms around him. God Randy always held him so tight, so perfect…

Fuck he missed him so much already it was unbearable!

He turned and pressed his back to the cold tile of the shower, his heart aching. God damn it this just wasn't fair! He let out a hoarse cry, sliding down to the tub at an alarming speed and landed with a hard thud, and was suddenly out of breath. He'd do anything to get him back!

His chest tightened with despair. It was useless. Randy would never forgive him…

And he'd never know his kind, warm heart again.

Nothing quite like the feel of something new

Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up
Maybe I'm all messed up in you
Maybe I'm all messed up

This is the only time I really feel alive
This is the only time I really feel alive

Maybe I'm all messed up in you

This is the only time I really feel alive
This is the only time I really feel alive
This is the only time I really feel alive…