Chapter 13

The Tipping Point

~Rachel~

Eric started shaking me frantically, I couldn't control the screams, they overcame me and I was helpless against the fear and panic that I felt in those moments. My sister and ex-boyfriend had been watching me smugly, giving me over to the people in white. It was horrifying to think about. I continued to struggle against Eric's grip until a firm had gripped down over my mouth and I could no longer scream or move. It was only then that I opened my eyes to look at him.

"Rachel! What happened?" His voice took a while to register, my brain processing his question at an extremely slow pace. He helped me sit up in bed and lean against the backboard. I looked down at the sheets that were twisted around me in an uncomfortable way. I felt sweaty and shaky, and I still couldn't form words to explain to Eric what had happened. He sat there, on the edge of the bed, waiting patiently. Something I don't think that I've ever seen him do. Finally I was able to speak up.

"It was a nightmare." I said.

"Yes, I know that but you're going to have to elaborate a little bit." Eric was beginning to get frustrated. His tone was stern and he was tapping his fingers impatiently on the bedspread.

"Cassidy and Jason were… well I don't know where they were but it was very bright. They were saying all kinds of awful things to me. Religious things. Like how I was a sinful creature and they would repent just the fact that they had once been involved with me. Then they said something about the devil and how I needed to be cleansed. All these people dressed in white started to surround me and they were holding me down… it was terrifying." I picked up the glass of water that I had left on my bedspread the night before. I took shaky sips of the water and it soothed my breathing a little bit and felt nice against my throat that was horse from screaming.

"Hmmm…" Eric said as he looked at me, "That's all?"

"What do you mean that's all? Isn't that enough?"

"It was just a dream Rachel." Eric said. His brow furrowing slightly, "I know it was scary but it was simply a dream and therefore cannot hurt you."

"It was not just a dream!" I exclaimed. I laid the glass back down on the bedside table and caught his eyes, "Eric, it felt so real you have no idea. It was like I was really there. It was like they were really watching me get killed. I felt like that whole place truly existed and that were coming to get me."

"Well the place truly does exist." Eric stated and gave me a blank look, "It's called The Fellowship of the Sun. I was watching a piece on them last night on the television. You must have fallen asleep while listening to it, and then you dreamt about them. I don't see why you're getting so worked up about this." I sighed and slid back into bed. Wrapping the warm blankets around me in hope that they would offer some sort of comfort.

"Can't you see that something has really upset me Eric, can't you just sympathize with that for once?" I was becoming indignant.

"No. You're just tired and irritable. This was just a dream and it didn't mean anything. God, you're human emotions are really running away from you tonight. I don't know why I thought that I should bring you here." Eric muttered.

"I didn't even WANT to come Eric! You kidnapped me remember, against my will! And THEN you got upset because I said that I wanted to have children, which I really do by the way, and you can't give me them. You refused to talk to me for an extremely long time and then you talked about Cassidy like you know her better than I do."

"Perhaps I do!" Eric yelled, "How could you not see how disturbed she was? How completely haunted by her past she looked? Well actually, I quite understand why you didn't notice. You haven't exactly been the most caring sister in the world since she was sent away to school. She probably felt completely alone and abandoned and I don't blame her."

"You don't know anything about why we lost touch so don't talk about it like you do. And don't you dare tell me that I'm not caring. I don't want to hear those words coming out of your mouth of all people."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eric hissed.

"You can't even tell me that you love me. You can't display any real emotions in fear that you'll expose yourself to actually have feelings! You don't care about anyone but yourself and I've been a fool to think differently." I was on the brink of tears now, "So don't tell me that I'm the uncaring one."

"Where's Claire huh Rachel?" Eric was spitting at me now. His face was contorted with fury, "Where is she? Have you forgotten about your poor missing friend? You never really went looking for her did you? Never really missed her enough to do so! She was your best friend and she just disappeared and you don't seem to mind at all. No, you're way more concerned whether I love you or not. Have you thought that maybe I don't tell you those three words because they're untrue. Maybe it has nothing to do with exposing myself to my emotions, perhaps it's just the fact that I don't love you and I never will." There was a deadly silence as I just stared at him. I refused to cry. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction, "You gave me everything I wanted. Everything I asked, of your own free will. And I know that you have doubts about this entire relationship. I know that sometimes you look in the mirror and you no longer see yourself and that's because you aren't the girl who walked into my bar with your best friend that night, you've changed. You've grown cold and more ruthless. Sometimes you have a moment of complete clarity and goodness but just like that it fades again and you lose your inhibitions once more. You are nothing but the ghost of the caring little good girl you used to be. Now, you're nothing but a puppet. My puppet. And I know you think that you have more control but the fact is that you don't and you never will. So don't pretend that you feel bad about what happened to your sister or what happened to Claire because the reality is that you're not. You've become so absorbed with me and the world that you stumbled into, that you can't even think anymore. I've made you what you are today and I pity you because you will never be the same again." With that he stormed out of the hotel room. Leaving me standing there in complete shock. Then it hit me like an immovable force. He was right.

I closed me eyes in exhaustion. I was worn out. I didn't want to fight anymore. I didn't want to lose myself into his world anymore. I wish that I had been strong enough to resist his influence but I wasn't. For the first time ever I wish that I hadn't walked into that bar and met him. I wish I hadn't met any of them, Godric included. They were all a part of my demise. I didn't want to be a puppet anymore. I knew that I loved him, too much. But my opinion of what love is had completely changed. I no longer thought that it was a beautiful thing. I no longer wanted to be in love with him. It hurt too much. It hurt too much and nothing good would come out of it in the end. Nothing more could even happen between Eric and I, we would forever be stuck in the middle. In that moment I was more scared then ever about being left behind He would undoubtedly move on because that was what he had been doing for the last thousand years. And what could I do about it? Nothing. I was powerless and it was my own fault. I had let this happen to me but no more. I had to face up to this reality, which was my life.

I was tired and all I wanted to do was sleep, though I was afraid of what my subconscious held. Soon, I fell into a deep and dreamless oblivion. Tears streaking my cheeks, I dreaded to coming morning because I knew what would have to be done. It was a result of knowing one, ultimate understanding about the relationship that Eric and I had. I couldn't deny it anymore and I couldn't hide from the truth. I was scared but certain. The one understand was simple, it was over.

The next morning I awoke at around 8am. I got up and found Eric in the next room in the spare bedroom. I opened the door, careful to not let any light in, but even in the darkness I could make out the outlines of two naked bodies. Eric, and a female companion with two distinguishable bite marks on my neck. I only smiled to myself. Closure.

I closed the door and went to retrieve my suitcase from underneath the bed in the other room. I had to work quickly if I didn't want to be caught. I called the airlines and was lucky to get a seat from a cancelation on the earliest flight back to Shreveport, Louisiana. The place took off in 2 hours, which gave me more of a reason to hurry. I had my backs packed and ready to go within half an hour. I forced myself not to cry when I folded and left my Fangtasia t-shirt on the bed, along with two diamond necklaces, a bracelet and a pair of earrings, all of which he had given me. It was painful to think about leaving the things that I had been so eager to receive behind. I could feel the never-ending aching in my chest. I had a feeling that the pain wouldn't go away for a very long time. I dragged my suitcase into the beautiful living room and looked around one last time. It was cold and empty. A sort of feeling that I assumed I would have to get used to.

"Who are you?" I turned around to see a woman, probably in her mid twenties and wrapped in a bathrobe, come out of the guest room.

"I'm no one, it doesn't matter." I replied. She looked an awful lot like me, same skin color, same hair color and length, same sort of physique. But she wasn't me. She was some replacement. Some pawn in Eric's never-ending game.

"Do you know Eric?" She asked and I nodded in reply, "Are you leaving?" She looked at the suitcase.

"Yes, I am." I stated. Finally, admitting the inevitable to myself. I opened my mouth to speak again but the words that I wanted to say got stuck in my throat. Earlier I had thought about writing a note to Eric, explaining myself but it was too difficult and I wouldn't know what to say anyways. I was planning on simply departing without a word, without an explanation. Completely willing to let him wonder what finally got to me, to draw his own conclusion. But I realized then, upon looking at the woman in front of me, that he didn't deserve that. After everything we had been through, that wouldn't have been fair of me, "Can you give him a message for me when he wakes up?" The woman nodded in agreement, "You promise you'll tell him? It's very important."

"I promise." She said.

"Just tell him that he was right." I thought for a moment, "And that I'm sorry." The woman nodded at me and I glanced at the door to the spare bedroom once more before leaving the hotel room. As I walked out of the hotel and called for a taxi, I allowed the numb feeling to take over me. I wouldn't allow myself to cry until I got home, for now all I could do was watch as the world spun around me. All I could do was feel the cold seeping into my veins. I didn't want anything, I didn't need anything and I didn't feel anything. That was all I could do for now. Who knows what I was going to do after this. I didn't know if I could even survive this. The feeling that was overtaking me didn't just feel like heartbreak, I had felt that a million times before. It felt like I was suffocating. It felt like death.