Chapter Twenty Four

RATING/WARNING: MA for DRUG USE and ANGST

Note: The beginning is a part of the FB but picks up at a later time in the flash back…Super short chapter.

Cody smiled at his lover beside who was teetering on the verge of sleep beneath the thick golden comforter and soft white cotton sheets, sighing softly as he brought his head to rest of his chest, "Baby?"

"Hmm?" Randy opened an eye just slightly, peeking at him.

"I just wanted to tell you…" He paused, chewing his lip, dropping his gaze, "That um…" He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "These past few weeks have been some of the best weeks of my life and I'm really sorry that I'm going to fuck everything up."

Randy's eyes shot open and went wide, his hand grabbing at the back of Cody's neck as he shook his head, "Why would you say that?-!"

"Because it's true." Cody shrugged slightly, "You don't believe me but, I will because I always do. And when I do, you're going to forget all about me-"

"Stop!" Randy cut him off with a firm shake of his head and a somewhat angry glare. How dare Cody just assume he'd turn his back on him! He'd never be so heartless! And he'd sooner die than forget about Cody! "I could NEVER forget and no matter what mistakes you make we'll work through it. Just like you would do for me if I ever screwed up." Or so Randy hoped anyway. He wasn't perfect either…

Cody nodded, "I-I would!" And it was true; if Randy forgave him for the massive betrayal he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to him! He'd forgive Randy anything!

"And so would I!" Randy said, exasperated, his voice deep and hoarse with exhaustion. He just wanted to get some sleep!

Cody smiled a little, moving up his body slightly and gave him a light kiss on the lips, "Promise?"

"I do." He nodded and turned to his gorgeous lover, wrapping his arm around him as their legs gracefully entwined beneath the sheets. "We'll be okay, Cody…I promise…"

A broken half conscious Cody sniffled, pushing himself up from the bathroom floor of the disgusting hotel he'd managed to scrap up enough cash for and rubbed his eyes to clear them of a groggy haze. Fuck he was so sick! Like, hadn't eaten in days and still hugged the toilet bowl every hour SICK. Was it the drugs? Perhaps. But more than likely it was because he'd returned to the Underground several days ago and besides tonight he hadn't had a wink of sleep.

He was tired. Worn out. Sick.

Dying…

And he welcomed it.

Going home was out of the question since Michael placed another one of his favorite tricks in what used to be his apartment; and even Justin had thrown a fit about that. But, what could they do about it? Cody couldn't afford to pay the rent with Shawns dept now added onto his own and Justin was lucky he got to keep his life after he mouthed off to Michael.

They were both "lucky".

He stood up slowly, wincing as his knees shook and threaten to give, catching his balance on the small beige counter top cradling an even smaller white, badly chipped sink and swallowed hard. Some time ago he'd passed out after dry heaving and wished he'd fucking DIED instead of reliving that night at the Rio. He'd tried so hard to forget! Fuck it was just torture! Randy had given him such hope that night and even though deep down he knew he shouldn't have trusted it, he had. And although he didn't deserve Randy it still broke his heart so fucking bad when he just…TURNED HIS BACK on him. Fuck Randy never even let him explain! He broke his promise and slapped him around!

So… Did he ever really mean anything to him?-! Did Randy really care about him or was it just THAT easy for him to give up and walk away?-!

Cody glanced at the counter and swallowed hard before daring to take a look at himself in the mirror. Fuck he looked like hell. And for once it didn't really bother him. Not even the dark circles beneath his sunken eyes that were dulled to a boring shade of light blue and red from exhaustion. Nor did his normally flawless skin that was shadowed with stubble and bland from lack of cleansing. He rubbed his hand over his unsightly stubble and shrugged. He used to care but, now he really didn't give a flying fuck. Honestly what did it matter? And besides, the less he took care of himself the less people wanted to fuck him and that's how he got the "night off". Which unfortunately that meant he also didn't have a place to stay for the night so he'd been forced to literally dig up the twenty dollars in coins to rent a room.

Yeah, he was SO fucking LUCKY.

What the fuck ever!

He huffed at his own reflection and went to leave, opening the door but came to an abrupt halt as he felt the familiar vibration of his cell phone going off in his pocket. Shit. It was probably fucking Michael, calling to "check up on him". Fucking BASTARD. Like he really cared!-!-!

He rolled his eyes; it could also be Justin calling to check in on him since he'd been avoiding his calls and ignoring his messages on and off…His friend was worried and rightfully so…

But, more than likely it was fucking Michael!

With a low growl he tore his phone out and prepared a glare as he flipped it open. That sick son of a bitch just HAD to fuck with him! He just had to rub shit in!

He scanned the small message bar scrolling across the top of the small screen, his eyes growing wide and he gasped, his heart leaping into his throat as he stared at the name in the inbox. It was fucking RANDY!-!-!

RANDY!-!-!

"What are you doing?"

Cody's hands were shaking as he quickly typed a response. "Nothing...You?" He sent it and raked a hand threw his short dark brown hair, resisting the urge to pace or get his hopes up. Oh god he was so scared he was trembling! Fuck he missed him so much!-!

A minute or so passed and Cody did started to pace, again coming to a complete stop when his phone vibrated a response in his hand; "Same….Seriously you're alone right now?"

"Yes…It's good to hear from you…" He resumed pacing, chewing the tip of his thumb anxiously until his phone buzzed once again.

"That's a surprise. But I guess I should have asked WHO you were doing."

Huh? He read it over and over as his heart sank; and whatever little bit of fight he had left started to die right along with it. Another message came and he foolishly read it and his knees once again threatened to give way…

"How many guys do you have sex with every day anyway? Fifteen? Sixteen? I can't believe I caught you between john's."

Cody choked and put his hand over his mouth to stifle a cry, almost falling as he stumbled. Oh god FUCK! Why was Randy doing this?-!

He ran to the bathroom and slammed the door, quickly typing a desperate plea, his stomach clenching into sharp knots. "Randy please don't do this. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'd do anything to take it back. Please baby I'm so sorry!-!-!"

"Whatever. I just don't understand how you can live with yourself. I mean YIKES MAN how can you screw people for money?-! You're so fucking… GROSS."

"Randy please you don't understand! Please just let me explain!"

"Nah. And come on, trick, of course I don't "understand", I'm not a worthless prostitute like you and your skanky little friends. How could I possibly understand?"

Cody sank down to the floor, panting, light headed, on the brink of falling apart, "Why are you doing this?"

"Because I just wanted to know...Why haven't you killed yourself yet?"

Cody blinked hard, "What?" Surely he was imaging things! Randy just couldn't fucking mean that!-!-!

"Damn can't you fucking read? Let's try this: WHY HAVEN'T YOU KILLED YOURSELF YET?-?-?"

Oh GOD. NO! NO that just COULDN'T BE!-!-! "Is that what you want?" Was it?-?-? Fuck if it was then…Then…FUCK. There was no need for Randy to ask! Cody already fucking thought about it!

"What do you think, slut? You ruined my life, I fuckin HATE you."

Cody cringed hard, dropping his hand with his phone into his lap as his head fell back and hit the wall with a loud bang. Randy wanted him dead…Fuck…How did he even…How was Cody supposed to…What did he…

FUCK!-!-!

His phone went off again and of course he read it, knowing it would do the job of finishing him off and held his breath, "You should just do it Cody. No one cares about you anyway. One less whore the world has to worry about."

Cody nodded. That fucking did it. "I love you." He sent and set his phone down on the floor, reaching for a small black plastic bag he'd placed beside the camode earlier and with shaky fingers quickly unzipped it and emptied it's contents onto the floor.

"Try not to make too big a mess."

Cody read the last message before he rubbed his eyes with a shaky sigh, trying to wipe away tears that had built up and spilled over, failing as more quickly replaced them. Fuck it. It wouldn't matter in a few minutes anyway…

He grabbed a blue tourniquet that had spilled out from the bag and expertly fashioned it tightly around his bicep, snatching his phone up one last night and quickly sent one LAST message. "I'm sorry that I ruined your life Randy, I truly am. But you don't have to worry about me causing you any more grief. I'm giving you what you want...I love you." He set his phone down for the last time and picked up a loaded syringe that had also spilled out from the bag, swallowing hard as he popped the cap off and it landed with a soft clattered on the floor.

He was scared as he put the lumen up to a wide vein noticeably protruding from the anticubital space below the tourniquet and even more so as he pushed it inside and he quickly shut his eyes. He'd never done this drug before but he knew just how much it would take to kill him and he'd been prepared for this hours ago...

He gasped hard. Heroine. And too much of it poured directly into his blood stream as he rushed the plunger to it's end..

His eyes rolled back as his whole body instantly tensed, his heart failing and he slumped over.

It would only hurt for a moment...