Itachi let out a low hiss of pain as Sakura stepped on his foot for the billionth time.

"Sorry!" Sakura hissed. "I've never done this before!"

"Neither have I."

"You could just use your goddamn sha—uh, eye technique to copy their moves!"

"Which is precisely what I would be doing were you not attempting to crush my toes into oblivion."

…

"Let's dance over toward that door we want to use."

"A good idea. If you can call this dancing."

"Oh, shut up." Sakura caught a glance from a nearby woman and added begrudgingly through clenched teeth, "…dear."

So they edged toward the corner of the room, bumping occasionally into a swirling couple, trying to look natural. It was not easy, because Sakura still couldn't believe she was dancing with Sasuke's brother, of all people, and his hands were much too tight around her waist, and oh god, she knew she wasn't the most in shape, she could probably feel the fat—wait, why was she even worrying about this?

When they neared the guard, Sakura said, "I'll distract him. You can sneak up on him and dispose of him. Do it silently." Itachi nodded and, business-like, casually let go of her. He sank into the crowd flawlessly.

Sakura walked up to the guard and, putting on her cutest face, she asked, "Excuse me, mister ninja, but could you direct me to the restrooms? I can't seem to find them…please help me."

The man studied her, then nodded. "Follow me." He opened the door he was guarding, revealing a fork of dark corridors. He pointed to the left and said sternly, "Follow this hallway down to the end; you'll find the restrooms there. Don't try anything."

"Oh, don't worry, I won't!" Sakura laughed as the door shut behind them. The man whirled only to get caught in Itachi's glowing eyes. "I can't say the same for my partner, though," she finished. The crappy guard collapsed.

Itachi clasped his hands together to create a shadow clone, and it transformed into the guard they'd just disposed of and walked outside innocently to 'stand guard'. Meanwhile, Sakura dragged away the body to a corner.

"Now that I've used jutsu, the chakra flare will bring the rest running," Itachi said quietly. "We should hurry. Which room did you say the target sleeps in?"

"212," Sakura answered. "So it will be a floor up. Which corridor should we take?"

"…I detect three chakra signatures to the far left—four to the right—and…" he trailed off.

"What?"

"Get down."

"Wait, wh—"

"DOWN!" Itachi ordered, and Sakura hit the ground not a split second too soon as a dart flew over her shoulder, grazing the material of the gown.

Itachi was already retaliating as she stood up, raining kunai down on the scene in front. It was still utterly dark, so Sakura couldn't see a thing. She held up the knocked out guard's body, using it in front of her as a shield. She grabbed a knife from its pouch and held it up to the unconscious guard's throat, threatening, "You there—stand down or this man here will die!"

The darts stopped flying, and for a split second Sakura wondered why it was just darts. Why not shuriken? Did they not want to risk blood on the ground?

Without a doubt the enemy wouldn't try anything with a hostage. It was dark and they wouldn't possibly be able to hit her—

And that was when a dart hit her square in the forehead. She crumbled like a sack of flour and unconsciousness was immediate.

When Sakura came to, she made sure not to open her eyes. Observe your surroundings first, she thought, remembering one of the rules of the ninja-know-how. It buys you precious time.

Uses your senses.

Ears.

The first thing she heard was the beeping of a monitor. The second thing was a voice saying, "It's no use pretending to be unconscious. I can read all your vitals."

Nose.

Smell of medicine. Chemicals. Mold.

Mouth.

She tasted bile. She must have vomited at some point.

Touch.

She raised her hand to her other arm, where she felt something. It was a tube. She was on a drip.

Judging by her surroundings, Sakura was in some sort of old hospital room, informal because of the mold, but they were advanced enough to get her in tubes and concoct something to make her sleep. And they had monitors.

Finally, Sakura opened her eyes and confirmed her suspicions. The room was hardly sterile, but the equipment was relatively advanced. She turned her head to see a woman standing there. No, a girl. She was about her own age, in fact. Strapped across her back were four swords, with intricate hilts. Her hair was silky white, and on her forehead—oh, no. The Leaf sign. And judging by the outfit, this kid was from Root. Shit, shit, shit.

Her assaulter stood up and bowed. "They all think you're dead, you know," the girl said. Emotionlessly. Tsunade had said something about Root lacking emotion, but this was just… wrong. "I suppose I should introduce myself. As you have probably already deduced, I am from Root, but I am filling in on Team Kakashi for you. I am trained in medical arts and ethics, so as to make the most logical decision when it comes to battle, healing and the like. Kohaku is my assigned name."

"How long have I been out?" Sakura asked raspily.

"Only a few hours. I was here on a solo mission protecting some people from the land of Fire who chose to come here. I spotted you, in your overly revealing dress, and noticed your green eyes and that you were the correct height and stature that Kakashi and Naruto had described. Right here in the bingo book."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"I've been instructed to bring you back to the village if possible," Kohaku told her. "You are currently still in the building where the Rain Lord's son is staying. The ball ended a while ago, though. Once my charge decides to return to the Fire country, I will bring you along."

"And you think I'll come willingly?"

"Taking into account that you are a reasonably high ranked nuke-nin, no. However, you will not have a choice in the matter."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "I have a partner who came here with me. He will save me."

"I assume you speak of the man who was with you when I caught you? He disappeared shortly after, but there is no way he got through the numerous defenses. There was a guard right outside, in fact. He was likely captured. Either way, you do not have to come willingly because you will be asleep. The drugs I have concocted are superior to those used by other villages; they pose minimal damage to the brain while still ensuring a long period of sleep depending on the dosage."

The way this Kohaku girl was speaking was unnerving. Confident, flawless. No, not confident. She didn't have confidence. She had no emotions. She was speaking with certainty, because she felt—rather, she knew— she had calculated all the outcomes based on the facts she was given and concluded that she would win. Damn Root.

"You haven't taken all the factors into account," Sakura smirked, leaning back. "Your plan will fail."

"And why do you say that?" Kohaku asked curiously.

"Because in the time that we've been talking and you've been gloating so confidently, I've worked the chakra through my body in order to purge the chemicals you've loaded me up on." Sakura's smirk grew as she ripped the IV tube out of her arm and sat up from the bed, undoing the binds at her feet.

With that, she stood and trudged toward the solitary door. "Seriously, Kohaku-san, was it? Don't get in my way, and you should probably keep telling my team that I'm dead. It will just lead to heartbreak if they know I'm alive, because they can't have me back."

Sakura turned the handle on the door. It didn't open. She tried again, and glanced over at Kohaku, who was sitting in the same position, arms patiently folded across her laps. "You locked yourself in a room with a criminal?" Sakura asked disbelievingly.

Kohaku merely nodded.

Exasperated, Sakura moved at her and punched Kohaku. Her punch landed. There was blood. It should have been a perfect incapacitating blow, except Kohaku was still staring at her. Confused, Sakura grabbed the girl's arm and made to break it. Normal ninjas at this point would be screaming in pain, but Kohaku kept that same impassive expression.

Sakura broke the arm and still felt no reaction. Her eyes widened as she realized what she was dealing with.

"That is correct," Kohaku confirmed, as if knowing what she was thinking. "I was part of an experiment in Root that, along with cutting emotions, cut the ability to feel pain." She tilted her head, raising her good hand to her broken arm with healing chakra. The problem was fixed within seconds. "So, Haruno-san, what else have you got up your sleeve?"

Itachi moved swiftly and silently as he moved toward the room from which Haruno's chakra was emanating. He had allowed the matter to rest for a few hours, hiding in the shadows and picking off guards one by one, so that everybody would think the conflict was over. Clearly, whoever had sedated Haruno had capture or experimentation in mind rather than death, so it was logical for him to take his time so Haruno could find out why she'd been captured and how the person had been able to see in the dark. Now he reached the door—number 312. He took note of that fact and attempted to open the door. Locked, of course. Itachi put his ear to the metal and listened. He caught the voice of another female. While listening, he picked the lock.

"…So, Haruno-san, what else have you got up your sleeve? You are weaponless and low on chakra."

So either Haruno had been interrogated and spilled her name, or this woman already knew Haruno. But Haruno was still in speaking or understanding condition, as he heard her smuggest tones echoing out—

"Well, it's hardly up my sleeve."

Itachi chose that moment to finish the work on the lock and barge in. He was just in time to see the pinkette draw a kunai from, it seemed, under her dress while her captor—a girl with gray hair—looked at him. In that split second Sakura hit the girl in the temple and slashed through a nerve cluster. "Good luck moving after that, pain or not," Sakura snorted and looked at Itachi. "You're late for the show."

Itachi chose not to comment and told her, "We are in room 312. Room 212—the one we want—should be straight below. Coming in through the ceiling will be a bit unorthodox, but it will work."

"Gotcha," Haruno grinned, and drove her fist through the floor.

Unsurprisingly, alarms blared the moment the room was 'entered'. Sakura grabbed the heaviest object she could see, the bed, and leaned it against the door.

"I'll deal with the safe. You deal with the guards," Itachi ordered.

"Right!" Sakura said. She took a quick trip into the wardrobe, however, to change from her dress into the Lord's son's pajamas, in which she could actually move. She also slipped on her gloves. It felt more than awkward to be fighting in pajamas, but she could manage.

The first blast of fire burned through the wooden door. The metal-framed bed, however, fell straight onto the first ten guards at the door and crushed them. Jumping over onto the bed, Sakura landed a kick on two of the guards. Another one clipped her with a water jutsu. She growled when she noticed several kunai hurtling toward her and performed a substitution. From down the hall, where had been the pot she'd substituted for, she called, "Hey, guys!"

It worked. She was charged at. Sakura got through one, two, three of the guards before she was bodily tackled to the ground. She bumped her head at the man straddling her, and he fell back, limp. Finally her large forehead could be used to her advantage.

She couldn't hold them off forever, though. She was out of chakra and tired as fuck. Her punches weakened and she was grazed several times with a weapon or two. She fought her way back to the room, to see Itachi pulling out the briefcase, presumably full of money. He gestured at the window, which was flapping and open. Was he crazy? They were three stories up. Falls like that were not fun. A ninja hit her in the back of the head, and Sakura staggered forward, her vision swimming. "Stupid girl," Itachi muttered, then grabbed her around the waist and threw them out the window. As they fell, he performed a fireball jutsu to prevent anybody from following them—they would be too busy trying to save the now poor man's room.

Sakura figured they were falling to their deaths and expected her life to flash before her eyes any moment now. Naruto, Kakashi-sensei…Sasuke… Kurasu…wait, what? THUMP. Sakura felt herself hit a large, feathered back, and they were rising again, and only later would it connect that they'd been caught by the stupid crow and Itachi was planning it all along.

"Sit up, I can't hold both you and the suitcase," Itachi ordered.

Sakura slid out of the awkward position they'd been in (her in his lap, her head lolling on his shoulder) and leaned forward, resting on the smooth featherbed that was the Uchiha bird's back.

"Thank you, Kurasu," was the last thing she heard Itachi say before the exhaustion overcame her.

AN: Yeah, yeah, I know, somewhat sucky, but I wanted to update and get the transition over with. Also, I did my best not to make Sakura seem overpowered, but I'm not sure if I succeeded, so you may wish to leave me advice on that. Also, I find the idea of someone feeling no pain deliciously creepy. Argh, sue me. It's 11 at night after a long day. I'm probably hallucinating all of this.

Also, the requests were won by .Fashion Monster., Red Lips 'nd Cloudy Eyes, and Ally the Bat. So you all get a oneshot or more. Thanks loads to everyone who reviewed and reviews, though! I've been writing fanfiction for, let's see, four years or so, and this is the first time my story has reached that many reviews, so I feel really happy!

This isn't proofread or anything…but I just want to post it now. So yeah. See ya!