To those of you who left me a review again: Many thanks!

To those of you who feel like they've had enough of all the angst: Sorry to disappoint you, because here comes the next bit...

Chapter 5

It was early afternoon, and Gibbs was just trying to read a newspaper and having his fifteenth coffee of the day when he heard a soft moan coming from the bed. He looked up from his newspaper, with the unimpressed routine he looked up every time Tony moaned. When he found his agent's eyes slightly open, he didn't react at first and already wanted to bring his attention back to the paper, when he caught something in Tony's eyes that was different from all the other times he had been "awake": Tony was looking straight at him.

Never taking his eyes off Tony, Gibbs slowly rose from his chair and approached the bed, not entirely sure whether he was just imagining it. But Tony's eyes really were different and his tired gaze followed Gibbs' movements. "You with me, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked softly.

Tony swallowed painfully before he opened his mouth. "Hey, Boss".

His voice was hoarse, barely a whisper. Gibbs grabbed the cup of water on the bedside table and held the straw to Tony's lips. "Easy" he mumbled as Tony drank gratefully. The few sips of liquid considerably helped him to speak with less effort. "What day is it?" he asked tiredly.

"Friday."

"Friday...", Tony repeated, and then looked back at his boss. "Have you been here all the time?"

"Told you I would be here when you wake up." Gibbs said and carefully sat down on the bed, next to Tony's hip.

It took Tony a moment to talk again. "What about the case?"

"We got him, Tony." Gibbs said softly. "He confessed and is locked away." He watched as the younger agent was slowly taking in the fact.

"He confessed what." Tony then said quietly, more to himself.

Gibbs studied him for a moment. "How much do you remember?" he asked.

Tony answered immediately. "Everything -... I think." He hesitated, and his expression became clouded. Gibbs calmly waited for him to go on.

Tony was quiet for a moment before he spoke again. "Right before he shot me, he said something, Boss. He said that he knew you and that I should give you a message from him... Turned out that shooting me was the message."

Gibbs nodded slightly, never stopping to look at him. "I know." he said gently.

Something in the tone of his voice let Tony's gaze turn back to his boss, slowly wandering to the spot where Gibbs was sitting on the bed, then back to his face. What Gibbs now saw in the other man's eyes was fear.

Tony swallowed. "I'm not gonna walk again, am I, Boss."

If Gibbs's heart hadn't been broken before, this was the moment it broke. He would have done everything to give his friend a different answer, and the sadness washed over him. He slowly shook his head. "I'm so sorry, Tony."

Although Tony had already expected this, the panic obviously threatened to break out the moment he really heard it. He struggled to keep his breathing even and his face tensed up in an effort not to show. "And here I thought the plague was the worst I could get." he said huskily.

For the first time in what seemed like years, Gibbs had no idea what to do. He wanted to let Tony know that he was not alone, but he didn't know what his agent needed from him right now; whether it was silence, or words, or a touch. So he just sat there and watched as Tony, who was still fighting against losing his composure, fixed his gaze on an invisible spot on the ceiling and tried to breathe .

When he couldn't stand the sight any longer, Gibbs laid a warm hand on Tony's forearm. "Tony. Look at me."

First nothing happened, but after a while Tony reluctantly turned his eyes to Gibbs, needing all his inner strength not to look away again.

"I wish I could take this away from you, but I can't." Gibbs said softly. "What I can promise you is that I will be there. You're not gonna be alone in this."

Tony didn't say anything, but swallowed a couple of times and blinked hard. Finally, his breathing evened.

Gibbs knew that he should have called for Dr. Paxton the moment Tony had come around, but he had deliberately waited until now. "If you're ready I'll call your doctor so he can take a look at you and explain everything."

Tony swallowed. "Okay." he said hoarsely.

Gibbs pressed the buzzer and a few seconds later a nurse appeared in the door. "Good to see you're back with us, Agent DiNozzo." she chirped when she registered Tony's alert state.

"Get Dr. Paxton." Gibbs growled and just glared at her. Everyone in the staff was afraid of Gibbs, especially the chirping nurse, and so she obediently turned around and went to find Paxton, not daring to say another word.

As much as Gibbs disliked Paxton, he had to give him credit for the sensitive way in which he dealt with Tony while checking him up and explaining his injuries to him. He didn't talk more than necessary and didn't bombard Tony with complicated details or too many questions. It actually surprised Gibbs that Paxton seemed to be able to put aside his ambitions as the all-knowing doctor and respect Tony's fragile state.

Tony quietly listened while Paxton showed him his x-rays, told him about the damage the bullet had done. Gibbs didn't move an inch from Tony's side, worried about what he saw in his eyes while he let the doctor speak. He looked incredibly tired, not only physically, and there was a blankness in his expression that scared Gibbs.

Paxton explained the most important things only; the extent of the paralysis, the reason for the immense pain Tony had been experiencing and what they had done in surgery to stabilize the spine. Gibbs noticed that he didn't even brush the subject of all the other implications that came with paraplegia and, seeing Tony's face, Gibbs was glad he didn't. Paxton seemed to know that the little information he was giving right now was more than enough for Tony to deal with in one day. From time to time Gibbs saw Tony struggling with his breathing again, whether it was because of the pain or the lurking panic, or both, he couldn't tell.

When Paxton was done with explaining, he studied Tony empathically. "I would like to do some tests while we're at it. How are you feeling?"

"Okay." Tony mumbled.

Gibbs inwardly braced himself for what he knew would be a nightmare for Tony. He took one step closer to his agent's side and watched him worriedly while the doctor carried out his examination. He started with testing Tony's strength, telling him to squeeze his hands as hard as he could, to lift his head off the mattress, to inhale and exhale as deeply as possible. He then slowly worked his way down from Tony's chest, testing his level of sensation. Just above his navel Tony couldn't feel the pen anymore. Gibbs only realized it when Tony remained silent and didn't say "yes", as Paxton had told him to every time he would feel it. His gaze wandered from Tony's abdomen back to his face and winced when he saw the anguish in his friend's eyes. Paxton had interrupted his exam and sympathetically said that they were almost done.

After he had tucked Tony in again he once more asked about his pain level. "It's time for your next dose soon." he added when Tony didn't really give him an answer.

"For how long will I have to take the heavy drugs?" Tony asked abruptly.

Both Gibbs and Paxton stared at him, puzzled. It was the first thing besides "okay", "yes" and "no" he had said in over an hour.

"That's actually hard to tell", the doctor then replied. "It depends. Eventually we will have to take you off the strong meds, but for now the relief they bring you definitely can't hurt."

"But eventually we'll have to stop anyway, right?" Tony pressed on.

"Eventually yes, unless we want your body to get used to them too much."

Tony seemed to think about that for a moment. "Lets stop now." he finally said.

"Agent DiNozzo," Paxton started emphatically, after gasping for air. "There is no need for you to force yourself through that. It is a lot of pain we're talking about here.'

"Yeah, I kinda noticed that." Tony said dryly and then gazed decidedly at Paxton. "I don't want the heavy meds."

Gibbs had to smile then. "Occasional difficulties in following rules", he remembered once having read in a certain file. When he noticed the support-seeking glance Paxton flashed him, he only shrugged. "He will handle it."

A few hours later, Gibbs wasn't so sure anymore. Tony was in agony and it was hard to just sit there, not being able to help. The Ibuprofen they had given him now instead of the morphine didn't seem to have much of an effect - or Gibbs didn't want to know how bad the pain would have been without any meds at all. Fact was, Tony was in so much pain that he was moaning and panting almost constantly. After two hours of watching him suffer, Gibbs made his first and last attempt.

"DiNozzo. All you have to do is give me the thumbs up and you'll have the morphine in a second. You don't have to do this."

Tony just pressed out a determined "Yeah I do" through clenched teeth and concentrated on his breathing. When the wave had ebbed away he opened his eyes and looked tiredly at Gibbs. "I don't wanna be as out of it as in the last week, Gibbs. I don't wanna be number than I already am." he said feebly.

Gibbs studied him for a moment and eventually nodded. He was about to sit down in his uncomfortable chair again when a new wave of pain washed over Tony and the young agent tensed up and stifled something that sounded like a sob. Gibbs jumped up from his chair and was at Tony's side in a second. He took Tony's sweaty hand in his and let him squeeze until the pain subsided again. When the younger man opened his eyes which had been squeezed shut, Gibbs could see the tears that had formed in them and winced inwardly.

"Boss?"

"Yeah, Tony?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but... when was your last shower?"

Do I need to say it? Okay: Please review...!